Bonus rap battle spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles. More goofy match ups, one verse each, no announcer, and is likely to have episodes better than the main series.

Half-Ass Rap Battles

Jonathan the music listener

Rap Battles

The two legendary turret constructers, Torbjörn and The Engineer, face off in this epic Overwatch vs. Team Fortress 2 rap battle!

Get the song!
iTunes► https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/torbj%C3%B6rn-vs-the-engineer-single/1311211604
Google Play► https://play.google.com/store/music/album/VideoGameRapBattles_Torbj%C3%B6rn_vs_The_Engineer?id=B25qx5rnkcloh34g7qulaqldbce
Spotify► https://open.spotify.com/album/0rzVN4v2slHmUzjnS45QNl

LYRICS:
Torbjorn: 
Spitting like a sentry, my rapping's dispersed,
scrapping your outdated game and I'll be crafting this verse!
Never passing my defensives, you'll be going berserk!
That's right, it's Torbjörn, ready for work!
I've stopped a bot-caused apocalypse!
I'm sure that I can topple over Texas hicks!
Drop Dispensers for what's in store,
'cause I flow hot as Molten Core!

Engineer:
Whoa there fella, you're comin' up short,
But that's all that I expected when I'm rapping a dwarf!
You're flat out useless, your characters busted!
Time a foreigner's shown some Frontier Justice!
Teleporters, health Dispensers, Sentry Guns,
I'm a dozen of your heroes rolled up into one!
I solve a problem, you amplify,
I mean the Omnic Crisis was your design!
Torbjörn: 
You claim you've got intelligence, and yet you still resort,
to cracking jokes about my height, well I'm not a dwarf!
But if you'd like to blabber some more,
Then I'll smite you with the hammer of Thor!
The real OG, first hero made!
While your class is the most over-played!
I may create, but I'm destructing now!
You've built up your ego, I'll break it down!

Engineer: 
You treat the Omnics like lesser scum,
I thought Southerners were the racist ones,
And you've got eight kids in that family of yours?
You'd think an Armorer'd use protection more,
I've got a Widowmaker of my own, I'm a sharpshooter,
No Hospitality for this intruder,
When you're Wrangled in, hear the screams of pain,
more than your team when you're picked for games!

Torbjörn (speaking): 
You were merely a prototype, I am the latest and greatest!

Engineer (speaking):
Well, at least people can pronounce my name, Tor-B-Jorn!

Torbjörn (speaking): 
THAT'S TORBJÖRN!

Torbjörn: 
If what you just presented's the best rhymes that you wrote,
then you'll malfunction even worse than your Competitive mode!
You've got repetitive flow, I'm always better than foes!
Stay out of my way, I'm in the zone!
You're a hunk of junk, I'm master race!
Now watch as I improve your face!
You can't repair your past mistakes!
You've reached your Expiration Date!

Engineer: 
Your battle raps just prove the fact,
That you should never be picked on attack!
Just broken game mechanics and Torb works it?
That's the definition of a Short Circuit!
You're a drastic radical oddity!
Just drop your robot philosophy!
Either stay eliminated or you'll live with the truth,
That every other hero does their job better than you!

Torbjörn vs. The Engineer - Video Game Rap Battle

YouTube link: Friday 10am PST.

Steady Cam as Slender Man: https://soundcloud.com/thesteadycam
The Stupendium as Baldi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zshYe6Agzk

LYRICS...

Slender man: 
I started to believe this industry can’t get more shallow
Yet Another horrid horror game makes way into my shadow

tall and pale, bald assailant teleportin’ round a map 
but instead of leaving victims dead you give their ass a slap?

Are you serious? I’m furious!    
People are really fearin’ this?
You’re a slender remake that is meant for pre-k 
that will never equate to me, period

That’s nearly it, I will sever each leg to crumble your foundation 
So step in my elementary for some real education  


Baldi:
Wow there he is, still scaring kids, Congratulations! You exist!
Figured something awful was in the mist, you’re person proving white people shouldn’t spit 

this dated shroud is not allowed In my school house, you’re flunkin’ out
for those rhymes I’ll award a shiny quarter since you’re selling out

I mean You got a movie coming now, sure that will be a smash
Based on every other gaming flick, well you can do the math 

now let’s do my favorite subject, what happens when I subtract
your head from the rest of your carcass and then split it into halves?

Now this class is in session, May I please have your attention 
Take this jump rope for suspension, hang from your neck in detention 

Your reign of fame has now ended, I’ll sweep the floor with you man
I get madder every verse you fail, get out while you can 


Slender man:
I’ve got you decoded, the pages I wrote it, 
then you went and stole it, put it in your notebooks
repackaged and sold it, to kids but you know it 
is me that you owe the, numbers that you’re growin’

I gave you your start, I’ll be your finish, You won’t make it far, now I have risen
I’ll tear out your heart and then I’m persistin’ to rip you apart, hows that for division?

I’m slender man, put you in a hospice there’s no treatment
for when i teach what’s really frightening to Mavis Beacon


I am the peak of all horror, you are just the trending fad
that is soon to die off right along with hero brine and fnaf

Baldi:
Let’s look at your results, and based on your grim grading
Then I can see why you dropped out of school slim shady

I can’t believe it, if you think that verse would make me shudder 
Than you’re twisted as your 12 years olds who go and stab each other

Slender Man vs. Baldi's Basics

Video: Friday August 10th at 10am PST

Steady Cam as Pikachu:
Samantha Sadoff as Eevee

LYRICS:

Pikachu:
Back in 1996, a spark began to glow
Bringing me to lead a series lighting screens around the globe 

I’m the mascot, Yeah I’m the face that runs the game
While you’re a other throwaway that has known to run a way 

That’s your best ability, no adaptability 
can save a bratty daft Eevee from Pika’s rap agility 

yeah I crackle all my foes when I tackle with my volts
I’m a master on my own, only high up when you’re stoned

Your a handout to the trainer buddy, I’m a real catch
Unleashing static raps to leave you frozen on the track

Eevee:
Why don’t you pass the baton to a viable mon’
That verse was a catastopika, thinking that cha really strong

This detective should deduce that he is weak and overhyped
Check your speed, I even make for a swifter electric type

I’m your natural predator, this fox devours mice 
if you try to nuzzle up to me you’ll wind up with a bite

If you zap me on the mic, my hyper voice will spit some raps
that’s gonna dominate the this mon we hate, like evoboosted stats

Pikachu:
Claim my stats are weak but just look at where I be
I am trainer Red’s lead, espeon’s is off his team

None of your evolution are effective when we fight
Your silly gimmick lost it’s magic, when you gained a fairy type

Try to take me down and you’ll be paralyzed for sure
Brick break you down and Body slam ya like a luchador

When I thunderbolt 10 milli volts are surgin’ through and through 
From the anime, to our new games, who’s really choosin you?


Eevee:
We’ve got a lot in common, we’ve progressed throughout the games
I’ve obtained more evolutions and you gained some cosplay 

Shoving you down all our throats can only do the franchise harm
I’m a refreshing face attracting gamers with my normal charm

Hey you Pikachu, I anticipate your moves
If that was your last resort than I’ve got some awful news

I am shocked with disappointment but you’ve got a good excuse
Your trainer’s too big of a dumb ash to evolve you

Pikachu vs. Eevee - Pokemon Rap Battle

YouTube Link: COMING FRIDAY, AUGUST 24th 10am PST

Sniper: Steady Cam
Widowmaker: Eile Monty

LYRICS:
Sniper:
A professional has standards that includes efficiency 
in the discardin’ of my targets put them out their misery 

when I am dissin’ on the beat this hitman is making the heat
While all your boring allegories put a Sydney boy to sleep 

I am an old fashion assassin you’re a cold passionless ratchet
See how slow your heart tempo is once I go squash an arachnid 

and my bow blasts unattractive widows kissing her goodbye
You’re gonna wish I was a soldier when I’ve got you in my sights


Widowmaker:
I can’t believe they got me pitted up against against somebody
With a flow’s that’s only useful when you use it for Jarate

And his sniping’s seeming sloppy so it’s gotta be apparent 
That this cocky amateur has let me down more than his parents

Oh did that one sting? If that is the case than it’s no wonder
Your HP is by far the lowest of your brothers

Machetes will not help when I behead this hunter
C'est la vie Put you back into the land down under


Sniper:
Crikey mates now feast your eyes The widow spins a web a lies 
Because her mind’s so weak and blind She had her husband sniped at night 

after the talon wiped her mind and now she finds herself a spy
But you know I tend to remind your kind to surrender your lives

I’m fortified gotta spit hard rhymes and unload on a bloke I’m a flow carbine
Till your cold heart dies do you feel alive when I load up a bullet to blow your mind?

The literal kind, after the genocide collect my profit
Won’t be trouble you’ve been pummeled by a kid rocking a gauntlet 

Widowmaker:
I find it quite surprising that you still insist on trying 
Shouldn’t need my infra sight to realize your game is dying

And yet I wouldn’t be lying if I said you make me laugh 
I’ll put you down out outback I’m quite experienced at junking rats

Try and chase me down while I am swinging from my grapple line
Outwit you then I’ll ditch you once you trip this venom mine 

It’s One shot one kill mercy killing is my brand
It’ll be more painless over all your slowly dying fans

Sniper:
I’m a hired hand you’re a bold crazy 
Bit my stuff for long enough just F O A D

And go back to ballet cause with that big ego that you got
I don’t even need scope to know your head is getting shot (BOOM!)


Widowmaker: 
Wanna keep your job? then I suggest you run and hide
Going toe to toe with me, snipers tend to lose an eye 

And keep preaching that you’re stable we all know you’re really sick
And compensating for the fact you killed your family as a kid

Sniper vs. Widowmaker - Video Game Rap Battle

Steady Cam as Infernape:
ShueTube as Blaziken:

LYRICS:
Blaziken: 
I can’t believe that this monkey thinks he can phase the kid
You’re crazy if you think you can rap battle with Blaziken
Can’t handle the flames I spin
And ravel these phrases in
I came to win so your chance of beating me’s looking razor thin
I’ll break the limbs on this wanna be homosapien
Then take his skin and hair and I’ll wear it
I call it “Bathing Chimp”
You’ll get these flaming wrists and a couple of blazing kicks
This apes a wimp, there’s no way he can take me with those baby fists

Infernape:
Forget the kinda game you’re in? I’m spittin’ platinum hits on blaze
I came in with flaming blitz you kickin’ with the chicken legs
Against my iron fist you’ll faint, you got the strength and grit of May
Need roost and speed boost so you can sprint away 
be true, I beat you up with my fists of flames
heat you and eat you up like a chicfila 
why don’t you go you sit an egg, your only chance of gettin’ laid
is if I crack you and I blast you back to where the dinner’s made

Blaziken:
You think you’re spitting flames?
But we’re in different lanes
Different games, I’m in Pokkén smoking foes and kickin A
You ain’t even in the game
That’s means you ain’t getting played
Sorry I’m not sorry but I’d hardly want to pick a lame

Infernape:
Hardly even charred me all of your kicks missed
You are sparring gainst army with’ bullet fists

and scorchin’ hits, though I was tardy to the party
I am starting up the barbie that’ll torch this chick

Blaziken: 
I’m bored with this
I’m really getting fed up
You really think that you’re clever?
You’ll never ever be better
These feathers will sever every vendetta that I endeavor
So how you gonna step up when you’ve never been a mega?

Infernape:
Better crank the heat cause your embers are em-bores
The way you’re fighting you should have sent for an emboar

Bringing little flow against the monkey inferno
Then you’re combutin’ better trust this combat wasn’t even close, No!

Blaziken Vs. Infernape - Pokemon Rap Battle

Darkseid by DC Comics
Cartoon Beatbox Battles by Verbalase

Darkseid Beatbox Solo - Cartoon Beatbox Battles

I do not own this song
All Rights Goes To The Owner

Patrick Beatbox Solo 2 - Cartoon Beatbox Battles

I do not own this song
All Rights Goes To The Owner


Patrick Beatbox Solo 1 Remix - Cartoon Beatbox Battles

Goofy Beatbox Solo Remix - Cartoon Beatbox Battles

In the first episode of Half-Ass Rap Battles (the bonus spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles) we have a pizza slice against a hamburger because why not, I had fun with it.

Written by Commander Jacob
Freshy Kanal as Pizza
Commander Jacob as Hamburger
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by 2Deep

Pizza:
Come out the oven deep-dish when I got to rap a line
Cause you got no flavor like the fries you come with half the time
Reppin’ Italy critically. All your mascots disturbin’ me
I’ll have you drop in the ER, get your ass back to Germany
I have enough cheese. Get a taste, mate. Cream you, but don’t wanna taste mayonnaise
Rhymin’ supreme. Steppin’ to me and I’m havin’ ya bleed. Getting ketchup to spray, k?
Whatchu got, lettuce? Broseph, ya never toppin’ me
Go ahead and slice me up, that just means more people chompin’ me

Burger:
Hey, I placed an order, but it came with too much cheese, bruh 
I’ll need an extra-hot verse, I got a pizza to heat up
No way you can fuck with me. I out-pizza the hut, ya see?
If you wanna rat me out, I’ll send you back to Chuck E. Cheese
Got a red dot on you like a pepperoni, homie
Ordering pineapple’s the only way you be spittin’ grossly
Give ya girl my meat and make some bread. I’m a phenomenon
With you I’m intolerant, but no way more than Papa John

Pizza vs Burger | Half-Ass Rap Battle #1

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another Half-Ass Rap Battle! Today we have a battle of minimal, pixelated games typically played out of boredom: Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Flappy Bird
Deegle as Chrome T-Rex
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

I’m coming back, the flyest bird. It’s undebated
To face an old fart that Atari would call outdated
Pterodactyl when I battle. So buddy, you oughta let go
People play you when they say “dammit, I guess so”
Takes a tap to flap over the crap that you spat out
Your life’ll fade to black quicker than your background
Mainstream? No way. Gameplay? so lame
So you should look up better rhymes… oh wait

An amputee duck with plastic surgery
Seems to struggle connecting to a beat to try to murder me
Grab your over-priced iPads and take a walk, dude
You’re smokin’ stolen pipes thinking Nintendo won’t stomp you
I’m Chrome polished. My desert’s less dry than what you’ve written, kid
I'm jumping over cacti, I can handle one little prick
What got removed faster, you from all the phones I can see
Or was it your creator, exiled from society?

Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex | Half-Ass Rap Battle #2

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have the monochrome LCD character against the monochrome LSD character; Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man. Enjoy!

Raichous as Mr. Game & Watch
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Grey Man

Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from Zawesome
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Marsad Men

-LYRICS-

Game & Watch:
Parachute in to win, it’s an icon you’re fighting, man
This Fire man throws bacon, eggs, and fine raps off a frying pan
Been Ball-ing from the start. Where’ve you been? I can’t tell
As an expert, I can say fame’s something you’ve never handheld
This rapping trampoline lander’s smacking you like a 9 hammer
And your win’s a crazier dream than those of all your programmers
Slenderman in a trench coat? He only has one mode: stalk
Mister, watching your game has got me watching my own clock

Grey Man:
A fat-nosed shadow thinks that he's fit for battle? Boy I'll laugh
When I have him tripping and he still tries to fight with oil cans 
Ring your bell for help! I’m Krueger of the PlayStation
Leaving beats and dreams corrupted. Still think it's an emulation?
Here’s the red Flagman; you’ll get slaughtered just from napping
It’s one of your two functions; learn it’s time to stop rapping
I Violently Diss-strict. The pain won’t leave when you wake up.
Even people who play Smash have forgotten you like a brain flush

Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man | Half-Ass Rap Battle #3

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the edgy spooky versions of characters, one ironic, one unironic: Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob

-LYRICS-

Sonic.EXE
(Yo) ever since Things That Aren't That Scary Month, I know you've been hating, my guy
So many souls, so Slowpoke.EXE should quit wasting my time
You’re like Tom with my CD; too pussy to destroy a track, dog
Lyrics coming at you at Super Sonic speed: I am Rap God
Too tapped out for round 2. Searched your Commander’s channel, even I never Found You
Cameos are all you amount to. I got a jester's laugh, and I’m still bout to clown you
When I’m rappin, I go batshit. I’m attacking with some hacking. I’m the spin-dashing classic
This wack-ass damn kid’s the static cross-breed fanfic of Darkiplier and a sad squid, that’s it

Corrupted Jacob:
Zalgo in a fursuit? Oh no, my wee little heart!
Ya meant to be creepy, but spawned extremely… DeviantArt 
Like Sally Simp, you’re gonna get left in stitches when fighting me
Your fame was as short as your face in your own fucking title screen
Fucking cheesy ass. Your game got me board as shit, you damn Rap Rat
Check the anger and the eyeballs; my dude needs a pack of Tampax 
Trolled this pasta back to his wiki, too lame for me to eat ya
Haven’t seen someone as bad with words since JC the Hyena

Alex the Beast as Sonic.EXE
Commander Jacob as Corrupted Jacob
Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from TimeLord
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Retnik

Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.