saturday dec 14 2013

CBMC - Make Time

Beautiful Sunday Morning

https://ifidieinmississippi.bandcamp.com/album/sweetheart

the last time i saw you

I dnt knw who I am and that's ok kinda

(big thanks 2 taylor ochoa for background hummies n harmonys)

I won’t forget
 how your hands fit 
even if you regret it
 I guess we all change with the seasons there don’t have to be a reason 
for the leaves to fall 
or me to call you back 
this time 
i’ll try 
not to cry again but i’m tired 
and i’m worn 
and ive been right here before
(i’ll try, to not cry, but i lied, i felt like shit this whole time)
try to call you up 
but I guess One year was too soon 
and I know you still think about how you fucked me on your front porch 
I’m sorry you never loved me 
I’m sorry this lyrics are so ugly
 I’m sorry I had to leave 
all the times you left me calls 
begging me please 
and how I ruined your life 
and now your mother hates me 
sorry for calling you up 
every time that I can’t breathe 
and for doing all these drugs 
when I promised I’d stay clean,
I really wish I could just go back
 and never go inside that stupid gas station 
I wish I never came over 
I wish we never watched Palo Alto 
and I wish I never loved you
because

it’s January 4 
and you make my heart thump and my hands shake, but how can I be content when You’re in love with someone else? seeing you type makes me feel sick, and it’s been four days and i miss the buzz of my phone shaking my hand like how my lips were the first time we kissed,  and now i only taste you from three shots of vodka.  and you say that drunk words are sober thoughts, but what if you never respond to me? Because anything can kill you especially a girl with a freckled smile and short curly hair, and i may seem fine but if someone asked I’d still studder your name. 
does my absence bother you? or did my presence never impact you the way I thought it did? cause you asked me to wait five minutes, but I stayed up all fucking night, and I hope his bed warmer than mine, but when he breaks your heart I’ll be here fixing my sheets for you. 

and you tore me apart in an attempt to fix yourself, And I really do hope you’re doing okay, and I hope you sleep full nights without the thought of me constantly poisoning your brain, because here’s the thing:
we were so young
 and falling in love always seem like a dumb dream 
but I learned a lot 
and I hope you did too 
because it’s January 4 
and you make my heart thump and my handshake 
but how can I be content when you never were?
 i hope you find better in someone you can find comfort in,
like how i found in you,
it’s january forth and we are fighting,
it’s march forth and im writing this poem,
it’s may forth and i miss you but you seem happy so i’ll leave you alone,
it’s august forth and i dont think about you everyday anymore,
it’s november and i’m okay without you. 

the whispered words at the last couple seconds is this:

(i hope one day you let yourself out of the tomb you call your chest and you learn how to unlock all the locks he built up over time and you learn to love yourself too)

Poem (on spotify/tidal/apple music)

hummingbird

you said remembering would feel too much like moving back home

you shouldn't start
i know who you are
when you're behind his back
you take it too far

but you say
we all reach a point
where we get too tired
and it all just goes away 

and i wanted to
be here next to you  
when our bodies all decay

we can act like it's the end of the world

clara rockmore's ghost

start the day off with a weight
and stomach pain
turn away
a simple call for subtle change
but every day
feels the same

come to life
valentine
and walk beside me close
come to life
little thoughts of mine
the ones that i love most

i’m walking in circles where my dad
used to stand among the plants and
they’re growing taller than i can
up the wall
over the fence

my hands are high
they grab the vines
and begin to climb the post
why have i begun
where i started from
it’s a palindrome i wrote
i want leaving to feel like
i’m coming home

so i’ve gotta try
i’ll try
i promise to try
because with you and i
in the night
i feel fine
with just you and i
in the night
i feel fine

palindrome

I Stayed Up Until Sunrise But Got to Fall Asleep to the Sounds of Birds Singing (A Compilation of Songs From 2008-2013)

I'll Be Anything

i record songs and write poems and i really hope you're having a good day.

we can act like it's the end of the world

flatsound