oh what the fuck i was literally in the pose struggling to write and came to soundcloud. guess ill go back 😂

The main guitar is taken from Goonnights' song "sober"
link: https://soundcloud.com/goonnights/sober-ft-ever

The lead guitar in the second half was recorded by 2045
link: https://soundcloud.com/sc2un-sh4re
link: https://soundcloud.com/2045

Struggler is written about a sort of cycle I go through a lot, and trying to break it, but failing.
I always end up falling into slumps of creative block, and I always try way too hard to get out of it, and I always end up feeling horrible.
This song is also indirectly about me and my new alias, with some lyrics specifically referencing and responding to "To Disappear" which was a very difficult song for me.

As for this new alias, there's a full post on twitter, I'm sorry for deleting everything so suddenly, it was a really silly decision. "Rapture" will always be available on bandcamp for free.

remix stems:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1L6wVfOrNyYRWd7d7iVrHIA5V-PZnGjcb/view?usp=sharing
(162bpm, idk the key)

As always, Soundcloud isnt the best listening experience (specifically butchers the high end on this song), try spotify or youtube or something
The mixing is definitely intentionally a little messy, the vocals are a little quiet on purpose, I really enjoy the sound this song has, but I can agree it might not be for everyone.

[LYRICS]

And Oh, I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
And Oh, I might struggle and I might die

So tell me, is this healing?
Or it's a cycle that's repeating
And I need to know
If I'm gonna be here

Thickened Water
And Tarot Smoke

I guess I can feel it now
My gums are melting away
But they continued

And Oh, I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive
And Oh, I might struggle and I might die
So please don't disappear
Don't leave me in a shallow river

Struggle 'til I die

Struggler

bro really just bought soundcloud pro for a second account

white boy white boy

you’re better than everyone 

the type of boy to write stories

about is better

and everyone knows that

oh, don’t forget about the fact 

that they’re supposed to be another of 

thousands of other superlative people 

with money supporting them, ignoring the fact 

it’s evident

that nobody a kid with a little bit of melanin 

a mismatch within the sorority so develop big

animosity towards the ones who are mad at it

to the masses you

have everything we’ve thought wanted for 

too long. we ask that you be everything

and anything but forbearing 

when buried in the fight against

sentiment, all hiding

sentimental feelings will 

renovate into 

an emotional dystopia 

coping with the absurd 

fact that they’re supposed to be

another one of thousands of other 

hurting people

whose money’s controlling their

ignored and suppressed sentiments 

one of them goes to the kid with a little bit of

melanin 

asks them for help even though it is stretching

them thin

not knowing they’re one of the people 

who are mad at the

white boy, white boy

who’s better than everyone

so the white boy white boy

whose heads is a mess he runs

away

tried to correlate more

reasons they’re fed up with everyone

who tried to aid and support

their tendency to suppress their heart

an acquired taste

Stems are available @ https://evangeline.info

this song is about wanting normal things like normal people

Performed by
Evangeline, mt saint michael

Written by
E. Butcher

Produced by
Evangeline, mt saint michael, Callum Sheehan

https://evange-line.bandcamp.com/track/tailspin-ft-callum-sheehan-mt-saint-michael

[ SOC ]

--

I got the best seat in the house
and you've been dying to try it on
So when weeks turn into months and the blood dries up
I'm watching TV and you're up and gone

I want a house with a picket fence
so I can yell at the neighbor's kids
So when months turn into years and the scars disappear
I'll box all my thoughts up and shut the lid

And I hope your car tailspins on its way home
I'm chasing the high of skipping your funeral
So when old cuts open up and the tears start to fall
I'll put a band-aid on it but still fall comatose

Tailspin (ft. mt saint michael & Callum Sheehan)

>>>\\\LYRICS BELOW

goodbye, Trophy! (45-53)

the final trophy song

____

made in 24 hours for @artbyform 's All Nighter Vol. 7

In this song, clearlew's vocal performance embodies my two-year debate of being transgender. It's Canal Pride in Amsterdam as we're making this, and I'm sitting home writing a song with my best friend about being beautiful in my own way. However, given as to how clearlew sings my story and he doesn't represent the lyrics personally, we decided to write a song that can also be interpreted as a love song, about a girl named >>>"lola" - the name I would have given myself, if I would have decided to become a woman.

____

follow >>>clearlew
https://soundcloud.com/clearlew
https://open.spotify.com/artist/1G7GO69qXe0bNbenX5GQjb
https://www.instagram.com/clearlew_/
https://twitter.com/clearlew_?lang=en

____

Lyrics

I've gotta think twice
Because lola she's so beautiful
And I
I know it's gotta come from inside (yeah)
Girl this is ineffable
Girl I'm so irrational

I've gotta think twice,
Because lola she's so beautiful
And I
I know it's gotta come from inside (yeah)
Girl this is ineffable
Girl I'm so irrational

White heels, white skirt
I know I've never met her
But I can tell you that I know her more than anyone (oh yeah)
I'm such a perfectionist
But I dont know what perfection is
I'll tell you who I am
But girl I don't know who I am

Do you know how to do it like her?
Materialism, I think I'm falling for it all over again

I can't open my eyes
to see your face because I 
Just can't take another lie
(Give it time)

You always hide behind your actions like you know what's right
I'll keep hiding behind my eyes, 'till the time is right
You always hide behind your actions like you know what's right
I'll keep hiding behind my eyes, 'till the time is right

White heels, white skirt
I know I've never met her
but I can tell you that I know her more than anyone (oh yeah)
I'm such a perfectionist
But I dont know what perfection is
I'll tell you who I am
But girl I don't know who I am

Do you know how to do it like her?
Materialism, I think I'm falling for it all over again

I can't open my eyes
To see your face because I
Just can't take another lie
(Give it time)

You always hide behind your actions like you know what's right
I'll keep hiding behind my eyes 'till the time is right

I've gotta think twice
I've gotta think twice
(Yeah!)

____

goodbye, Trophy! (45-53)

clearlew + TROPHYTROPHY - lola (51)

@oakscreen, prod in 24h for anv7
piano from @ninthparallel,  guitar from julie k + @jaronsteele

loving love, with oakscreen

Music Video: https://youtu.be/SZW7eoFDP6k

ITS TRUCK MONTH BABY !!!!

thanks to @jessephamel for the cover art and the MUSIC VIDEO!
thanks to @wishlane for backup vocals on the last chorus !
thanks to all of YOU for your love and support !

lyrics:
i'm scared to leave my room now
i'm scared to leave my house
my mom says it's unhealthy
that i never get out
i'm scared of the helicopters
scared of the cops
i'm scared of the chem-trails
keep my door locked

keep in the filtered air
recycle everything
everywhere now
see me through my webcam
you know they can
you know they can
you know you know

don't want my life to pass me by
god damnit maybe it's really my star sign
you said i'm prone to hiding
i said it's just anxiety
"why would you be afraid of what you don't know?
take the risk take the shot
and see wherever it goes"
i wish it was that simple
but i can't shake this syndrome

i'm tired of baggy eyes
of being an adult
white guys on youtube always tell me it's my fault
i need to try to meditate
get off of these meds
if there's no [redacted] left
then fuck it it's the end



keep in the filtered air
recycle everything
everywhere now
see me through my webcam
you know they can
you know they can
you know you know

don't want my life to pass me by
god damnit maybe it's really my star sign
you said i'm prone to hiding
i said it's just anxiety
"why would you be afraid of what you don't know?
take the risk take the shot
and see wherever it goes"
i wish it was that simple
but i can't shake this syndrome

PG-13

the original song is Carly Rae Jepsen's Call Me Maybe

call me maybe rework

amazing cover art by @musictravels (jacob travels)
thank you Jacob for all the encouragement, advice, and painting.

thank you Christian and Paddy for feedback.

sifting through the worst of it, I know it shouldn't hurt
sifting through the worst of the words

Quit it with the philosopher pose
Just start singing some words and record
It doesn't need to make sense right now
and you know it I'm not built like a poet, baby

United States of America Centric Chart-Topping Lyrical Miracle 2022
I look up to you, I know it's a sin but I feel like it's my only escape

hide the fact that I am writing something pretty bad but it's okay,
hiding terrible songs that you'll never hear
but you know it I'm not built like a poet baby

Can't I stop making it hard, there is nothing to write
I know all of the words and they're just trying to hide

Plan is to bring my folks over to the show, to show them that I could do it
And in good time oh how much I'd grow, I'll tell them that they knew it

I wish I could write like Phoebe, Matty, You, Justin, Tracy, and you

Can't I stop making it hard, there is nothing to write
I know all of the words and they're just trying to hide

Just stop making it hard, there is nothing to write
You know all of the words in your heart and your mind

Lyrics 2022

big thanks to paddy (@clovehitch) for advice on arrangement and mixing

art generated with dall-e

If it's not for love then what the hell are we doing now?
Going out just to drink it up and letting it go to waistdown?
Is it too hard just to say
You don't even wanna look at my face
And you're drenched and drowned in make up,
bled your makeup now.

I can't quite read your face, Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa, Mona
Please communicate, I'm waiting for you to say 
something that will end all the pain.

I'm not a psychopath blowing up your phone for fun.
Could you listen to my song cuz I think you're the one.
Your dad is one lunatic if he wants me to stop
cuz I'm still in love with you and I'm still in love with you.

If it's not for love then what the hell are we doing now?
Going out just to drink it up and letting it go to waistdown?
Is it too hard just to stay in love
You don't even wanna look at my face
And you're drenched and drowned in make up,
bled your makeup now.

If you want to get to know me a little bit better, then you should try

telling if it's too late, I know it could just wait
telling if it's too late, I know it could just wait

try

Rosa Lisa

we do a lil sad

buy on bandcamp: https://otrapic.bandcamp.com/track/gravedigger

~~~
dig a grave
oh ill ruminate on the thought of your thoughts going blank
bottled thoughts in your hand
feel ashamed
or don't feel anything
and i go to waste

see your face
put a knife to my chest you said you'll never put your faith in me again, or that you're better off dead
feel erased
tell me I shouldn't feel anything at all because they "weren't your thoughts"

feel your body heat, you're sound asleep next to a monster
~~~

shoutout to @charlie-zacks for recording some vocal harmonies

gravedigger

buy on bandcamp: https://otrapic.bandcamp.com/track/222-confide

stream on spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/7AkiwfHiSxAxU7AtAsloII?si=C2m3F-DpR7-8wOTUVFeFXA&context=spotify%3Aalbum%3A0taEiwYEg4gWjOcNNzj02L

listen on apple music: https://music.apple.com/us/album/222-confide/1665450831?i=1665450832

~~~

to confide in this feeling
her sapling: overgrown
to sing into the bleeding heavens

im waiting
or am i sinking?

got some mud in my blood, let it rot
got some crud in my brain, let it clot up
and will i miss this sound when it’s not around?
will i miss the sound?

222_confide

Gala Unurbatar
June 7, 2000

rooting for you

Lyrics 2022

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