damn you're actually good! need more recognition. thanks for following me BTW.

https://fitzthemouse.bandcamp.com/album/its-the-end-of-everything-all-the-time

my brain is always breaking down
in little ways that i can't catch
i'm losing touch with all my friends
there's always smoke inside my breath

it's when everything just hurts the most
or makes me want to hurt myself
or tells me that i can't be saved
if i change or try to ask for help

it's like i'm dying on a dancefloor (break it down)
i'm out of time it's at the backdoor (break it down)
i hate this song just like the last four (break it down)
is mental illness all i'm good for (break it down)

i think i'm running from the answer, break it down
i think i'm living like a cancer, break it down
i think i'm stuck here with a mess i can break it down
or live alone inside my flesh as it's breaking down

it's the end of everything, all the time

My Brain is Always Breaking Down!!!!!!!

https://fitzthemouse.bandcamp.com/album/its-the-end-of-everything-all-the-time

to everyone i knew that never knew who i was
getting drunk in cheap apartments just to keep myself numb
body on the couch, rotting in a sort of hell
tore off all my skin, i just want to shed my old self

so sick, so sick, so sick of this shit
so sick, so sick, sick of feeling this

the cigarette butts on my dresser are a tribute
to every cell inside my body that i misuse
no one ever asks, i don't ever care to tell
carved it in my veins, ok maybe i could use some help

so sick, so sick, so sick of this shit
so sick, so sick, sick of feeling this

every day is water torture
never know who gives the orders
psychoactive small disorders
pills don't work i just get boreder
i should keep it quiet til my capillaries burst
i'm damaged nerves in damaged flesh in damaged pop punk t-shirts

so sick, so sick, so sick of this shit
so sick, so sick, sick of feeling this

so sick, so sick, so sick of this shit
so sick, so sick, sick of feeling this

Feeling This

this song is very old. i wrote it when i was 13 on july 18 2019. idk i just wanted to say that.

lyrics
why am i so left out
while everyone else has company
i think it’s just cause
i’m too much for people 
i don’t want to feel alone
it’s not good for my health
but i just can’t do anything about it

why the hell do i 
always feel anxious and panic in public
it feels like i’m trapped in a box
and everyone is staring at me
please stop staring at me
stop staring at me

i’ve been crying everyday
i don’t wanna get out of my room
it’s just that i’m too tired to get out
and start to live like everyone else
what am i gonna do about that

chords - f, am, em capo 3

mental breakdown

Go Sailor - Fine Day For Sailing

THIS DOG DON'T BITE

Paralytic Stalks

Gelid Ascent

totally fine

Mary's Voice

To All Who Say Goodnight

lyrics:

please dont hate! do you miss me? i am sorry i am boring
i just wished i knew how many single times you’ve thought about me
im sorry that i disappointed when you saw me and i wasn’t
how u thought i was  i was worse  i am always always worse

you can tell me i am pretty but i wouldn’t ever get it
when i look at myself i dont see a person i see worthlessness
i carry guilt for liking you  i carry guilt for hurting too
the only reason i dont cut right now is cause i hope that you’ll be proud of me

im ugly  and im sticky like a snail or a slime
i mean i get it if you look at me you see a crying clown
i just dance around like freaky  trying to get your attention
and i think maybe you’ll hate me if i ever get happy

i hung out with some classmates and we drank beer and it was great
or like great how it can be great when you dont have a working brain
either way they smoked a joint and i took a tiny huff and i didn’t really hit me 
that im on my medication
it was stupid i got high  but i did and i know why
i was anxious and upset because im used to the alone time
vacations always fuck me up cause i need routines and stuff
so i get used to myself and i can’t let other people in

every weekends like a reset button pushing EVERY WEEK
cause i feel like i have just awoken from a hundred years of sleep
or an alien trying to navigate the human world
either way i dont understand anything about anything

and the mix of that with weed is the worst thing it could be
like my anxiousness locks down and opens up when i am sober see
thats many hours full of anxiety that i get in a final blow
which will kill me   but at that moment i had let my nervous go

so i let my guards down and i stopped pretending constantly
and i laughed when i laughed and i say what i think
and thats a good thing right? a good thing right? so why do i feel like this cause im better at pretending than being honest which is SAD

i just talk a lot about things i like thats my biggest flaw or maybe its alright
either way i do  i think i bored a few or maybe all of them  or maybe they’re my friends
either way they all drank beer  every day after that
and i was not invited WHICH IS DEFINITELY NOT PERSONAL

but TELL THAT TO MY BRAIN please i dare you  will you please
cause it rly doesn’t want to listen to what i say because it hates me
i can navigate the world and other people when im sad
because i know how to act the role of being the weirdo in the class

sitting in the back and always crying talking to my teachers
other people leave me alone because they know im weird and
its not that they dont like me   they just dont rly know me
so they can’t really form an opinion about a random strange somebody

but now i let people in  cause i am mentally more well
but the more i let people in the worse i actually get 
what the fuck is up with this cycle
thats a weird way for it to go
like shouldn’t other people make me excited
not wanna dig myself into a hole

but i hate being known
yet i love to know others
i wish i could be mysterious but i feel like i am translulcent cause i
always  say what i mean  which is good right? i think? right?
im just anxious that people have perceptions of me in their mind


but please dont hate me i am lonely other people really scare me
theres so few people i want to spend more time with you are one of them
i want to kill myself but you said: i would never be ok again
and then i didn’t want to  is that fucked up pressure to put on you?

yet i wouldn’t ever tell you  i dont know maybe one day
that i actually believe that you’re part of the reason i am here today
i just want to be more ok   like the people who drank beers today
the people i can kind of reach but its like my arms are just too short  for me to grab onto a sleeve and hold on  tight enough to not let go

Long Song

FUZZYFACE - Human Heartbreak

quick somg from my voice memos about worrying that when trying to date people will not see me as a woman or dislike me bc im not cis

working on lp1, this is not on it

Feeling This

Fitz the Mouse

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