thanku

This is for anyone who has been burned and now they are struggling with the idea of revenge.  Maybe you were in a relationship with someone and discovered were betraying you.  Maybe you confronted the person and they acted aloof and then immediately moved on.  This is so you can accept the truth of your situation. so that this never happens to you again. 

If you are reeling from a very recent realization – I know this is all a lot to take in so go easy on yourself and don’t do it all at once. The loss of someone you loved itself is painful. On top of that you are confused by the fact that they seem to care nothing about you or your feelings.  That’s painful.  It’s extremely confusing because you have feelings in all directions: they all don’t make sense. Because this is not how a person who loved you is meant to act.  That is a key piece of information.  THAT IS NOT HOW SOMEONE IS MEANT TO ACT. It’s not normal or average – this is not what your life and future are meant to be.
If this is your situation, I send you my love and know that this time will pass! I will post a blog version of this episode along with some reading material so that you can further investigate your particular situation. Know that you will get through this. I send you my love and vibes of positivity, xoxox Sarah May B. 

This one is for Diane! Hope this helps and thank you for writing me!! Xo 

Links to the blog etc:
http://www.teaspoonofhappy.com



Episode 25: Vengeance of the Heart - When you've been burned and you're all-consumed

OR Building friendships worth growing for a lifetime.


In this podcast I go over the three essential ingredients to good friendship so that you can train yourself to choose great ones. I also cover nine general rules for being a great friend to yourself and others – as well as ways to find friends that are perfect for you. So if you are looking to make new and better friendships that you can invest in for a lifetime, this is a podcast for you.

This is for Catherine – (thanks girl!) She wrote, “Can you talk about what it means to be a good friend – and ways to practice that.” Catherine - I know your question was more general than the topic above. I chose to take this angle because I think it’s a good way to force yourself to choose better relationships, despite your conditioned-in blinders. 

Just like with anything else – a job, a marriage, or anything really, we bring our old rusty eyeballs into a relationship – and often we can’t tell how we are being blinded by those issues and experiences.  Sometimes they can compromise our ability to choose the right people for the right reasons, or give and to receive the fruits of friendship.  In other words, they get in the way of smart and self-loving decision-making.  So I am going to present this to you in a way that hopefully will allow you to approach friendship from an intentional perspective so that you can build mutually beneficial and powerful friendships that bring value to your life and the others who are out there right now, in need of a friend like you.

If you likee, check out the Teaspoon for more of my writing- as well as my books. And if you prefer to read, this will be posted as a blog later on this week. Smile peeps! xox Sarah May b.

http://www.teaspoonofhappy.com


Episode 27: Nine Tools to Build Successful Friendships

This is a podcast for relief from the self-inflicted pain called Regret. If you suffer from a chronic problem of regret – or you have a major life-defining regret, this is a podcast for you. 

The most important part is it’s not about what it’s about. It’s a ruse!  I am going to try to logically dismantle if for you, because I do not have regret – ever. It’s not because I don’t mess up, it’s because there’s no such thing as an undo button and regret is a worse sin than the original mess up. It’s like burning something valuable and throwing opportunity in the trash. 

Quite simply? It’s really a bad habit – and it’s not about what it’s about.  You are punishing yourself for having to learn a lesson the hard way. Why?
You want to feel bad because you feel like it’s warranted: Like penance. It's a trained-in compulsion, your mind naturally assigns it. It has nothing to do with the thing you regret, itself.  As your life exists only in the present.  You are deciding (unconsciously of course) to relive the thing you dislike, that happened in the past. 

That is illogical: and most importantly - it is worsening something negative by wasting valuable energy and focus on it. Continuing to create waste! That is the real problem. It’s like building a bonfire in the center of your living room because you accidentally burned a hole in the couch.  

Often, source of your regret is totally unrelated.

They are old residual feelings of low self worth. It's a go-to label for all resonant feelings of pain. You get that sinking feeling of pain that creeps over you, and you think, “what is this about? Oh yeah – I am sad because I ruined my interview..” when in reality, it’s from when you were in school and you got in trouble all the time. The feeling is really tied to, “I’m a bad kid.”

Regardless of the source – it’s an automated reaction that must be deliberately undone.  Starting now! Please join me!! Xox Sarah may B.

This is for Angelica. Thank you for this awesome topic! I know it’s a big one. :)


Episode 28: Regret: Relief from the Self-Inflicted Pain that Drives Us Mad

When you go through a devastating experience like being left by someone you thought was “yours for life” it can be unearthing of everything in your world. Shaking what you want, how you feel about yourself and the future, what you feel safe with – who you feel safe with. Aside the expected affects, the pain, the mourning, this kind of experience can have some very strange effects – because when you’re taken by surprise by something like a relationship, it’s traumatic.  You have been shocked.  So I will hopefully tackle some of the common ones – so you can see that you’re not crazy, it’s all quite natural, as well as hopefully offer you a timeline for how you might feel.  One you can follow along with – so that you can best care for yourself and allow yourself to heal and grow.

If this was a long-term relationship – or even a short one but one you relied on in immense ways, the loss can make you feel you have nothing to stand on.  In short, it can level you and remove all safety from your life. You might be going through worry over what will come of your life – will you remarry? Will you ever love again, trust again? Are you loveable? Am I too old, am I stupid to have trusted this person? Was I the only one who didn’t know – how didn’t I know? What’s wrong with me that I didn’t see this coming? How do I even move on with love?  Woah. Yeah, that’s a lot. So slow down.  It’s going to be okay. It’s time to put that aside.  Now is not the time you should be thinking about the future. You should simply focus on loving and caring for yourself right now. 

Truly, how could you tackle planning anything other than addressing your immediate needs – you just experienced a traumatic event in your life and you are in a recovery/healing mode – that’s what you need to be aware of most.  All you need to do right now is make yourself feel soothed and healthy and balanced.  

If you’re going through a total limbo of character and it’s freaking you out, I will go through a couple of common reactions that happen when one is put through a trauma such as yours. And yes, it’s a “trauma” which means your person is likely having a hard time integrating this new information back into your brain alongside the rest of your experiences. So in short, a big shift is happening. Don’t worry! It’s all for the good. I hope I can help you stay balanced throughout it – hang in there, friend - because I know an event like this can rock you to your core. 

If you want to read more of my writing on a variety of other topics – and to see the blog version of this podcast, visit:

http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com

Smile y’all! Sending you my love… Sarah-May B.


This is for Linda, I hope you like and hang in there girl!


Episode 33: Blindsided with a Broken-heart: When you lose something you thought you had forever.

In this episode I talk about why people are afraid of intimacy and commitment – and I do it for both sides of the relationship: the fearers and the chasers. So this is for anyone who was in a happy in a relationship and then their partner started distancing as soon as things got close. It’s ALSO for anyone who can’t seem to stay in a committed relationship and you don’t know why you find yourself bailing as soon as someone starts to like you. This is something I see often in my One-on-One’s and I thought it warranted a podcast episode. And because I am directing this at two audiences, I jump back and forth between who I am identifying with. So sorry in advance if that gets annoying. I don’t want one side to feel left out. As per usual there are three parts: the what, why and how the tools. 

To make a donation and see more of my writing head to YayWithMe.com

My references and your recommended reading:
For Huskies:
Mindsight 
https://amzn.to/2AjEkKN

The Self-Sabotage Cycle 
https://amzn.to/2LsQrds

For Cubs:
Attached
https://amzn.to/2NQ8tTQ

Men Who Can’t Love 
https://amzn.to/2K3MGpa

Help Me Be Me

Ep 106: Fear of Intimacy + Commitment

How being overly identified with what others think is tied to a lack of self-love.  This is for anyone who doesn’t trust themselves and generally doesn’t feel they’re a quality person. If you act in really selfish and self-destructive ways – maybe you betray others and lie or cheat. Or you feel really heavily identified with your body or your appearance, or the attention of others – but you don’t feel there’s much more that’s good about you and who you are, then this is for you. This is about beginning the process of understanding why this is happening and also starting to build up faith that you are a good person. The mindfulness books I mention in this episode are here:
https://amzn.to/3izGVla
https://amzn.to/32jI371
https://amzn.to/2RkNBHY

This episode is sponsored by Better Help: online therapy with licensed counselors, available around the globe. To get started and also help out this podcast, use our code and get 10% off your first month of therapy. Visit TryBetterHelp.com/HelpMeBeMe

Ep 135: Empty on the Inside - Attention-Seeking on the Outside

Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, coach/mom/all-around happy person, and these are the tools that work for me in my life. For all of my offerings you can check out YayWithMe.com What I share is my personal opinion. It's not a diagnosis for treatment or a substitute for professional help. If you're suffering, please reach out to your local emergency services or call 9-1-1. Music theme created by www.BookerHillMusic.com