LYRICS

D.B. Cooper:
I’ve got a verse here, so for my opening
I request a cigarette, as I’m about to smoke this kid
You’ve got windows making your crew all head to depression
I’ve got Bond-style escape plans; 00-727
D.B. Cooper, I drop bombs a plenty 
against T.V. bloopers, average emcees
This washup would fit with the rest of my bundles of dollars
Know that I go for the throat, remind you of your father?

Dead Bart:
Were you trying to impress me? You should know I’m good at breakthroughs
I’m jumpin’ on this beat like it was your escape route
This dude couldn’t even see the better choice for a main ‘chute
So I’ll be eating up this track like “what’s the deal with airplane food?”
I left Matt Groening crying when he read up on my story
You left the plane when the flight got a little too boring
And I thought I was the sitcom, but when I look at this loser
He looks less like Dan and more like Sheldon Cooper
Facin’ off with Dead Bart, now your heartbeat might stop
This sketch’s sketchy headshot went up for a high cost
But your body’s most likely outlined with white chalk
Now FOX’s best son’s stealing Zodiac Earhart’s time slot
You hit the runway and still, no one knows what your name is
I hit the runway and my face instantly became famous
Even with a rainstorm, I still got colder bars in this fight
So take your leave and take a leap into the dark of the night

D.B. Cooper:
I thought the Simpsons’ could drop bars, but it’s clear you can’t battle me
When your rapping’s more barebones than your family
And you wrote down all the tropes you decided to ride on
Then turned the creepypasta genre to the Squidward Suicide Squad
Keep this bank noted as I’m crushing this duel
Even my blank motive has more substance than you
Leave the tank loaded and get the show on the road
And when I’m flowing, know that I’m holding a grudge in this feud
The Nightmare at 20,000 Feet, towering over your treehouse
Thinking this D.B. beef is gonna leave me beat? How?
I’m hijacking this win, as you’re left shaking and crying 
Leaving you like my legacy - radio silent

Dead Bart:
Traveling on Northwest, yet your plan still went south
Go eat my shorts, man, open the stairwell and step out
And make like your exit and drop this fight
Chalk your loss up as another prediction we’ve gotten right

CREDITS 

Swizkii as D.B. Cooper
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCs4l43CoLWyUMdaWq9S_SKA
Shimario as Dead Bart
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsFyrvAhPhiEvJ1yL_Ux8MQ

Written by Rabi
Mixed and mastered by Freshy Kanal
https://soundcloud.com/freshy-kanal
Beat by Insanebeatz
Dead Bart art by 01Tyler10
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrIDPJLlnUFILYuS72fIc1g
Thumbnail by Rabi

D.B. Cooper vs. Dead Bart - Rap Battle

Mimikyu vs. Nosk - Royal Rap Battle!

Egomanic As Nosk

 As Mimikyu

Thumbnail by Tompuffs

Mixed by Jort

Art by Tompuffs

Written by King Ducky & King Wallace

Nosk:
Enter Deepnest and you'll meet with a horror unseen
Next to me, this freakish creature just borders obscene
Jessie supports her dull creep for her dumb schemes
Even compared to The Knight, you’re a shorter numb freak (hehehe)

This goth is caught in balls, rags as soft as cotton balls
All who see you’s lost their pulse even goddamn shopping malls
The loser’s always lonely, keeps on tangling up his feelings
But don’t get too hung up on that or you're dangling from the ceiling!

This guy brings quite demise to disguises
Its guise implies it hides it's violence 
The cries big size discoloured it's eyes and
Boohoo, it’s true Pikachu’s who he despises

Mimikyu:
Ughhhhh, you're sure talking a lot
For a hobbled up bug (yeah) that's an optional boss
See, I leave any who dares sneak a peek in defeated
Hahaha… your biggest attacks erupting cheese wiz

Ya and your cheese strat’s meaning you’re easily beaten
Like jesus, seems this bleak itch has ledges as a weakness
I’ll creep into Deepnest, leave a diseased bug in pieces
Stealing from Vengefly King so much, even the screech is repeated

Oh his wits and thoughts are gone, all you think is dot dot dots
Your shit is off the walls, like you shitting off the walls
You’re uglier than a Wailmer, no way you can fail more
Shaked to your core, turn you ghostly like your pale ore

Nosk:
This fairy’s feelings are bottled up, wanting to snuggle forever
But now I’ll bottle up this fairy, like the troubled Collector
Torment till your not more but morbid corpse is battered weak
All you're important for is sword dance and shadow sneak!

Mimikyu:
So this is what the spider spat as his dumb rap retort?
All the build up for what? Just to run back and forth?
You will stay gimmicky no matter who this idiot’s mimicking
I’ll twist and rip your stringy ligaments like I'm nitpicking

Mimikyu vs. Nosk - Royale Rap Battle! [ft. Egomanic]

Cover art by: Cidisswo
YT link: https://youtu.be/SrpFrzgsdME?si=fGHuqH3SymB5l3so

egomanic as both voice
Written by egomanic

Lyrics: 

[The Max Headroom Hijacker]
(Yeah) try to catch the wave, and drown in my flow
Cuz mine is hard to swallow you’re a soft drink like coke
Why don’t you pass me a cigarette, im asking for smoke
Give a cowboy his magazine, this gat’ll unload, so
Mic pilot with the rhymes i'm freestyling 
Stacking my piles high in the sky, supplies rising 
Dropping by lines right on the fly like skydiving 
While you tried diving into the night and died trying 
Hijacked off in the cockpit since dishonorable discharge 
Till you dropped and the rocks hit, now you’re never gettin them off (Uh) 
We are not the same, i'm not on your plane
Inspired by the first 3d show host, while you got no game 
Mask on, not a trace while all the cops can spot your face
I’m on your case, going off unlike the bomb that's on your case 
Uh uh, sorry cooper but today is not your day
Come to get me i’ll just turn the other cheek and walk away

[D.B. Cooper]
I don't like funny stuff, but i have some notes
This is a rap battle, I expected actual jokes
Wanna talk about catching smoke?
I drop bombs, max, listen to the raps I wrote, it goes
Briefcase empty took 200k with me 
Got the job done, for 50 years remained missing
Placed whiskey orders, called the shots, escaped quickly
Stuck the landing and I even made it back for thanksgiving
You never left no evidence but it's evident
I made my mark, your love faded into irrelevance
Rebelled against PBS with your obscene scenes
But it seems, your messages are as obscured as your references (Ay!)
Ruffled some feathers then i flew the cooper
You broadcast fetish cosplay: D.B. Gooner
So go ahead and throw hands and get chucked like Swirsky
I kept mine clean while your gloves got dirty

[The Max Headroom Hijacker]
(Ohhhh)
I’m a rap god, bro think he the unabomber 😂
You bargain Bin Laden: Osama lama duma lama
You made some bank and then the banks became your treasury
So I’ll make this air pirate “see the X” because he’s dead to me

[D.B. Cooper]
(Ugh)
Your heads in the clouds if you think your verse phased me
First class? Nah, you dressed like the first lady
I cover my tracks well but this time the FBI will find
Your airtime is up, but you didn’t leave a tie behind…

D.B. Cooper vs Max Headroom Hijacker - Ego Rap Battles

This is the last time I do anything for that fuck shimario

BobcatXtreme as J. Jonah Jameson
TaigaTonic as Benson
Writing by Alchemyking
Additional help by JoJoVo
Art by Teimunity
Beat by kulture.
Mixing by Jort
Cover art by Kamren the Person
Special thanks: Matt Raichous, WoodenHornets, MetaStarVA, J.G. Quintel, & Shimario

JJJ:
HOFFMAN! Get this gumball machine out my office!
Against the Jameson, he can’t recoup his losses
Ego so big, your head is bigger than Pops’ is
But I’ll show you who the boss is!

Let me get my pen and print a headline:
“Jameson Hits Deadline, Makes Moron Choke Because His Bars Are Eggcelent!”
In comparison, he’s stretched more thin than the Spider-Menace’s webbing is
So I’ll put my two cents in, then dispense of him!

Think you’re some kind of master at handling your temperament?
It’s obvious that Benson flips the second that some slackers leave him upstaged
PARKER! Snap some pictures of his red face
Then you’ll get paid, and I’ll put it on the front page

Such a cowardly hothead, you’d prolly get some chicken wings to eat
And down it all with some Mississippi Queen
And then you steal employees’ lunch when they’re already tired?
Sit down, please. …You’re fired.

Benson
Mordecai, Rigby! Don’t slack on the beat
I know that you hate picking up trash from the scene
But you’ll get a raise if you make like the vigilante he seethes at
And kick this dirtbag from the streets!

It’s plain as day, the way you slave your place is brutal
It just takes whistleblowers to shut down the Daily Bugle
Think they’re making stacks, then you drop stacks of files on ‘em
With that mug, you look like you’d go “Sieg Heil!” on ‘em

You’re losing this bout
Cause this time, it’s the gum that’s chewing you out
Your seed in the Big Apple is rotten, I’d say it’s rather obvious
You stretch people’s hands in your offices like Doctor Octopus

You’re the real villain, keeping teens hobblin’
And withholding pay so Peter keeps jobbin’
Your profits only go to your nicotine hobby
Yet you ended up smoked by a different Green Goblin

JJJ
I’m not Susan, but don’t mind if I copy 
‘Cause your own mug ain’t even fit to hold my coffee!
Spent your past playing hockey games and hitting on drums
It fits you turned from a badass to a stick in the mud

That dome head won’t protect you, even if your residence blasted off
Either way, I’d still be sonning this astronaut
And speaking of domes, you went nuts when you were shut in
So you have no right to snap when people push your buttons

Benson
I’m used to irregular shows, but it’s out of the ordinary
How a man with no heart can still suffer a coronary
Maybe it’s ‘cause you added to Spider-Man’s foes in the ring?
Honest, the way you treated Scorpion stings

You got me pissed off, banking off of fear and pain
I’ll go ballistic on you, leave a smear campaign
You wanna say my mug’s ugly? Your plans were for nothing
‘Cause it’s abundantly clear your wife can’t handle a mugging

J. Jonah Jameson vs. Benson - AK Rap Battles

Recorded November 2024

10/12

Prod by LethalNeedle


rump

The devil’s very emissary himself
Really wants to lend a helping hand to get me some wealth
But the jester dress he’s wearing must embarrass him, how does it feel?
Before I say “What’s your deal?” I’m starting with “What’s your deal?”

It’s your last straw and I’ll turn it to gold
Have a crack at your glass jaw, bitch I earn what I’m owed
Cause I’m the real master of returning a pact
I guess our tasks swapped, cause I’m serving your ass

How did the swindlin’ traitor
Get a game with God who straight-up robbed your win in it later?
You’re getting outplayed here
In trickery, it goes me, him, then you place third
It’s rigged in our favours, you’re just real good at favours

meph

It isn’t wrong, I’ll make anything you want, bring it on
I grant wishes, while you’re a Wish.com leprechaun
Seeking glass? Here’s a grand mirror for your ego
Both are easily shattered, weak, can be fractured, and feeble

You’re an alchemist, churning out gold with your magic
Though, a tantrum’s your only explosive reaction
Tragic… You’re literally a mini-me
Found him in the Faustian Bargain Bin for free

Speaking of Faust, anything you might add?
Please kill yourself. I wish that I had.
Well said, but he’s already done that
How many breakdowns can one have til he breaks down to one half?

rump and The Queen

Bring a friend, he’ll catch the strays I send ya
Think your alias: I’m boutta take out fellas 
Cause I rise above you both, same as Gretchen
And we’re both getting rid of babies... hey queen, tell em!

What
I won’t give you my child, fuck off
Go away and pick on someone your own size, a dog

I am, though he’s not just a poodle, he’s a butler and slave
You see, it’s funny how this wingman has fallen from grace 
Took Greek mythology dames to profit off fame by dropping their names?
I’d never, and I swear it on my own grave!

meph

Ah, names, right. Yours was… unimpressive
It was something witless like… dumbass dipshit
Or nutsack nitwit…! Ah, that must’ve been it!
grrRR IT’S RUMPELSTILtskin- oh FUCK I BIFFED IT

So Faust my dear friend, how shall we end this garden gnome?
I dunno… make his heart explode…
Yes… but afterwards you’ll get to have your baby as well
When I send you to work in eternal labour in Hell… 

wait wait waIT AAIT WAIT WIAT AGHHHHH - pop!


so this is in my anti slump era where i was just really going thru it and needed some outlet to take my mind off things, so one day i just opened a doc and went off and this was the result. i think that mindset of like, writing whatever i wanted w/o even thinking of what comes after sorta helped a lot for my mental, and i like, actually had fun writing? for once? lol

on like an actual critical analytical level im sure the characterization and accuracy for both guys are like, 95% off, but i liked playing up and flanderizing their personas for the rap battle, it really helps with the dynamic and just makes things easier to deal w on my end which makes sense if im just writing to write lol. like, i fucked up a couple of punchlines and if i were to revisit this id just like, fix those, but overall i like the little gimmick i did, the whole rumpelstiltskin name thing and dying. very fun very silly and helped a lot with clearing mental fog

Rumpelstiltskin VS Mephistopheles - 12 Bars of Dissmas #10

Puss in Boots

Fear me if you dare I’m Puss in Boots! 

I'm a versatile cat, you're a loosey goose!

I'm a living legend, I faced down death!

You're a fat house pet, who puts John in debt.


If you've come for a bounty, you won’t leave alive 

Like your ratings when movie reviews took a dive

I see no need to continue, let me drink my leche

Antes de que me convierta en tu muerte


Garfield 

Zzzzzz(snoring) oh is it my turn to rap?

Against a cat, who doesn’t even have the claws to scratch(Puss in Boots-Prrrrr)

Your a Has-been legend time to hang up those boots 

You got 9 lives? More like 9 bad reboots


You got ditched like your marriage when you got softpaws

Then scratched up an ogre ordered by his father in law

You scrambled your friendships now, who's the bad egg?

Now If you think I’m all ears than I’m straight up death 


Puss in Boots

Me sorprende que tu hambre de victoria es poca 

La historia del gato con diabetes contra el gato con botas 

Yo soy peligroso, tus ataques no me dañan , 

me robé el escenario, tu te atragantas con lasaña 


Garfield

Zzzzz OH! We’re still going?

Let me switch my flow just how switched with a donkey

Joined three diablos that was a no no

And this why…..why um zzzzzzzzz (Puss in boots

!Ay, Díos mío!)

https://youtu.be/GXZBEKUHQiI?si=faUz8EWxXcLaKwSf


Puss in Boots-Cyancoat

Garfield-Thanosquack

Writing-Aj,We think

Mixing-Jort

Demo-Captain Jorge

Beat-Andrey Rossi



Puss In Boots vs. Garfield- Quick Rap Battles (Ft.CyanCoat, ThanosQuack)

Welcome back to Lame-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have randomly-generated rectangles; Steve and Alex from Minecraft vs the YouTube channel Webdriver Torso. Enjoy, and happy April Fool’s Day!

Danii as Steve
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SwaggyFlan
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/453EGjLZcGifTB4Tyjzdgq

TAFox as Alex
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thatadorablefox
Cardd: https://thatadorablefox.carrd.co/

Commander Jacob as Red Rectangle
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/CommanderJacob
Twitter: https://twitter.com/commander_jacob

JustGamer as Blue Rectangle
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@JustGamerRapBattles
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/3n1xhiocXnl8yFsVxb2IqW

- LYRICS -

Minecraft (0:10)
Steve:
Hey Alex, where are the coords we wrote?
Alex:
Don’t need ‘em, I can tell that we’re stepping on two zeros
I thought paintings were flat, but you’re even thinner
Steve:
You're so 2D, why would you have a profile picture?
Alex:
Nice
Steve:
Watching your channel makes lava swimming seem way fun
Forget down, you’re what we’d never dig
Alex:
Straight up!
Steve:
We’ll level you awfully low
Alex:
One body blow quite Hertz
For your sake, get some other audio, Driver

Webdriver Torso (0:31)
You really think you rock with the lines you write?
Cuz what we're picking up is as worthless as diorite
You piss your pants when a diamond shines
Then you cry if you lose one; your mood’s swinging side-to-side
Here’s something to Evoke the sense of getting Vexed
Built a world brick-by-brick and it was broken by a Lego set
Your cycle’s not two-week; the movie trailer though?
If Warner Bros played your game, it wasn’t in creative mode
Plus there's a practice that we're struggling to grasp, and it makes
Our brain more broken than the shield you always have to your face
You stack materials deep in a cave, pickaxing away
Just to make gadgets so that you don't have to actually play

Minecraft (1:03)
Steve:
Spider shit; we’re spinning Web tonight
Only thing Driving through your Torso is Sharpness V netherite
Alex:
Nah, use a bow. While their position’s always changing
Unlike us, with all their shots, they’re still completely aimless
Don’t let a mace in the wrong hands
Steve:
I’ll knock a glitch all the way to the Farlands
Alex:
We tower in numbers, they paid us some large bands
Steve:
Want yours higher? Maybe just call France *old death sound*
Add up all your channels that just copy explicitly 
And an Enderman can still garner more watchtime, admittedly
Alex:
At least a PowerPoint gives you some options for different themes
You got no one in your corner, there’s no Aqua Affinity
Steve:
Damn
Steve and Alex:
Put you to Bed, you’ll get sweaty when War wages
Smashin the rap game; we’re known to control stages
We’ll space and click to cut the “alien speak”
Steve: 
Hey, you know what we should pause?
Alex:
I see the player you mean.

Webdriver Torso (1:44)
Your community regularly has criminals instilled in it
YouTubers reach a peak but can't build limits
If that doesn’t happen, they still form a brainless army
Making us question why they hate Baby Zombies
It’s like you’re cursed; be thankful we were conceived with beeps
You complain, with a high frequency, “updates are a low frequency”
And when they do drop in the game
All you see are more biomes to colonize and mobs to enslave
Crops indicate what you’ve grown to be
A content farm, so to speak, complete with controlling seeds
Our background is darker than some of Steve’s merch, how disheartening 
Perhaps Notch was head of marketing

- CREDITS -

Written, directed, edited, beat arranged, and Webdriver beat produced by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Minecraft beat produced by Phil Tyler
Additional ambience by Modeaudio

Feedback by Eric the Audible, TheMonarchy, 3ple, itsnugget, SimplyRazzy, GamingPlush64, and the rest of the spaceship
Shout-out to TheBabyBeef, ENNWAY, Fightmarker, and SimplyRazzy

Thanks for listening
-ComJac

Minecraft vs Webdriver Torso | Rap Battle (LARB)

► CREDITS:

littleflecks as Feathers McGraw

Matt Raichous as Mojo Jojo

Narrator voiced by Alchemyking

Written by Theme Park Avenue

Mojo Jojo Art by Luke Reardon

Feathers McGraw Art by TreToonzz

Beat Prod. by Teimunity

Mixed by Serena


Cover Art by JK03


►LYRICS:

Mojo Verse 1 

Ah, the chicken from the wanted posters, I have been expecting you
I heard you were in Townsville and knew you would need to rent a room

And that is why I, Mojo Jojo, made that stupid ad
To lure you to my lair, and you have fallen right into my trap

Because you are here, you are in my presence and defenseless
I will beat you with my battle raps and have you apprehended

And collect the bounty money to help fund my plan to conquer the Earth
Then finish my breakfast, but the chicken comes first (evil laugh)


Feathers Verse 1 

Alright, the glove is coming off (What?!)
Yeah, I’m not a chicken but I’m certainly the cock of the walk

No other robber’s on the watch of every copper in the county
Man, I’m worth a thousand pounds, you’ve taken several thousand poundings

From the Wonder Triplets you seek to destroy, but even with your freakish toys
You still have weaker evil ploys than the Amoeba Boys

You tried a million plans but always wound up overpowered
You couldn’t even get a leg up with the right trousers


Mojo Verse 2

No, this cannot be, I wrote both of my verses
Based on the fact that I assumed you were a chicken, cuuuuurses

Mwahaha, I am now well-versed in your movie roles
Though you have very little material, like your studio!

You try to fly solo, but on your own you are no menace
You just met some random cheesehead and depend on his inventions

You cannot take the heat, for when your plans go off course
You start sweating like a pig, resembling mojo pork

You had an excellent plot, till it went off the rails and then you were caught
I shall refer to you as Fettered McGraw

That is to say you were a failure, your scheme was ineffective
It was thwarted, foiled, prevented! Well, actually, maybe not prevented, uhh

But you went to jail, the place of your residence was a prison
While the only lengthy sentences I get are from my diction

When you broke out of your cell you tried your heist again in hopes of doing better
And repetition really ruffles my feathers


Feathers Verse 2 

That’s enough, let’s flash back to your past, you were a lab assistant
Smashing tons of crap and getting chastised by your master

In fact, you broke the glass that made the Powerpuffs by accident
So Daddy kicked out and you went back to the lab again

And then you thought you’d found a prime mate for companionship
But she was just a plant, and she ordered a banana split

You’re really weak, if I got cheated by some madam
I would never feel a pain in my soul, ‘cause I don’t have one

You must be sad, being an unwanted villain is crazy
I’d suggest you call the Hotline, but you’re beyond saving

So how about I put you out the misery you’re facing
As I finally take a shot at a mad scientist, say "cheese”

Narrator
So once again the day is saved, thanks to…
Feathers McGraw the evil penguin?
I don’t like the ramifications of this one
