KILLED-2-DEATH

sorry for not uploading </3

i dont see
how i was the fastest seed in the race
cuz now im so slow
and i cant outrun the pain

and all those fucking years
of being told that i was gifted
they've made me so indifferent
to any task that comes near

and i think
that it's probably improbable that in 
any other timeline im not still a dick

all my bad qualities
anxieties, insecurities
culiminate into a really shitty tasting soup

and all those fucking years
that i wasted online
of all the possible universes
i know im living in the worst timeline

and i think
that it's probably improbable that in 
any other timeline im not still a piece of shit


im living in the worst timeline

The Worst Timeline

V tubers are a plague and annoying af 
(lyrics)  
(Verse 1)
 I dream of anime girls who tell me I can escape this world 
They know how much my life sucks, They know how hard I got fucked.    
(chorus)
You say that I'm killing myself 
I say that I'm escaping hell
point the trigger directly at my brain 
blast away at the source of my pain
(verse 2) 
I know it won't be painless 
it sure as hell won't be easy
but once I join them 
they'll do anything to please me. 
(bridge) 
you tell me not to kill myself 
your words are emptier than this broken hell
my only true support wants me to blow my fucking head off
one shot is all it takes , one shot and everything will be okay

Kill Myself

Arms Around Me

No Friends

made a potion in my room late past light
brewing sinister alchemy is my birth right
sip it slow cause the spirits in the bottle bite
and ive never seen those fuckers lose a single fight


I'm in tune with the magic
never sober anymore
I unravel the fabric
while you shut and lock the door 

im a wizard
and I love casting spells


and my robe's getting wet
wading through this mist
and the ghouls getting mad
cuz they cant get nona this
if the opps fly on me they gon get the magic stick
fairy dust in their nose
got their head in a twist 

drawing sigils on the backs of my eyelids
got my toungue melting on some chemical
test strips
coming up orange sunshine what a nice trip
mix n match with all these spells and im losing grip

wizard

Write Me Off

N1 Boy

“Tome of Stars” is a 100 sonnet journey, equal parts art, therapy journal, and exorcism, both a celebration and an elegy, a single narrative arc tracing the birth and death of a relationship. All poetry by Stargazer. The verse and accompanying synthetic art and music are public domain, CC0, with no restrictions on use. Nothing is monetized. See below for links on how to access the print, PDF, audio, ePub, video, and music files. 
Website: https://www.tomeofstars.net/

In the classical margam of bharatanatyam, the varnam is the recital’s centerpiece, its longest and most emotionally charged performance. In “Tome of Stars“, the varnam appears as the twenty-nine-poem section “Senescence”. Following the exaltation of Anthesis, the beloved as a celestial goddess, love now descends from the stars into the gravity of human frailty. 

This sonnet concludes the “Once Upon a Time” quartet by chronicling the poet’s ultimate failure to escape the psychic inheritance of his past. Framed in mythic diction and dark fairy tale motifs, the poem articulates the moment when the poet’s inner defects (learned self-betrayal, compulsive guilt, emotional paralysis), drive away the only force of redemption he has ever felt: the Stargirl. She departs not in tragedy but in judgment, her magical grace revoked. The tone is accusatory but inwardly directed; the poet owns his doom not as random misfortune, but as the inevitable result of a life shaped by shame and self-annihilating loyalties. This final rupture is mythologized as a fateful and irreversible exile from the light.

***********
Lyrics

A baleful hex, a yoke of darkest wight,
Ensnared his mind in chains of hateful lies.
This wrath of lunacy recoiled from right,
Lest he condemn himself in his own eyes.

Past cancer poisoned, through his spirit chewed,
Excreting slimes of toxic empathy.
The tears of others drowned all he breathed true,
Thoughts paralyzed by noxious sympathy.

Thus, Stargirl—magic’s child—arose in flight,
Aggrieved he loved her less than love’s just claim.
His heart, too frail to stand, too quick to blight,
She judged unworthy—pierced, forever shamed.

His doom complete, he reaped fate’s final spell.
Her light was gone. The portal shut. Night fell.

***********

Internet Archive
Book of sonnets:
https://archive.org/details/tome-of-stars/

Music:
Item 1, Anthesis: https://archive.org/details/Anthesis/
Item 2, Senescence: https://archive.org/details/senescence_tomeofstars
Item 3, Sporogenesis: https://archive.org/details/Sporogenesis_TomeOfStars/
Item 4, Anemochory: https://archive.org/details/Anemochory_TomeOfStars
Item 5, Quixotosis: https://archive.org/details/Quixotosis_TomeOfStars
Item 6, Scripture: https://archive.org/details/Scripture_TomeOfStars

Bandcamp:

Item 1, Anthesis: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/anthesis-item-1-of-tome-of-stars
Item 2, Senescence: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/senescence-item-2-of-tome-of-stars
Item 3, Sporogenesis: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/sporogenesis-item-3-of-tome-of-stars
Item 4, Anemochory: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/anemochory-item-4-of-tome-of-stars
Item 5, Quixotosis: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/quixotosis-item-5-of-tome-of-stars
Item 6, Scripture: https://stargazer-elentirmo.bandcamp.com/album/scripture-item-6-of-tome-of-stars

Once Upon a Time Part 4

im a fucking joke
im lonely, sinking
i just dont know it
and when i close my eyes
i only dream of dying

i just wanna put myself to sleep
i just wanna put myself to sleep
sick of staring at these fucking screens 
i just wanna fucking scream

im a fucking joke
im just slowly sinking
and i cant float, it's
closing my throat up
i dream to die
yet im too scared, im terrified

i just wanna put myself to sleep
i just wanna put myself to sleep
sick of staring at these fucking screens 
i just wanna scream
i just wanna scream
i just wanna scream
i just wanna die

but i know (i know)
it'll come eventually

Put Myself To Sleep

Can’t get out of this mess
Always stuck in my head 
Never leaving my room
Fuck the world fuck you too

Just seems like common sense 
In the world that we’re in
I’m never going to try
I’m staying NEET til I die

Always feeling so blue 
What am I supposed to do?
Life is too hard for me
I’m so goddamn lazy

Just seems to be correct 
Modern life is worthless 
Why would I ever try?
I’m staying NEET til I die

The Worst Timeline

crustsox