Sticks And Stones And Bones

Immune is a track from my 2018 album Dark Descent, about anorexia hospitalisation, and expresses how the sufferer is 'immune' to intervention due to the defensive strength of the anorexic voice.

Album artwork: Katie Metcalfe Photography

Immune

Midnight Run is a track from my 2018 album Dark Descent. With Midnight Run, I wanted to create something that would reflect the emotional drive and willpower that comes along with compulsive over-exercising as an anorexic.
It's very different to any other song on the album - it's upbeat, energetic, and was designed with running and exercising in mind.

Album artwork: Katie Metcalfe Photography

Midnight Run

On My Mind is the first song I've written solely about binge eating disorder.

The track features clips from a YouTube video by Keiko Cupcake, who describes what it's like to live with the disorder while in the midst of a binge eating episode. I thought the video was so powerful and raw, I really wanted to utilise it to add depth to the song.

Link to Keiko Cupcake's video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dda6vN8IdA

On My Mind

The Darkest Star is a track from my 2020 album Beauty In The Darkness.

I had quite a lot of requests to remake Decadence and Disorder for the album, so I decided to restructure the lyrics and give it a totally new sound. The title comes from my favourite lyric in D&D: 'you're the darkest star within the galaxy of life'.

The Darkest Star (The Voice Of Anorexia)

Shadow Dancer is a track from my 2020 album Beauty In The Darkness.

The inspiration behind this song came from the memory of dancing alone in my bedroom at night when I was suffering from anorexia as a teenager. I would wait until after midnight, put on my headphones, and dance until I believed I'd burned off enough calories - it was just me, my shadow, and the anorexic voice pushing me on. With this track, I hoped to capture the haunting feeling of isolation that comes with embracing the anorexic voice, and the strange sense of companionship that forms as a result.

Shadow Dancer

Loving Curse is a track from my 2020 album Beauty In The Darkness. I wanted to try and make something to bridge the gap between Dark Descent and BITD, going for something more atmospheric and menacing, portraying the anorexic voice in its rawest form.

Loving Curse

Beauty In The Darkness is a song from my 2020 album under the same name. 

This track was inspired by a YouTube comment on one of my other songs, which made me realise that there are elements of beauty within the darkness of eating disorders - for example, the intense euphoria and feeling of achievement experienced through weight loss. The lyrics convey how the ED tries to seduce the sufferer by playing on insecurities and fears from childhood, or from peer pressure, and offers a misleading sense of comfort and security.

Beauty In The Darkness

Invisible Killer is a track from my Hollow EP about atypical anorexia - a type of anorexia that means the sufferer may be a normal weight, or not fit the general criteria of typical anorexia nervosa.

It's an incredibly suffocating mental illness, which I've experienced first hand. Others tend to refuse to believe you have anorexia or offer you any help, based solely on the fact that you're not underweight.

Album artwork: Katie Metcalfe Photography

Invisible Killer

Deteriorate is a song from my Hollow EP about an eating disorder relapse. The idea for this song stems directly from a memory of a time when I experienced relapses of my eating disorder as a teenager.

A vivid image that hangs in my mind is of a crimson sky at dawn, when I would wake up early and run to burn off calories before the day had begun. There were some beautiful skies in the countryside, and for me, the red sky and cold morning rain always signalled the beginning of a relapse, and the fall back into the anorexic mindset.

Deteriorate

Play Pretend depicts the spiralling loss of control that comes with the development of certain mental illnesses, and the manifesting of deceptive behaviours birthed by inner demons and illusion. Within the lyrics, I touch upon hallucinations, anorexia, bipolar thought processes, psychosis, and a fragmented sense of reality.

Play Pretend

Recovered anorexic from UK 🇬🇧
Psychological music based on eating disorders & mental illness 🎶

Deteriorate

ElysianSoul

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