i dont wanna be myself 
i wanna be someone else 
right now, i know 

i changed my mind, ill go to hell
just feed me and keep me in a cell
spend everyday needing so much fucking help
ill tell you the secret and see if you tell 

im not afraid of falling anymore 
i stare at the face 
i ignore features that look the same
theres a hook in my face
pull it out another one forms behind it
instantly cut off circulation
i feel my eyelids flutter as i struggle to sit
i just collapse to my knees in a fit
coughing, laughing, dry heave
punch my fist against the seat and the lid 

theres a message in here somewhere !
changing lanes
ill stay in mine
you stay insane
i love this crowd
dog bites man 
man drops a hydrogen bomb on the ground 
i got a sweet tooth 
i like it when i find hidden objects
i see you
underneath the grass
rubbing against me 
touch it, whats the difference?
ask me if its empty
over turn the glass and get every single last drop out 

oh god its fit right in the palm of my hand now 
rejected blessing i see the angel it shines down
im happy to have the plaque scrapped from my teeth
i added gems to my canines
im playing with them as we speak 

i lie and i steal things
try to be revealing 
off putting !!!
show me where i lost footing
lip service
cock sucking dick circus 
ill be at auction but all of this shits worthless

couldnt begin to imagine how that happened
hey, look over there! 
spit in a napkin!
are you kidding? im asking
are you shitting in my hand or wishing on black magic?
you didnt understand
sometimes its okay to match the energy of your worst man
im the dead spy, i got two red eyes
ill let you guess why i stare out my blinds paranoid
people around me notice and im afraid that theyre annoyed
or think im crazy, and maybe theyre right
backdrop: illusion of contact
age it until it tastes like a safe ride
take you home in the back of a sports car
godly intention so pure as im sure that yours are

i dont wanna be myself
i wanna be someone else

Numbing Agent

Probably my favorite song on this album.
The "main loop" is from a rehearsal recording of my math-rock type band, Ultra Death Men, sped up and cut up.
The song is about a lot of things, as always, but was most heavily inspired by my first trip to San Diego. It was a pretty strange, negative, and intense part of my life, but the experiences I had there had profound effects on my outlook.
The first line of the lyrics references one night Bradlea and I were driving through the desert and the entire dusk sky was literally a full rainbow.
The reiteration of that part of the song the second time is about how I'd wake up every morning to a collection of four cats sleeping on me and they'd all scramble away from me when they realized I was awake, as if to hide the fact that they'd been sleeping on me.

Loud Noise In My Room

It's supposed to sound like that. Track art by THE yogurt200 (reading HEARTLOVEPOWERTEMPLE, Precious Theatre or **certified tumblr classic** 8eyes is highly reccomended)
https://zombaewalk.bandcamp.com/
https://yogurt200.com/

lyrics
(devi:)
looking away
counting up pay
we couldn't find out a way
we couldn't save-
we couldn't wait
we couldn't get on a plane
searching but nowhere is safe
who're we to blame?
we couldn't chill for a day
when you put food on a plate it doesn't stay

in the darkness of the night
could we make the image bright?
we could walk up to its edge
is it (solace/soulless) in our minds?
could you tell us about our lives
if we're casted to the side

i can't fuck with out drugs
i don't even want to fuck without drugs
x4

spend it down
i don't have the spirit in my life
i don't have the energy or time
wear me out
hear me out--
everything i get is alright
everything you get is alright
wipe us out

(zombAe:)
i ain't fuck since i got sober
no ice three years still my nose hurt
my skin gets older and the earth get hotter
and the guns get bigger and my cock gets smaller
i got bills to pay bitch its build or break
when i cracked the seal, guess i sealed my fate
i just want to grill, i got krill to make
hope brumhildas waiting after all this strife
use your jokers knife, make me stepfords wife
i'm not mesmerized, i guess sex is nice
im just crashing crashin losing attraction
not fit for leo, seinfeld or brad pitt
chinks got some armor
aint tryna crack it?
could be bad bitch
no time for that shit
i'm a christmas cake, got a list of dates
and a list of dicks i done pissed away

(devi:)
spend it down
i don't have the spirit in my life
i don't have the energy or time
wear me out
hear me out--
everything i get is alright
everything you get is alright
wipe us out

Exhaustion Economics ft. zombAe

There are US tour dates coming in August and November which you can see more abt on my instagram as the story develops. Special thanks to nora who suggested adding some piano
https://www.instagram.com/dei_genetrix/


"It's perfectly alright to step outside the law, because the law itself is aberrated" 
-L. Ron Hubbard

Darkness, We live in some
Darling, please give me up
Sometimes, it seemed like hope
Promise, you didn't-
Don't
Assume there's something here for you
I thought it thru.
Every single chance we ever got we only fucked it up
I think its wrong to lead me on
Don't assume 
It's just us two
Me and you
We're having fun
But I cannot live with myself and 
I'm still so scared of touch

Really
Don't fuck with me nowhere
But then, it's just not what I need
Say that we're put here for something, that's something that I can't believe
Think that I'm living my life, I think I'm a mistake 
Thought that we're reaching for something did worse than just get in your way
It's not a test
We play for keeps
We make a mess  
Who'll clean up me?

Clean up me?

tour infos here https://blacksquares.neocities.org/
thanks to nora for helping me line up the acapella 

song i like recently from jim legxacys excellent new record black british music

My edit of Jim Legxacy I just banged a snus in canada water

EMOJI

CHARLlE KlRK WAS A GUY THAT DROPPED OUT OF COLLEGE TO JOIN A GANG. THAT WAS HIS FIRST CHOICE OF WHAT HE WANTED TO DO, CAREER-WISE. NO CRAP HE GOT POPPED BY SOMEONE IN HIS OWN CLIQUE. USUALLY WE DON'T MOURN THIS TYPE OF GUY UNLESS WE'RE RELATED TO THEM. I THINK IT'S ACTUALLY SO SAD THAT THIS HAD TO HAPPEN... IN THE SAME 24 HOURS THAT THE US SENATE VOTED TO CONCEAL THE E-------N FILES...

I bent my head
I bend my spine forever
You hold my hand
I know I hold your hand too hard
Curl up in a circle
So broken-skin, so raw
There was a girl who was ugly forever and ever, amen
I swear it never gets easier
I swear it never gets better
I know if I admit to pain, we'll live the pain together
Too bad
So much gets said
But what gets it done?
What gets it done?

I know I look dumb
The type of dumb you would want
I want a lot to be blunt
It’s like you’re right all along

I wanted to be in love
I wanted to feel love but I'm just not like that
I wanted to be in love
I wanted to feel love but I’m just not like that

I 
I wanted something more than you could give
I
I
I wanted something more than you could give me

I hope you get to stay the way you are
I start to lose my posture
My spine sticks out the back of my neck
My hand, hitched up on angles
So broken-skin, still so raw to the touch
A finger in the wound is never enough for me
I swear it only gets easier
I swear it only gets better
I know if i admit to pain, we’ll live the pain together
If the road becomes the goal
We’ll ride it out to blackness
I try so hard
All fxcking day
All my efforts work backwards

My Neck

CHVN - Just Go

Girls Rituals X Lauren Bousfield - Used To Be Better

new album out now
https://blackdresses.bandcamp.com/album/peaceful-as-hell

PLEASE BE NICE

not mine. https://youtu.be/6KSCXwc9tPA 
(cover has some body horror)
I might make a slowed version :)