hey fardels bear, 
would you let me share 
anything i want to say to you tonight 
you're the only one who cares 

hey fardels bear, 
are you aware 
you're the bringer of release and mercy, absolution 
to a world that's dying here 

my sadness is your honey, a gold confession 
grab a cup, and drink it slowly, it's not going anywhere 

if someone could tell me that heaven won’t sell me out 
i’d race them to the finish line 
if only if only i’d learned to be lonely 
i’d have shown myself out 

but he said .. 

i will listen to your fears 
take away the voices from your little ears 
and give you back the dreams that 
turned to nightmares, aspirations born of despair, 
cloaked in daydreams, drifting through the unsuspecting air 
i'll be your new age mental love affair 

hey fardels bear, 
are you still there? 
can i tell you all the things i don't want 
anybody else to ever hear 

you know that you're the reason i'm still here 

hey fardels bear..

fardels bear

i ran for the door when you told me to stay 
don’t follow me out just go away 
i tried to ignore you asked me for more 
i just want a reason to stay awake 

i already told you 
please stay away from me 
i already told you 
what do you want from me 


like two pieces cut from different cloths 
we don’t fit and my heart is not enough 
raise the music to level twenty two 
i can’t hear my thoughts, but i am thinking of you

call and response

'simply because happiness is important'

i wrote a song
 a long time ago,
for you.
it got lost in the papers.
and i guess there isnt much for us to do
but sit and wait here,
for the best to come.
for the best to come.
on its own. 
when boys seem dumb,
its best to just stay at home,
i guess.

feel good memories
dont feel that good to me,
anymore.

and it feels best
to tell
everyone
how you felt.

and its all gonna go through
its all gonna go through you.
but itll all be gone,
soon
Oo

well, i wrote you a song a long time ago.
well, i guess it got lost in the papers.
       ((well, i guess it got lost in the pictures))
well,
here you go.
here you go.

Self-Happy Packet

april 29, 2018 

i remember all the late nights you spent with me 
holding hands under cover of dim lit streets 
you were so soft when you looked at me 
you were so soft 

now i am blue, i am missing you 
i am red in my head, i am wishing you 
would call, can we fall 
back into last fall 

i've forgotten all the bad things you said to me 
i wake up and remember how small and sweet you were 
in my dreams, oh so vividly 
you were in my dreams 

still i am blue, i am missing you 
i am red in my head, i am wishing you 
would call, can we fall 
back into last fall 


i remember all the late nights you spent with me 
holding hands, all our limbs tangled in bed sheets 
you were so soft when you looked at me 
you were so soft

blue

november 6, 2018 

this is the spot you left me in 
saw your face through a windshield 
you are leaving with your friend 

this is a year that never ends 
look at me when you leave 
can you even comprehend 

that i am thinking of your body lying next to someone else 
did you love me just to leave me by myself 

in your eyes, is there someone else's face 
and your mouth, whose lips do you taste 
why do i have to feel this way 
is it just a break 


is this the part where i forget 
every dream i let go of 
was this as good as it gets 

is there nothing to forgive 
you weren't mine when it happened 
but it sure did feel like it 

i envision every worst case scenario 
did you love me just to leave for someone else

break

recorded may 30, 2016


Oh, well it's your last day 
And you're looking for some closure to the end of your stay 
But the sun is setting now 
And the time you had slipped away somehow 

And it never did seem fair 
Wanna go but don't know where 
Got some idea of some excitement 
Some conclusion, some satisfaction 
Some way to make it all make sense 

All we get are loose ends 
Start something, end it, going nowhere again 
Feels like there's something, something worth doing 
Some final goal, some ultimate purpose 
Some way to make it all connect 

She lights another cigarette 
Says another won't hurt, it hasn't killed me yet 
She's looking out watching red sunset 
It's a dead sort of feeling, not happy and not upset 

Oh, well it's your last day 
And you're looking for some closure to the end of your stay 
Well here's the question no one likes to address: 
Where are we going with this whole damn mess? 
Convinced ourselves that there's something it means 
There must be somewhere it's all gonna lead 

I wanna be a part of something, something meaningful 
I wanna be a part of something, something beautiful 

And it never did seem fair 
Wanna go but don't know where 
Got some idea of some excitement 
Some conclusion, some satisfaction 
Some way to make it all make sense 

Well I don't have the answer 
I just live along the best that I can 
And no one has the answer 
We all just tell ourselves the best that we can 

I wanna be a part of something, something deliberate 
I wanna be a part of something, something infinite


cover of 'is there anything you'd rather be doing?' by noizybrain 
noizybrain.bandcamp.com/album/you-can-never-go-home 

cover art by the wonderful sonia margolin (@soniamargolin)

is there anything you'd rather be doing

Near You

on being a 20-something with no sense of direction

lyrics:
i'm only 20
so why do i feel like i'm dying slowly, waking up restless?
it's kinda funny
the lengths that i go to in order to measure each moment
make the most of the day
i'm a little too cautious, saying
make a ripple just careful they ain't waves
(careful they ain't waves)
can't disrupt this place
but aren't you bored of this?
am i gonna spend every minute just trying to save some precious time
(save some precious time)

leave the light on, when you're gone
and i'll be lying here with eyes glued to my phone
'cause i ain't sleeping when i'm alone
can someone tell me that i'm fine 
'cause right now i don't really know

i don't want to die, but i won't lie
i'm not having the best night
this shit keeps my head so busy 
wondering if we wasted time

i seek out comfort
but only for long enough to know my life is worth something
sunset escapes
and you tell me stop running, stop running babe, but i
gotta catch up, the future is minutes away 
oh tell me i'm okay, i swear i 

i'll leave the light on, when you're gone
sick of going out but sick of staying home
'cause i ain't sleeping
when i'm all alone
but when you tell me i'll be fine
that's the only time i really know

i don't want to die, but i won't lie
i'm not having the best night
this shit keeps my head so busy 
wondering if we wasted time

we live for the feeling
praying to gods in our minds, getting high as the ceiling
remembering not to forget how your touch is so healing
chemicals rush to our heads
i used to wanna be dead, now i forget, can i just vent, baby?

i don't want to die, but i won't lie
i'm not having the best night
this shit keeps my head so busy 
wondering if we wasted time
i don't want to die, but i won't lie
(praying to gods in our minds getting high as the ceiling)
i'm not having the best night
(remembering not to forget how your touch is so healing)
this shit keeps my head so busy 
(i used to wanna be dead now i live for the feeling)
wondering if we wasted time
(i rise with the morning, and fall with the evening, yeah)


prod. me

quarter-life crisis

named after my favorite flower

had this riff in my head for nearly a year now, decided to use to to clear my backlog and start with a fresh slate

pic is from baguio nakalimutan ko na anong kalsada basta yung hindi kennon road

MAY92020

call and response

fuvk

Recent comments

sadwiki

Related tracks