The songs and music I listen to on a daily basis. updating it depending on how I feel, what's new and, what I want to listen to and the potential hidden gems I find.

these days

heylog etc

hira, sinxi

Criminal Offenses

i cry tears of 40 proof salt

<//3

w @heylog
produced by sleepwater
lyrics:

i don't think that i feel it
my stomach can't heal it
my heart i warn you
surround me i turn blue
you doubt me you flew
you drowning in sloot
my heart break in 2
im ready to die
cos i left ur side
i kick back and cry
this where i resite
i laugh at myself
its good for my health (oh no)
whats that on my the shelf (oh no)
i think its yourself (oh no)

ash blonde hair i need you now
carve my life thru the fields im a tree in the ground
i can't feel my fucking heart so why does it go pound pound pound
i sense you wanna dart, so why
 dont u wannaa stay, now

i can sense the fear ik our loves linear now
feeling like a tree thats never gonna grow; help
beat me black and blue with all the words you spew pal
you could save him now but i don't think he wants you now

heylog:

your pretty little words are meshed and i don't feel them
i'm to the point where i just lost every feeling
i still wouldn't feel a thing if i had a million friends
i'm getting closer everyday to ending it
the sun falls and creeps through my window
it's blinding me, now orange is painted on my walls
the same colour i saw when i fell in love
when i see it again i just can't get enough
can someone end my life, i don't wanna be here at all..
i'm past the part where i care at all
that's when i know shits getting bad
and i wonder how long this'll last

tree w/heylog

Stream on Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/track/5o3zeb6JhEP7x2jGYZj7oa

Artists:
@prod-oc
@heylog

Lyrics:
did i want this, no not at all
does it concern you we still talk
i tried my best but it didnt work out
im tryna see you, dont know if ur taken now
i wanna get what was lost
i just want that for us
and tell you i love you

you lied to me
now the text box is green
so now is it tense
we went through this once
cant do it again
but thats what you get
i dont love me
so how can i love you
when i stand
to look at myself
no im not a fan
i wish i was dead

baby im not the same person i used to be
and when you left, did it have something to do w me
running around with you like it was yesterday
and if i saw you i wouldnt know what to say

you lied to me
now the text box is green
i dont love me
so how can i love you
so how can i love you

oc & heylog - love//heartbreak

faceless

'shredder' produced by heylog

lyrics:
at night i wanna end it all
in bed as tears begin to fall
water seeps through my pillow
i had to let it out
why won't u let me be
is it revenge you seek
too bad i cared for u
more than u could ever care for me

right now my only focus is on you
but if i die, i promise that i will warn you
but i cannot guarantee if i'll make it or not
so i'll cherish every moment with u
stay here, i gotta go i'll be right back
i head to war when voices causing this impact
but i cannot guarantee i'll make it out alive
so i'll try my best to stay intact
oh we out here alone with no one there by my side
i keep on hearing these screams and hearing people cry
but i don't know if it's real, don't know if it's a sign
i just know that i'm frightened and horrified
say where is log, i don't know where they went
i vanish into thin air and wait until i'm in
love for who i am
and love for within
u took that away now there's a shredder on my skin
if i were you i would hide
cus u don't know what u caused
u put on quite a show
let's give a round of applause
so are u done hurting me
and are u done w my head?
keep using it like a toy
you must forgot i'm human

don't wait for me now, i don't know how long i'll be
i'm too busy in the ground eating dirt u threw at me
oh u had your chance to let me go so i could breathe
now ur the one who's eating dust that i'm collecting on my feet
so how does it feel now that the roles finally swapped
i've been living too long feeling disgust inside this swamp
people love to talk but never wanna say a thing
when i be standing right there, c'mon and say it to my face
don't piss on my back and say it's raining from outside
i don't need no skin & bones for me to conjure every lie
i know i forgave but honestly i change my mind
cus i could not forgive a person who has stabbed me many times
say where is log, i don't know where i have been
i just stay as far as possible and locking every hinge
love for who i am and love for what i hold within
thanks for ruining what i had, this is where i shred my skin

you hurt..
you hurt
you hurt..
you hurt oh

don't look at me now, i feel so guilty in my chest
reflecting off the mirror is just a boy bout to collapse
i said i wanted peace, instead i got a giant war
and now i feel it slipping through as if this chapters gonna end
better start the next one bringing in new characters
maybe they'll respect me and everything will register
cus i don't need nobody who just screws behind my back
so tell me was it worth it throwing everything we had

spotify

shredder

produced by heylog

lyrics:
so
is this the end
we won't give up
just yet
so
what's next
i'll wait for you
even if you've met
someone else

you'll miss me
well i'll miss u too
staring at the sky
cus i see you
you need me
and i need u too
i just need to find where u went
i'm lost, unspoken
don't blame me for parting ways i had to cut u off
even when i smiled you just had to wipe it off
escape into the woods where no species exist at all
i might've found safety and that was all i want

so
this where we end?
i can't give up
just yet..
so
what's next
i'll wait for u
but you probly met
someone else

slip

guitar by @nevrfall
produced by heylog

lyrics:
rotting my flesh
mold in my lens
i feel corrupt
everything is a mess
i hear noise and groans
my systems broke
i'm deader as dust
takes over my bones

she
eats
slowly at me
i'm like her dessert
my skin is to feast
she
eats
every bit of me
gnawing my flesh
body slowly depletes

thank god i'm all alone don't gotta worry bout a damn thing
she loves makin eye contact with me now i just translate
while both her irises are narrowed by her pupils
caught up in the moment, every single time it's crucial
babe it's crucial
loving you is brutal
i'm willing for another shot to be quadruple
but your approval
it's only your approval
the only person is with me whom you'll be truthful

run from her fast
don't let her grab
or else she'll latch me
and start attacking

(x2)
she
eats
slowly at me
i'm like her dessert
my skin is to feast
she
eats
every bit of me
gnawing my flesh
body slowly depletes

gnaw

produced by heylog

lyrics:
fiending
oh you're always fiending
for something to catch a feeling
no, you don't take it easy
you're grieving
deleting
cause ur not receiving 
the guy who gives you meaning
it just ends up depleting
you need me

my hair is getting longer and mom says i need to cut it off
today i'm gonna pull it back or maybe i should let it fall
or maybe i should let it fall

my hair is getting longer and mom says i need to cut it off
today i'm gonna pull it back or maybe i should let it fall
i'm looking at the pane and see a kid i don't recognize at all
you think i'm in a crisis but this is my life inside a ball
but i am not the one to be crying over some bullsh-
i'm trying to be a man for a girl who is the purist
and i believe that's only achieved through work and purpose
but at the very end of the day it'll be worth it
so what'd you say you come tag along to a journey
i'll be your protector, you won't have to worry
will you believe in me if i focus and try
i'll do what it takes to give you a better life

i assume your brain still has developing to do
no one cares about my feelings and neither do you
only difference i don't post them, you fiend off replies
absorbing it like energy to mentally survive
you're fiending
oh you're always fiending
for something to catch a feeling
no, you don't take it easy
you're grieving
deleting
because you're not receiving
the guy who gives you meaning
it just ends up depleting
you need me
the letters i would write
could form into a book
when turning every page
seem to be overlooked
so when you read the words
imagine you are me
tearing paper
and grinding your teeth

oh i was always there
too bad i ain't here
go cry, well life ain't fair
it's not like i don't care
but oh my, i'm bad at saying no
but i don't wanna be a problem if i'm holding on
oh my, now you wanna complain
baby i'm not gonna put up with that for very long
for long

teeth II

produced by heylog 

lyrics:
I LIKE TO THINK ABOUT YOU WHEN I REST
I LIKE TO THINK WE'LL BE TOGETHER AGAIN
SHE DON'T WANT ME TO LEAVE
NOW SHE'S BEGGING HER DAD FOR ME TO STAY
I THINK ABOUT IT WHEN WE MET
BUT ALL THESE MEMORIES ARE DEAD
I FEEL IT SLOWLY DISSIPATE
I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S TIME TO WALK AWAY
notice how it falls in deeper
deeper
oh, it goes deeper
know that i can't be ur healer
healer
healer
ur healer
EVERYTHING'S ABOUT YOU AND THE REST
BUT I GOT TO GO WITHOUT YOU CAUSE IT'S BEST
I LIKE TO THINK WE'LL CROSS PATHS SOMEWHERE ELSE
I HATE THAT THESE THOUGHTS ARE WHERE I DWELL

notice how i fall in deeper
deeper
oh, i go deeper
baby, i can't be ur healer
healer
healer
ur healer

𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵, 𝘪'𝘮 𝘶𝘱𝘴𝘦𝘵
𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥, 𝘴𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘴
𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯
𝘪 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭

i don't say enough prayer
or kneel beside the bed
i ask on some nights
to see you again
i didn't find anything
or see any signs
unless they were right in front of me this whole time
i hate that all of my friends
live so far away
it's very lonely
and it's so cliche
i like thinking of you
i do it a lot
why give attention to something that's forever gone?

I LIKE TO THINK ABOUT YOU WHEN I REST
I LIKE TO THINK WE'LL BE TOGETHER AGAIN
SHE DON'T WANT ME TO LEAVE
NOW SHE'S BEGGING HER DAD FOR ME TO STAY
I THINK ABOUT IT WHEN WE MET
BUT ALL THESE MEMORIES ARE DEAD
I FEEL IT SLOWLY DISSIPATE
I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S TIME TO WALK AWAY

healer

produced by heylog

lyrics:
let me show you how to act right
if you listened it would define
just the type of person u are
it doesn't matter what you go by
cause you'll always be the same person
and you'll always be one of the worst friends
you always were the one to go
when i thought i could count on u the most

lesson learned, don't hold your grudge
even if it could lose someone
hate to know the truth be told
now everything is overthrown

do u wonder where u come from?
picturing at what you've really done
does it affect the way you see your arch?
do they look at you less than what you are?
cause you've always been the same person
and you've always fought the urge to sin
& goodluck tryna get me back
at 2am it kills you bad

no, you messed with the wrong person
yeah you messed with the wrong
you messed it up on purpose
yeah you messed it up
hopefully lesson learned 
i hope a lesson here was learned
i did what i had to do man
and in all honesty 
you're hurting

continue

Wrong One

Prod ERXN & heylog

every photo, im not recognised
its always black and white, with some grain inside
you would think that i was tryna hide
im really not i just hate what i see

you wouldnt like it no doubt
ill force my hand over your mouth
youre half the size of me now
bruise on your knees start to sprout

look to my left, im in a forest where im tryna find 
a piece of you that just keeps falling down beside my side
i ran right through the forest path we did a thousand times
im scared that I wont make it back I might of lost my mind 
might of broke down for a minute but its cool 
image distorted in my vision when you call 
i know its just anxiety but if its more 

ima need a Prozac for this 
if you never loved me that's shit 
keep me out of line like im wearing high viz 
keep me outside like im never not in 
if you need me il die il tell you im in 
see me outside come around real quick 
baby I know the way to try and get your hate out 
click it back and put it to my face now

man i wish that she was close
hanging out, youre on the phone
think that i just found a home
hopefully we'll always grow
11 days until i board my flight
i just gotta know if youre worth my time
moving on to better things
she found me, shes in love w me
she always wants to say my name
yeah all she does is say my name
and i love her honesty
you really put my mind at ease
she wants to call me everyday
just so she can say my name

Spotify

BRUISE w/ hiraeth & heylog

sink

sink (feat. kais ☥)

Is this all that I am anymore ?
Can I call this a relapse or
Am I just stupid
I’m just stupid
No one cares when I say it as a joke
I look fine but inside I’m froze
I’m so stupid 
Aren’t I stupid ? 

I’m so deluded it feels like a burden now
Keep throwing money till I say I’m finally out
But I’m not
All that I’ve worked for immediately out my hands
Say I’m fine but it’s nothing that I could grasp
Isn’t that stupid ?

Is this all that I am anymore ?
Can I call this a relapse or
Am I just stupid
I’m just stupid
No one cared when I said it as a joke
I look fine but inside I’m froze
I’m so stupid 
I’m so stupid 

Eyes glued to my screen all night
Fall asleep without my high
You don’t get it and nor do I
I swear I only use it to pass my time
But what time is it now ?
I’m starting to feel better can you slow it down
I’ll stay awake till I go outside
And pretend it’s not ruined my life

Is this all that I am anymore ?
Can I call this a relapse or
Am I just stupid
I’m just stupid
No one cared when I said it as a joke
I look fine but inside I’m froze
I’m so stupid 
I’m so stupid

I’m so deluded it feels like a burden now
Keep throwing money till I say I’m finally out
But I’m not
All that I’ve worked for immediately out my hands
Say I’m fine but it’s nothing that I could grasp
Isn’t that stupid ?

stupid

can i not make you proud?
is being alive, just enough to let you down
you can hold me as close as you want but ill drown
i think you already know that
it seems you already knew

how can you want me so bad
and then pretend you never knew me
oh
a tall order, such a tall task
but one you did so easily

take all i know away from me
and all that i love, just leave to me to decay
til im skin and im bone and im waffer thin
maybe youd like me better that way
ill cut my hair and you wont recognise me
honestly i dont know what you want
ill grit my teeth and ill come out of hiding
im in the forest, dont tell anyone

how could you love me
i knew some day youd do this
and thinking bout it
i probably persued it

fuck this, ima get so angry now, angry now
say some shit i should have talked about

how did you get angry when its me you were abusing
ask me where im going every minute you were choosing
angry with me every second, how did i not lose it
guess i kinda did how i reacted like a human
pull me from these strings, im not a puppet for your using

but no one noticed
thought i controlled it
but everytime i go to talk, i hide my feelings
i keep my mouth shut, in fear of arguments
i read somewhere thats its unhealthy, but i live like this
and it wont change
and god knows that ive tried
so if i ruin everything, im sorry
my circuits been fried
im walking on thin ice
slopped on an incline
my flows changed like 9 times
im sorry im ranting

after all 
i amount to nothing
nothings original
everythings been said before
every feeling felt before
every thought been thought before
every thing been seen before
but i thought
i could do it with you
oh how shameful
and i could feel them with you
oh how painful
that i confuse it with you

puppet

very bad ppl

prod by stezzyxl
enjoy

lyrics:

i met a girl i loved
and everything was fun
i felt the stars align 
our nights were so alive
a rose from you can rot
but love from you can not
our souls are intertwined
this love is hard to find

i can’t loose you
and you can’t loose me
our life’s are so free 
when things are meant to be
who would’ve knew
i fallen for you
i guess i agree
there’s is room for three

when you start
to look at me with those eyes
our worlds start to collide
the night dosent end tonight
only when you decide

she makes some music too
she sings while i produce
hvci, we’re a tiny little crew
she bends and ties her shoes
while we listen to her tunes
i mix and i master from our tiny little room

i never felt this way before
before
i can’t feel anyone unless it’s 
her

bring me peace
and love for me
i counted the days that i was alone
but now im free
with something meant for me
i had so much hatred inside of me

she took it out
she took it out
the hatred inside
she brought it out 
she brought it out
the love inside
and you can see
and you can see
the new look in my eye
and now i say
and now i say
i’m really fine :)

i’m a new person 
i’m a new guy
and you don’t have to mention
all of the sleepless nights
i’m a new person 
im a new guy

bring me peace
and love for me
i counted the days that i was alone
but now im free
with something meant for me
i had so much hatred inside of me

you and me

produced by xona

-lyrics-

stained walls, no faults
closed doors than love
so why do I run when I need her touch?

I’ll tell you the lies
the ones that you fear all inside
oh, the beautiful life
where I wouldn’t pay for the price
of losing you
of losing you
of losing you
of losing you…

~ 

my time slips to phases, the way I plant facades
my life remains weightless, though I don’t get it all
my chest feels anguish, a ghost that you once loved
while no one listened, I’ll be here till dawn

but I’m scared of what I am
seeing you, I don’t want to be friends
i wish to talk, I wished your hand
would reach back without my chances
falling out, I’m stressing how
all things go south
I am all doubts, I am the blame
there’s no around, I’m not unscathed
I’ll never be found

I’ll tell you the lies
the ones that you fear all inside
oh, the beautiful life
where I wouldn’t pay for the price
of losing you
of losing you
of losing you
of losing you…

atlantis

prod marlon

still find things so terrifying 
i forget im growing up 
ive been stuck so far behind while 
all my friends are moving on 
i try not to cry 
feel like a burden all the time 
no ambition in my life
theres no direction that feels right, to me
its all up to me, why? 
its so heavy all the time
always wrong and never right

how does anyone find meaning, i cant help but feel there's none
never ask for what i need, i don't know what i need at all  
all i care to be is just so far out of my reach 
i don't wanna leave, i just need some space to breathe

its all up to me, why?
its so heavy all the time 
always wrong and never right

heavy

produced by heylog

lyrics:
time will tell
pick the gun up and shoot in the head (in gta)
don't worry
you don't have to get by playing pretend
tried to be nice 
but i ended up losing friends
i disappeared and don't ever wanna talk again

driving on the freeway
the same one i saw that look on your face
you told my boy it's been hard to reach me
"talking to log isn't easy"
stop tryna get me to hangout
without you i've picked up the pace now
just go ahead
select all, delete it
i'm done and i'm leaving
been a while, i wonder if you'd recognize me
always thought what we had was strong as concrete
spoke too soon and i shoulda moved on way long ago
don't know you and i can't believe we used to be close
tempted to pick the gun up and shoot him in the head (in gta)
at the time all i wanted was for you to be dead
stupid bitch, you don't wanna live life playing pretend
don't be asking for guidance or for a hand to lend
swear it felt like yesterday
i don't recognize this place
it sucks that shit's permanent
and that scar won't go away
it don't matter where you are
at your house or in your car
i'm stuck there next to your hip
your fault you took it too far

shoot

her patterns are much prettier than mine
evolves down her hair to her spine
but ive been waiting all this time
how could i compare it to any of mine

is it safe love
you dont lie?
cause i cant help but not feel your type
and youre waiting, but i dont mind
if im honestly not what you like

so call me
call me back home
im poorly 
poorly and cold
so tell me 
tell me im enough
hate me
hate me all you want

i hate to remember 
its haunting me now
im used like a puppet youre dragging me round
im viewed like a peasant, im serving you well
but what is my purpose i really cant tell

i changed, is that enough for you ?
and ill wait, contort my body to be
whatever you want
whatever you want
whatever you want
whatever you want

i cant make this worth your time
run right past me i wont mind 
far behind everyone in life
cut my skin, reveal my spite
tore my biceps, fuel my eyes
still cant see past all ive tried
now its nearly the end, but ive hardly begin
my finish line is closer
youve got further to run

patterns

always involved
theres no room for you here
vultures wrap round me
my deaths imminent
but what should i fear

everyones leaving but they know my place
and i 
hope they come back to me to tell me bout their day
and how all this times passed and nothing much has changed
oh let it resume, ignorance in your face

honestly, yeah honestly its honestly pathetic
so count me out of everything my life line wont mend it
if this is how its meant to be, im sure that god planned it
by taking every part of me and leaving me stranded
with no one
now theres no one
fall apart and
pick myself up
its not the same
molded to change
eyes laying heavy tried keeping yours safe

see you in my dreams
holding close to me
this the closest the closest well ever be
dont take that away
god dont do it please
saw him yesterday
all the same to me

IF THATS ALL ILL GET
ILL NEVER COMPLAIN
IF HE SAW ME NOW
WOULD HE FEEL THE SAME ?
THOUGH ILL NEVER KNOW
KINDA LIKE IT THAT WAY
SOMETIMES FEEL AS THOUGH 
HE WOULD BE ASHAMED

vultures

fighting for a life that i
do not want
ill cover my eyes and ill shake it off
howd i wake up wishing
i never did
scared of almost everything
youll probably set me off
anxiety is crazy bro
like i can barely talk
howd i wake up wishing
i wont again

im hopeless
you beat me just to know who i am
i think im losing
arrested by the palm of your hand
imprisoned
you held me there to judge who i am
you think im losing
Du sahst mein Schweigen nie als Schrei

how many more times do i have to say to you
that im fine with it
youll lie again
surely its so obvious that all ive ever wanted
was to die again
ill hide again

im so scared of the future
i dont know
how to reduce it to nothing
running around in my head
im sure
if i told you what i planned for
call me delusional
im bored
fighting for a life

im hopeless
you beat me just to know who i am
i think im losing
arrested by the palm of your hand
imprisoned
you held me there to judge who i am
you think im losing
Du sahst mein Schweigen nie als Schrei

imprison

produced by heylog

lyrics:
run
breathe through your lungs
hold onto me
hold onto me
fast
won't let you crash
just look at me
just look at me

we're separated
and no one has called back
i just wish you were here
so i could hear you laugh
and it stopped raining
he kept seeing your blonde hair
i just want some hope
that you're out there somewhere
you're somewhere
you're somewhere
you're somewhere
you're somewhere
you're somewhere
you're somewhere
you're somewhere

rip my heart heart out, slowly listen
hold my hand but you're too distant
sometimes i can't even breathe
when u are no where to be seen
i hate that i left that night
and cutting skin is a waste of time
you'll get no where with that blade
cus that's somethin you know i hate
i been searching everywhere
and i miss when i had blonde hair
you said you liked that bout me
and now it looks dead and dirty
don't you dare pick up that knife
cause cutting skin's such a waste of time
you'll get no where with that blade
cus that's somethin' you know i hate

i'd rip my heart out so you could live
and you can't stop me from doing it
now you're right there next to me
but only happens in my dreams
and i should never of left that night
i didn't know it'd be our last time
and i hate myself for that
it was the most we ever laughed
i keep searchin up and down
n hopes that i'd find you somehow
i'm not having any luck
and i refuse to give it up
and don't you dare pick up that knife
cause cutting skin is such a waste of time
and you'll get no where with that blade
cause that's something you know i hate

one two three

blade

guitar sampled from ichika nito
everything else was produced/mixed/mastered by heylog

lyrics:
often this summer we fight and start over
u were the best but this bye aint forever
ill make space for your tears on my shoulders
cause ill still be here when ur ready to come home

i want u to stay for a while
i cant go to bed havent slept in a while
took u back home from the windmills
cant see us with anyone else
weve tried but its so hard
im just another kid reaching for your arms
like i said, "cant we try again"
i promise ill make it up i dont want this to end

often this summer we fight and start over
u were the best but this bye aint forever
ill make space for your tears on my shoulders
cause ill still be here when ur ready to come home

come home

needed to vent srry
prod me 
guitar by max.myln on ig or prod ashen
art inspired by llvpeace