Make It Jiggle!

In the 3rd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, It's a battle of the art programs! We have Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Paint
Eric the Audible as Photoshop
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Produced by George Georgia of Audio Network
Beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob

Paint (0:20):
I’m opening the Windows, so scram off of my lawn
Don’t try to rhyme, dog. Even my palette’s a icon
You charge 30 a month for a learning curve that's straight doo-doo
Must've dropped the opacity, I can see right through you
I’ll grab a brush, swap the color: make this kid black out
Because I bet your raps aren’t even a Bitmap-ped out.
I'm the godfather of digital art, there’s no denying me
I’ll get to sinking your ship if you wanna whine about piracy

Photoshop (0:41):
If you'd like to start war, let's open an artboard.
Got a liquefied flow to claim the place that I’ve fought for
Look, like anything made with you, all your raps will fall flat
We’re already two different types. No need to up the contrast
Sketch all the sloppy shapes you want, I’m rocking the house
Your users likely don’t have internet and draw with a mouse
Mark this, my bars got a hardness of eight hundred
You’re even sucking at fillers. I’ll make you kick the paint bucket

Paint (1:02):
Falling flat? Check the thumbnail. You can’t scold me
Coming at me with those lines, you might wanna ctrl Z
Painting skies since ‘85, style pouring like rain
I draw the line on this mic; call me MC Paint (ha)
You can’t mask your overratedness. It’s hurting, isn’t it?
Hold ctrl and scroll up; maybe you’ll find a shit I give

Photoshop (1:17):
I’m known to burn tools when I’m spitting a rhyme
You can’t make a drop shadow, so keep living in mine
Look, you want some layered disses and blending modes? I got plentiful
For programs rough 'round the edges, I’d recommend the feather tool
Masks? I’m clipping you. No brown, but your pallet’s shitty, dude.
Get back to the junkyard. GIMP is less of a bitch to use

Paint (1:32):
You can’t recover from this with a healing brush, how sad
I’ve had more fun using an SNES mouse pad
Use your magic wand to select good lines, ingrate
Or continue making YouTubers’ slimy-ass clickbait

Photoshop  (1:42):
I’ve had to deal with dudes tryna do me like a clone stamp
So let’s crop and slice the comic sans of art programs
That’s how you lasso a win, no way MS Jank beat me
You'd be better off opening a verse in Paint 3D

Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #3

ah shit here we go again
welcome back to rap cypher!
Light as Shang Tsung
Alex the Beast as Mandarin
Beat produced by 2Deep
Thumbnail by CJ and Trakked
Mixed by Alex the Beast
Written by: Trakked

Battle:

Shang Tsung:
(Hm.) It has begun. Let us test your so-called might.
The predecessor of a legend yet still lacks the strength to fight.
Enter the Mandarin into my dark heart; and within there you'll find
You dealt with Stan Lee and Disney, now your soul is mine. (Ha!)
And you really think those rings make you special? You're but a glorified pimp
Mother's a prostitute, you're in solitude, so I'd be glad to give a glimpse
Of my power, you'll bask in nonexistence; if you wanna keep up persistence 
Like your namesake, you'll be peeled like an orange, another kombatant I've finished (Agh)
Wouldn't be enough for this sorcerer, yes? Kondemned to the Damned and tortured to death
Trapped in a Soulnado, filled with hate though, your whole life is a Tale of Suspense
 I never thought a better foe would come out of your son, only shows he is superior.
It's settled though, you've met with no allies, so you're just broken and inferior.

Mandarin:
Seems there's Big Trouble in Little China, best not keep this devil waiting
You're seeming Lo, Pan, so go, man, Annihilated like movie ratings
The greatest mind in the world against a slave to his king?
It's no wonder you're used to losing to Liu several times in the ring.
You fell down the charts like on Argus. (agh) A second Armageddon awaits
Being imprisoned by your superior only shows failing is your fate.
Call me the Dragon King, cause I whooped your ass down; better fit as a class clown
Those fatalities only show that your power's in the past now.

Shang Tsung:
My words sting like a cobra bite; your verse had no effect
You built up and destroyed yourself; a human Titanomech.
First started as a stereotype, but whitewashing made you worse.
Left a Stane upon your legacy; glad he finally ended this curse.

Mandarin:
Your only good trait is Identity Theft, but with all that, no Identity left
Your island's defunct as a Krypt, I'll debunk this until you realize this entity's best
Is unstoppable, you're dropping past your prime, though, no new timeline could decide 
The final resting place for the elderly, dismissed as a psycho, I will
Transport you to the Valley of Spirits; life force dwindling as you try
It's no wonder the Elders cursed you, with your never-ending pride
Powers transferred to the Queen, and Shao left you burning, it's
Clear you're worthless; Now you see the true champion of this tournament.

Shang Tsung vs Mandarin - Rap Cypher: REBOOT #11

LYRICS

Zodiac Killer:
38- goodbye announcer, too bad you had no parting gifts
Now to this mess of a killer, I don’t know where to start with this 
With the countless origins you’re given by pre-teens thinking they’re Stephen King
makes you unthreatening, cheapening, cult burnings and murdering leaving grim
I’ve already been compared to a Jack, but somehow, you’re even weaker
Please cease, sir. You’re weak, sir. Don’t need many words to speak burns.
I’m a cold-blooded killer, a bold blood spiller
But I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything worse than your picture
With the blue faceplate, but this lame-rate would get crippled by my first shot
Burst shot, 9 millimeters in the grave until this worse slop
Gets burned hot, like my gun-fire, spitting shots to leave this teen shook
Try to rap with your “I have no mouth and must scream” look

Eyeless Jack:
Hidden in history for setting cars on fire? What a back burner
And that black mask? Static-y raps? You’re taking from the Observer
I’ll leave Zodiac burnin’ like hot tar, when I drop bars
But my thoughts are “No wonder he’s flopping, he already bombs hard”

Zodiac Killer:
That’s it? I expected more out of this classic
Guess Ticci Toby kin is prone to laugh tracks where they’re rapping
Burnt face and broken family, now hell’s where this devil’s advocate lies
Cap a Jack-ass and make his brains splatter; upgrade the count to 39

Eyeless Jack:
Ted Cruz wants to step to a monster of darkness 
But I'll rip the head screws off this dead moose, sell out on the black market
This suspected methhead vendetta spreader put his own life on private
Guess this battle’s a no-brainer, I could use something to spice up my diet 
So, read the note, kid, ‘fore the folktale is broken 
He’s hopeless, homeless, and no chance of holding
a throne! Left your legacy as just another John Doe
You lead cops on a wild goose chase like you’re murderous Where’s Waldo!
Things looks so bleak for this clone thief, I’ll be sure to kill you slowly
Make like another baby and take your own leave
It’s clear why people lost their fear of you, no newspapers to examine how
Your legacy’s gone on and shattered, where’s Zodiac rapping now?

CREDITS

DeegleNV as The Zodiac Killer 
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcqoNcvUnQdz8otgTxOqWKQ
Razzy as Eyeless Jack
https://soundcloud.com/simplyrazzy

Written by Rabi and Fightmarker
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClNJgoh_a9oYoLenAR0RzGg
Mixed by DeegleNV and Light
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCv40Azz3spGbl38LIF7uKqg
Beat by Audio Network
Thumbnail by Rabi

The Zodiac Killer vs. Eyeless Jack - Rap Battle

(CONTEXT: https://i.redd.it/sxgappnq4mw11.jpg)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the goofy mutilated murderers: MDHHCD vs Hash-Slinging Slasher

-LYRICS-

Man Door:
(Yo) whatcha gonna do, wave at me with your nub singed?
I got a handle on this battle; Man Door is unhinged
Oh look, more slime to spill down the Krusty Krab walls as usual
Frying and firing this fry cook like a 2nd funeral
My bars have got that secret sauce that you're lacking, huh?
You couldn’t flip a line if both of your hands were spatulas
Speed of Gary when you’re rhyming. Try to run from my sickle
You’re bout as scary as a pirate tryna come for my pickle (ugh)
Hop back on your bus, cuz you best be retreating
Don’t need Nosferatu, I’ll knock your lights out neatly
Let’s hope your verse is like your phone calls: no speaking
I’ll leave you in the dumpster, so good luck… sweaty

Hash-Slinging Slasher
Staying up… at night with THAT verse? Bad decision
But to be fair, it was longer than your story to begin with
How’s a guy with no name or design think he’s not losing?
Both raise our eyebrows: you with fear, me with confusion
Either learn better English or get slayed hard, bitch
If I let you in, be ready for a graveyard shift
And with your hook lodged in the door, it’s time that I sped up
I’m looking to see red like “dude, can I get some ketchup?”
I got your ass sprinting backwards like a gas-thieving bastard
Yo, you’re a trash-flinging rapper, and I’m the Hash-Slinging Slasher
Go back to stealing steres, you copypasta wannabe
I stopped the voice cuz I was nervous you’d keep spitting awfully


Light as Man Door hand Hook Car Door
Commander Jacob as Hash-Slinging Slasher
Zawesome as Ketchup Requester (cameo)
Written by Commander Jacob and Zawesome
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

Man Door Hand Hook Car Door vs Hash-Slinging Slasher | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Video dropping Halloween!

Light as Guts
Fightmarker as Doomguy

Beat Produced by: Audio Network
Written by: Dani Frias
Mixed by: Dani Frias
Thumbnail by: Rabi
Old Thumbnail by: SonicSmash
Flow Test by: Dani Frias

Lyrics:

Guts:
This ain’t the hell you’re used to, so I suggest you back off
The Black Swordsman is up against Master Chief only half off
I’m those spider demons you fight and you’re just a simple house bug
So tell me who stomps in this match if your NASA shit pulls the plug
You like easter eggs? Well go have a crack at this
I’ll John Romero this when I get a-head with all your hits
So step to me if you dare, just know it’ll be your last trip
Since my sword will hit the same lips that you’ll use to kiss my ass with

Doomguy: 
East verse west, Guts meets the best
It’s a gunfight, yet you bring swords to compete against
Soundtrack from Mick Gordon with songs that he made from his lip
up fighting worse english than Chinese bootlegs? This’ll be a trip
So let’s get the party going, I won’t leave this battle floored
Griffith fucked your girl first since your dick ain’t big as your sword
Followed by your 2016 show that shouldn't have left the station
I’d say to walk away if I didn’t have to see that animation
Rip and tear through tactics, Guts’ guts will sure be bleeding, 
The ugliest one-eyed motherfucker since the Cacodemon
and it seems you lack cohesion with a new swordsman to switch to
So don’t call yourself the goat, kid, I’ve history killing him too
 
Guts:
My back hurts, but I don’t think I got it from those lines
It’s from carrying my team while yours keeps dying all the time
and keep my name out your mouth like you think you’re some kind of bruiser
Named Doomguy, marine, and slayer, but I’ll truly call you loser
You’re on Falcon’s territory, I’m so fly when I go diss you
Fight with no breaks while you fight Snake over a little shih tzu
You don’t know jack about me, take your vengeance somewhere else and fade
Too bad you’re stuck in hell with none to say you fell down to my blade

Doomguy:
Aww, don’t cry now. Your fans might make that meme again, dude
Sword Art Online took your name and now you’re mad I’ll take your shit too
I’m glad you took your research but let’s note down something well
Between us, who’s the one that actually surpassed through hell?

Guts vs. Doomguy - #6

Lyrics/Beat/Trivia: https://docs.google.com/document/u/1/d/1qwRu6ZbBSI23S6UX_y7b24pC6OxeTit-bKVsnsvZln4/edit
Snakebite126 as Little Mac
Alex M. as Izuku Midoriya
MetaMachine as Doc Louis (cameo)
Written by MetaMachine, Raichous, Kamren the Person, GamingPlush64, FyxFynn and Adam.
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Beat by Hollywood Legend Productions
Thumbnail by Rabi
Hint for Meta's next battle: "Self-Reflections"
Hint for Gengo's next battle: "Mad Science"

Little Mac vs. Izuku Midoriya

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a four-way battle of Pac-Man's ghostly adversaries: Blinky vs Inky vs Pinky vs Clyde. Enjoy!

-LYRICS-
Blinky:
(Yo) gotta hunt ‘em first. Inky’s wondering how much it’s gonna hurt
Cuz there’s not mush-room to grow for the ghost of Clumsy Smurf
Like, for real, you’re the Jr. Pac of this, it’s clear
I’ve got some shots to fire at Bonnie and Clyde over here
Y’all like some fruit cuz eating you is just a bonus, frankly
Pinky should find the coin slot, she’s just a token lady
Red and deadly with vengeance,  I’m sick of picking up your slack, though
I get it, you guys can’t help living in Shadow’s shadow

Inky:
The cool-colored youngster has some disses to send
Name’s Inky, you already know I’m sick with a pen
Look, Blink, you might wanna try to not let your eyes shut
I pack a rude punch; you’re just me drenched in fruit punch
I’m at the top of my game, dudes. But I ain’t playing, though
And who the hell brought on the crazy ghost of Amy Rose?
I’ll grab a Power Pellet because you can’t deny
That you three wanna be me, I can see it in your eyes

Pinky:
I can tell why you’re named “Bashful” when you’re fucking with me
And cherry boy over here just can’t stop blushing for me
Ay, the fellas are jealous with how Speedy I’m bout to win this
I’ve stopped sausage fests way before even the missus
Not talking Adam Sandler when I break you into Pixels
These dudes are getting busted in disputes harder than Billy Mitchell
Hearing this last verse? I’mma have to de-Clyde
Cuz we all know that orange can’t give us a single rhyme

Clyde:
I got nothing.. Psych, my guy, Clyde’s inclined to light the mic
We’d die at the same time and still not see eye-to-eye
Here’s a middle finger for ya, Pinky. You’re cray-cray
You chase Pac so fast, you and Kinky are on the same page
Y’all tryna Ambush while I’m chilling, lowkey
Got my bars locked down; you could say they’re in the Pokey
“Why’s he got a normal name?” Well lemme tell ya, sonny
Who’s gonna run from chumps named after the Teletubbies?

Flowkage/Adam (UBERocity) as Blinky
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0d7...
UBERocity: https://www.youtube.com/user/UberFict...
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/theflowkage
Twitter: https://twitter.com/FlowkageMusic

Snakebite126 (TRBoCS) as Inky
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCjK5...
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/snakebite126
Twitter: https://twitter.com/snakebite126

GarbageGothic as Pinky
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6xK...
Twitter: https://twitter.com/GarbageGothic

Commander Jacob as Clyde
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpjj...
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/commanderjacob
Twitter: https://twitter.com/commander_jacob

Written by Commander Jacob and Snakebite126
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Gareth Johnson of Audio Network

Blinky vs Inky vs Pinky vs Clyde | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Oh yeah we going to space for this one
Mancha as Sinistar
King Mewtwo as Ego the Living Planet
Beat produced by Tristan on the Track
Thumbnail by Trakked
Mixed by Dani Frias 
Written by Trakked, Kamren, ColeDaCole and WDRB

Battle:

Sinistar:
Beware coward, this small villain will fall victim to my hunger 
I’ll throw Sini-bombs at this planetoid; lightyears asunder!
You better Run Run Run! Not even your Alter-Ego can stop me
For my Eternal power shall destroy this puny planet's Galaxy 
It’s a travesty that such a being couldn’t be a strong foe
Beat by a space pirate? That’s what I’d call a fragile Ego
You're a sick minded fraud, went out a Boomer like your status
Not even glitches could rebirth since you've already turned to ashes

Ego:
Tried to scare in the 80’s, yet even with that, computer,
You’re the “star” of a forgotten game; an unoriginal space shooter
If a spacecraft can beat you, then you’ll revel to my power,
Decimated into decimals, never played beyond an hour

Sinistar:
Beware, I live!; And you claim my game is infamous?
I may be the metal boss, but you’re sure picking up rust!
I’ll bust into your core, before you dare fathom to wreck this,
How come you try to take risks when I eat planets for breakfast? 

Ego:
You're just an underpowered entity, a frail-minded Galactus
So I'll trash this scrap metal; I could destroy you with magnets!
Barely shoddy, with my Anti-Bodies swarming 'round this virus,
Deleting all weak-shelled copies of this pathetic bot who’s mindless
Your claim to fame's only a game, while my legacy evolves
No glitches can save you, watch you while all of your lives dissolve
A win trapped in Imaginationland; this pathetic feud is over
And it concludes with me having this star meet a supernova

Sinistar vs Ego - Rap Cypher: REBOOT #12

Alex the Beast as Machamp
Dani Frias as Galarian Farfetch'd

Machamp:
My opponent’s a lowlife alola- galarian?
Smoke it with no fists, my toe tip could bury him
Pokemon’s GOAT, leaving foes without any limbs
Won’t waste my focus on no vegetarian

Farfetch’d:
Sure, keep insulting me like I’m the weak fighter
Only thing you’re good at breaking’s mirrors, Meat Spider
But if you’re gonna just continue laughing when we brawl
Well, then we’ll see who’s the gag when I evolve
Sirfetch’d:
I’ll strike at this tacky undeveloped sore sissy
With his gigantamax form looking like a gormiti 
Looks to me like you missed boxing 101, so I’d better state
Strapping a geodude to your back doesn’t make you heavyweight
Heh, at this point, Frankenstein should just pack up
With that mug, not even my beak could match up
Don’t wanna get intense cause this feud is petty
I’ll put down my sword and I’ll give you a wedgie

Machamp:
So Flour Power wants to say he’s improved
He just turned into the bad ending of playing with food (ha!)
Face with the ride me eyes, lay down your dying hype
Flimsy and weak, a disgrace to the fighting type
Basically Flying, why you in the first place?
Close to my level? You belong in a bird cage
This joke in the game’s shot at smoking my fame?
Want the answer? You got it in your own fucking name
I’m peak performance, your leek’s your offence
So maybe think twice before you beef enormous
Muscles I’m rocking that make my foes shudder, stunned
Sport Bird’ll wish he accepted the other guns
Squirt you’re a runner up, look at you all huddled up
Ready up a thunder punch, decimate this rubber duck
Coming in to rumble with an onion and some puffing up
Living example of how to speedrun a couple punctured lungs
This is a wild tourney, can you touch me in this state?
I’ve seen more agile birdies on a fucking dinner plate
While I don’t hesitate to leave a foe bleeding grim
There’s a reason I’m the ace in your own region’s gym

Sirfetch’d:
You’ve got no bars when dissing me, quit the bitch fit
Thought your no guard ability meant you didn’t miss hits
I’m the example? Well that just drives me up the wall
If you were a role model there’d be steroids in lunchables
Ooh, bud you stand lesser, not even my ancestor
Bring out all four of ‘em, I’ve seen Hitmonlee throw hands better
500 punches per sec? That’s blowing my mind
Cause last time I checked, your attack’s lower than mine (ay)
I flow in my lines like the flow in my mind when I strike with precision and leave you a sad sight
You flail your punches and fail to touch this, your fighting position’s more fit for a slap fight
It’s a slight stretch to act like Registeel 
Maybe I’ll use your body as my next veggie shield
So you’d better yield, it was a good game though
But it didn’t take a flying move to leave this gym teacher K.O.’ed

Written by Psytube
Mixed by Dani Frias
Cover Art by Rabi
Beat by Marsad Men

Machamp vs Galarian Farfetch'd - Pokémon Rap Battle

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of Nintendo's lesser-known parts of their handheld consoles; the Gameboy Camera vs Flipnote Studio. Enjoy!

-LYRICS-

GBC:
Yo. I point at you and shoot your bars down one-by-one
And when I snap, I don’t gotta ask Who You’re Running From
Off your store and went away, you’ll get erased from your separate page
I’m bringing hella flames on MS Paint with extra frames
I pioneered cameras leaving every face with smiles
While Hatena users were like “XD Gangnam Style”
Wait, I was more able to get on a console? Damn bruh
Smile! You got ass-whooped by Gameboy Camera!

Flipnote:
I ain't afraid again, I’ll keep on rhyming ‘til the end
I flow like water, I’m too fly. I’ll keep on dissing ‘til you die
A verbal drop kick is all I need to clap back
I didn’t frog hop on a track to fight monochromatic Snapchat
Ya know what’s sadder than a Shy Guy with no phone?
I’ll call Guinness to report “least pixels in a photo”
I only need three colors to beat ya red, blue, and black! Ouch
May be out of Print these days, but you still just got Stamped-out

Commander Jacob as Gameboy Camera
YouTube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCpjj...
SoundCloud: @commanderjacob
Twitter: twitter.com/commander_jacob

Fightmarker as Flipnote Studio
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfRZ...
Twitter: https://twitter.com/THEFIGHTMARKER
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/fightmarker

Written by Commander Jacob and MetaMachine
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Prod. by Kustom

Gameboy Camera vs Flipnote Studio | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.