Performed on 05/16/21 by Keyed Kontraptions at Las Positas College.

Program Note:
"Sufferer" is a piece depicting the experience of obsessive compulsive disorder, the mental disorder that I suffer from.
The first movement, "Obsession", represents an intrusive, obsessive thought, "what if blank?", repeating itself over and over, becoming inescapable.
The second movement, "Spiral", represents a panic attack, when the fears associated with the intrusive thought feel so inevitable to the sufferer that they are overwhelmed with terror and endlessly spiraling feelings of helplessness, culminating in an uncontrollable scream.
The third movement, "The Things Taken", is a quiet moment of clear- sightedness, when the sufferer mourns the things the illness has forced them to tear from their life and begins to realize that, to have a chance at living happily, they will have to give up their pursuit of certainties.
The fourth and final movement, "Accepting Uncertainty", is a depiction of the complicated feeling of hope that the sufferer experiences when they truly, truly accept uncertainty about their obsessive thoughts and begin learning to live their life again.

The performance can be viewed in video form at this link:
https://youtu.be/nQlCNW1DkfQ

Sufferer

Sufferer: IV. Accepting Uncertainty

Sufferer: III. The Things Taken

Sufferer: II. Spiral

Sufferer: I. Obsession

Film & Media Composer at Berklee College of Music

Sufferer

Jake K. Siders