help me be me

thankyou sabotage

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Like Therapy But Cheaper

Letting go of someone or something you love can be a terrifying proposition.  This episode offers a small beacon of hope if you are confronting a painful loss. 

Episode 5: Letting Go

The relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you have in the world.  This episode features a recipe for creating more self-love and confidence so that you can live a happier and more fulfilling life.  There are ten different tools, a few of which are from the "Help Me Be Me" book.  Invest in your relationship with yourself and you will better the lives of everyone you touch. 

Episode 7: Self-Love from Scratch

This is an emotional power-up for a dose of perspective and inspiration.  It's for anyone who's afraid to make a big life change because they think it's too late or too hard at this point.  There's no such thing as too late, because no one has lived your life but you. 

It's Never Too Late

This episode is about things that cause us to feel ashamed and what those things have in common.  It's about examining the roots of these acts so that you can let them go, move on with your life and live more happily.  If there's anything that you don't want in your life, you can decide to change it today. 

Episode 9: Shame Shame Shame

This is about when people you love disappoint you. If you're stuck in a loop of bad behavior and find yourself set up again and again, maybe even to the point that a confrontation has come about, this is a podcast for you.

Whether it's a friend, family member, or significant other, the solution lies in setting your expectations to zero. Not in a bad way - in a realistic and self-loving, healthy way. 

When someone you love constantly disappoints you, what is really hurting you is your expectation not being met.  If you want to keep this relationship, you’ve got to be able to accept both outcomes, and be okay with that.  I know that’s easier said than done so I will cover the what, why and how in these types of relationships in hopes that you will better find a solution if you happen to be in a relationship like this. 


Episode 15: Great Expectations - When People You Love Disappoint You

For those who can’t stop trying to convince themselves they’re bad with self-destructive actions. This one is for Nikki. 

Why do we destroy relationships with those who love us? Why do break our own trust, betray our own dreams, and rob ourselves of happiness and safety as soon as we get close to it. It’s a mystifying loop of behavior that has powerful effects on everything about our life: a chain reaction that keeps us hiding or running from the ugly truth of what we’ve done. 

Just like an addict, you live with a subconscious awareness that you will inevitably destroy whatever good you might have – and that anxiety is overwhelming and scary. Like a lurking future of pain awaits you just around the corner. Happiness is immediately blocked by the overwhelming sense of dread that it will soon be lost. And so you self-medicate the fear and cling more tightly to what you want so badly. 

When you do inevitably self-sabotage and act out in ways that betray your values and the values of your partner, the experience is laden with fear and the resulting shame is soul-crushing. Like you just woke up inside a nightmare. You have an almost separate self who is doing these things despite you. 

I want you to know there’s a simple reason behind your cycle of behavior that you must CHOOSE to learn. It’s not who you are, it’s a tactic that you learned to cope with unrelated pain and anxiety. There are three parts: the what, the why, the how.

Help Me Be Me takes hundreds of hours to create. If you get anything out of this show or it brings value to your life, please consider a monthly donation – even something as small as a cup of coffee helps immensely. To donate visit HelpMeBeMe.com or Patreon.com/SarahMayB  Thanks!


Ep 74: Self-Sabotage: Why We Betray Ourselves and Destroy Our Relationships

This is an episode that I’ve been wanting to write for a while – because it’s something that reminds me of a very confusing and difficult time for me.  When I couldn’t find my voice, or access it. It’s a thing that happens to a lot of people – you can feel the thing you have to say and it’s just stuck inside your body. You can almost hear yourself screaming it, desperately trying to get it out. But your physical body doesn’t move. It’s like witnessing a silent victim trapped behind double mirrors in prison – why can’t they see me? Why can’t they hear me?

Wherever this is coming from – for you, I think I can help give you a bit of a leg up. Because I know how this feels – it’s traumatizing. The worst. Because it’s like you are doing it to yourself, and you are somehow the cause of your own horror – because of the fact that you can’t even stand up for yourself. It sets up a really heavy, powerful loop that compounds a new truth: I am hopeless. I am a liar. I am invisible. I am a coward. No one can see me suffering. No on can help me, including me. 

Wow – that got kinda dark, huh? Well it’s kinda that feeling – a deep, dark where no light reaches. Let’s get to some proactive information shall we? There are 3 parts, the what why and how – the tools.

Help Me Be Me

Ep 88: What to do when you can’t speak your truth

Contrary to popular belief, fights are not better talked out to the bitter end and happiness and intimacy are not the result of more loving couples. It really comes down to how you manage these perpetual fights.  I want to give you the main reasons people end separating or remain happy and together - based a couple different disciplines of research. Because a lot of what is the most damaging, isn’t obvious or calculated by a person. It’s totally accidental. 

When we have the same arguments and we start to get distant, it’s often because we don’t want to fight and we have a sense of dread around a repeated loop, so the distance is like a no-war zone between two foreign cultures. And the SHITTY news is when you get distant, your relationship is actually in the most trouble – because both parties are no longer demonstrating an investment in the bond. This is when you stop identifying as a couple and you start thinking in terms of me, the individual. And with that solo identity you start to focus on goals as an individual and not as a couple. Your focus redefines your past together as crappy – you see things from a personal interest standpoint. So if you guys are feeling distant and resentful, this is an episode for you! 

Caveat: I want to stress that this is NOT for people with abusive partners. Domestic violence is not something that I recommend using these tools for – if you’re in an abusive relationship, my heart goes out to you. If you like this episode, check the Gottman Institute for more! A lot of this is from his work.

For more of my writing and the blog version of this post, check out Yaywithme.com (the blogs will be posted a bit later than the podcasts). 

Book references:
Couples counselor questionnaire:
goo.gl/zWndxG
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
http://amzn.to/2oOqmqP
John Gottman’s most popular book:
http://amzn.to/2o3HxHU
The Gottman Institute – all their good, short articles. 
gottman.com
A book by the creator of Imago:
http://amzn.to/2onby1d
What to look for in a couples counselor:
http://www.marriagefriendlytherapists.com/whattolookfor.php

Ep 93: Relationship Fight Loops and Distance: Why We Lose Access to Intimacy

د. هبة رؤوف عزّت -1  أجسادنا الذات والوجود والدين (1)

This is for anyone who’s in the throws of getting over a really toxic and yet, addictive relationship. I would otherwise call it the rock bottom part of your relationship loop. Maybe you’ve known this was not a good relationship for you for a very long time but you were always too terrified to leave it. Yet now that you’re mid-escape, you feel crippled by the intense pain that’s been brought on by it. If that sounds like you – first of all I want to say – get to a therapist’s office, stat. This can be a really scary thing to go through without support. Now of all times, it can be really helpful to even try meds to take the edge off. If you feel like you can’t handle your sich – dial 9-11. That’s the simplest tool. 

And second, know that this will not be forever – even though that’s what your feelings tell you, right now. It’s just gonna suck for a little while. You’re in the thick of it, right now. The only way to move is up. Here are some tools to help you start heading there. 

The book (The Five Second Rule) I mentioned in this episode can be found here:
https://amzn.to/2x8pUZa

For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!

Ep 107: Kicking a Toxic Love - Relationship Withdrawals

Do you feel like you lost all power and autonomy in your new relationship? Are you always wrong, apologizing, groveling? Does it feel like you’re on drugs because of how intoxicating this person is? Do you obsess about them and yet you also kind of loathe dating them? Then you might be in a relationship with a narcissist. This is inspired by a listener and I thought it might be helpful to someone out there. And heads up - this is all information that is widely available out there on the interwebs so if you want to know more, give it a quick google – there are tons of resources. Here are a few books that I like if you want to dive deeper:
Book 1:
https://amzn.to/2MxkBd3

Book 2:
https://amzn.to/2Mz4BqO

And a book recommended by a listener (which I haven't read yet, but looks promising):
https://amzn.to/2RW4ZFC

To make request, see more of my work and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com xo

Ep 111: How to Tell if You’re Dating a Narcissist

This is for anyone has a person in their life who is mistreating them.  For example, let’s say you have an in-law who treats you like a punching bag, or your partner is hurting your feelings on a daily basis, or you have a volatile sibling who speaks to you terribly. It can be really disorienting, especially if you’ve been taking this for a really long time. Plus, with intimate relationships there’s often a trade-off that makes this even more complicated: if this relationship also provides you with rent, or your spouse doesn’t share your hurt perspective – you might feel guilty about having the feelings that you have. 

Caveat: this topic has some overlap with domestic violence but I am not addressing people who are victims of domestic violence. Why? Because in your situation, your physical safety is of primary concern and some of the tools I am offering might threaten that safety. For you I recommend you head to: thehotline.org or google your local domestic violence resource. And know that if you are in a relationship that you have been unable to leave – then know that it’s HARD but it’s not impossible. I’ve read that it takes an average of 7 to 8 times to leave – so whatever you do, don’t give up. 

As with all my episdes, there are three parts – the what, why and how the tools. 

To make a donation and for more of my work, head to YayWithMe.com xo!

Ep 118: Being Treated Like Crap – What to do, how much to take

Shame and trauma cannot be separated – they are incredibly interwoven. The reason I created this episode is shame is virtually unavoidable if you’ve been through a trauma and often times the shame is even harder to process and heal from. Why? Shame is an unseen self-authoring wound. It creates a whole slew of behaviors because we are tasked with carrying it – and as you are aware, shame is toxic. In order for us to contain it we need a wide buffer: a padding between it and consciousness. However, the way we create this is often very damaging and shame-inducing. So it’s a domino effect. And so most people avoid it for many years – why? It is too painful for us to look at. It’s also painful for others – if it tells you anything it’s often also avoided by therapists, because of how much discomfort it causes.

So this is really just an entry-level exploration of possible shame in your person. Inspired by my own recent enlightenments. They happen the tiniest bit at a time. I also have some reading for you on the topic:
Book 1 (for mindfulness intro):
https://amzn.to/378upTT
Book 2 (for more about shame/trauma):
https://amzn.to/2sjyfuz
reference for this piece:
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1002/anzf.1275

For comments, requests and to make a donation head to yaywithme.com

Yay.

Ep 122: Shame and Trauma: Unseen Bruises that Define Self

This is an episode all about when you are your base level self. When you are rude, hurtful, intentionally mean, aggressive or difficult with others. Or perhaps you are sad, clingy, manipulative and controlling. In other words, when you act in ways that make you feel really bad about yourself. These states of being usually come about when you are super overworked or stressed, or you’re sleep-deprived or hormonal¬– and you end up snapping at people you love. Regardless of the conditions that set it up, it’s a state of being that perpetuates more of itself via feelings of shame and self-blame. A vicious cycle! So included in this episode are tools to help you navigate out of that state and also retrain yourself if you habitually end up here. 

For more of my work, to make a request, or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
- - - - - - - - 
This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high quality ingredients. Go to www.helloned.com/HELPMEBEME or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks!

Ep 125: Base-Level Self: When You're Acting Like a Person You Hate

عن رحلة الخوف و الطمأنينة 

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ضيفة الحلقة: أميرة النجيم ، كاتبة ابداعية و متخصصة في التشافي بالمسرح

https://twitter.com/ameera_hsn

https://instagram.com/ameera.an

فيديو أميرة في TedX
https://youtu.be/k5Bs-wMxsAk

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كتابة : عايشة و عبدالرحمن 
تصميم الغلاف : أحمد



للمزيد زوروا موقعنا :
muswaddah.com/


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بودكاست وجدان | ما هو تأثير الخوف على حياتنا؟
https://apple.co/3ga2o3y

قِف ... انظُر نحو السّماء

Hi friends! This is a short episode all about what the theme of this show means to me. So if you're struggling and you don't know why you keep blowing up your life, this is a little bit of inspiration for you. If you don't like therapy or you don't think there's help out there for you, think again and take a listen. And if you've been through trauma at some point in your life - definitely read this book:
https://amzn.to/2Wm5KaN
...and don't lose hope! 

This episode is sponsored by Better Help: online access to therapists, around the globe. If you want to support this show, use our code for 10% off your first month of therapy. Head to TryBetterHelp.com/HelpMeBeMe

Self-Help for people who hate self-help

This is my interview with author and stand-up comic, Sam Tallent. His new book– Running the Light, is fiction– it’s fantastic and it’s available at SamTallent.com A burst of inspiration for anyone worried about whether or not what they want to make– is worth it. This is an episode (inspired by my husband, Adam) all about creativity, going for it and not letting external systems decide your creative output in this life. I found this conversation very energizing and inspiring – I hope you do as well! 
 
The book I referenced in this episode is here:
https://amzn.to/38xDwkE

Some of the books Sam referenced are here:
https://amzn.to/38upu35
https://amzn.to/3oA5gub
https://amzn.to/2XvyWwE

This episode is sponsored by Better Help: online access to therapists, around the globe. If you want to support this show, use our code for 10% off your first month of therapy. Head to TryBetterHelp.com/HelpMeBeMe

Ep 139: Comedian Sam Tallent on How to Create Art for Joy + Being True to Yourself

Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, coach/mom/all-around happy person, and these are the tools that work for me in my life. For all of my offerings you can check out YayWithMe.com What I share is my personal opinion. It's not a diagnosis for treatment or a substitute for professional help. If you're suffering, please reach out to your local emergency services or call 9-1-1. Music theme created by www.BookerHillMusic.com