Rap battle series created by Commander Jacob which use chracters and match-ups he's personally interested in (aka a lotta geek shit)

Lame-Ass Rap Battles

this

Rap Battles

Songs I Listen too

JOIN MY DISCORD:
https://discord.gg/Wk55ZGzHMw​

J Morris the Review Guy and Light as Freddy Krueger
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfRZ...​
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCv40...​

Freshy Kanal as Pennywise

Written by:
Freshy Kanal, Fel and HippieRat

Drawings by:
CyanCoat

Beat Produced by:
Freshy Kanal & Sebb

Mixed by:
Freshy Kanal

Mastered by:
Sebb

Lyrics:

Freddy:
Laying you down to sleep, for 2 decades of your own hell
It looks like Wise is lacking luck, let’s throw a Penny in the well
It’s prime time for a rap battle, bitch, 
dip you into shame down to the bottom of your silk suit.
Yea, Sticks and stones can break my bones, 
But words? We both know they kill you.
So drop this beat on your breath when I beat you to death
The makeup on your head will match up with your bed
Cuz my dreams are a threat, while the screams that you get
Make this spider a joke, it's a meme on the web
You ain’t hot shit like Curry, now you're a swedish-
all you can eat dish, bon appetit, bitch!
You’ll end up like your first monstrosity
Now the fucker’s chairbound, can’t stand up like your comedy

Pennywise:
And here comes...Freddy’s.. New..
Nightmare, biggest fear from Bill to Bevvy
Your only scare is the bill for new bedsheets
Stuck in the 80’s, reboot fucked up 
You’re officially the leader of the boomer’s club
I'll just wait for this fetus to get injured
They should replace you with the baby from "Freddy got fingered"
But the Nightmares won't be coming back soon
You're out of your airtime. Do you want a balloon?
You kept up in ruining children til Jason mutilated your character
Now the question is who would win here? 
The Alien or the Sexual Predator?
Swiss cheese lookin motherfucker walkin on my streets
I’ve always been the king of Derry, you’re the Dairy Queen
Cuz I never was a killer to hop on your boat, dude
So you better get high, I make standards float too!
You're dated, so listen up 
you aged and you couldn’t stop
Your face replicates your plot 
a game of connect the dots!
Your rating is severed, flopped; 
they made like your head and dropped
The same as popcorn I brought, 
you raised, blew up and p-p-popped

Children: 
1,2, Freddy’s coming for you
3,4, better lock- 

Freddy:
My count rounds out to a thousand, you're grouchy 
Left people howling more about your idiot townies
You’re not even allowed the best clown flick
in the same fucking year your lousy sequel came out in
You're scared of Maturin', and so your M. O.'s eternal
You'd shit your sewers when you see the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Bitch! Taking a nap and I got your soul on a hook
You're helping me slaughter people by making them read your book
So It looks a little stormy for your sewer orgy
You didn’t reign before me! 
I’m the GOAT, you’re horny!
I’ll stick to spreadin’ teens over bed sheets
While you’re left melting into a puddle, how’s that for a wet dream?

Pennywise:
You’re more of a downfall than Maine storms to my main form
Your last one turned out like I ate your writers in a brainstorm
Go sleeping on these flows
I'll have Freddy's battle weapons shredded to Eddie's medicine
So he dreams of gazebos!
Tongue twist a buttkiss like your final girl did.
It’s a multiplayer game when you’re in my world, bitch!
I’d say go cry to your daddy, ‘fore you eternally rest.
But your mailbox couldn't carry the paternity tests

Pennywise vs. Freddy Krueger - Rap Battle!

POKEMON VILLAIN RAP CYPHER Cam Steady ft. RUSTAGE, NateWantsToBattle, Zach B & More

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of bird games abandoned by their owners: Red from Angry Birds vs Mr. Crow from Catastrophe Crow. Enjoy!

@freshykanal as Red
Commander Jacob as Mr. Crow
@sw4nked as Chuck
@superthingsoncupsss as Bomb
@snakebite126 as the Jays

Written by Commander Jacob & GamingPlush64
Mixed & mastered by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by Anywaywell
Crow model by El Stephono

-LYRICS-

Red (0:09)
I thought the pigs’ plot was enough to make me pissed off
But now I gotta fling hot disses straight off the slingshot
We stay protecting kids way before they frickin' hatch
Fitting that this little brat came from a baby’s chicken scratch
You have, like, 20 vids, there’s no way you can catch up
I got raps up my sleeve, while your sleeve is just wrapped up 
Your cartridge and Daddy will stay old and grey
Loner strayed, flew the coup, and never stayed to raise his precious golden egg

Mr. Crow (0:28)
I see you, Red. I’d tear apart your cardinal sins
But we can bond over the crow language it’s clear your bars were in
Or maybe not, after your latest failures, I observed that
Your servers must have been cursed bad by the evil Sir Cat!
Those absurd raps are calling me to stay and work at
A verse that can take you down so we can’t see these birds flap
I stack hits like blocks, show you an L, and tower you
Lemme just lay this down if I gotta spell it out for you
While I respect protecting your nest from turning into a bed and breakfast 
Your tactics lack any sense of direction when flinging heads into wreckage 
You got rich from your title? 
Your only golden shower nowadays is piss from your idol!

Red (0:57)
Your word vomit couldn’t even keep my chicks fed
He won’t be home ever again after that shit’s wrecked
We get money like Hal; our green’s coming around
I’ll put you down - 6 crows feet under the ground
I stay squaded up. Yo, Jay, Bomb, and Chuck
Let’s show this winged black sheep why they can’t flock with us
Chuck (1:11)
Ugh, speedy time, you weakley swine! We can rhyme with an eagle’s might
But maybe translating your 800 languages can come out with a decent line
Bomb (1:16)
No teddy bear to cuddle with, you can’t get your dad back
You weren’t even worthy to get stuffed in a bear’s backpack
The Jays (1:21)
Get Butchered, no Adam. We’re sick when we’re splitted
Attacking and rapping, we’re killer in triplets
Red (1:26)
When I’m spitting off the bill, no way you can get through to me
I’m knocking over all your builds and breaking down your Unity
Cause me and my boys got the skill, destruction isn’t new to me 
So if you wanna talk to Nils, stop using your community
We’ll die a martyr just to stop the piggie’s punk shit
At least write to Marta before you run away and jump ship
Fuck demon cats, development’s you’re only hell now
The only flight you've taken is the staircase you fell down
Nothing your fans theorize will make Thea rise
So now Lorenz himself will eternally need to be revived


Crow (1:50)
You dumb shits, thrown at the wall to see what sticks
You lucky mother-cluckers should be glad ya landed one hit
Both Rovio and Opus didn’t know what they were asked for
I took it to the depths, you took it off the App Store
You wanna bring a squad in? Face a murder of crows
To checkmate your flock of pawns and submerge 'em with flows
I’ll pop your whole arsenal and I’ll leave with three gold stars
The last nail in my coffin? I’m breaking free with each crowbar
No one’s wanting (ugh) all your cash-ins (nah)
All they wanted was to make you zip through blocks
You were launching (eh), now you’re crashing (ouch!)
Made some bubble games, and that shit went pop
Not talking PCs when I clip your head through a window
Your money bag-headed developers ain’t enough to scare this crow
It’s no sweat ending these legless and armless balls
The least hard thing I’ve gone through is a concrete wall
Your player’s gone too, now that you’re off phones
2 birds, 1 throne. I’ve finally gone home

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Angry Birds vs Catastrophe Crow | Lame-Ass Rap Battles

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of color-swapped clone stalkers: Herobrine, spirit of the brother of the creator of Minecraft, versus the Mario Silhouette, castle wanderer found in personalized copies of Super Mario 64. Enjoy!

Mr. Tibbs as Herobrine
Commander Jacob as The Mario Silhouette 

Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by InsaneBeatz
Feedback by GamingPlush64, Mr. Tibbs, bloody_queers, Zagranis, Fightmarker, etc.

-LYRICS-
Herobrine:
See me in the distance? Hope those star doors stay shut
I don't want Piranha Plant biting off me more when we wakes up
I got the godly flows to diminish distant cosmic clones
I’ll make it red when I slam your head against the cobblestone
White eyes with a wide bite but I ain’t no Chain Chomp
Mr. Sit and Watch can picture what to do when his frames drop
Bark at me, my sword will chop like cutting leaves from a tree
So don’t run up on me, I've got a whole overworld under me

MS:
I see yooou, and I’ve tracked your plans to spit bars hot
But walk in His Domain? I‘m swinging hands like Tick Tock Clock
Painful like stained glass windows. Funny: Brine’s in a pickle
Stunting with the all-black fit, though you just changed couple pixels
I’ll make you black out. This wound you can't patch out
I’m jumping this painting. No retexturing, he’ll just crash now
I’ve had it up to the fourth floor. You've been here too long
Your fans are like you: minors who can’t move on

Herobrine:
Shadow Mario’s shadow hardly flowed in a way worth considering morbid
I'm sending this bitch through a portrait and burying him in the Fortress
Or bringing some torches and burning your boring-ass lore before you start running
I'm making pyramids up and appear and they pass the polygonal palace you’re stuck in
If you're talking about design, why would I cut out the lights
Darkness surrounds you, right? So how could you count as bright
Fuck your cryptic text. Think I'm scared when you display that?
I'm the type to slash kill, but not in a game chat

MS:
Players see you, they know you're there, and even screenshot
I bust their cartridge and make their CRT screen shot
You muck with streams while I run their dreams
Bowser has to take a sub to me. YouTubers use you just to say “sub to me”
Trap you in the walls so it blocks the rhymes I can’t stand
Try stealing coins. I catch that? Start shifting out; sand land
Potions and teleporting ain’t enough to catch me, my friend
Encounter me and see a void meaning you’ll meet your End

Herobrine:
All this glitch can offer is one wiki that’s vacant
Your hip-hop’s softer than MIPS in the basement
This AI without the I cant reach my level, just try
Mock me one more time and I’ll default skin you alive
You’re running in circles. I can do this all day
Read the signs: please die quietly in the hallway

MS:
I wish your knock-off novels were your only words hurting my eyes
But I'll make sure this eulogy's Persson-alized
Mr. 2 bit isn't even cared about by their own kin
Someone must be shooting up… but there’s no Hero win
Mama-mia! You’re not worth comparing Luigi to
Obsessed with griefing others cuz your brother never greaves for you

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Herobrine vs The Mario Silhouette | Lame-Ass Rap Battles

subscribe to dilly ►https://youtube.com/c/DillyChannel    
support dilly on patreon ►
https://www.patreon.com/locorapbattles
music video out now!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8KqfAiyBZg

casey william as opila bird
dilly as atari e.t.

written by dilly, casey william, 3ple
additional writing by m!cah
mixed by casey william
beat prod. by casey william
art by 3ple and anangrypenguin
cover art by shimario
series logo by timelord

this series is a tribute to epic rap battles of history.
https://www.youtube.com/user/ERB

Opila Bird vs. Atari E.T. - Rap Battle! (2023)

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED. Disturbing topics ahead.
MultiSuperVids as The Grifter
Cri and GarbageGothic as Sad Satan
Beat produced by DumbChild
Written by Trakked
Additional help by Worms, GamingPlush64 and Snakebite126
Mixed by Jort
Thumbnail by Worms

Battle:

The Grifter:
What you're about to see is graphic; discretion advised
The only vid within the net that's known for wrecking your life
Traumatizing psychologically and causing nausea 
Drop a doll and offer trauma, smash your head with a pipe
No petty grifting or swindling, I'm malicious, bitch
I take the children playing your game and I rip them bit by bit
I hear their pleads for life and really, I don't give a shit
So why don't you just give up now, submit and slit your wrists
There's reasons that they all call me the monster of the Balkans
You had a short rise, but like Lucifer, you've fallen
You got a couple idiots to walk along some hallways
They watch me and they wish there was a single shred of God left
The "real" version of your game's a mess
CP on PCs displayed with text 
You cannot turn back because you've been warned
You're not demonic, while I'm the Devil in human form.

Sad Satan:
Pain. Suffering. Torment. 
All is deserved when this killer is dormant.
Abhorrent, the Grifter becomes a new victim and stored in 
My files with the rest of the corpses.
This Most Disturbed Person on Earth is worthless
A supposed man-demon that I classify as vermin
And worse yet, this mixtape attempts to keep fighting
But see that your race is the one that is dying.

The Grifter:
You fail to understand why I'm regarded as a mindfuck
Let's have some fun before our time's up..
I'm gonna be finding a reason to have you writhing and screaming 
Tear off your eyelids with violence so you will never keep your eyes shut
It's playtime, fucker, grab this bitch by the neck
Pin him down, stab his systems and I slit all the rest
Puncture his chest, and hit him till he's wishing for death,
Twist his neck and skin this infant, put this vid on the net

Sad Satan:
Stop. Your empty threats are getting numerous.
I've a cult following that's larger than your hubris is.
Originated in forum boards on 4Chan,
Then mods saw your bodies and opted to have your gore banned.
This necropedophile is soft on his victims
Give in to pure hopelessness with the lack of God that you'll witness
You are fraudulent and sinful, and so your crimes will be judged still
This is not a rap battle. This is a snuff film.
Sluggish and unresponsive when my virus catches on
Tell me, who will sob when your body is dead and gone? 
Not a single soul. In fact, it will be celebrated.
Walk into the hall and reach for the death that's awaiting
You are a joke to the scenes in the deep web
Leaving channels abandoned with scenes no one has seen yet
Catatonic and unspeaking so you're saving your breath
Like your final child, The Grifter meets a fate worse than death.

The Grifter vs Sad Satan - Rap Cypher #36.66

kinger the amazing digital circus vs sarah needlemouse exe rap battle anolog vs anything.

Kinger vs. Needlemouse // Analog vs. Anything.

Cri as Kinger

Hailey as Needlemouse (Sarah)

Cameos by Clarence and Hailey

Written and Produced by Teimunity 

Mixed and Mastered by Danii

Art by A Trash Artist and EpicMonkey

Graphic Design by JustADude
 
LYRICS: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16UQrnK9FOf0a4FMEuSOGaNoLlGwlLoP7al3U2Nt7LQM/edit

(OLD) The Amazing Digital Circus vs. Needlem0use • Analog vs. Anything.

Jonna-Lynn Alonso as Nemona
yukigloom as Goku

Written by SIR Rap Battles & Jofinity
Additional writing help by Shimario
Mixed by SIR Rap Battles
Beat by Diamond Style 
Cover art by LimJJ (Original cover by M!CAH)
Cover art stills by Cole
Special thanks to RaccoonBroVA, Eric the Audible, Ryoma Ishizuka, bblackroses, Satoshi Tajiri & Akira Toriyama

Nemona: (0:24)
All the fans in the region, you hear them cheer for the champ
When your planet’s in need, you disappear in a flash
I’ve got a masterful team prepared to clear any match
While your laughable team just shrieks in fear from attacks 
So - he got adopted by Grandpa Gohan until he got stomped on 
By no one other than the toddler that he taught and fostered
And as a grown-up, his losses don't stop
‘Cause all of the monsters that he was crossing took his comrades and offed them
I'm an Academy Ace! You never got an education
Speeding past your limits, but a driving test is where you're failing?
That's outrageous! You can't stay committed to the sons you're raising 
If you keep forsaking them as prey for the foes that you're facing
I'll be popping off when I land critical strikes
But when this pop is off, it's ‘cause he's ditching his wife
Losing the ones you love? You sure take after your dad, man
A father-son legacy ‘cause this fight’s your last stand!

Goku: (1:05)
Aw, I kinda wished I'd get an actual fight
Should’ve brought your gym leader to rap ‘cause you’re lacking in Ryme
So stack up our might, the gap is too wide if we talk fisticuffs
Couldn't patch that Gastly-looking face with Herba Mystica
So obsessed with spars, you'd wind up who you're speaking to
It seems that you must be illiterate - can't write or read the room
And after catching wind of Turtle School, a good bout’s what I can't ignore
While your school’s out catching turtles like some kind of Capsule Corps!
With what you've promoted, you left your fanbase broken
Those blows you dealt felt Phoned in, it's like your father Rotom
Kamehameha flowing ‘cause you don't seem to notice
This contest is the only time you're good at throwing
People drop you like your frame rate? Sheesh, you’ve had a rough time
You’re the type to bug but your game is more the bug-type 
You like to battle? Well… maybe don’t punch like
you’re still holding back, kid, let’s make this a fun fight!

Nemona (1:45):
You Self-Destruct in fights so much, this lucha’s your last
‘Cause like it's Frieza with your planet, I’mma put ‘ya on blast (Sí!)
This gluttonous dud should swallow this truth up for his next feast:
Regardless of his heart disease, this papá is a deadbeat

Goku (1:55):
Whew, that’s more like it! You’re getting used to spitting some disses
But I bet I can catch on quicker, call that Instant Transmission 
Shouldn't be messing with Universe 7, kid
When half your character designs are more lifeless than your professor is

Nemona (2:06):
If you wanna talk professors, I better mention
Yours developed cybernetic weapons, that left your future threatened
Even in the face of defeat, I'm always beaming up
You only made Raditz face defeat when you're left Beaming up!
And seeing your films’ canon, it’s just gunning to fail
‘Cause they made like a pair of scissors and kept cutting your tales
So like your hijo with a dinosaur, ditch this before it gets worse
We'd probably have to wait another saga for your next verse

Goku (2:26):
Of course this little privileged rich kid has never witnessed the image
of vicious villains killing every single innocent that lives in your village
After what happened to Krillin, 
I was driven to break my limits, you're just tracking down children
Endlessly battling with them, man you're just tactless, a dimwit
And with the draft that you’re pickin’, it’s just a match full of misfits
So maybe next time you go spotting new trainers who wanna be elite
Make like how your family treats you - and leave them be

Goku vs Nemona. SIR Rap Battles (ft. yukigloom & Jonna-Lynn Alonso)

TaigaTonic as Kyle
EgoManic as Vasilis

Written by Elizalkin
Mixed by Box

Beat by King EF

Kyle vs Vasilis - Rap Battle!

*THIS BATTLE WAS MADE ENTIRELY BY WHITES ONLY IN THE SPAND OF 100 HOURS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION*

Danii as Mr. Crocker 
Near as Mrs. Puff

2Hats as SpongeBob 

Written by Teimunity, Danii, and 2Hats
Artwork by Teimunity and TeaworkAJ

Beat by Teimunity
Mixed and Mastered by Danii

Mrs. Puff vs. Mr. Crocker • TEIMUNITY RAP BATTLES!

ThanosQuack as Taka Takahiro
molliebdenite as Mr. Frog


Written by Elizalkin
Cover art by Elizalkin
Beat by Trunxks Beatz
Mixed by box.

Special Thanks to garbageGothic, rosenthalfishes, TaigaTonic, Ficketyfoo M!CHA, CinnamonGhostCrunch, Rippilie, Zach Hadel, and Michael Cusack.

Dedicated to Man the Fish and Pubert.

LYRICS:

Taka:
Hello! I’m Taka, welcome to the show!
Today we got a very special guest you surely know..

Welcome Mr. Frog, happy to have you!
So my first question I’ll ask: are you ready to battle?

You became the president; I’m unprecedented
Ultimate TV Personality, have all attention!

Your show’s boring and plain, I created the trends!
I’m loved by my fans! Yours caused your career to end!

Why are you so evil? I’ve got the answer!
It’s cause you’re not sigma, and only cause disaster!

My time’s almost up, so let’s see if you can manage
To make it a verse without causing serious damage!

Mr. Frog:
Hello, I’m Mr. Frog. This is my verse!
I’ll eat the beat, and come home with a new Chrysler! 

Caught up in controversy, but I’ve no time for bigots
So tell that conductor, I’m not handing a ticket!

All your fans don’t care, wish that you died
They’d actually thank me if I ate you alive 

Cause you’re a bug i’m stomping!
You’re gross and little you hobbit!

So I’ll cut your profit!
Let your show burn!

And while you’re begging to stop it
I’ve guaranteed myself a second term! 

Taka:
You know you’re supposed to diss me right?
I did. FUCK!

My fans don’t care? You’re covered in scandals!
This is just the second time they’ve got your show canceled!

I’m gross? Well on that note
You ate a person and it stopped the cash flow!

You’re a terrible person and worst of all: a bore
Celebrities getting outed is just the theme of 2024!

Mr. Frog:
I’m getting outed? You’re a criminal dude!
You tampered with police evidence to get likes and views!

You slept with the fishes, and nobody cared
My fans were the ones to let me back on air!

Yeah I ate that dude it was awesome
But you’re a bitch, so you’re the least of my problems!

You’re just the next bug on my show, but reap the benefits!
At least you’re not here to tamper with the evidence!

Taka Takahiro vs Mr. Frog - Fangans vs Anything!

ORIGINALLY UPLOADED ON 04/15/2023

LYRICS

Wile E. Coyote:
LISTEN UP-

I don’t have much time before I drop from this height
So I’ll try to make it quick while I’m rocking the mic
Allow me to introduce myself, Wile E. Coyote
Genius at roasting dopes and flowing on dope beats
You should just quit, Komi, why, we don’t even measure
I’m more skilled, more cunning, simply, I’m better
Now I might be the Looney Tune
But you somehow surpass me with all the weirdos in your goofy school
Now if you asked me, I’d take you and the ones being crude and lewd
And strap you to a package that’s made with care, love from ACME
Your show exists for some lonely losers to relate
Komi-San and her fanbase can’t communicate
I gave this slice of life a piece of mine, hope the pain’s received 
Now if you excuse me, I shall now take my leAHHHHHHHHH

Komi:
I-I’m not really that good with rhyming words
But I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t like that verse
Supplies of TNT, but you couldn’t drop bombs though
You’d take second to Agari in a dog show
Maybe quit hunting season and find a day job
‘Cause you get fired worse than a Warner Bros. layoff
A “Super Genius” with your plans never changing
Running into the same wall like it’s your paintings
It’s been 70 years but still the same old act with
Comedy so primitive, no wonder it’s slapstick
Chased a chicken for all that time? Impressive
I don’t even think that Ren’s as obsessive
Chuck dropped ya’, now your toons are in the garbage
I’d say that’s all folks, but this was over ‘fore it started

CREDITS

TheMonarchy as Wile E. Coyote
Fightmarker as Road Runner

Kurobane Azia as Komi

Shadow Zel as Black Noir

Written by Rabi and Fightmarker
Beat prod. by Ihaksi
Mixed and Mastered by Freshy Kanal
Art by BMB and 3ple
Cover art by Rabi

Wile E. Coyote vs. Komi Can't Communicate - Rap Battle

The koopalings and I have taken over the Candy Kingdom


Matt Raichous as The Summerween Trickster

DumbShlop as Gummigoo


Written by JoJoVo

Art by TomPuffs & Snakebite126
Thumbnail by TomPuffs

Beat prod. by Surce
Mixed and Mastered by Serena

Special thanks to Alchemyking & Leo Barqui

LYRICS:

TRICKSTER
Trick or treat… seems the rumors were true
I’ve got just the appetite for losers like you
I’ll step to the candy felon
When I cut your fuse short like a jack’o’melon

Knock, knock…
You’re trapped in the chaos, a box, and the exit has been… locked…
Fought with the rabbit, can’t hip… hop…
Now your time runs short, so tick…tock…

GUMMIGOO
Crikey! You’re a tall fellow
With a small yellow face and a lame coat to your image
Hey, we could use a scarecrow at the village! Thanks a bunch, man!
This big black blob can stay with The Fudge 

They call me Gummigoo
While the fans’ll never get enough of me, it sure is seeming like they’re done with you
Bottom of the clearance buckets for a reason
The people hate your taste ‘cause you’re out of season

TRICKSTER
Your mind seems troubled, perhaps I have the remedy
You can’t remember faces? I’ll carve mine into your memory
Can’t you see? We’re both outcasts–that’s to say
Me, in the trash, you, snapped like a candy Caine

Keep trucking, in the end you’re just a tack in the wall
When you tumble with the jester, Reality Falls
Though credit where it’s due, when Down Under fell down bad
Your death was the only thing… to make the clown laugh

GUMMIGOO
Fair dinkum, mate, but if you’re serving yourself up,
Hope you prepared me some, ay? I’m thinking I could use some grub
You’re a fighter though, I’m sure to make an NPC of you
This beatdown is not S&P approved

You eat kids, mate… that’s !?%$ed up
And now you’re down under, too… in Soos’s gut
Nice to catch up with the trickster, this trip wobbled through the rocks
Summerweenie had no sauce, so I came out on the top

Gummigoo vs The Summerween Trickster - Rap Battle (ft. Raichous & DumbShlop)

garbageGothic as Vena (Psychopomp)

Near as Eleanor (Subway Midnight)

Beat: U-Boat by Ihaksi
Mixed by: SIR Rap Battles
Written by: TaigaTonic
Thumbnails by: M!CAH
Art by: Nooby and Syroquise 
Special Thanks: Shimario, Duckky, bubbydarkstar, Karbonic, Sketchy

Psychopomp:
I’m sick of the fucking noise so now I gotta scream at the fucking void
Stalking victims and playing with them like they were just a toy
I’m nailing those who cross me, while I go fulfill my vision
Leave you broken like the connections and body’s of your siblings! 
Cause you couldn't save them so you were driven mad. Now
stuck to the shadows cause you’re blending in the background 
They tried hiding the truth from me, and thought that I wouldn't mind it
Lying behind their fucking masks but now I leave them open minded

So stay quiet, I know your schtick, same cliche every story did
Lost someone close to them and now thinks murder as revenge is warranted
To fix their broken, lonely heart but can’t realize it doesn't work. Your
running from all of your fucking problems like it was fucking Subway Surfers

Fallen as a victim to the system now your riding 
off the back of all the cultists your creator put in hiding
I crushed The Head of Production and left The Queen dismembered too 
Treat you like the other sinners without a SINGLE SOUL TO REMEMBER YOU

Subway Midnight:
Easy with the tongue, Miss…. I don't really like your tone
You should know it’s not safe being on a track alone
Cause sunken souls can manage to paint more than dreams haunted
…and I made them all scream just because I wanted

You were daunted by voices but you wasn’t really hearing much
Just like Benny, craving praise but it was more than his dreams that was being crushed
They pumped you up with dopamine so you can reach the top unrivaled
But as each of the vessels break she just repeats another cycle

Search for your child, cause you were cursed with denial
And blew up your Biggest Fan and now it hurts just to smile
But as each day passes you are slowly forgotten
As a new Queen spreads her wings and you are what you tried stopping

The Dragonfly said to be a savior once birthed
But is more a mosquito sucking the life outta Blood Earth
So you can waste your days and continue to wander around
But if you wanna topple more catacombs I can help you underground

Psychopomp:
Sure that’d Be Nice to insight your torturous wreck
But I don't wanna take a ride on the Bi-Polar Express
Made more go missing cause when you were it wasn't brought to attention
Took a crack for a midnight snack cause you were starved for affection

But hadn’t managed to be fed, I’ll bash a hammer ‘gainst your head
And leave you swimming with the sharks until the fish finally rest
While I’m walking to Earth's center through the Mariana Trench
You ripped the souls out of their bodies ‘til they tore your own to shreds

Subway Midnight:
Starved… Like the Thraits at the bottom left rotting
Cause now it seems The Caldmen Four are the only ones watching 
So as you blossom know I left Rose to decay
Cause I kill Vermin Dogs that lead you astray

And you were let off your leash but you could barely manage
Cause you were down in the basement and couldn't do any damage
So don’t panic Vishneri, it's time we got off
Smile for the camera, this will be your final stop


[SCRAPPED] Subway Midnight vs Psychopomp - Rap Battle! (ft. Near & garbageGothic)

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have randomly-generated rectangles; Steve and Alex from Minecraft vs the YouTube channel Webdriver Torso. Enjoy, and happy April Fool’s Day!

Danii as Steve
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SwaggyFlan
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/453EGjLZcGifTB4Tyjzdgq

TAFox as Alex
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thatadorablefox
Cardd: https://thatadorablefox.carrd.co/

Commander Jacob as Red Rectangle
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/CommanderJacob
Twitter: https://twitter.com/commander_jacob

JustGamer as Blue Rectangle
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@JustGamerRapBattles
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/3n1xhiocXnl8yFsVxb2IqW

- LYRICS -

Minecraft (0:10)
Steve:
Hey Alex, where are the coords we wrote?
Alex:
Don’t need ‘em, I can tell that we’re stepping on two zeros
I thought paintings were flat, but you’re even thinner
Steve:
You're so 2D, why would you have a profile picture?
Alex:
Nice
Steve:
Watching your channel makes lava swimming seem way fun
Forget down, you’re what we’d never dig
Alex:
Straight up!
Steve:
We’ll level you awfully low
Alex:
One body blow quite Hertz
For your sake, get some other audio, Driver

Webdriver Torso (0:31)
You really think you rock with the lines you write?
Cuz what we're picking up is as worthless as diorite
You piss your pants when a diamond shines
Then you cry if you lose one; your mood’s swinging side-to-side
Here’s something to Evoke the sense of getting Vexed
Built a world brick-by-brick and it was broken by a Lego set
Your cycle’s not two-week; the movie trailer though?
If Warner Bros played your game, it wasn’t in creative mode
Plus there's a practice that we're struggling to grasp, and it makes
Our brain more broken than the shield you always have to your face
You stack materials deep in a cave, pickaxing away
Just to make gadgets so that you don't have to actually play

Minecraft (1:03)
Steve:
Spider shit; we’re spinning Web tonight
Only thing Driving through your Torso is Sharpness V netherite
Alex:
Nah, use a bow. While their position’s always changing
Unlike us, with all their shots, they’re still completely aimless
Don’t let a mace in the wrong hands
Steve:
I’ll knock a glitch all the way to the Farlands
Alex:
We tower in numbers, they paid us some large bands
Steve:
Want yours higher? Maybe just call France *old death sound*
Add up all your channels that just copy explicitly 
And an Enderman can still garner more watchtime, admittedly
Alex:
At least a PowerPoint gives you some options for different themes
You got no one in your corner, there’s no Aqua Affinity
Steve:
Damn
Steve and Alex:
Put you to Bed, you’ll get sweaty when War wages
Smashin the rap game; we’re known to control stages
We’ll space and click to cut the “alien speak”
Steve: 
Hey, you know what we should pause?
Alex:
I see the player you mean.

Webdriver Torso (1:44)
Your community regularly has criminals instilled in it
YouTubers reach a peak but can't build limits
If that doesn’t happen, they still form a brainless army
Making us question why they hate Baby Zombies
It’s like you’re cursed; be thankful we were conceived with beeps
You complain, with a high frequency, “updates are a low frequency”
And when they do drop in the game
All you see are more biomes to colonize and mobs to enslave
Crops indicate what you’ve grown to be
A content farm, so to speak, complete with controlling seeds
Our background is darker than some of Steve’s merch, how disheartening 
Perhaps Notch was head of marketing

- CREDITS -

Written, directed, edited, beat arranged, and Webdriver beat produced by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Minecraft beat produced by Phil Tyler
Additional ambience by Modeaudio

Feedback by Eric the Audible, TheMonarchy, 3ple, itsnugget, SimplyRazzy, GamingPlush64, and the rest of the spaceship
Shout-out to TheBabyBeef, ENNWAY, Fightmarker, and SimplyRazzy

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Minecraft vs Webdriver Torso | Rap Battle (LARB)

Scribblenauts vs. Little Big Planet

Here is some properly mixed audio, im going to use for the video of this battle. 

Written by:
Freshy Kanal, R the Writer, YAOES, Legion, Red

Chizeled By:
Mat4yo

Beat By:
LionRiddims

Mixed By:
Boris

Vladimyr P. as Maxwell

Freshy Kanal as Sackboy

Maxwell: (0:21)
Bag packed! Sharp Starrhymes flowing through you!
When I point ‘em at your face, I make this doll go voodoo.
These are real riddles, holmes, it is time for you to pop it.
You ain’t got no fitting sticker, better update your popit.
I jump and run the city when I’m scribbling art.
While you burnt out of ideas and copied Mario Kart.
Making checkpoints turn red, while I earn the fat stacks
I’ll press down your mood button, if you mess with Mad Max.

Sackboy: (0:42)
Well, you’d think a creative boy could scribble a better verse.
Your creators were more stoned than your sister when cursed.
It doesn't take a mini level to dismantle this crap toy,
You want an oral battle? You can suck my sack, boy!
I build my own level, rhyming fly and sick.
I bet you are a Doppelganger, since you copied my shtick.
And when I look back at the apple prank you’ve pulled, Max.
It makes me wanna grab Newton’s brain and smash it in your glove hat.

Maxwell: (1:03)
Best be careful with your rage or you’ll pop yourself out the zone.
Dude you are so lonely, your only friend is foam.
You fight along heroes but I’ll unmask your actions
By drilling Big SugarDaddy into the All Star trash bin.
I’ll Smash Brawl your controller, your story brings me mental pain.
You maintain that this game makes Higginbottom look sane.
Now look at your gain, check the bubbles you consume.
You’ll be like “Look at me, I earned a bitchslap costume”

Sackboy: (1:24)
I’ll verbally eat this word searching prick for lunch time
Too bad your notebook can’t find the word punchline.
Edgar and Julie will end up in a tragedy.
I own your notepad city and your axolotl family.
Your exit is a casualty, jump and run through evolution.
I’m coming from a King’s house, we are known for Maxecution.
Your prime got scribbled, just give up and drop your nation.
Cause by now your fanbase is wanking on my Play Station.

Scribblenauts vs. Little Big Planet - Rap Battle!

Titanium1208 as DK
JuliantheBeast as Little Mac
Adam as Doc Louis
HyperJacob96 as Announcer

DK:
I’m finally here! Performing for you!
If you know the words you can join in too!
Put your hands together if you want to clap!
As I’m tearing through… this Little Mac! (Huh!)
Tossing barrels on barrels! Just try to escape
Judging by your vertical you’ve been skipping leg day
Guess you can't Jumpman, boy I hope you can rhyme!
I could even take a hundred of you on at a time!
Mac, Really? Even Glass Joe has higher fame 
You’re just a shy guy hiding behind wire frames
KO’s charged! ... oh whoops, you missed
Brawl with us all you want, to me you’re still the assist

Little Mac:
In this corner the underdog’s ready to fight
Ready to let out punches with all his might
All of this training has prepared me for this
When this oversized monkey goes and meets my fist! 
Ain’t no better boxing match since Rocky v. Smirnoff
When this gorilla starts talking I’d rather him bite my ear off.
Peel on outta here, you can’t step in the ring with me
Like your GameCube game you’re sounding too off-beat
Just Look at what I can do to ya with one nasty blow 
How was your verse goofier than your tv show?


DK:
When I was picked first to rap everybody stepped back
You’re like a SoundCloud rapper, huh! Lil’ Mac
Don’t get smacked, Mario knows not to clapback
Rip you to shreds on the track like a Klaptrap
Your height forces you to make low-blows while fighting
Looks like you learned to spit from your buddy Mike Tyson
Your games stop paying and you’re no longer talked about
If you ask me Mac, I think it’s time you Punch Out

Little Mac: 
Ugh, he’s tough… Show him what you got Mac!
He hit me so hard….. Well then, hit him back!
You’re right Doc, I won’t have this be the end!
Pick yourself up, Don’t let him take you out again!
When I attack, the bigger they are the harder they’re falling 
I’ll have you and your whole DK Crew Smash Bawling
I’m fit, slick, and chiseled; got a cocky strut
Guess what? I’m not scared of your little Donkey punch
Giga Mac knows how to expand - dong
Take the crown to show you who’s king, Kong!
And lo, the beast looked on the face of beauty
Asking for an ice pack for his kicked-in booty.

DK:
I’m a classic in Smash ‘cause the Kong’s sublime
When I bongo beat, that’s a conga line
So hang up the gloves, you're looking fatigued
Even when not super slugging, I’m out of your league!
Came swinging at me, punching with all he can 
But even with my eyes closed you’re still getting speedran

Little Mac:
Can’t take the flak? Go back to the arcade
Don’t mess with Mac - this dude learned the hard way
Take down the OG, how’s that for some clout?
10! Raise my arm! Now that’s a knock out!

Super Smash Raps

Donkey Kong vs Little Mac. Super Smash Raps #1

Welcome to what I guess is the first episode of Lame-Ass Rap Battles! (Pac-Man vs WHG’s getting delayed, sorry.) Today we have a battle of evil artificial clones with Metal Sonic vs DoodleBob. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Metal Sonic
GamingPlush64 as DoodleBob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Written by Commander Jacob and GamingPlush64
Produced by Smoke

Lyrics

Metal Sonic:
I’ve my target acquired: a reckless sketch his builder ditched
Aka stick-legged freak spewing epileptic gibberish 
Got a chaotic flow that's aimed at you, well ain’t it brutal?
They put a mic-killing monster against a janky Frankendoodle
Your pencil and place in battle’s number two, so you're in trouble
Reduced to bootleg merch. Now I’m popping your RedBubble
The bad-ass Badnik’s giving him a bad nick and leaving him hurt
Hypothesis: your magic pencil still can’t write out a decent verse

DoodleBob:
You think you’re cool, but you just got me annoyed, boy
So make your next form a better rapper, son of a nyoy nyoy!
Can't stand this toy's noise. Got the slave of aluminum stressin’
But things get sketchy when you enter the Doodle Dimension
Going mach-5, but not even good enough for ‘06, man. You can’t withstand
That a neo nazi’s boutta get damned. Line him up and strike a bowling ball through this tin can
Or I’ll bust out the lead if you tryna gra-fight. So now what?
I oughta call it a draw, Eggbreath already screwed your mouth shut

Metal Sonic:
You act tough, but something you never considered
I’d be more intimidated facing Jellyfish Squidward
You from the shredder or printer? Either way, I’ll have you slashed through
But back to dimensions, your rhymes and design barley have 2
Locate a sharpener if you think on a track you can beat me. Don’t make me repeat
The elite machine will remind you that he was built to be on a CD
Analyzing from all angles: your chance to win’s looking thin
Firearms unrequired; initiating “throw a book at him”

DoodleBob:
Every time you think you’re besting Sonic, you end up dead wrong
I command a doodle army, you stalk and copy a hedgehog
I can tell you don’t lack grit when you rage like a spastic
Didn’t know the position “Bad-nik” was talkin’ ‘bout your rap shit
Forever in Omega’s shadow and forgotten, good riddance
You’re the Terminator if he listened to too much Skrillex
Scrapping this Metallic Madness and putting an end to the race
Because I don’t need the pencil to have your relevance... erased

Metal Sonic vs DoodleBob | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #1

In the 2nd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, we have classic vs modern. Simple vs difficult. Circle vs Square. We have Pac-Man against the World’s Hardest Game. Enjoy!

Alex the Beast as Pac-Man
Fightmarker as World's Hardest Game
Written by Commander Jacob (w/ additional help from Mr. Tibbs, Zawesome, and Freshy Kanal)
Mixed by Light
Produced by Allen Kass

[NEW VERSION] Pac-Man vs World's Hardest Game | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #2

In the 3rd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, It's a battle of the art programs! We have Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Paint
Eric the Audible as Photoshop
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Produced by George Georgia of Audio Network
Beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob

Paint (0:20):
I’m opening the Windows, so scram off of my lawn
Don’t try to rhyme, dog. Even my palette’s a icon
You charge 30 a month for a learning curve that's straight doo-doo
Must've dropped the opacity, I can see right through you
I’ll grab a brush, swap the color: make this kid black out
Because I bet your raps aren’t even a Bitmap-ped out.
I'm the godfather of digital art, there’s no denying me
I’ll get to sinking your ship if you wanna whine about piracy

Photoshop (0:41):
If you'd like to start war, let's open an artboard.
Got a liquefied flow to claim the place that I’ve fought for
Look, like anything made with you, all your raps will fall flat
We’re already two different types. No need to up the contrast
Sketch all the sloppy shapes you want, I’m rocking the house
Your users likely don’t have internet and draw with a mouse
Mark this, my bars got a hardness of eight hundred
You’re even sucking at fillers. I’ll make you kick the paint bucket

Paint (1:02):
Falling flat? Check the thumbnail. You can’t scold me
Coming at me with those lines, you might wanna ctrl Z
Painting skies since ‘85, style pouring like rain
I draw the line on this mic; call me MC Paint (ha)
You can’t mask your overratedness. It’s hurting, isn’t it?
Hold ctrl and scroll up; maybe you’ll find a shit I give

Photoshop (1:17):
I’m known to burn tools when I’m spitting a rhyme
You can’t make a drop shadow, so keep living in mine
Look, you want some layered disses and blending modes? I got plentiful
For programs rough 'round the edges, I’d recommend the feather tool
Masks? I’m clipping you. No brown, but your pallet’s shitty, dude.
Get back to the junkyard. GIMP is less of a bitch to use

Paint (1:32):
You can’t recover from this with a healing brush, how sad
I’ve had more fun using an SNES mouse pad
Use your magic wand to select good lines, ingrate
Or continue making YouTubers’ slimy-ass clickbait

Photoshop  (1:42):
I’ve had to deal with dudes tryna do me like a clone stamp
So let’s crop and slice the comic sans of art programs
That’s how you lasso a win, no way MS Jank beat me
You'd be better off opening a verse in Paint 3D

Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #3

Connor Quest as Arceus
CamVGRB as Giratina

LYRICS:
COMING SOON

Arceus vs. Giratina

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.