S@d Æsthetic Essencials Vol.2

The Upload

ashes

🤷🏽‍♂️

produced by dercept
featuring @hoeplessboy

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instagram.com/lottaheart_
twitter.com/lottaheart_

lyrics:

@lottaheart:
and you know how to make my heart stop
give you everything that i got
but ill never be good enough
tell me that you're fallin out of love
guess ill never be good enough
(for you)

and i cant tell
if you care or if you dont, well it depends
i've been waiting for it all to make sense
feeling good about yourself at my expense
and will it ever end?
[x2]

@hoeplessboy:
will it ever end?
i just need a percocet put a bullet thru my head
guess it all depends
whether you're my friend
cause baby i just need you
can you stay until the end

like that,
baby if you want me i just might take you back
fuck that,
baby for a second i was weak but now im back

start to tell me that its over
locked inside my room,
and i've never been sober
[x2]

@lottaheart:
and i cant tell
if you care or if you dont, well it depends
i've been waiting for it all to make sense
feeling good about yourself at my expense
and will it ever end?
[x2]

depends w/ hoepless [dercept]

@sorrow_bringer 🖤
mixed & mastered by me 💛
[Audio Sample from King's Game]
~~lyrics~~
it'd be hella nice
if i knew what i want
sugar in the spice
fuck i'm outta luck

it'd be hella nice
if i knew what i want
everybody want a chance 
but they stay fucking up
ion wanna talk
think i've had enough
i'm staring at the knife 
like it wants in my gut

sugar in the spice
fuck i'm outta luck
but i never went in 
cause it wouldn't be enough
colder than the night
wonder if your touch
feels a saint from above throwing up
from above throwing up

hoping i heal, but i'm proof of the damage
everyone i kill's either hungry or manic
refuse any pills that i'm offered, then panic
if i'm really real, would you feel if i vanish?
let's trace back to the start
i ain't got no time here to waste on my heart
if i wanted peace, i believe i would be "anybody"
can't feel defeat when i'm coated in honey

permanently flawed; let me get my head straight
living at the cost; on the brink of being dead weight
no headspace, just silence.
what do you expect when the sky's blaring sirens?
but i knew the consequences all along
i used too much strength tryna grow stronger
the rapture, and endless disaster

take me by the head 
(okay)
leave no evidence 
(nor trace)

the moon is turning red
the air is so condensed 
simple lives and foolish lies
i raise a knife up to my eye
if one should seek, then one shall find
but what if i've already died?

it'd be hella nice
if i knew what i want
everybody want a chance 
but they stay fucking up
ion wanna talk
think i've had enough
i'm staring at the knife
like it wants in my gut

sugar in the spice
fuck i'm outta luck
but i never went in 
cause it wouldn't be enough
colder than the night
wonder if your touch
feels a saint from above throwing up
from above throwing up

𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬...
𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦?
𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦... 𝘢 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦,
𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?

it'd be hella nice
if i knew what i want
everybody want a chance 
but they stay fucking up
ion wanna talk
think i've had enough
i'm staring at the knife 
like it wants in my gut
like it wants in my gut...

sugar in the spice (sorrow bringer)

(prod. kais x sorrowbringer)
u all mean the world to me fr
enjoy :’)

lyrics:
don’t wanna let you down again
I know i’m nothing but a burden.
and when the tide goes down i’ll stand
up for myself again

I was never a part of it
nah I was never part of it, a part of anything or anyone

got me painting pictures of the future stressin bout my life
kais don’t stress bout stupid thought illusions cloudin’ up yo mind
just fkn stop this shit
get me out of it
just get me home, where I can grow, and heal my scars a bit

this is really up to me
I can’t rely on not any my friends, nah
I would love to be chillin at home makin beats every week
so I wont let this go to waste
wont let them see this smile fade away

“im lonely and hurting”
all these thoughts averted.
I kno y’all got my back
I can hear it from your wording
im sorry i called you
these things seem to fall through
pictures comin down I can tell the rain gon’ fall soon.

it's okay

spotify

Check Out The Producer:
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGbIpKGH0psvD0og23xMEqA
Beatstars: https://www.beatstars.com/prodbycian
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cian_treacy99/

Artwork Made by @devilboyxo
Spotify: open.spotify.com/artist/0u9B7tJYmF1en0xXivFIKv
Instagram: www.instagram.com/devilboyxo/
Youtube: www.youtube.com/channel/UC1r8soprLjOPmurl2D_NdFw
Twitter: twitter.com/devilboyxo

Lyrics
-----------------------------------------------
Everything I know will soon just be a memory
I'm forgetting more and more every time I breathe
Keep repressing what's depressing some call it a dream
But I forgot how I got here and I wanna scream

I recall sobbing in a winter night's breeze
Couldn't feel my toes so I'd fallen to my knees
I know when I'm older it'll mean nothing to me

I've been captured by the moment
But it always slips away
They keep telling me to own it
But it's only for a day

There's no moment like the present
There's no present like today
I've been learning on my own
'Cause if I don't I'll fall away
I keep trying to be vibrant
But I'm crying when the clouds are grey
Keep it together Rob
You'd be better off on the road
And when you're doing shows you can celebrate

Hanging off the edge I feel like I'm hanging from a hook
Better than the gallows but I don't think by much
Wiping tears from my phone while my shawty send me love
I meet her on the Friday pretending like what's up

'sup

Can she tell than I'm numb
Thoughts keep racing they're running running running round enough
But I'll forget this too
Baby I don't wanna forget you
I don't know what I could do
When living in the present is all I knew

I've been captured by the moment
But it always slips away
They keep telling me to own it
But it's only for a day

There's no moment like the present
There's no present like today
I've been learning on my own
'Cause if I don't I'll fall away
I keep trying to be vibrant
But I'm crying when the clouds are grey
Keep it together Rob
You'd be better off on the road
And when you're doing shows you can celebrate

Present [Prod. Cian]

s/o soundcloud.com/boyfifty and soundcloud.com/user-530621763
enjoy :)

lyrics:

oh you think you know it all.. well you dont
you been stressin bout' everything all alone
and your friends do miss you, you jus dont call em up
it seems to them like you just dont give a fuck

therapy's expensive and exercise is pendin
thoughts are goin wild and anxietys expandin
you need everyone to hear you, but cant seem to open up
yeah your confidence is lackin and you couldnt give a fuck

hear me out
im fallin back down
im callin out to myself, callin out to myself

i miss them all
i need someone to catch me before i fall
i need love and composure
something i looked over
i cant even function, i fucked myself over

hear me out
im fallin back down
im callin out to myself, callin out to myself x2

look them in the eyes, bruh
you cant love yourself if you gonna hide and run
from your confidence its killin you inside of us
im tryna help but you fuckin up the life of us

okay maybe im depressed right now
cant leave the room (go out)
i need some rest right now
i don't got time to show out
i cant find a reason for anything
i cant find the motivation that im chasin so desperately.

oh you think you know it all.. well you dont
you been stressin bout' everything all alone
and your friends do miss you, you jus dont call em up
it seems to them like you just dont give a fuck x2

hear me out
im fallin back down
im callin out to myself, callin out to myself

callin' out to myself

callin' out to myself (prod. boyfifty x eeryskies)

all these highs be weary 
they take my friends and bury 
but dont be scared theres much more room inside this cemetery
all these stories cautionary
like take your life compare me 
take the parts you dont like then 
in your life be different than me 
nothing could have prepared me 
none
but i knew the whole time what would happen 
it just hits different when youre really in it heavy 
my skin is slipping off me
just leave me where you find me  
im in the woods trainspotting through the poison ivy 
i left that all behind me
still feel it close beside me 
i dont know what to do with myself when i sit still and silent
i find myself in situations i hope dont get violent 
i trip myself up thinking someones intentions are sideways
ive just been done so badly
you dont know the slightest
all these things that i done seen i keep em in my eyelids 
all this time that ive spent looking youd think that id find it 	  
and i try the millionth i dont know why 
repeat

tombstone carousel (prod. sorrow bringer)

lyrics

can’t even face me this evening when i shut the door and run
baby this feels wrong 
like everything’s undone
i put down the foot, but all that says is that you’ve won
girl it’s not my brain
yeah it’s u toxic on this one

foggy mirror, a long drive
misty fields, and a grey sky
eyes on glass, as it spitsrain
waters wet, the tears u shed were crocodile

i see yellow lines but not th same thats on th road
we’re in different times its spiralling out of control
u dont share my highs and i jus keep that on th low
its getting cold now girl i gotta go (shoutout shizu)

ill jus pack my backs, no intent of coming back home
we were on a path were i thought u couldn’t break this mould
delusion got th best of me, guess i was never told
it was written in the stars but now its more than cold

cold cold yeah its more than cold
ice shards forming on my arms and i cant feel my toes
hope ur somewhere where the logs ablaze or that of coal
ill be sitting in the outlands where its well below

i hope ur happy as u weren’t before
ill say take care while on hardwood floors
dreams of incoming meteors
oh on my chest i can feel the force

this pressures stronger coz of what u said
depressing stronger than ive ever felt
an old mossed statue
but my heart still melts
deep in th dark forest will u find urself

i see yellow lines but not th same thats on th road
we’re in different times its spiralling out of control
u dont share my highs and i jus keep that on th low
its getting cold now girl i gotta go (shoutout shizux2)

ill jus pack my backs, no intent of coming back home
we were on a path were i thought u couldn’t break this mould
delusion got th best of me, guess i was never told
it was written in the stars but now its more than cold

cold (caves)

You Wouldn't Know

You Wouldnt Know

a song i wrote in 2019 and released in 2020. it's a song about struggling with addiction, and trying to love not only yourself, but another person. a failing relationship between two people because of addiction. the 2nd and new verse, is a letter to 14 year old me. and a memory for the older one. this song is a personal battle, the death and the aftermath of what's to come. thank you for listening.

chorus
i'm stuck in her eyes, and she's stuck in mine
turn off the lights
and i'll make her say
oh
yeah she wanna stay the night but i think that's bad
i don't wanna be attached unless you feel like that
oh

verse
klonopin, ativan is what i need girl
need a xan, need a bowl, just watch me breathe girl
klonopin, ativan is what i need girl
need a xan, need a bowl, just watch me breathe girl
she never come around, when i'm on drugs
idk what to quit. is it drugs or love?
i feel like it's too much to ask
i'd say i love you, but i'll never take it back
would you take it back, if you said so?
i feel like i can ask, but i'd rather not know
on the road
run away from you
scared of love i don't know what to
do
idk what to do

chorus
i'm stuck in her eyes, and she's stuck in mine
turn off the lights
and i'll make her say
oh
yeah she wanna stay the night but i think that's bad
i don't wanna be attached unless you feel like that
oh

verse 2
it's been years since i met you
and i've been trying to forget you
it's been years since i met you
and all i wanna do
is forget you
i gave it up for you, gave it up for you
i got sober for you, damn i got sober for me too
huh, i guess that's just the both of us
i guess we're growing up
go back to them days, poppin xans
i'll take another one
getting high with you, getting high with you
thought i'd OD, might just end up dyin with you
sobriety is something i could never do
i hope you're proud of me, the same way that i'm proud of you
i'm just tryna stay clean for my family
if i die young, then i'm dying happily
i don't wanna be here, not anymore
6 pills, now i'm falling to the floor

chorus
i'm stuck in her eyes, and she's stuck in mine
turn off the lights
and i'll make her say
oh
yeah she wanna stay the night but i think that's bad
i don't wanna be attached unless you feel like that
oh

limbo (2022)

the other side w/ foreign forest

limited edition hoodies - bit.ly/2CIKS2v

keep fckn fienin mane
say y u leanin mne
i gotta bag of crshd dreams lyk wht u need mane

i js hope my last breath will b a sigh of relief
i kno im comin rite back
im js a drop in the sea
n either way i manifest
i know ill feel u w me
cuz we've always had this same distance between us
so hazy out here lately
i feel lost w my lady
locked indoors allday
js bc it is raining
grindin teeth like prince zi goddamit im facin
hella blunts js thinkin 
y my soul so vacant

im back grippin on2 my ego mane
js tryina b normal eatin w ur family

i got a bag of crushed dreams like wht u needin mane

no samples / with love, @4evrgone + 93 <3

I went dry
Fucking giving chances
Lord knows
Bloods old
On my fucking mattress
Hands cold
No hope in us ever lasting
Old souls
Still prone to infatuation

You'll hit me up
say what's up
Hope you're ok,
Ok
Gotta go about my damn day
Yeah Shits changed

Try to sleep
Really late at night
Guess it's morning
Toss & turning
Guess u hurt me

I guess you hurt me x3

hmu say wsup hope ur ok, ok w/ 4evr

w/ @ihateshinigami <3

an echo in the void, my world has been destroyed
dissipate, disintegrate, annihilation
chew me up and spit me out without a doubt
you're the last thing on my mind
i hope that the sky is forgiving when i cut the cord
everyone is itching to get something from me
but i just wanna get away
i wanna get away

i wanna get away

i don't care what you think of this 
the thought of you just makes me sick
like why did I always forgive, 
surfaced love made me forget
you bet I've learned a lot from our 
cashing out now all these scars
can live on, reminds me of my bad decisions
i don't care what you take from this 
still wish you luck despite that shit
cause I know I'll be fine, 
you bet I'll make damn sure of it
i'll make sure of it..

i just wanna get away w/ Shinigami

prod @4evrgone i jus added sum bass <3

found myself so thin
downing bottles again
I don't care what you did
just wanna distance myself

from the old bleeding well
from those posts seeking help
know I can't accept shit 
so just go on without me

just get on without me 
know it won't be harming 
know you won't be hurting 
from much that's been haunting me

and that's fine

leave it up to me 
let me fucking bleed 
let me stay 
x3 

it never really mattered anyway

it never really mattered anyway prod. 4evr

no samples

@carsonconner

I know I got problems taking pills now 
I know I got problems with my head now
I know you don't love me cut that shit out
No trust cuz girls jus fuck for clout now

I been staring at the sky till morning 
Connecting stars like dots to see your face 
really I'm just sinking in a sailors grave 
They acting like they know me so I hide away

Like where the fuck were you when I was down and out
Fucked up every day blacking myself out  
If you really loved me you would cut me down
Help me count the rings and then kick me out

I know I got problems taking pills now 
I know I got problems with my head now
I know you don't love me cut that shit out
No trust cuz girls jus fuck for clout now
x2