uh okay so uh basically i had a dream where i saw rowan atkinson at a party and played him bean vs chaplin which is why i used that beat but the announcer just said jim henson vs bowser jr so here we are happy april fools

Mr. Tibbs as Jim Henson/Kermit the Frog
Snakebite126 as Bowser Jr./Shadow Mario
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by InsaneBeatz

-LYRICS-

Jim:
Yo! My army’s more than a frog for this lizard
Origami King? I’m the Fraggle rock to your scissors 
You’re like Oscar the Grouch’s house, because you’re trash
Kermit:
Walking ‘round tryna kill a dude with a mustache 
I run this Sesame Street, but got those underground bars
Kermit:
With those goofy rhymes, makes sense that you ride a clown car
Spit Dark like a Crystal. I’m second to no other
Kermit:
Mario? You need Maury, bro.
Jim:
Peach is not the mother!

Bowser Jr.:
This is Boswer Jr.’s Fury, so don’t bother running up
Cuz I Shine on the mic and I burn like the Sun. You’re done!
Check that ugly mug, my paintbrush couldn’t touch it up
So make like your Muppets and shove it up in your fucking butt
Those rhymes were cancer. Did they come out your damn throat?
I make shadows puppets
Shadow Mario:
you just live your puppet’s shadow
After always snatching F.L.U.D.D., I’m used to taking flows away
Bowser Jr.:
I’ll drop the brush, I just painted you more red than Elmo’s face

Jim Henson vs Bowser Jr. | Half-Ass Rap Battles

MetalFireVA as Tankman
Fightmarker as The Soldier
Writing: Fightmarker and Trakked
Beat by ObieDaz
Mixed by Fight

Tankman (0:23) 
Ugh
Look what we have here, this cunt best put his guard up
Cause wow, just the sight of you is killing my hard-on 
Why should I be scared of you, isn’t your ass named Jane?
Getting fucked so hard; that’s what we call a Flash-Bang (flashbang sound effect)
Ain’t gonna keep calm, yeah, I’m dropping fucking bombs
Keep playing with taunts, I’ll launch my rocket in your mom
And your daddy too, your attitude is fucked up to the max
Don't matter if you’re red or blue, I’ll still beat this hack's ass
Ain't got range in your vocals or your arms; you just miss shit
I'm willing to bet this loner just wants his Valve twisted
Are those clothes the ones you really wanna die in, shit
Bruh, your fucking helmet looks like the tip of my dick

The Soldier
Step back maggot, it's time I show you the ropes
You best be retreating when I get you in my scope
I killed nazis on my own, and your crew's not much better
When your team's having a Titanic watch party together 
As a veteran, I'm better than this; take it like a man
Have a show not written for pre-teens and that is a command
There’s no way out of Domination, I’ll leave your corpse rotten
Cause I got the best view of your death, I called Shotgun!
I'll advance in your quarters and leave this manchild cornered
Best listen to my orders, you fucking commie conformer
You went through an apocalypse while I alone am more deadly
Shown your face as a disgrace, so drop down and give me 20

Tankman
Huh TFU2, could you repeat that last verse, dear?
I knew you were rapping about something, I just didn’t really care 
And you're fighting robots too? You can suck my nuts and bolts
Hey, Steve! Leave this dumbass with a bunch of holes!
Newgrounds be getting bread, and ours isn’t injected
How did every branch of the military have your ass rejected? 
You’ve Captured The White Flag, you sure resisted quick
So now rocket jump on this dick or rocket jump off a cliff (bitch)

The Soldier
Unlike you, I know honor, Mr. Prissypants, step down.
Cemented your legacy as Newgrounds' biggest letdown 
I made my own fame, how you got yours is quite a shame
I respawn everyday, you got resurrected from a rhythm game 
Couldn't Rumble with the top tiers, so now you're on the sidelines
Waited for your punchlines longer than your time in the limelight
Took you off the high ground, you’re not what you claim to be
If God wanted you to live, he would have not created me!
(*RADICAL INTENSE SOLDIER SCREAM AAAAAAGH*)

Tankman vs The Soldier. rap battle. by fightmarker.

Vaikselt sinu Poole

since I wanted to go ahead and have this out and also due to a lot of good slots being taken for the schedule I figured I'd drop this as a little surprise. happy early halloween everyone. :) thank you to everyone who was involved in the making of this!
stay spooky!!

Casting:
Dani as El Chupacabra
Alex as the Mothman

Written & Mixed by Alex
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob

Lyrics:

The Mothman:
Terrorizing from Buffalo long ways to Mason
Who said the Point’s meant to be Pleasant?
Tell me, what is your defense, peasant?
This is what my Prophecy destined!
I expected shivers
I’m cackling, you look so withered
And I must admit I’m a bit disappointed my foe is an unkempt lizard
So don’t step on the hills of the Farmlands
Don’t dwell on the hills as a Farmhand
In the night sky descending upon your gardens
You’ll witness eyes glaring, wings darkened
El Diablo hackneyed backwards crackhead, I’m bored by your story so listless
I am vile and wiry, handle my business, you can’t keep your facts consistent
Or your potential whereabouts, or your powers, or your appearance
So pardon my weariness, you mangy bitch, if I fail to see you as anything even close to vicious
Agh, you’re dry as the desert you come from
I tower like where I originate from
Let’s dance in the dim lighting
So c’mere Vampire, how’s about you bite me?

El Chupacabra:
This knock-off fallen angel is a mockery yet still hell-bound
I’ll waltz into West Virginia, find the tourists, tell the crowds
How El Chupacabra spread terror across continents, so tell me how’s it
That you claim to be the fiercer entity scaring hillbillies up in the mountains?
This cryptid’s cryptic, my cipher’s dire
You’re a half-baked antique Creepypasta
Mired in tropes like you came from a first grade writer
Step off of that bridge, I’ll extract your insides
I would’ve expected you of all demons to be...a bit more fly
You’re face-to-face with a real beast
Real creatures would laugh at you
With all the museums and statues
You’re a novelty attraction, they cash grab from you
Douse you in raps like it’s goats blood
From the victims I carve up
Your time’s done
When I kick into High Gere, your hope’s fucked

The Mothman:
I’m not surprised you lack backbone, that spine’s atrocious
Proportions more broken than this morbid hoax is
All bark, no bite
Your claws can’t catch me in the skies, you’d fail
Paling in comparison
It seems your scales aren’t up to scale

El Chupacabra:
You’re looking pretty grey and desaturated
Heh, someone’s a bit miffed their relevance has faded
Makes sense, that’s what an offhand joke does 
Being from the “TNT Areas” about the only time you can say you’ve blown up!

The Mothman:
I incite fear, I’m not some half-baked Satanic ritual
Rip the canines out of this canid who’s ‘power stance’ is pitiful
I Tracked the Chupacabra; and you were hopeless from the moment I landed
I’m linked to UFOS because my flow is not from this planet

El Chupacabra:
Is crumbling part of your plan in rap? I really doubt you will last
When your own presence made your own fucking bridge collapse
My teeth alone could clip you down a level, Winged Man...
I’m hungry, hijo de puta
Seems I flipped the switch on this Moth’s lamp

El Chupacabra vs. the Mothman // Alex's Rap Battles #8 ((Halloween Special 🎃 🎃 🎃 🎃 ))

Lyrics/Beat/Trivia: https://docs.google.com/document/u/1/d/1qwRu6ZbBSI23S6UX_y7b24pC6OxeTit-bKVsnsvZln4/edit
Snakebite126 as Little Mac
Alex M. as Izuku Midoriya
MetaMachine as Doc Louis (cameo)
Written by MetaMachine, Raichous, Kamren the Person, GamingPlush64, FyxFynn and Adam.
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Beat by Hollywood Legend Productions
Thumbnail by Rabi
Hint for Meta's next battle: "Self-Reflections"
Hint for Gengo's next battle: "Mad Science"

Little Mac vs. Izuku Midoriya

Thank you Paige!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Video drops Dec. 25th

Evan as Spike Spiegel
Snakebite126 as Vash the Stampede

Kuroneko as herself (Cameo)

Beat Produced by: 2Deep
Written by: Dani Frias
Mixed by: Dani Frias
Flow Test by: Dani Frias

Lyrics:

Spike:
You seem like a bounty that I wouldn't really get
One with beliefs that I could be hearing out of hippie Jet
So I'll stay chilling in space compared to your desert and fungus 
'cause last time you flew in a ship, your family played Among Us
Bang, messed in the head like Pierrot Le Fou
Clear that you'll lose; to me it ain't new, while I can't say the same for you
While I'm beating up about twenty bounties all the way through
You're on your first, down on your knees, talkin' 'bout "what would mommy do"
And I know your show gets sad and you can't bounce back
But maybe not put all the death scenes next to my soundtrack 
But I won't drag this like it's you with a car
So whatever happens, happens, I'll be exposing who you really are

Vash:
Thou shall not kill, but I can't promise you that
Don't assume that, I'll lose matches once we see where you at
I get shot at several times and I'm still up here spitting lines
But when you're swung at for your crimes, they made this man end up like Knives
They call me Stampede 'cause I stomp on you, ain't that right
I came first, you came worse, and now we're here to fight
I won't be spitting as lackluster as your show could
Tried way too hard to be mine so bad, they made a series off Wolfwood 
Call me a gun, 'cause I'm banging your ex-girl
Taking shrooms again, so just move on to the next world
As Vash is so brash when he's past dissing trash
So I'll give you some cash so you can have cigarettes furl

Spike:
Have at it, Humanoid Typhoon, think you run a tycoon?
Remember that they need my show so they can go like you
But still, you thought it in your head to go and push me
Glad I got a pair, 'cause you'd do anything for pussy

Vash:
And you'd do anything to clear up memories of crime life
They wouldn't like it when they now see a cop in the limelight 
So stand up and fight right, you Snapchat filter phony 
I would've been more scared of Spike from My Little Pony

Spike:
You look like a broom but can't sweep up ends
You did it good when you were killing all your friends
I may have a fake eye, it surprised all the masses
But I'd do anything not to wear those ugly-ass glasses
Rapping is a talent that you lack
Messed up that verse like it's a town or your back
Guess I got the 60 bill from crying donut man
Go and get Legato to fix up the next speech that you plan 

Vash:
Put down your weapon, you think you could spit it hot? Please
I'll call you Faye; I'm lying here like "you sing offkey"
I already dealt with Sax boys shooting when they met us
So I'll leave you drinking hardly that Frank Marlon would get jealous 
Takin' moves from Bruce Lee? You'll lose, see, I don't mean no harm
But what's martial arts gonna have up against my other arm
Got canceled like Big Shot, I know your fanbase would be pleased
See you, space cowboy. Back to pursuing love and peace

Spike Spiegel vs. Vash the Stampede - #8

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of sentient pastries; one good, one evil: The Pillsbury Doughboy vs The Gingerdead Man Enjoy, and happy holidays!

-LYRICS-

Pillsbury:
Yo. I’m Poppin’ Fresh out the oven. (hoo hoo) better show some respect
Cuz I’ve haven’t seen such a weak little so-called “threat “ (since when?) since your cousin from Shrek
You bring half-baked raps when you’re up on a mic. (yeh) Not even Brick would wanna stomach your lines
Looking like what Chucky eats for lunch in my eyes. There’s not a single crumb of Passion in your Crusty design. 
You fought a bong with a lighter; but ain’t as high as your writers, now you’re boutta be the buddy that is getting smoked, boy
Getting the guns ready and raining the Funfetti; so don’t you ever question why they call me Doughboy
I could watch Paula Deen on TV for an hour 15: it’d be a more scary movie
Only Got Milked for a couple sequels, and this cookie-cutter chump couldn’t bag Gary Busey

Gingerdead:
You can take that whole verse and shove it up your croissant. Kid, you’re… dead
Your whole company and personality’s soulless, and that's coming from a ginger... bread
(Ugh) You’re the yeast of my problems. (HAHA!) So now you got my anger rising
Wanna piece of me? (huh?) Start biting. You got such wack raps, call you Vanilla Icing
I’ll cut! Cut! Cut as fast as I can! Better Run! Run! Run, baby Marshmallow Man
I’ll smack the fuck! Fuck! Fuck outta you, man! And watch your gut! Gut! Gut get poked from the knife in my hand
So don’t fuck with Findlemeyer, It’ll feel like an oven when I’m spit this fire
I’ll tarnish you worse than some mother Smuckers could. Lyrical evil never tasted so good (HAHAHAHAHA!!!)

Freshy Kanal as Pillsbury Doughboy
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNLjRiychUaaCU0uJTYDUYA
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/610WQgwSmLL0U2wQzZdrqY?si=gufrrndCQbywBKzCoGadCA
Twitter: https://twitter.com/FreshyKanal

Michael Stark as Gingerdead Man 
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfULalNLwszljsyNj3Qt28Q
Twitter: https://twitter.com/The_Stark_Media
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/stark-media

Written by Commander Jacob and Michael Stark (w/ help from Razzy)
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Freshy Kanal
Prod. by Dansonn

The Pillsbury Doughboy vs The Gingerdead Man | Half-Ass Rap Battles

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1M-gsC6isIYNxxabUcg8zmu-VX4wjvOrQpOTVcaLUA7c/edit?usp=sharing

URBoF

Razputin vs Lucas 2 - URBoF #15

Adam as Peter Griffin / the Duck
Mancha as Homer Simpson / the Chicken

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1a5TPEoBJ57l2yjX5csDmht1f4-07hkrIzV4xT4NSOIc/edit?usp=sharing

Peter Griffin vs Homer Simpson. Mega Hyper Rap Battles #6

Video release: February 20th

MaviKartal2003 as Tommy Wiseau (video)
Adam as Tommy Wiseau (audio)
Pixel Chris as Leonardo DiCaprio (video)
WritingJoeBattles as Leonardo DiCaprio (audio)
RNG as Announcer 

Written by Oofie, MaviKartal2003, RNG, CCRB, WalkAwesomeMovies, WDRB (one line) and Pixel Chris
Mixed by Ken-Chan
Beat produced by Allrounda
Flow test by Oofie
Cover art by Oofie
Produced by Oofie

Tommy Wiseau (0:11):
I did not hit her, it’s not true, it’s bullshit! I did not hit her, I did nahhht!
Oh hi Leo!
Nice to meet you, I’m Wiseau, and you’re DiCaprio
I’m not talking bottles when I’m putting caps in folks 
Getting more money than you from sales of DVDs
You’re no artist, yes Leonardo, no da Vinci
Unmask the iron truth off your head, oh Danny boy, Danny Boy
In all your movies, you end up dead, oh Danny boy, Danny boy 
In this battle you’re falling harder than you did as Jack 
You’ll only flow when it’s Gatsby’s pool murder on the track (hahaha) 
I did so much for “The Room”, couldn’t stand to my mastermind brain
Everyone knows me, and I’m not even sipping champagne 
You sue over dick pics? Hah! What's wrong little Leo?
I spit raps stronger than your Titanic ego! (hahaha)

Leonardo DiCaprio (0:52):
Let me be Franco, I'm tearing apart this mess
Screaming dreams from roofs like "my parents aren't incestuous!”
Just ‘cause it’s an award, Razzies’ don't equal a high bar
I’m not talking Sestero when I’m seeing high marks
You’re fucking a bellybutton, dick’s as small as your list of hits
A pistol’s not the only thing fired, I’d assume that you’re used to it
I'm a wolf: Wall Street; you’re a chicken: CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP
Now Gregory ain’t the only one that's going up a shit Creek!
I’m a shining film star, you’re only shining when you Polish floors
Even I got more Oscars than your Golden Globe Awards
Chillin’ in my mansion, you’re living off of your pensions
With your s-s-stammer, you couldn’t finish a sentence!

Tommy Wiseau (1:24):
But your roles couldn’t get me on board with Titanic
Even Cameron switched to blue people for a bigger flick
You’re as thin as Glass, which I will break into shards 
You could call me Lisa, ‘cause I’m tearing you apart!

Leonardo DiCaprio (1:34):
Complain about the Titanic? Film’s got me covered in ice!
But you’re clowning even worse than your attempts at playing Joker right
Your career’s pushing daisies, or in this case, Roses
No Inception, time is over! The dream’s come to a close, kid!

Tommy Wiseau vs Leonardo DiCaprio - Rap Clash!

Ghetsis:
Enter the King of Unova (hyah!) ‘gainst Court’s greatest king of the posers (hyah!)
It’s Turnabout Goodbyes for you, but in this battle the killer ain’t you (hyah!)
It’s Ghetsis, ya gonna get dissed! - I spit hotter flames than Reshiram’s breath 
It’s tremendous this wretch had a forty year defeat stretch, then lost it all to a rookie bird’s defense
I can see straight past your tricks, so don’t you forget about DL-6
Against G-Cis, it’s the same trip, I’m firing bullets that you CANNOT miss
And you ain’t got a lotta heart, just like your daughter, scarred
Shoot you down like you’re the Manfred Von Red Baron
The “king of the prosecutors” couldn’t be cuter
I’m bringing Unova to a new future
This brute doesn’t give me a scare, more like a Yanni Yogi Bear
Bang your head against the wall all you want but you’ll never prove your victory against this terror 
Leave you like my son, cheated, when this dose of Bad Karma’s defeated
Flows like Plasma, I rhyme smooth, this old conceited fool’s stamina’s depleted



Manfred Von Karma: 

Your honor I have an OBJECTION!  to this pointless conjecture
The undefeated courtroom demon’s arrived to project his best lecture 
Against this prick Ghetsis, Court’s bestest, can’t get dissed 
Retract you like N did, let’s not waste any evidence
You infected your son's mind with lies of subjugation to lure him 
And your plan would have worked if some tween kid didn’t cure him 
You say your rhymes flow like plasma but but quite honestly they’ve dragged on
And you can’t cheat THIS court, with that over-leveled dragon (HYAH)
I’m your worst nightmare Ghetsis, get this? Your plans fell Miles like an elevator, guessed it
Up against the king of the rejected regrets, it’s funny, your own son sat on the throne, and said “forget this”
You couldn’t turn a region to slaves, so don’t expect to win this court with that disproportionate discourse (ugh!)
I show no remorse for this worthless sage, betrayed by his grunts and upstaged 
You’ve got no karma, no lawyer, no skill whereas I have an Edge
Worth FIVE plans of anyone hopelessly on the defendant’s bench
Cold blooded and evil, with these bars I’m lethal, emotionless rocks fall to MY chords of steel
You’re feeble, please, I’ll leave you defeated, you’ll rot and you’ll freeze, with ease, like both of your sequels
            



Ghetsis:

Time to liberate you from the mic, cause that verse was riddled with lies
Your skills are non-existent as Gourdy, and your perfect record 
Light up prosecutors with a fusion flare blast, 
Leave you screaming like in Miles haunting echoes of his past 
Your demeanor and arrogant persona doesn’t hurt, man 
I command dragons, your seeds were handed to a Bird Man
Look,I know that keeping that your noble record can cost a leg and an arm, man
But you’re so devoid of any energy I’ll call you BARREN Von Karma 
I’m the true boss of this court, leaving cheats this Abysmal ruined
And you’ll be needing another day off after my staff rips you anew

Manfred Von Karma:

Slam that pathetic cane down but you have no right to judge
I’ll eNd this Harmonia naturally, just like your traitorous son, begrudged
So get your scientist friend to roast me, , cause this sage is worthless
Send your Plasma clowns to back to Nimbasa, they’re the whole circus! 
This cape wearing’s lyrical capering’s leading this trial to no further debate 
That’s that the only thing that this disgraceful mistake to his clan can do is to escape 
It’s time to meet your fate, you outrageous plague, no turning back to your icy Frigate
Leave a wretch rammed, what you spit’s Zek-wrong, your defence is like your right eye, gone!
You hail from a franchise for children, but I can assure
That your sequel games climax shows this attempted child murderer
It’s quite a turnabout, this old buffoon just cannot put up a fight
And It’s clear that this court is adjourned, but the victor isn’t Black and White

Ghetsis vs Manfred Von Karma - Rap Battle! Season 2

Home of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, its side series Half-Ass Rap Battles, and maybe the occasional cover of someone else's battle.