Bonus rap battle spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles. More goofy match ups, one verse each, no announcer, and is likely to have episodes better than the main series.

Half-Ass Rap Battles

music

Rap battle

Cover Art by Mancha
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Josh Chichester as The Announcer
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Cam (VideoGameRapBattles) as Lemongrab 
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Stofferex as Lord Hater
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Anthony Perry as Peepers
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Lyrics:
Lord Hater:
This overzealous fella’s about to start a bout with Lord Hater
Rockin’ lasers in my hand, I’m an energy manipulator
Unaccept this defective reject and leave your Lemon Earldom decimated
I’ll rip that football head straight off and decorate it like my spaceship
Your piercing screeches would be perfect for my Torture Mega-Mix
Recondition yourself, ‘cause I’ve seen more spice from a Peppermint
I’m more shocking than your collars, I’m eyeballing in this Great Race
This battle’s black and white, but a grey area in your case

Lemongrab:
Unacceptable! Skeletor wants to dispute with a verbal feud
I’d prefer if you weren’t so immature with such an unstable mood
It’s truly a Mystery how you’ve found the courage to face me
Your rhymes are more of a parasite to my head than Shelby
SCREAMS
You barged in here uninvited, got me riled up with the rhymes you cited, 
My raps are Lemonsweet, but unlike him, this will be one sided
This slave will have no more to say, when he gets slayed by my sound waves 
Just like your presence aggravates, even more than the harp I hate

Lord Hater:
Let's switch this to my style

Best to forfeit, Morty, I Dominate pathetic specks like Bangle-Brap
My speed talking takes effect the best when it comes to battle raps
With my platoon of Watchdogs, I won’t let this fugitive get through to me
Want to feel relief of sleep by deciding who is and who isn’t naughty?
Well, you’re one to talk, Kim Jong Un, so why so sour, Santa? 
Man, it’s sad that you abuse your own species in a sour manner
The Pup Gang might be juvenile, but you’re truly adolescent 
Your cannibalistic ways backfire when you’re eaten by your own peasants

Lemongrab:
groans Your rapping methods are blind, despite your crew of eyes
Death is in Bloom as I decide a fat Jack Skellington’s demise
My temper is combustive! Just ask Cave Johnson!
Consume you like Lemongrab two and have you banished to my dungeon
Ain’t it sweet, candy seeds, you’re the root of my impatience
More of a avagrating amalgamation of hate than my creations
I don’t need anyone! You depend on Peepers to defend
So no more of your sour words, it’ll be YOUR end
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Mixed by Fel
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Written by Zack and Skeep
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Lord Hater vs Lemongrab. CartoonMadeRapBattles

DOWNLOAD SONG ▶ http://bit.ly/BendyBirthday

Happy Birthday Bendy (feat. Swiblet & DAGames)

Starring
JRoyalVA as Frollo
Titanium1208 as Gaston

Frollo:
You should know, I don’t take kindly to peasants
It’d be wise to fall to your knees again, in my presence
Your gang of ruffians are nothing next to my amassed power  
And may the Lord have mercy once I show Belle my Tower
Forced marriage, locked her dad in a carriage, and what’s next?
You treat every woman like you’ve turned them into objects
Drop the facade, and ask anyone that knew you
It’s obvious you only wanted to see LeFooFoo

Gaston:
Are you sure that creature's not your son? Seems like your looks passed on
The Festival's over, so why’s this grandpa got his mask on?
I’ll fight any gargoyle, down to every last one
Cuz no one quite rocks the mic like Gaston

Townsfolk:
GASTON 

Gaston:
This matchup's beastly, I expect an atonement
Do you know who I am? I deserve a better opponent
LeFou! Remove the fool grovelling at my feet
The townsfolk will dub my verses “Beauty and the Beat”

Frollo:
Looks indeed are deceiving; although you look firm,
You’re grumpy cause you didn’t get to put the worm in bookworm 
I’ll rid this fight of vice and sin, which means your rage that lies within
When I spit Hellfire, this Gypsy will be fried and binned

Gaston:
You pulled a Gothel; raised a baby in cobble, but who's the loner?
The child or the man who burnt cities 'cuz he had a boner?
Build your wicked Frollo Baggins schemes in other bouts
So begone! I’ll help another looney old man... out!

Frollo vs Gaston. CMRB

Starring
Light as the Grinch
Fle as Shrek

The Grinch:
The people of Whoville are nothing put next
To this pompous swamp-monster known only as Shrek
“Why”, you all blare, do I oh-so-hate him?
Behind all those layers he’s beyond Ogre-rated
Tasteless, I may have stole Christmas, in fact; 
You took everything ‘Disney’ and wrapped it with trash 
Even happened to nab Seuss’ Cat in the Hat
And before you drag on, tell your ass to stay back 

Shrek:
Donkey, see, something uglier than me!
GET OUT MY SWAMP! GET OFF MY BEAT! 
Hey, list em; Head’s twisted, Lyrically, nay gifted
You suck at wrapping, that’s why you resent Christmas 
I’m shreking fools; take your fur and deck the halls 
Ya heart’s not the only thing two sizes too small
Somebody once told me this hairy sock wants trouble 
You must’ve been cursed by your fairy godmother;
You were one in a million; a classic written for children 
Nowadays you’ve been plastered next to a billion Minions 

The Grinch:
You’re a monster, that said, I think you should retire 
Halloween already has a Mike Myers
Ech, a reboot of this snotty disaster? 
Say bye to your Happily Ever After

The Grinch vs Shrek. CMRB

Kingdom Hearts 3 releases worldwide on the 29th of January.

Beat by Kustom
Written and mixed by Skeep

bearandrocky1 as """Natsuki"""
CookieSaurus as Nico Yazawa

Natsuki:
Today, I’m first to the clubbin’, I’m roided and ready to go
To twice beat over this two-faced two-timing (gets stabbed) oh.

ProjectAlpha22 as Riku

Riku:
Let’s make this Simple and Clean; Drop your Dreams, you can’t go the Distance
Vexen replicas -you idols are the same to me, no difference
Giving up already? Not the first time. Ain’t at all appalled
Your fame, your fans, your love, your life, you’re GONNA LOSE IT ALL!
Hit the Jackpot, UR cards in my favor, Lucky Lucky
It sounds to me you’d just love to share a Paopu fruit with Maki
So while you’re lusted over by lowlife lolicons and sweaty nerds
I’ve got the Keyblade to unlock the hearts of all the gamer girls

Nico Yazawa:
How lame; what a shame; stole my opponent -jeez you’re Heartless!
Long awaited to make her again a carcass, but then this Nobody came and wants to get started
Left Marked by Nico’s Mastery! No training camp for testing through
Emo, you’d fight darkness best with no sketchy guy molesting you!
Spit PSYCHIC FIRAGA on the mic when I perform this song! 
While at the Sakkaku CROSSROADS, you get lost on your Way to Dawn
Doin’ Maleficent’s dirty work, followin’ Sora, awkward
encounters, kidnapping girls, you’re just a jealous creepy stalker!

Riku:
You try to mock me with hypocrisy? Give you more a knock than what I did to Roxas 
I got this; riposte your cacophony with my Soul Eater’s posture
Grab your secret diary; jot this loss, call it the Book of Prophecies
This Keyblade Master’s got it on lock, your mobile game verse Union χ, it’s over, Ni!

Nico Yazawa:
Yo, your little thing with Sora’s adorable, comparing Keyblades
But you’re second rate, second place; Nico’s always an S grade
Nico’s fans’ hearts are Nico’s alone, her smile’s the key!
Give into the darkness, Riku. Nico Nico Nii!

Nico Yazawa vs """Natsuki""" "2" - Rap Battle

Jacob G as Kickass
J Morris as Deku

Written by:
Freshy Kanal, Jason, Vriska and Jughead Jay

Cover Art by:
Zim 11037

Additional Help by:
R the Writer & Zim 11037

Beat by:
Audio Network

Mixed and Mastered by:
Freshy Kanal


Lyrics:

Kickass: 
Hey Hit-Girl, you wanna-? Oh, it’s just me
Well, uhum- Stand aside for a hero to serve the beat

Cause against me? Study up my name. 
Why don't you take a page
For someone who can make a change. 
Do what you do best: break a leg

I don't need a Sick Stick to make me spit sick
You lock the top dog, I'll bite off more than this dick, prick

You misfit, the real world ain't some class to place last, kid
Bitch, your name literally means you get your ass-kicked

Your obsession with your teacher really gives me the creeps, bro
Boku no Hero? Change that to Boku no Pico

Deku:
You’re one to talk about starting off worthless
With your daydreams and hormones, 
I wouldn’t say that you’re quirkless

So let me take the shots, but you won’t need your vest
Cause even if you’re juiced on speed, you couldn’t match my 5 percent

Cram more cheap jokes and violence, 
I’ll Detroit Smash your privates
I destroy foes with high kicks, 
you need cheap toys and sidekicks

It took one whiney white kid to almost go and unfold ya
And the size of your nightsticks? Not. Plus. Ultra.


Kickass: 
Talking ‘bout dick jokes but you couldn’t get around
Your girl’s got gravity powers but you still can’t go down

I might’ve fucked up my senses, but you still get on my nerves
Too bad your daddy couldn't pass to you his fire spitting quirk


Deku: 
Well too bad your daddy didn't pass his genes for getting murked 
You're so scared of getting hurt, you let a kid do all your work

Think you’ll leave me in a Red Mist? 
You can’t hip-hop like Tsu, though
Staten Island’s got it rough if their best hero is a dudebro!


Kickass: 
You’re one to talk about parenting, watch what you utter
You pull a momma’s boy household by disappointing each other

Drowning in your mourning, dude, you would beg to reach my tier
Shit, retitle this “my wetsuit Vs your self pity tears”


Deku: 
I'm strapping armor, 
while you're bragging 'bout that wetsuit you're repping?
You spent too much kicking ass in a Walmart clearance section

But you said you wanna make up for your mistakes?
It’s a bit late
This dickface draws his path in the shadow of Nick Cage

Keep running yourself in depth with all the chaos you're causing
I’m gonna show myself out now and share that cocoa with your coffin

Kick-Ass vs. Izuku Midoriya - Rap Battle!

In the first episode of Half-Ass Rap Battles (the bonus spin-off of Lame-Ass Rap Battles) we have a pizza slice against a hamburger because why not, I had fun with it.

Written by Commander Jacob
Freshy Kanal as Pizza
Commander Jacob as Hamburger
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by 2Deep

Pizza:
Come out the oven deep-dish when I got to rap a line
Cause you got no flavor like the fries you come with half the time
Reppin’ Italy critically. All your mascots disturbin’ me
I’ll have you drop in the ER, get your ass back to Germany
I have enough cheese. Get a taste, mate. Cream you, but don’t wanna taste mayonnaise
Rhymin’ supreme. Steppin’ to me and I’m havin’ ya bleed. Getting ketchup to spray, k?
Whatchu got, lettuce? Broseph, ya never toppin’ me
Go ahead and slice me up, that just means more people chompin’ me

Burger:
Hey, I placed an order, but it came with too much cheese, bruh 
I’ll need an extra-hot verse, I got a pizza to heat up
No way you can fuck with me. I out-pizza the hut, ya see?
If you wanna rat me out, I’ll send you back to Chuck E. Cheese
Got a red dot on you like a pepperoni, homie
Ordering pineapple’s the only way you be spittin’ grossly
Give ya girl my meat and make some bread. I’m a phenomenon
With you I’m intolerant, but no way more than Papa John

Pizza vs Burger | Half-Ass Rap Battle #1

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another Half-Ass Rap Battle! Today we have a battle of minimal, pixelated games typically played out of boredom: Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex. Enjoy!

Commander Jacob as Flappy Bird
Deegle as Chrome T-Rex
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

I’m coming back, the flyest bird. It’s undebated
To face an old fart that Atari would call outdated
Pterodactyl when I battle. So buddy, you oughta let go
People play you when they say “dammit, I guess so”
Takes a tap to flap over the crap that you spat out
Your life’ll fade to black quicker than your background
Mainstream? No way. Gameplay? so lame
So you should look up better rhymes… oh wait

An amputee duck with plastic surgery
Seems to struggle connecting to a beat to try to murder me
Grab your over-priced iPads and take a walk, dude
You’re smokin’ stolen pipes thinking Nintendo won’t stomp you
I’m Chrome polished. My desert’s less dry than what you’ve written, kid
I'm jumping over cacti, I can handle one little prick
What got removed faster, you from all the phones I can see
Or was it your creator, exiled from society?

Flappy Bird vs Chrome T-Rex | Half-Ass Rap Battle #2

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have the monochrome LCD character against the monochrome LSD character; Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man. Enjoy!

Raichous as Mr. Game & Watch
Mr. Tibbs (Gridline Studios) as Grey Man

Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from Zawesome
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Marsad Men

-LYRICS-

Game & Watch:
Parachute in to win, it’s an icon you’re fighting, man
This Fire man throws bacon, eggs, and fine raps off a frying pan
Been Ball-ing from the start. Where’ve you been? I can’t tell
As an expert, I can say fame’s something you’ve never handheld
This rapping trampoline lander’s smacking you like a 9 hammer
And your win’s a crazier dream than those of all your programmers
Slenderman in a trench coat? He only has one mode: stalk
Mister, watching your game has got me watching my own clock

Grey Man:
A fat-nosed shadow thinks that he's fit for battle? Boy I'll laugh
When I have him tripping and he still tries to fight with oil cans 
Ring your bell for help! I’m Krueger of the PlayStation
Leaving beats and dreams corrupted. Still think it's an emulation?
Here’s the red Flagman; you’ll get slaughtered just from napping
It’s one of your two functions; learn it’s time to stop rapping
I Violently Diss-strict. The pain won’t leave when you wake up.
Even people who play Smash have forgotten you like a brain flush

Mr. Game & Watch vs Grey Man | Half-Ass Rap Battle #3

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the edgy spooky versions of characters, one ironic, one unironic: Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob

-LYRICS-

Sonic.EXE
(Yo) ever since Things That Aren't That Scary Month, I know you've been hating, my guy
So many souls, so Slowpoke.EXE should quit wasting my time
You’re like Tom with my CD; too pussy to destroy a track, dog
Lyrics coming at you at Super Sonic speed: I am Rap God
Too tapped out for round 2. Searched your Commander’s channel, even I never Found You
Cameos are all you amount to. I got a jester's laugh, and I’m still bout to clown you
When I’m rappin, I go batshit. I’m attacking with some hacking. I’m the spin-dashing classic
This wack-ass damn kid’s the static cross-breed fanfic of Darkiplier and a sad squid, that’s it

Corrupted Jacob:
Zalgo in a fursuit? Oh no, my wee little heart!
Ya meant to be creepy, but spawned extremely… DeviantArt 
Like Sally Simp, you’re gonna get left in stitches when fighting me
Your fame was as short as your face in your own fucking title screen
Fucking cheesy ass. Your game got me board as shit, you damn Rap Rat
Check the anger and the eyeballs; my dude needs a pack of Tampax 
Trolled this pasta back to his wiki, too lame for me to eat ya
Haven’t seen someone as bad with words since JC the Hyena

Alex the Beast as Sonic.EXE
Commander Jacob as Corrupted Jacob
Written by Commander Jacob w/ help from TimeLord
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by Retnik

Sonic.EXE vs Corrupted Jacob | Half-Ass Rap Battles

DOWNLOAD SONG ▶ http://bit.ly/PuppetsNeverDIe

Puppets Never Die

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of sentient pastries; one good, one evil: The Pillsbury Doughboy vs The Gingerdead Man Enjoy, and happy holidays!

-LYRICS-

Pillsbury:
Yo. I’m Poppin’ Fresh out the oven. (hoo hoo) better show some respect
Cuz I’ve haven’t seen such a weak little so-called “threat “ (since when?) since your cousin from Shrek
You bring half-baked raps when you’re up on a mic. (yeh) Not even Brick would wanna stomach your lines
Looking like what Chucky eats for lunch in my eyes. There’s not a single crumb of Passion in your Crusty design. 
You fought a bong with a lighter; but ain’t as high as your writers, now you’re boutta be the buddy that is getting smoked, boy
Getting the guns ready and raining the Funfetti; so don’t you ever question why they call me Doughboy
I could watch Paula Deen on TV for an hour 15: it’d be a more scary movie
Only Got Milked for a couple sequels, and this cookie-cutter chump couldn’t bag Gary Busey

Gingerdead:
You can take that whole verse and shove it up your croissant. Kid, you’re… dead
Your whole company and personality’s soulless, and that's coming from a ginger... bread
(Ugh) You’re the yeast of my problems. (HAHA!) So now you got my anger rising
Wanna piece of me? (huh?) Start biting. You got such wack raps, call you Vanilla Icing
I’ll cut! Cut! Cut as fast as I can! Better Run! Run! Run, baby Marshmallow Man
I’ll smack the fuck! Fuck! Fuck outta you, man! And watch your gut! Gut! Gut get poked from the knife in my hand
So don’t fuck with Findlemeyer, It’ll feel like an oven when I’m spit this fire
I’ll tarnish you worse than some mother Smuckers could. Lyrical evil never tasted so good (HAHAHAHAHA!!!)

Freshy Kanal as Pillsbury Doughboy
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNLjRiychUaaCU0uJTYDUYA
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/610WQgwSmLL0U2wQzZdrqY?si=gufrrndCQbywBKzCoGadCA
Twitter: https://twitter.com/FreshyKanal

Michael Stark as Gingerdead Man 
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfULalNLwszljsyNj3Qt28Q
Twitter: https://twitter.com/The_Stark_Media
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/stark-media

Written by Commander Jacob and Michael Stark (w/ help from Razzy)
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by Dansonn

The Pillsbury Doughboy vs The Gingerdead Man | Half-Ass Rap Battles

I See A Dreamer

A synthwave remix I did of Nathan Evans sea shanty's cover of "Wellerman"! Hope you all enjoy it <3

Wellerman - Sea Shanty (SYNTHWAVE REMIX)

Good To Be Alive

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.