Rap battle series created by Commander Jacob which use chracters and match-ups he's personally interested in (aka a lotta geek shit)

Lame-Ass Rap Battles

Jonathan the music listener

BeatBattle

Rap Battles

RapPads Battles & Diss Tracks Vol 1

CAST:
Dwight Schrute - Eric The Audible
Jimmy Neutron - @snakebite126
Mixed By: Jacob G.
Prod. by KingEF

LYRICS

Dwight:
This is Dwight Schrute, I’ll interrupt before you’ve done your spittin’
Serving you so good this scuffle will be dun...der mifflin
If you are not satisfied, I’ll continue attacking ya 
With bears, beats, and battle bars to rap at ya

Making it Rainn, that paper ream
Peep it on Peacock, they pay per stream
Your Planet Sheen cemented you as a fad 
A sitting wooden duck who couldn’t spend time with his dad

What an abomination. Your eyes and eyebrow placement
That’s the objective face of god awful animation
I’ve beaten machines, I’ll crush any electronic toy
So follow the procedure and runaway, rocketboy

Jimmy:
You’ve hit a new low - Leaping Leptons!
But like I’m in the warehouse peeping you’ll get caught
Even in your show you’re the butt of every Jim joke
So stroll me through the logic behind battling ‘gainst Jimbo


The win you own is sharing homes with Angela
Were manager, then the script scranton strangled ya
I find it funny you’re the one mocking my rockets
Cause no crash could be more awful than your office when Mike dropped it

So you’re amish but psychotic? At this point no one knows
This suck up turned sociopath to work plots for his show
But you weren’t working alone, that's why I shall propose
Maybe your farming roots put the Mose before hoes

Dwight:
False! But nice try using your five head’s entire mind
My rhyming's styled after Ryan - fire guy
Like Carl with your mom I can sense your thirst
Your third grade crush is bound to leave your bubble burst

Jimmy:
Your decline was worse, try to bare in mind this lesson
Keeping your work can’t stop a hairline recession
And after that show ended you dropped off like half your cast
Left you out to the dogs, so Goddard we gotta blast!

Central Rap Battles: Jimmy Neutron vs. Dwight Schrute

CAST:
Kronk - Seth W.
Norm - Eric The Audible
Doofenshmirtz - Dustin
Yzma - Jacob G.

Written By: Eric The Audible
Mixed By: Jacob G.

Production: Laysi

Lyrics:

Kronk (0:15)
Uhh, Norm? It’s a displeasure for me to meet ya 
Been sent to beat ya on the beat with wicked schemes to appease Yzma 
So when I’m flaming and grilling you all with a chef’s kiss
Just know it’s only because you’re next on her vex list

As a man in love I get that it’s unpredictable, beautifully mystic, but my gods
You’d blush at a fridge in the kitchen and then go up to hit on it like “nice cogs”
Pinnochio knows that you’re not a real boy, man, this battle’s gonna be another one of your foiled plans
Cause Kronk’s got the groove like the flu so poignant, you could confuse it with Kuzco’s Poison


Norm 
I’ll have no choice if a Burton voice decides to war with me 
I’ll be storming your beach and destroying the peace from above with the forces of Norm and D 
That’s my father, the doctor, if you happened to miss the catch 
Though with that rapping I have to ask you why would you even pick this match 

Should I self-deprecate? You have nothing to diss me on 
Because between us I’d be the reason kids still have Disney on
Already proven I can spit in show, Liquid Gold; check my Tin Man flow
I know you like to talk to mammals, look below the table there’s no platypus that can stop how I spin this, yo

But Kronk I get it; you just wished to make this song better
Lucky for us you went and pulled upon my wrong lever
And with my weaponry I suggest you start gunning back
To Yzma to explain just how apt you are at running tracks

Kronk (1:30)
He’s got a point there, what? no he doesn’t
We literally ran track in High School, oh well I guess he does then
But his flattery won’t matter he’s still hated by his creator
Doof produced that self-destruct button, but it’s time that I terminate a

Robotic freak who wants to tussle, well I ain’t scared of ya!
Cause you fail at everything that you try: state-area



Norm:
My calculations state I’m the only emcee in this place
So if you would like to talk that way, please say it straight to my face


(Ad lib some fighting words)

Doof and Yzma:
Norm!  Kronk!

(Ad lib need to leave for whatever reason)

Central Rap Battles: Kronk vs. Norm

----------------------------------------------------------------
CREDITS: 
Written By: Eric The Audible, Mason G.
Mixed By: Nathan Provost
Art By: Matthew Thomas
Production By: MTC Beatz

----------------------------------------------------------------
CAST:
Fightmarker - Alex Jones
Eric The Audible - Carl Azuz
Intern - Nathan Provost

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Alex Jones (0:10)
They’re coming after me - the establishment 
So tell me whose this satanist im rap battlin’
CNN? I ain’t afraid of you liars
Cause in this “mostly peaceful” rap all my rhymes will be fire!

Carl Azuz (0:21)
Judging by the awfully biased hatred you spew, 
You're the age of information gone straight down the tube, 
So I get why Google and Twitter would have you removed 
Now I’ll strike you down too, like I’m Carl A-Zeus

Sources say your info’s fictional - we’ll see it again
We keep the news legit - CNN 10/10
And like his legal team, Jones is always on the defense
We’ll clarify for your audience: y’all these shots ain’t pretend

Conning old men about fake “info wars”
But when it comes to conmen you’re the intro course
I’d say keep it calm man, when you misinform
But you get hopping mad over frog intercourse

Alex Jones (0:52)
You deny it’s the deep state who’s feeding ya
But I’ve survived smears from the fake news media
I’m standing right here, collect and kill me with the patriots!
You waste class time, but my freedom? you ain’t taking it

This just in folks, got brand new info
That Carl Hackzus is in the sex-with-pigs cult
He cuts their entrails, (yuck) snips the ends off 
Then goes to a Chinese Palace where him and his friends talk

They take the blood of goblins, mixed with carbonic acid
Sip it with the Clintons and rich people with Iraqi accents
They chat about eradicating the lower classes 
And cash in on aborted fetuses to buy Masonic assets!

(WOOF) On your trail - wolf blood - I’m the alpha male 
Strike with a mic and a rifle, you will not prevail
I’m going viral, want the cure for the best offer go
To infowars.com and order 4 quarts of testosterone 

Like the CDC on this beat, grab your mask please
You couldn’t control me with a million vaccines
If I'm the mad dog you say, I'd rather stay deranged
Than submit to clark kent who's been hit with beta rays

Carl Azuz:
I’d spend our last segment going through that rap wreckage 
But kids can see through your conspiracy: that’s fact - check it 
I’m just a humble journalist, so I should give you props
For being the first English news outlet posted by Russian bots

I mean you’re going viral all right, and your fans stay loyal
You gave them COVID-19 and then your snake oil
But shoutout to Central High School, I’ve been Carl Azuz
This is CNN 10 - sorry for the old news!

Central Rap Battles: Alex Jones vs. Carl Azuz

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of bird games abandoned by their owners: Red from Angry Birds vs Mr. Crow from Catastrophe Crow. Enjoy!

@freshykanal as Red
Commander Jacob as Mr. Crow
@sw4nked as Chuck
@superthingsoncupsss as Bomb
@snakebite126 as the Jays

Written by Commander Jacob & GamingPlush64
Mixed & mastered by GamingPlush64
Beat produced by Anywaywell
Crow model by El Stephono

-LYRICS-

Red (0:09)
I thought the pigs’ plot was enough to make me pissed off
But now I gotta fling hot disses straight off the slingshot
We stay protecting kids way before they frickin' hatch
Fitting that this little brat came from a baby’s chicken scratch
You have, like, 20 vids, there’s no way you can catch up
I got raps up my sleeve, while your sleeve is just wrapped up 
Your cartridge and Daddy will stay old and grey
Loner strayed, flew the coup, and never stayed to raise his precious golden egg

Mr. Crow (0:28)
I see you, Red. I’d tear apart your cardinal sins
But we can bond over the crow language it’s clear your bars were in
Or maybe not, after your latest failures, I observed that
Your servers must have been cursed bad by the evil Sir Cat!
Those absurd raps are calling me to stay and work at
A verse that can take you down so we can’t see these birds flap
I stack hits like blocks, show you an L, and tower you
Lemme just lay this down if I gotta spell it out for you
While I respect protecting your nest from turning into a bed and breakfast 
Your tactics lack any sense of direction when flinging heads into wreckage 
You got rich from your title? 
Your only golden shower nowadays is piss from your idol!

Red (0:57)
Your word vomit couldn’t even keep my chicks fed
He won’t be home ever again after that shit’s wrecked
We get money like Hal; our green’s coming around
I’ll put you down - 6 crows feet under the ground
I stay squaded up. Yo, Jay, Bomb, and Chuck
Let’s show this winged black sheep why they can’t flock with us
Chuck (1:11)
Ugh, speedy time, you weakley swine! We can rhyme with an eagle’s might
But maybe translating your 800 languages can come out with a decent line
Bomb (1:16)
No teddy bear to cuddle with, you can’t get your dad back
You weren’t even worthy to get stuffed in a bear’s backpack
The Jays (1:21)
Get Butchered, no Adam. We’re sick when we’re splitted
Attacking and rapping, we’re killer in triplets
Red (1:26)
When I’m spitting off the bill, no way you can get through to me
I’m knocking over all your builds and breaking down your Unity
Cause me and my boys got the skill, destruction isn’t new to me 
So if you wanna talk to Nils, stop using your community
We’ll die a martyr just to stop the piggie’s punk shit
At least write to Marta before you run away and jump ship
Fuck demon cats, development’s you’re only hell now
The only flight you've taken is the staircase you fell down
Nothing your fans theorize will make Thea rise
So now Lorenz himself will eternally need to be revived


Crow (1:50)
You dumb shits, thrown at the wall to see what sticks
You lucky mother-cluckers should be glad ya landed one hit
Both Rovio and Opus didn’t know what they were asked for
I took it to the depths, you took it off the App Store
You wanna bring a squad in? Face a murder of crows
To checkmate your flock of pawns and submerge 'em with flows
I’ll pop your whole arsenal and I’ll leave with three gold stars
The last nail in my coffin? I’m breaking free with each crowbar
No one’s wanting (ugh) all your cash-ins (nah)
All they wanted was to make you zip through blocks
You were launching (eh), now you’re crashing (ouch!)
Made some bubble games, and that shit went pop
Not talking PCs when I clip your head through a window
Your money bag-headed developers ain’t enough to scare this crow
It’s no sweat ending these legless and armless balls
The least hard thing I’ve gone through is a concrete wall
Your player’s gone too, now that you’re off phones
2 birds, 1 throne. I’ve finally gone home

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Angry Birds vs Catastrophe Crow | Lame-Ass Rap Battles

Rap Shit It Out Musically  Apollo Diss

Hometown Proud Maverick Diss

Minnesota Vs Everybody DRnova & DJ Melcolm

DRnova Vs Mock5 Battle 1

M Savage And Ish Talker Diss

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of color-swapped clone stalkers: Herobrine, spirit of the brother of the creator of Minecraft, versus the Mario Silhouette, castle wanderer found in personalized copies of Super Mario 64. Enjoy!

Mr. Tibbs as Herobrine
Commander Jacob as The Mario Silhouette 

Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Fightmarker
Beat produced by InsaneBeatz
Feedback by GamingPlush64, Mr. Tibbs, bloody_queers, Zagranis, Fightmarker, etc.

-LYRICS-
Herobrine:
See me in the distance? Hope those star doors stay shut
I don't want Piranha Plant biting off me more when we wakes up
I got the godly flows to diminish distant cosmic clones
I’ll make it red when I slam your head against the cobblestone
White eyes with a wide bite but I ain’t no Chain Chomp
Mr. Sit and Watch can picture what to do when his frames drop
Bark at me, my sword will chop like cutting leaves from a tree
So don’t run up on me, I've got a whole overworld under me

MS:
I see yooou, and I’ve tracked your plans to spit bars hot
But walk in His Domain? I‘m swinging hands like Tick Tock Clock
Painful like stained glass windows. Funny: Brine’s in a pickle
Stunting with the all-black fit, though you just changed couple pixels
I’ll make you black out. This wound you can't patch out
I’m jumping this painting. No retexturing, he’ll just crash now
I’ve had it up to the fourth floor. You've been here too long
Your fans are like you: minors who can’t move on

Herobrine:
Shadow Mario’s shadow hardly flowed in a way worth considering morbid
I'm sending this bitch through a portrait and burying him in the Fortress
Or bringing some torches and burning your boring-ass lore before you start running
I'm making pyramids up and appear and they pass the polygonal palace you’re stuck in
If you're talking about design, why would I cut out the lights
Darkness surrounds you, right? So how could you count as bright
Fuck your cryptic text. Think I'm scared when you display that?
I'm the type to slash kill, but not in a game chat

MS:
Players see you, they know you're there, and even screenshot
I bust their cartridge and make their CRT screen shot
You muck with streams while I run their dreams
Bowser has to take a sub to me. YouTubers use you just to say “sub to me”
Trap you in the walls so it blocks the rhymes I can’t stand
Try stealing coins. I catch that? Start shifting out; sand land
Potions and teleporting ain’t enough to catch me, my friend
Encounter me and see a void meaning you’ll meet your End

Herobrine:
All this glitch can offer is one wiki that’s vacant
Your hip-hop’s softer than MIPS in the basement
This AI without the I cant reach my level, just try
Mock me one more time and I’ll default skin you alive
You’re running in circles. I can do this all day
Read the signs: please die quietly in the hallway

MS:
I wish your knock-off novels were your only words hurting my eyes
But I'll make sure this eulogy's Persson-alized
Mr. 2 bit isn't even cared about by their own kin
Someone must be shooting up… but there’s no Hero win
Mama-mia! You’re not worth comparing Luigi to
Obsessed with griefing others cuz your brother never greaves for you

Thanks for watching
-ComJac

Herobrine vs The Mario Silhouette | Lame-Ass Rap Battles

This is the trap remix to the Kahoot! theme song

Kahoot Trap Remix

Georgia - Tiggs Da Author

Josh Chichester as The Announcer
----------------------------------
Zack as Bart Simpson
----------------------------------
Fel as Eric Cartman and Kyle Broflovski
----------------------------------
Lyrics:
Bart:
I spend a lot of time hanging around a lard of fat like you cartman
its not smart, man; facing off with bart man
this racist tasteless prick battling me is just absurd
don’t have a cow man, looks like you ate the whole herd
soon this racoon will be more dead than his humour is 
fart jokes are all that matters to this deranged obese lunatic 
and your highest form of comedy is terrance and phillips
do you want your ass kicked, the Simpsons already did it

Cartman:
ARGH! IM NOT FAT, IM JUST BIG BONED!
I’m about to drag your ass out just like your show!
Respect my authority, El Farto you’re fucking done
you’re more of a big fat bitch than kyle’s mom!
go go Jo jo, and fucking cancel out
so you can go back home and have alone time with Milhouse
Go make me some pie you glorified beer stool
What I’m trying to say is, how would you like to suck my balls?

Bart:
ay caramba! who the hell are you messing with me!
You’re an even bigger dick than your mom’s groundskeeper willy
Its like you worked at the qwiki mart with a pile apu that you brought
you want something to eat fatso, than eat my shorts

Cartman:
Well your mom is so poor, she actually watches your show
you’re more of a jew than kyle, Kyle: shut the fuck up fatso
Your rhymes are treehouse of horror-ble but you know whats worse
You’re your alcoholic dad’s punching bag, the stick of truth hurts!

Bart Simpson vs Eric Cartman. Season 3, Wave 1

The Destroyer of Worlds Kamen Rider Decade/Tsukasa Kadoya battles against the Disaster Pokemon Absol to see who's the better being that's rumored to be a disaster bringer.

HyperJacob96 as Tsukasa Kadoya and Absol

Tsukasa:
Everybody has a reason to stand strong and fight
No one can stop you from fighting for what you think is right
But against the Passing-Through Kamen Rider, none of that applies!
So remember this well: trying to fight me is unwise!
I got a flow so smooth, it’s like I’m Riding the Wind
Your defense stat is crap! You have no ways to defend
from this beating! So how do you expect to beat this card-wielding master
when even the Pokedex thinks that you’re just a disaster?!

Absol:
It says I warn others of the dangers that may ensue 
Though I couldn’t save them from the disaster known as you
Don’t need my Future Sight to see that losing here is your fate
‘Cause your rapping’s more bizarre than the pictures you take!
With a Night Slash, I’ll Cut apart this Psycho with ease
You’re the Destroyer of Worlds? You’re just a world travelling freak
who travels with his companions, acting like the 10th Doctor!
You’re more of a Kaito than your friend, but that’s not a Dai Shocker!

Tsukasa:
Compare me to Kaito? Then for you, it’s Diend!
You’re weak to Bugs and Kicks? Those are things I specialize in! 
Your lyrical Taunts aren’t effective without your trainer’s directions!
And with my K-Touch, I’ll Completely erase you from existence!
I’m the King of the Rider Worlds! Strongest Heisei Rider! 
You’re an Absol-ute threat to others! Forever an outsider!
You say you warn others of the disasters that can occur?
Too bad you couldn’t warn yourself that your loss has been assured!

Absol:
You need over 30 forms just to say you’re the strongest?
All I need’s my Absolite, and this battle’s no contest!
Anything you bring up, I’ll Magic Bounce it back!
Say that I’m useless without a trainer? You need your cards to attack!
Your verse was more confusing than as to which side you’re on! 
And with a Black Hole Eclipse, you’ll Perish in this rap Song!
I’m glad your series ended quickly. Everyone found it so boring!
‘cause in the words of Wataru Kurenai: You have no story!

Tsukasa Kadoya Vs Absol - Rap Battle

The two legendary turret constructers, Torbjörn and The Engineer, face off in this epic Overwatch vs. Team Fortress 2 rap battle!

Get the song!
iTunes► https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/torbj%C3%B6rn-vs-the-engineer-single/1311211604
Google Play► https://play.google.com/store/music/album/VideoGameRapBattles_Torbj%C3%B6rn_vs_The_Engineer?id=B25qx5rnkcloh34g7qulaqldbce
Spotify► https://open.spotify.com/album/0rzVN4v2slHmUzjnS45QNl

LYRICS:
Torbjorn: 
Spitting like a sentry, my rapping's dispersed,
scrapping your outdated game and I'll be crafting this verse!
Never passing my defensives, you'll be going berserk!
That's right, it's Torbjörn, ready for work!
I've stopped a bot-caused apocalypse!
I'm sure that I can topple over Texas hicks!
Drop Dispensers for what's in store,
'cause I flow hot as Molten Core!

Engineer:
Whoa there fella, you're comin' up short,
But that's all that I expected when I'm rapping a dwarf!
You're flat out useless, your characters busted!
Time a foreigner's shown some Frontier Justice!
Teleporters, health Dispensers, Sentry Guns,
I'm a dozen of your heroes rolled up into one!
I solve a problem, you amplify,
I mean the Omnic Crisis was your design!
Torbjörn: 
You claim you've got intelligence, and yet you still resort,
to cracking jokes about my height, well I'm not a dwarf!
But if you'd like to blabber some more,
Then I'll smite you with the hammer of Thor!
The real OG, first hero made!
While your class is the most over-played!
I may create, but I'm destructing now!
You've built up your ego, I'll break it down!

Engineer: 
You treat the Omnics like lesser scum,
I thought Southerners were the racist ones,
And you've got eight kids in that family of yours?
You'd think an Armorer'd use protection more,
I've got a Widowmaker of my own, I'm a sharpshooter,
No Hospitality for this intruder,
When you're Wrangled in, hear the screams of pain,
more than your team when you're picked for games!

Torbjörn (speaking): 
You were merely a prototype, I am the latest and greatest!

Engineer (speaking):
Well, at least people can pronounce my name, Tor-B-Jorn!

Torbjörn (speaking): 
THAT'S TORBJÖRN!

Torbjörn: 
If what you just presented's the best rhymes that you wrote,
then you'll malfunction even worse than your Competitive mode!
You've got repetitive flow, I'm always better than foes!
Stay out of my way, I'm in the zone!
You're a hunk of junk, I'm master race!
Now watch as I improve your face!
You can't repair your past mistakes!
You've reached your Expiration Date!

Engineer: 
Your battle raps just prove the fact,
That you should never be picked on attack!
Just broken game mechanics and Torb works it?
That's the definition of a Short Circuit!
You're a drastic radical oddity!
Just drop your robot philosophy!
Either stay eliminated or you'll live with the truth,
That every other hero does their job better than you!

Torbjörn vs. The Engineer - Video Game Rap Battle

YouTube link: Friday 10am PST.

Steady Cam as Slender Man: https://soundcloud.com/thesteadycam
The Stupendium as Baldi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zshYe6Agzk

LYRICS...

Slender man: 
I started to believe this industry can’t get more shallow
Yet Another horrid horror game makes way into my shadow

tall and pale, bald assailant teleportin’ round a map 
but instead of leaving victims dead you give their ass a slap?

Are you serious? I’m furious!    
People are really fearin’ this?
You’re a slender remake that is meant for pre-k 
that will never equate to me, period

That’s nearly it, I will sever each leg to crumble your foundation 
So step in my elementary for some real education  


Baldi:
Wow there he is, still scaring kids, Congratulations! You exist!
Figured something awful was in the mist, you’re person proving white people shouldn’t spit 

this dated shroud is not allowed In my school house, you’re flunkin’ out
for those rhymes I’ll award a shiny quarter since you’re selling out

I mean You got a movie coming now, sure that will be a smash
Based on every other gaming flick, well you can do the math 

now let’s do my favorite subject, what happens when I subtract
your head from the rest of your carcass and then split it into halves?

Now this class is in session, May I please have your attention 
Take this jump rope for suspension, hang from your neck in detention 

Your reign of fame has now ended, I’ll sweep the floor with you man
I get madder every verse you fail, get out while you can 


Slender man:
I’ve got you decoded, the pages I wrote it, 
then you went and stole it, put it in your notebooks
repackaged and sold it, to kids but you know it 
is me that you owe the, numbers that you’re growin’

I gave you your start, I’ll be your finish, You won’t make it far, now I have risen
I’ll tear out your heart and then I’m persistin’ to rip you apart, hows that for division?

I’m slender man, put you in a hospice there’s no treatment
for when i teach what’s really frightening to Mavis Beacon


I am the peak of all horror, you are just the trending fad
that is soon to die off right along with hero brine and fnaf

Baldi:
Let’s look at your results, and based on your grim grading
Then I can see why you dropped out of school slim shady

I can’t believe it, if you think that verse would make me shudder 
Than you’re twisted as your 12 years olds who go and stab each other

Slender Man vs. Baldi's Basics

Video: Friday August 10th at 10am PST

Steady Cam as Pikachu:
Samantha Sadoff as Eevee

LYRICS:

Pikachu:
Back in 1996, a spark began to glow
Bringing me to lead a series lighting screens around the globe 

I’m the mascot, Yeah I’m the face that runs the game
While you’re a other throwaway that has known to run a way 

That’s your best ability, no adaptability 
can save a bratty daft Eevee from Pika’s rap agility 

yeah I crackle all my foes when I tackle with my volts
I’m a master on my own, only high up when you’re stoned

Your a handout to the trainer buddy, I’m a real catch
Unleashing static raps to leave you frozen on the track

Eevee:
Why don’t you pass the baton to a viable mon’
That verse was a catastopika, thinking that cha really strong

This detective should deduce that he is weak and overhyped
Check your speed, I even make for a swifter electric type

I’m your natural predator, this fox devours mice 
if you try to nuzzle up to me you’ll wind up with a bite

If you zap me on the mic, my hyper voice will spit some raps
that’s gonna dominate the this mon we hate, like evoboosted stats

Pikachu:
Claim my stats are weak but just look at where I be
I am trainer Red’s lead, espeon’s is off his team

None of your evolution are effective when we fight
Your silly gimmick lost it’s magic, when you gained a fairy type

Try to take me down and you’ll be paralyzed for sure
Brick break you down and Body slam ya like a luchador

When I thunderbolt 10 milli volts are surgin’ through and through 
From the anime, to our new games, who’s really choosin you?


Eevee:
We’ve got a lot in common, we’ve progressed throughout the games
I’ve obtained more evolutions and you gained some cosplay 

Shoving you down all our throats can only do the franchise harm
I’m a refreshing face attracting gamers with my normal charm

Hey you Pikachu, I anticipate your moves
If that was your last resort than I’ve got some awful news

I am shocked with disappointment but you’ve got a good excuse
Your trainer’s too big of a dumb ash to evolve you

Pikachu vs. Eevee - Pokemon Rap Battle

YouTube Link: COMING FRIDAY, AUGUST 24th 10am PST

Sniper: Steady Cam
Widowmaker: Eile Monty

LYRICS:
Sniper:
A professional has standards that includes efficiency 
in the discardin’ of my targets put them out their misery 

when I am dissin’ on the beat this hitman is making the heat
While all your boring allegories put a Sydney boy to sleep 

I am an old fashion assassin you’re a cold passionless ratchet
See how slow your heart tempo is once I go squash an arachnid 

and my bow blasts unattractive widows kissing her goodbye
You’re gonna wish I was a soldier when I’ve got you in my sights


Widowmaker:
I can’t believe they got me pitted up against against somebody
With a flow’s that’s only useful when you use it for Jarate

And his sniping’s seeming sloppy so it’s gotta be apparent 
That this cocky amateur has let me down more than his parents

Oh did that one sting? If that is the case than it’s no wonder
Your HP is by far the lowest of your brothers

Machetes will not help when I behead this hunter
C'est la vie Put you back into the land down under


Sniper:
Crikey mates now feast your eyes The widow spins a web a lies 
Because her mind’s so weak and blind She had her husband sniped at night 

after the talon wiped her mind and now she finds herself a spy
But you know I tend to remind your kind to surrender your lives

I’m fortified gotta spit hard rhymes and unload on a bloke I’m a flow carbine
Till your cold heart dies do you feel alive when I load up a bullet to blow your mind?

The literal kind, after the genocide collect my profit
Won’t be trouble you’ve been pummeled by a kid rocking a gauntlet 

Widowmaker:
I find it quite surprising that you still insist on trying 
Shouldn’t need my infra sight to realize your game is dying

And yet I wouldn’t be lying if I said you make me laugh 
I’ll put you down out outback I’m quite experienced at junking rats

Try and chase me down while I am swinging from my grapple line
Outwit you then I’ll ditch you once you trip this venom mine 

It’s One shot one kill mercy killing is my brand
It’ll be more painless over all your slowly dying fans

Sniper:
I’m a hired hand you’re a bold crazy 
Bit my stuff for long enough just F O A D

And go back to ballet cause with that big ego that you got
I don’t even need scope to know your head is getting shot (BOOM!)


Widowmaker: 
Wanna keep your job? then I suggest you run and hide
Going toe to toe with me, snipers tend to lose an eye 

And keep preaching that you’re stable we all know you’re really sick
And compensating for the fact you killed your family as a kid

Sniper vs. Widowmaker - Video Game Rap Battle

Steady Cam as Infernape:
ShueTube as Blaziken:

LYRICS:
Blaziken: 
I can’t believe that this monkey thinks he can phase the kid
You’re crazy if you think you can rap battle with Blaziken
Can’t handle the flames I spin
And ravel these phrases in
I came to win so your chance of beating me’s looking razor thin
I’ll break the limbs on this wanna be homosapien
Then take his skin and hair and I’ll wear it
I call it “Bathing Chimp”
You’ll get these flaming wrists and a couple of blazing kicks
This apes a wimp, there’s no way he can take me with those baby fists

Infernape:
Forget the kinda game you’re in? I’m spittin’ platinum hits on blaze
I came in with flaming blitz you kickin’ with the chicken legs
Against my iron fist you’ll faint, you got the strength and grit of May
Need roost and speed boost so you can sprint away 
be true, I beat you up with my fists of flames
heat you and eat you up like a chicfila 
why don’t you go you sit an egg, your only chance of gettin’ laid
is if I crack you and I blast you back to where the dinner’s made

Blaziken:
You think you’re spitting flames?
But we’re in different lanes
Different games, I’m in Pokkén smoking foes and kickin A
You ain’t even in the game
That’s means you ain’t getting played
Sorry I’m not sorry but I’d hardly want to pick a lame

Infernape:
Hardly even charred me all of your kicks missed
You are sparring gainst army with’ bullet fists

and scorchin’ hits, though I was tardy to the party
I am starting up the barbie that’ll torch this chick

Blaziken: 
I’m bored with this
I’m really getting fed up
You really think that you’re clever?
You’ll never ever be better
These feathers will sever every vendetta that I endeavor
So how you gonna step up when you’ve never been a mega?

Infernape:
Better crank the heat cause your embers are em-bores
The way you’re fighting you should have sent for an emboar

Bringing little flow against the monkey inferno
Then you’re combutin’ better trust this combat wasn’t even close, No!

Blaziken Vs. Infernape - Pokemon Rap Battle

Darkseid by DC Comics
Cartoon Beatbox Battles by Verbalase

Darkseid Beatbox Solo - Cartoon Beatbox Battles

Samara:
In seven days your semi fame will get erased
Forever hated, devastated, choking on your petty rage
Against a dated slasher specializing in edgy teens
I’ve seen meaner scream queens squealing on MTV
I’m the first film sensation from Asia to get the west cravin’
You’re the last one people think of when they hear “Wes Craven”
Abandoned by your mother and it drove you to insanity,
So you’ll bite another bullet, guess it runs in the family

Ghostface:
Hello, announcer - can I fight someone new, please?
You must’ve misheard me; I said I like scary movies
You would think by now you’re used to getting played, but
I can help you out if you really wanna hang up
List everyone you ripped off? I'd rather tape my mouth shut
Stringy hair ghost girl couldn't have been more washed up.
Idyllic but then your hopes for a fairytale drowned
So Samara, Samara, can you let your fans down?
They put a cliche mess right on a VHS
Just so your franchise can replay death?
My scream time made your dreams work, 'til I slayed you.
With your screen time, you shouldn't really call yourself a breakthrough

Samara:
I'm trapped in the waters but protected by god
Drop the facade, you’re useless! Even your rules are flawed

Ghostface:
Wrong answer! Your reboot trash is lackluster
You’re barely at the bottom of the bargain bin at Blockbuster

Samara:
So formulaic, you're more suited for Scooby-Doo
Stuck in an endless loop of Sidney eluding you
Coming at me choking on your phoned-in lines? Please,
I’m screwing you over worse than caller ID
Talk about your franchise like you're one to boast
Enough with your sequels; just give up the ghost
We both know exactly what it's like to take a dive
To be blunt, your role couldn't get your ratings high.

Ghostface:
Unstoppable like Jason, you can’t stop the bloodshed
Shoulda known, never assume the killer is dead
Face it, Grudge girl, you will never be my equal
The body count’s capped out, so there’s no need for a sequel!

Garbage Gothic as Samara Morgan

Razzy as Ghostface

Written by: Freshy Kanal, Razzy, Walk & Adroitwhiz

Mixing by: Freshy Kanal

Beat by: Audio Network

Additional Help by: DCARaps, Rabi, Atronachsaura, Brodecai, Diogo, Gengo & ItsJustBrenden

Cover Art by: Adroitwhiz

VIDEO RELEASE: TODAY

Ghostface vs. Samara Morgan - Rap Battle!

Joe "Cliff" Thompson as Homer Simpson
Kyuuball as Peter Griffin
Fel as Mr. Burns
garbageGothic as Lisa Simpson

Peter Griffin:
So this yellow fella’s meddling with Peter Griffin? 
This fight reminds me of those times when I beat a chicken 
You’re a bigger neanderthal than the caveman you nabbed from
Matt left for Futurama cuz you’re in the past, dawg 

Homer Simpson:
Heh heh heh
Whoever you’re talking to, he’s in trouble!
No more beer; I’m seeing double 
And sure I’m plain 'cuz I’ve been ‘round the globe 
While you’ll remain the Milhouse of shows 

Peter Griffin:
Yeah, you’re big, tubby, but if I were you 
I wouldn’t go around bragging about being the posterboy for child abuse 
We’re tired of you; is there nothing you won’t put your hands on?
Here’s Joe’s wheelchair- you’ve got no legs to stand on! 
Thirty years?! Christ, you’ve aged like Madonna 
Such a zombie no wonder you crap out treehouse of horrors
It’s been long since your better days but I’ll give you fair praise 
You made steps, then fell down the fucking staircase 
Let’s talk about your family--my god, they’re schmucks
When pit against Stewie, your toddler sucks 
And your boy, Bart, makes Chris seem almost average 
Lisa and Meg- uh- you know what- let’s just skip that one
Here’s a prediction: I’ll kick you back to T Ullman
Then I’ll home-in on that chick with the wig in your kitchen. She’ll giggity my donuts 
Now excuse me, I got a haircut at ten
Ya got served, though. Thank you, come again!

Homer Simpson:
You’re not Apu, but you’ve sure got problems 
Can’t expect less from a series that Fox runs 
pretty frickin’ sweet? MMMMM…. That’s my flow!
Since the 90’s I’ve been rolling in- errrrr, what’s the word… DOH! 
I thought you specialised in celebrity roasts?
The only cutaway you need is to a better show;
Lisa, what’s the definition of griffin? 
A creature stitched from different parts. Hmm. that’s pretty fitting
Now go prepare our lunch; we have famous guests over 
Tell me, where’s the microwave? I gotta nuke these leftovers 
You can’t talk about ideas running out

Mr Burns:
“Replace the hound” … “Ok, now bring back the hound” 

Homer Simpson:
Need a show canned? Luckily there’s a Family Guy 
Even from Space, I had more air time
And fart jokes won’t cloud my legacy
I couldn’t even call you Flanders cuz you’ll never be next to me 

Peter Griffin:
Take that crayon out your brain and actually try to write a good verse 
‘Cuz chronologically is the only time you’ll come first 
You got a nuclear family, so how’d ya tan?
Was the jaundice corn-dick born in the power plant?!

Homer Simpson:
And... why don’t you take that time machine from your son?
You could travel back to when your show was actually fun
It’s shocking that FG came back from the dead
Just to be killed by Homer Simpson again

Written by Fel
Mixed by Fel, Adroitwhiz, and Freshy Kanal

Homer Simpson vs Peter Griffin. CMRB

Remix of Pokemon Sword/Shield "Tournament Lobby" theme.
FraT29.

Tournament Lobby - Pokemon Sword/Shield (FraT29 Remix)

I do not own this song
All Rights Goes To The Owner

Patrick Beatbox Solo 2 - Cartoon Beatbox Battles

Welcome to what I guess is the first episode of Lame-Ass Rap Battles! (Pac-Man vs WHG’s getting delayed, sorry.) Today we have a battle of evil artificial clones with Metal Sonic vs DoodleBob. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Metal Sonic
GamingPlush64 as DoodleBob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Written by Commander Jacob and GamingPlush64
Produced by Smoke

Lyrics

Metal Sonic:
I’ve my target acquired: a reckless sketch his builder ditched
Aka stick-legged freak spewing epileptic gibberish 
Got a chaotic flow that's aimed at you, well ain’t it brutal?
They put a mic-killing monster against a janky Frankendoodle
Your pencil and place in battle’s number two, so you're in trouble
Reduced to bootleg merch. Now I’m popping your RedBubble
The bad-ass Badnik’s giving him a bad nick and leaving him hurt
Hypothesis: your magic pencil still can’t write out a decent verse

DoodleBob:
You think you’re cool, but you just got me annoyed, boy
So make your next form a better rapper, son of a nyoy nyoy!
Can't stand this toy's noise. Got the slave of aluminum stressin’
But things get sketchy when you enter the Doodle Dimension
Going mach-5, but not even good enough for ‘06, man. You can’t withstand
That a neo nazi’s boutta get damned. Line him up and strike a bowling ball through this tin can
Or I’ll bust out the lead if you tryna gra-fight. So now what?
I oughta call it a draw, Eggbreath already screwed your mouth shut

Metal Sonic:
You act tough, but something you never considered
I’d be more intimidated facing Jellyfish Squidward
You from the shredder or printer? Either way, I’ll have you slashed through
But back to dimensions, your rhymes and design barley have 2
Locate a sharpener if you think on a track you can beat me. Don’t make me repeat
The elite machine will remind you that he was built to be on a CD
Analyzing from all angles: your chance to win’s looking thin
Firearms unrequired; initiating “throw a book at him”

DoodleBob:
Every time you think you’re besting Sonic, you end up dead wrong
I command a doodle army, you stalk and copy a hedgehog
I can tell you don’t lack grit when you rage like a spastic
Didn’t know the position “Bad-nik” was talkin’ ‘bout your rap shit
Forever in Omega’s shadow and forgotten, good riddance
You’re the Terminator if he listened to too much Skrillex
Scrapping this Metallic Madness and putting an end to the race
Because I don’t need the pencil to have your relevance... erased

Metal Sonic vs DoodleBob | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #1

I do not own this song
All Rights Goes To The Owner


Patrick Beatbox Solo 1 Remix - Cartoon Beatbox Battles

Goofy Beatbox Solo Remix - Cartoon Beatbox Battles

Battle! (Klara) - Pokémon Sword And Shield OST (Isle of Armor)

In the 2nd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, we have classic vs modern. Simple vs difficult. Circle vs Square. We have Pac-Man against the World’s Hardest Game. Enjoy!

Alex the Beast as Pac-Man
Fightmarker as World's Hardest Game
Written by Commander Jacob (w/ additional help from Mr. Tibbs, Zawesome, and Freshy Kanal)
Mixed by Light
Produced by Allen Kass

[NEW VERSION] Pac-Man vs World's Hardest Game | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #2

In the 3rd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, It's a battle of the art programs! We have Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Paint
Eric the Audible as Photoshop
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Produced by George Georgia of Audio Network
Beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob

Paint (0:20):
I’m opening the Windows, so scram off of my lawn
Don’t try to rhyme, dog. Even my palette’s a icon
You charge 30 a month for a learning curve that's straight doo-doo
Must've dropped the opacity, I can see right through you
I’ll grab a brush, swap the color: make this kid black out
Because I bet your raps aren’t even a Bitmap-ped out.
I'm the godfather of digital art, there’s no denying me
I’ll get to sinking your ship if you wanna whine about piracy

Photoshop (0:41):
If you'd like to start war, let's open an artboard.
Got a liquefied flow to claim the place that I’ve fought for
Look, like anything made with you, all your raps will fall flat
We’re already two different types. No need to up the contrast
Sketch all the sloppy shapes you want, I’m rocking the house
Your users likely don’t have internet and draw with a mouse
Mark this, my bars got a hardness of eight hundred
You’re even sucking at fillers. I’ll make you kick the paint bucket

Paint (1:02):
Falling flat? Check the thumbnail. You can’t scold me
Coming at me with those lines, you might wanna ctrl Z
Painting skies since ‘85, style pouring like rain
I draw the line on this mic; call me MC Paint (ha)
You can’t mask your overratedness. It’s hurting, isn’t it?
Hold ctrl and scroll up; maybe you’ll find a shit I give

Photoshop (1:17):
I’m known to burn tools when I’m spitting a rhyme
You can’t make a drop shadow, so keep living in mine
Look, you want some layered disses and blending modes? I got plentiful
For programs rough 'round the edges, I’d recommend the feather tool
Masks? I’m clipping you. No brown, but your pallet’s shitty, dude.
Get back to the junkyard. GIMP is less of a bitch to use

Paint (1:32):
You can’t recover from this with a healing brush, how sad
I’ve had more fun using an SNES mouse pad
Use your magic wand to select good lines, ingrate
Or continue making YouTubers’ slimy-ass clickbait

Photoshop  (1:42):
I’ve had to deal with dudes tryna do me like a clone stamp
So let’s crop and slice the comic sans of art programs
That’s how you lasso a win, no way MS Jank beat me
You'd be better off opening a verse in Paint 3D

Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #3

Brawl stars Brawloween menu music/theme 2020

Do I even need to say it?

Beat Production: Call Me G
Thumbnail By: Fightmarker
Written By: Eric The Audible
Voice Work: Eric The Audible
Mixed by: Eric The Audible

LYRICS:
Mitchell:
In the 80s see a man self-made
With a family, proud in the USA
Today, I still show kids how games are played
But I got my two cents and I’m leaving the arcade

Don’t need the stats to see how bad you dropped
How are you gonna get mad over the 16th slot?
As a teen I recorded my first high-score
You’re screaming at teens for attention, like GEORGE

Yeah I took the gaming scene and put a face on it
You took the color green  just put a face on it 
Can’t speedrun this track when I forged your path man
Mitchell will perfect a bitch - like Pacman

Dream:
In this verse, I’ll catch a cease and desist
From a man saving face because he’s an egotist
And if you enjoy watching this dude destroy
His career, leave a like ‘cause it helps my vids

Now you, I’m not exactly the type to gloat
But I could match your fame with a single upload
And if you wonder why you sank and I float
Well just cause you can’t hit me doesn’t mean we’re in the same boat

AYO, looks like your stuck in a manhunt
Every ref should be put into handcuffs
All according to plan but, you got enraged cause
This ain’t a  problem that you can tape up

I’m making content that you could never emulate
You made the scene but I literally changed the game
Statistics twist my dreams to reality
Take out your fistful of quarters, Twin Galaxy

Central Rap Battles: Billy Mitchell vs. Dream

5 Years ago, I posted a Rap Battle between Voltorb and Bob-Omb on YouTube. That battle became one of my most viewed videos on YouTube, and it was praised more than I thought it would be.  It turned me into some random newbie community member that did a few meh live-action battles into what I am today. So you can imagine how much this battle means to me.
So I decided to make a re-done audio of Voltorb vs Bob-Omb as my thanks for enjoying the original! :)

Same:
-Beat (I was gonna make an updated version of the beat, but I got lazy...)
-Lyrics
-General direction for the voices of Voltorb, Bob-Omb, and Creeper

Changes:
-Voltorb's verse has a few notes changes in order to sound less like ERB's Robocop's singing.
-Electrode's voice is less deep and audio effects are different. (If I end up using Electrode in ERBoPokemon, this is what he'll sound like) 
-King Bob-Omb sounds a lot more closer to what I originally envisioned.
-Overall mixing is better (now that I use Adobe Audition instead of a mixture of Adobe Premiere, Sound Forge, and Garageband.)

[5 YEARS AFTER] Voltorb Vs Bob-Omb - Rap Battle

CHECK OUT THE VIDEO!
https://youtu.be/K_0hlmuPHxo

Video coming within the next couple of days. As always, releasing slightly earlier on SoundCloud to go with the digital distribution.

Tina Mickel as Ruby Rose
Mr. Tibbs as The Mandalorian

Lyrics:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1KXWyue0yl6O4z8G1umvsrq-anvWo05apNDq7QTjCPms/edit?usp=sharing

(too big to fit in the description)

Written & Directed by Eddiefrb
Ruby Rose Art by s0_sm0l
The Mandalorian Art by Blast
Beat produced by Vendetta Beats
Additional Instrumentation by Freshy Kanal and Sebb
Mixed & Mastered by Freshy Kanal

Dedicated to Monty Oum

Ruby Rose vs The Mandalorian - Rap Battle! (ANIMATION VS ANYTHING: CH. II)

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.