If you just got dumped, here's a special playlist with some helpful content. Although it feels like the end of the world, this isn't forever and you will one day be happy. Much love xox Sarah May B.

Getting Dumped

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me be me

This is for anyone who is suffering the pain of loss.  Loss of someone or something important in your life is one of the most difficult things you will ever have to deal with.  And though it feels excruciating, it’s part of what makes your life rich – it is the other half of love.

Right now you are likely struggling with what you want to believe is impossible.  It feels so wrong – like such a violation of natural laws. Your brain and body also wants desperately to deny that this loss is true.  That is the fear of the pain you will feel – you don’t want to look.  Like you almost want to forget – to avoid confronting this truth.

I must tell you that although the pain is almost unbearable, it will not kill you.  You will move through it – just allow yourself to move through it a little bit at a time. Act as your own caregiver in the way you treat this managing of pain. 

I know it's a process that will feel like it's never ending but in reality it will be much shorter than you think, and every day it will get the tiniest bit easier. Just the tiniest bit. And one day you will once again be happy.

Right now - all you can do is move through this time with grace: decide you are going to take it easy on yourself and soothe yourself in any and all ways you possibly can.  The best tools I can give you are to manage the processing of the pain in small and manageable increments, so that you can remain as stable and healthy as possible.  

What I will (hopefully) give you: 
- A structure to abide for self-care.  
- A way to mourn so that you can continue to function and take care of yourself.

This one's for Bo. I hope this helps you even a little bit! xox

Episode 30: Mourning and Dealing with the Pain of Loss

When you go through a devastating experience like being left by someone you thought was “yours for life” it can be unearthing of everything in your world. Shaking what you want, how you feel about yourself and the future, what you feel safe with – who you feel safe with. Aside the expected affects, the pain, the mourning, this kind of experience can have some very strange effects – because when you’re taken by surprise by something like a relationship, it’s traumatic.  You have been shocked.  So I will hopefully tackle some of the common ones – so you can see that you’re not crazy, it’s all quite natural, as well as hopefully offer you a timeline for how you might feel.  One you can follow along with – so that you can best care for yourself and allow yourself to heal and grow.

If this was a long-term relationship – or even a short one but one you relied on in immense ways, the loss can make you feel you have nothing to stand on.  In short, it can level you and remove all safety from your life. You might be going through worry over what will come of your life – will you remarry? Will you ever love again, trust again? Are you loveable? Am I too old, am I stupid to have trusted this person? Was I the only one who didn’t know – how didn’t I know? What’s wrong with me that I didn’t see this coming? How do I even move on with love?  Woah. Yeah, that’s a lot. So slow down.  It’s going to be okay. It’s time to put that aside.  Now is not the time you should be thinking about the future. You should simply focus on loving and caring for yourself right now. 

Truly, how could you tackle planning anything other than addressing your immediate needs – you just experienced a traumatic event in your life and you are in a recovery/healing mode – that’s what you need to be aware of most.  All you need to do right now is make yourself feel soothed and healthy and balanced.  

If you’re going through a total limbo of character and it’s freaking you out, I will go through a couple of common reactions that happen when one is put through a trauma such as yours. And yes, it’s a “trauma” which means your person is likely having a hard time integrating this new information back into your brain alongside the rest of your experiences. So in short, a big shift is happening. Don’t worry! It’s all for the good. I hope I can help you stay balanced throughout it – hang in there, friend - because I know an event like this can rock you to your core. 

If you want to read more of my writing on a variety of other topics – and to see the blog version of this podcast, visit:

http://www.TeaspoonOfHappy.com

Smile y’all! Sending you my love… Sarah-May B.


This is for Linda, I hope you like and hang in there girl!


Episode 33: Blindsided with a Broken-heart: When you lose something you thought you had forever.

Just like stress can cause you to get a tight knot in the muscles of your back, so too can other parts of your body hold tight to things like fear or anger or even malform due to a particular belief system.  Things like a pervasive feeling of lack in life can manifest in physical form in the way we digest food. You’ve probably heard things like this a million times and thought to yourself, “Ha - yeah right!” Because it’s a heady concept and not something you could TEST with a beaker tube. The power of the mind over the body comes off as super new-agey and therefore we all to often put it in the bullshit pile. But the affects of how we hold onto emotional pain are quite severe, they manifest in disease and damage your gene code for future generations– so in my opinion, why not lean in favor of, “do something about it, regardless” because there’s nothing to lose, everything to gain.  OR, even just decide to stay open to what I am saying purely for the sake of practicing openness. 

In broad strokes, I will go through some of the connections between emotions we hold onto and where they tend to get stuck in our body- plus a few tools to do something about it. There are several books on the particular topics that I will post at the end of the blog version of this podcast, but in truth – if you suffer from chronic pain go to a doctor! And if you suffer severe emotional pain, see a therapist! This is not a substitute for either of those. 

So you know what you’re getting into – this is an episode all about the body, with a lot of yoga poses to soothe particular negative emotions that get stuck in your body. If that doesn’t appeal to you – you probably won’t like this episode– but I will bet you get something valuable out of it regardless. This is about the body, so I’m going to talk about things like pooping – so if that’s not what you want to listen to right now, then maybe save this for another time. There are three parts – the what, the why and the how. I hope you enjoy lovely peeps. xoxoxo


Episode 62: Where We Hold Pain: How Negative Emotions Get Stuck in Our Bodies

This is also known as gas-lighting – based on a Hitchcock film where Ingrid Bergman was made to feel crazy by her husband. 

What I am going to talk about is what to do and how to recognize when someone is intentionally keeping you feel off-balance or pushing your buttons to make you into the bad guy. It’s a control tactic, and it’s extremely cruel – not to mention, when done overtime it can make you believe you can’t trust your own instincts. You will start to lose a connection to your own gut instincts because someone is making you believe that they might be wrong, consistently over time. It can stall you from actually reaching the solution to an issue, and even blind you to real and dangerous truths happening right in front of you – on a greater and greater scale. Because over a long period of time – no matter how rational and confident you start out, eventually you catch “the sickness” of the manipulative behavior. Long story short – it’s DANGEROUS and NOT COOL and you shouldn’t be tolerating it or be around it – at all. This is an episode to give you a starting point for helping yourself out of this situation. 

Three parts – what why and how, the tools. 

Apologies for the background sounds - I recorded this after work in the car so there are helicopters around me!


Ep 76: Dirty Tactics: When Someone Uses Manipulation to Make You Feel Crazy

Oh shit. This is bad. I’m not wrong, they’re wrong. Ouch this hurts. I wish this wasn’t this way. Why does everyone hate me? I hate everyone. I am dreading going to this place. I wish I never dated that person. They’re probably talking shit about me.  I should be doing better by my age. I haven’t done anything with my life. No one loves me. I look like shit.

These are the voices of worry, shame, fear, regret, pain of various forms – the loops that play out and push us to solve for x or act according to x.  This is when you can’t find your way out of a situation and instead your life just gets smogged over by the situation: when you know that something is wrong and because of it, you feel terrible inside. Life suddenly loses its highlights.  You ask for advice, you work on plans to overcome it, you wish on it, pray on it, lament it, replay it, try to aggressively work on alleviating it, or you hide from it and numb it. And it thickens. It’s the one thing that really catalyzes a whole lot of other beliefs – and you can’t seem to figure out a workaround.  When an emotion sticks inside us it CONTROLS US and often pushes us to act on its behalf – like a little demon with a joystick inside your brain. 

So if this sounds vaguely familiar, this is an episode for you. There are three parts – the what, the why, and the how  - the tools! Before I go on I wanted to let everyone know about my second podcast called “Love is Like a Plant” with Ellen Huerta of Mend. She’s building an app to get you through a breakup. Check us out – it’s all about relationships and dating. Anyhoo. The what!

If you like what you hear and you want to support this show visit me on Patreon or head to HelpMeBeMe.com and click donate! xox

Ep 77: Something's Wrong: When Worry, Hurt, Stress and Sadness Make You Stuck

A power-up episode for anyone dealing with the pain of sorrow of grief and they don’t know where to put the painful feelings. This is a new meditation exercise I learned and I think it’s pretty amazing. I hope it works for you, too. xoxo


Grief & Deep Sadness - a meditation exercise for releasing and passing pain

This is a power-up episode for anyone facing change that feels too hard or too painful. Take heart and remind yourself that you will do what you need to do when you're ready and in your own time. xo!
Sarah May B.

A Grounding Talk for Confronting What Feels Impossible

Hi peeps, this is a cheat of an episode in that it’s about how to get closest to getting your ex back via supporting yourself. There are no cheats that will make your ex spontaneously love you if things fell apart, so think of this as a best-practices-for-best-conditions kind of thing.  

That feeling of pain and longing and even obsession over the loss of your relationship. Maybe it wasn’t something you were expecting, or you both kind of “decided” it was right but now you’re realizing it’s not at all what you wanted and you can’t stop thinking about getting back together. Maybe you’re internet stalking your ex, maybe you’re just super depressed and texting them when you get drunk. Or maybe you’re actively trying to convince them you should get back together – as respectfully as you possibly can, and you can’t for the life of you, figure out how to do this right. So this is for anyone who is trying to get their ex back or is holding their head up high and not admitting they want that, but still wishing they were magically back together– either because you broke their heart and you know now you screwed up, or because you were dumped and you were not ready or willing to have this outcome. If this is where you are – you’re likely in a split personality state that can be sometimes a belligerent puking of tears, sometimes a banal but painful loneliness, sometimes annoyingly obsessed, sometimes scary-obsessed, or sometimes feeling like complete and utter worthless shit – and ONLY your ex can make you feel stable and “yourself” again. 

If you are helped by this podcast, consider a small donation. Visit https://www.yaywithme.com/support-help-me-be-me or visit www.Patreon.com/sarahmayb

Help Me Be Me

Ep 80: I Want My Ex Back - Best Practices Toward Loving Outcomes

An interview with Dr. Sharon Flynn, PhD all about therapy and how it works. How long does therapy take? How do I find a therapist? What's the difference between all the different doctors? How much does it cost? We will discuss various techniques, plus why someone might want to go to therapy in the first place. Hopefully if you've had a "dumb" question about therapy, I will ask it for you! To find Dr. Sharon Flynn, visit https://goo.gl/Mg1yLO

Ep 84: Therapy 101 - What Kind of Help to Get, Why + How

If you got dumped or you didn’t get your dream job, here are some tools and insights to get you back on the wagon of awesomeness. 

Getting rejected is a confidence assault on so many levels because it reduces you to below the level you were before you mustered the courage to try. Especially if you don’t see it coming, it can make you feel like you can’t trust your gut and therefore, you should never try again. Well I assume you’re waiting for the typical catch-phrases like, “You can’t win if you don’t try.” But that would make me annoyed if I just got rejected so I’ll skip that part. 

Here are some tips to give you some grounding if this just happened to you. 

Looking for more? Head to YayWithMe.com xox
My theme song was created by BookerHillMusic.com

How to deal with rejection

Let’s say you’re not confident, which leads your to focus on others and accommodate their needs solely. Or you have been tipped off balance because there’s someone in your life that you want so bad and you feel like you can’t keep them so you’re doing whatever you can think of to keep them – but that’s creating a cycle where they pull away more. This is for you. It’s a recommended “core workout” in that it’s for regaining your inner strength. It starts with strengthening that relationship with yourself and a bond with yourself. Another term for it would be self-love. 
Heads up - this is an episode I recorded without a script so if something doesn't make sense, leave me a comment and I'd be happy to answer. 
If you liked this, please leave me a review on iTunes! For more of my work check out HelpMeBeMe.com xo

Ep 92: Confidence in Love - A Core Workout

Hi friends, in this episode I answer 3 questions: what to do if you’re stuck and you can’t figure out what you’re passionate about. What to do when you are stuck in a pit of hopelessness and despair and you feel ashamed and can’t seem to get a break. What to do if you are stuck, depressed and you really don’t have any good friendships. I hope this gives you some relief! I know a lot of these issues are really big, chronic ones and the solutions will not be quick and easy – but if this was your question, I want to say whatever you do – don’t stop trying. I believe eventually you fill find your cocktail solution. It just takes persistence and a teaspoon of luck, which can be arrived at via trial and error. Xo Sarah May B. 

For more of my writing, my one-on-one plans, my books and other resources check out YayWithMe.com

Audience Q&A's: What To Do if You’re Stuck and Passionless, Stuck and Hopeless, Stuck and Friendless

When we don’t feel safe, we tend to panic. Especially if you lack the innate knowledge that you will be okay. So when external events happen that take our sense of safety away – it can lead you into a state of intense suffering that then deepens into a state of hopelessness. This is when external hardship is really damaging. However – you can foster an innate sense of resilience – by practicing steps and thoughts despite yourself. So if you are in that state, of if you want to preempt it – here are some steps for you to take.

If you want to read more of my writing, to make a donation, and for more helpful resources, check out YayWithMe.com

Ep 98: Resilience for Codependents and Those Experiencing Adult Hardships

In this episode I answer three different audience questions. The first, how to stop obsessing about a person after a single date – and the other person doesn’t want you back. Second, how to deal with feeling empty and lost – like the shell of a person. Third, how to stop forcing instant closeness with new friends – including oversharing. This one’s for: “Hijacked with infatuation,” “Lost” and “Instant Besty.” The links I mention in this episode include: 
The book The Depression Cure: http://amzn.to/2F9PCPv
The fish oil I take in DHA: http://amzn.to/2tecCvb
and EPA: http://amzn.to/2oIX1iH
The Lily Pad podcast episode:
https://soundcloud.com/helpmebeme/episode-44-personal-priorities-pond-a-self-esteem-building-exercise
And to make a donation or read the blog version of this podcast, head to YayWithMe.com xo! Sarah May B.

Help Me Be Me • Power-Ups

Audience Q&A: Painful Infatuation, Feeling Empty & Lost, Needing Instant Friends

Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, coach/mom/all-around happy person, and these are the tools that work for me in my life. For all of my offerings you can check out YayWithMe.com What I share is my personal opinion. It's not a diagnosis for treatment or a substitute for professional help. If you're suffering, please reach out to your local emergency services or call 9-1-1. Music theme created by www.BookerHillMusic.com