Help me be me

positivismo

What is your "Achilles" type? Know that the bad choices you make are not your fault — it’s likely that you cannot see the patterns in your choices because it's encoded into your chemistry, based on your upbringing. It’s all part of your “love map” – basically the foundation for what you believe around love, commitment and relationships. This is an episode for anyone who has a track record of choosing bad relationships, whether it’s friends or love interests. I will go through the basics of bad relationship matches: how to spot them and why they are the way they are. I'll also offer you insight into what could be drawing you toward these types in the first place so that you can choose be intentional about looking for different types moving forward. Also, I have a special guest with me— the love of my life and my future hubby, Adam. Yay.


Episode 11: Looking For Love in All The Wrong Places

This is about when people you love disappoint you. If you're stuck in a loop of bad behavior and find yourself set up again and again, maybe even to the point that a confrontation has come about, this is a podcast for you.

Whether it's a friend, family member, or significant other, the solution lies in setting your expectations to zero. Not in a bad way - in a realistic and self-loving, healthy way. 

When someone you love constantly disappoints you, what is really hurting you is your expectation not being met.  If you want to keep this relationship, you’ve got to be able to accept both outcomes, and be okay with that.  I know that’s easier said than done so I will cover the what, why and how in these types of relationships in hopes that you will better find a solution if you happen to be in a relationship like this. 


Episode 15: Great Expectations - When People You Love Disappoint You

Hi my friends! Today’s podcast is about “badges” – or external factors that somehow take on supreme meaning in your life and dictate your self-worth – to you.  Whether it’s a job, a number on the scale, a trophy or an expensive car – a badge can affect you so deeply that your whole world changes in the blink of an eye, almost like a hallucination.  You might have experienced the results of wearing your badges when you’re either on a personal high or low – and the difference between the two worlds is vast and disorienting, despite how small the factors are when put in perspective. 

For example – let’s say you get an accolade at work: you feel like you’re a star, you’re so powerful and confident, you don’t need anyone! You don’t even need to call people back! You are that worth knowing, and everyone loves you.  Maybe you more freely spend money because you’re going places! You look better in the mirror, you feel young, successful, sexy… “Man I impress everyone!” 

The flip side of that coin is pretty dark: when you feel you have failed at something or lack something meaningful. For example, maybe you met someone you liked and texted them, but never got a text back. Suddenly the same you will feel ugly, fat, clumsy, talentless, incapable, and perceive that everyone around you sees you as an imbecile.  Suddenly this hallucination changes your interpretation of everything anyone says to you:  you question whether or not your friends like you, whether or not you are smart, and even how you see your reflection.  From this state of mind, you see your acne as horrendous! “How does anyone like me, at all?”  

And all of this happens in a split second: with one tiny bit of information, your view of yourself and your life - changes. That’s how powerful these external badges can be, and that is not how they should be.  Because that is very unfair to you, to be owned by something so dumb – and it’s making you miss out on the real goods you might experience – you’re focusing on the wrong thing if you want to really understand and appreciate who you are.  Which is great, and a gift of a person to know. 

So if you’re in a place where you feel bad about yourself based on an external definition – so much so that it has taken control of the opinion you hold about yourself– this is a podcast for you.  Perhaps even listen to it twice, because if this is happening to you – this can be untrained just like any other bad habit.  And you deserve for it to stop – cause you’re awesome!

For the blog version, check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com later this week, and as always, smile peeps!! xox Sarah-May B. 


Episode 36: The Badges That Define You and Dictate Your Self-Worth

This is for states of emotional pain - when you are trying to make it through the day-to-day in environments that don't make you feel safe. It's for anyone who has had something take the wind out of them lately and maybe you’re hurting pretty bad, and you feel very fragile as it is – and yet you’re out in the world in places that make you feel even more vulnerable. Maybe you’re working on healing but when you are exposed or raw in particular kinds of environments – it makes it really really hard to keep your head up and your eyes from twinkling. 

The super deep gut pain that makes you want to curl up in a ball in bed. This is for you – to hopefully ground you in those moments. 

When you are raw you will feel only completely aware of your vulnerability in the world – how fragile you feel emotionally, plus the deep bruise of whatever you have recently gone through. 

In short –this is a tough spot to be in. It can induce waves of gut-wrenching agony, causing you to wish there was an invisibility cloak. I will go through 1. Where you are: some perspective from outside of your pain to hopefully ground you. 2. What to expect moving forward 3. Some tools to use in the moment. 

I hope you likee and if you want to read more, check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com xo!

This is for you, Fran! Hope it helps and hang in there. xox

Episode 38: Emotionally Raw and in a State of Pain

This is sort of a follow up to the “emotionally raw” episode – and it’s for Emily – I hope you like it! Because in a more pervasive sense you are in a stage of reintegrating your knowledge of life, yourself, and also healing from trauma, while growing into fortified new and improved version of your self. So if you are reeling from a recent discovery or the life you planned fell apart- this is for you.  It’s a framework I would like to present to you in the hopes that it gives you a point to focus on as you move through this time. Because – yes, this time is painful, but it’s also a time of growth. You’re growing right now whether you know it or not. So this is my way of saying, “Hey! Look over here! Grow in this direction!”

I know this time is sad and painful, but consider that this is all part of the path.  It leads you to a better place that you’re meant to be in, that you would not have reached otherwise. Because of a breaking down of structures in your life, a big window just opened and there's a wonderful opportunity sitting there. What is it? A permanent approach to life that comes from a very rare and valuable perspective. Think of it as a new program that you can upload into your brain that gifts you relief from all self inflicted pain that results from the desire to predict and control. That means living with an innate understanding of the difference between what is, and is not within your control. It’s also an innate grasp on what it means to be you – as your true and best you, a person who remains on stable ground at all times. This program you are going to upload? Let's just call it your inner balance.

For more, head to TeaspoonofHappy.com and don't forget to smile! xo

Episode 39: Finding a State of Inner Balance-Tools for Strength-Building

Has it ever happened to you – that you do something nice for someone else and they don’t respond and so part of you is worried they didn’t like it, but then you start to get mad, because you are thinking – they should have appreciated that gesture! And how could they?! So uncaring. Wow – they are really a jerk, after all.  Or, maybe there’s someone in your workplace who gave you a dirty look – and you can’t figure out why, did they hear something? Do they really just dislike you? And if so, why? You didn’t do anything to them. Maybe you try to be nice and they don’t acknowledge you at all and now you just feel uncomfortable. The tension makes you feel nervous and distracted because you are nice! AND didn’t do anything wrong!  If this sounds like you and you do everything in your power to talk yourself out of it, but still can’t seem to soothe the obsessive thoughts of everything from worry to hate to insecurity and self-doubt, then this is a podcast for you! It’s got some information about why this happens plus some methods to soothe the obsession. And most importantly, how to curb your need for validation from other people when it’s hurting you to do so. 

For more of my writing, check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com

Smile lovely friends!!! And if you like this, please show me some love! It helps me a lot a lot! xox Sarah May B. 

(This one's for you - Ambika! Hope it helps xox)



Episode 41: What Do They Think: How to Stop Obsessing About Other People’s Thoughts

This is for anyone who has conflicts with someone they care about who wants to figure out ways to get out of those conflicts fast and productively. 
It’s about our emotional baggage – specifically the unmet needs from our childhood, and how those block us from being able to see and receive the love from people in our life currently.  I will focus on how to get out of conflicts and pain and move into happiness and get more of what you want. How to better love others and better encourage love back. 

It’s a set of tools to stay out of blaming and resenting and let go of what you think they should do. So that you can empower yourself to get to more of what you DO want – which is shared affection and happiness. 


Hi friends! I’ve been away for a bit because I got hitched! It was awesome and wonderful. And now I’m back!

I will do the usual 3 parts: The What, The Why, The How – the tools. And to be clear – this is about all relationships that involve conflicts between the needs of others and your own. About relationships that involve needs of others and your own – and when those don’t match up. 

For more check out TeaspoonOfHappy.com
Smile peeps! xo

This one’s for Lara from Spain – thanks for writing me girl! :) 


Episode 53: Love Languages: Overcoming Emotional Baggage So You Can Better Receive and Give Love

This is for people who are aware of when old issues are entering their present and they know they don’t want that to be happening. Our old memories operate like a trigger/pattern system. Think of it as a pinball machine called “My Pain Game” and it makes the shape of your brain with all sorts of memories that you allow to define who you are, what is allowed to affect you and what you focus on and feel.  You have that little pinball that lies latent but when it’s triggered – it shoots around your brain and activates different zones of pre-set actions. Those zones are things like, “

There are two little paddles you get to control at the base of this game.  Your emotionally driven reaction depends on where you choose to hit this ball.  If you hit it hard, it shoots into “pain and drama.”  When you don’t hit it at all, it drops off the board.  The point being – you are the one who keeps the ball in play.  So when it goes into a certain area, it activates new triggers that are not controlled by you. Those little “hot spots” that shoot it even harder – these emotional hotspots take over the game and the ball will shoot around the table at top speed. 

The ball makes its way around and back to our hands – and what we tend to do is shoot it back up again, causing it to replay the series of triggers we have all over our “memory of self.” 

Just like a pinball machine – often it feels in our mind like we have no control and we are not to blame for this patterned response. However – ultimately we have control, and we can choose to keep the ball in play or not.  Our power comes into play when we actually choose to USE that control in the moment it counts.  When we have the brief moment of awareness – that we are about to play out our game again. 

Aren’t you sick of the game? I bet you are – because what you’re losing right now is quality of life. If your old pain is old enough, it’s likely voiced by the rationale of a child – so the childhood logic, which is petty and small – is still operating you.  Even if the situation is recent and totally unrelated to your childhood dynamics –the same baggage will pilot you when a trigger comes up. Don’t let it. You’re a grown up now. And grownups can look at things and put them down already. Old pain is totally unnecessary and the only person it robs is YOU. You hurt you by wasting your valuable moments in an old automatic loop of behaviors and thoughts and reactions.  Who wants to play this now? It’s old, dusty and not fun. 

For more visit Teaspoonofhappy.com and please review me if you like this! xo

Episode 56: How to get over it: How to stop old conflicts from stunting your present life

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Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, coach/mom/all-around happy person, and these are the tools that work for me in my life. For all of my offerings you can check out YayWithMe.com What I share is my personal opinion. It's not a diagnosis for treatment or a substitute for professional help. If you're suffering, please reach out to your local emergency services or call 9-1-1. Music theme created by www.BookerHillMusic.com