still

about doubt

lyrics:
One, two, three
Am I

Too cold to care about
Do you hate to talk 'cause it brings you down is it
Too much to say aloud
Are you tired of this
Can we fuck it out am I

Too cold to care about
Do you hate to talk 'cause it brings you down is it
Too much to say aloud is it
Too much to say aloud

"Is it me?" (Ion know)
"Is it different?" (Yup)
"Are you tired?"
"Am I anxious?"
We both asked and tried to respond but
Sleep deprivation's never been honest

So we sat
In silence (Sh)
"Why can't you talk to me?"
We both asked and tried to respond, but
I'm just quiet
I'm just quiet

Fucked up tough love getting upset
Try to ignore all the shit you told
Your friends about my broken thoughts and
What I said or tried to

Tough luck got fucked by the solitude
Blank walls, cheap room, creeping want
Of sensory content
Alone and at fault
I'm in tears on the floor
I know it's "just another freak out"

Little bitch sit down
It ain't really that bad
Won't you shut your mouth
'Fore you take another lap of the house

Stop pacing you're acting insane
All this talking to yourself won't help

"I'm well! I've never felt better than this!"
"I'm great! I've never felt better than this!"
"I'm well! I've never felt better than this!"
"I'm great! I've never felt better than this!"

Do you wish you'd settled down
Thirty, forty minutes out the city
Somewhere quiet, but
Close enough so that you could still go see your friends

You'd be working as a teacher
He'd be doing something stable
Twenty-seven, everything
Would be going according to plan

Do you wish you'd settled down
Somewhere quiet out the city
Finished study finally starting up your life like you had said

You'd be working as a teacher
He'd be doing something stable
Twenty-seven, everything had gone according to plan

Am I

Too cold to care about
Do you hate to talk 'cause it brings you down is it
Too much to say aloud
Are you tired of this
Can we fuck it out am I

Too cold to care about
Do you hate to talk 'cause it brings you down is it
Too much to say aloud is it
Too much to say aloud

'communication is the basis of every strong relationship'

hypochondriac

Prod By: cultclassic, Hayden Chamberlain & JesseMelancholy
Written By: Jesse James Pontt
Mixed By: JesseMelancholy
Mastered By: cultclassic
Cover Art Photography By: Tom Siely
Managed By: CultAtMidnite

watch the video here: https://youtu.be/4bUwa6rw8mk?si=wy2uieGISGgX-7l5

Lyrics👇🏼
I wish you’d take me off the pedestal, ‘cause I keep on slipping off it
I keep speaking hypothetical, like one day I’ll be something
Something more than what I am right now, I’m terrified I’ll let me down
This feeling is unbearable, I still don’t know what caused it

I picked my poison and fuck, I consumed it
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)
I’ve made my choices and I can’t remove them
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)

I picked my poison and fuck, I consumed it
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)
I’ve made my choices and I can’t remove them
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)
I wish that I could change like everything, take me back to seventeen
I picked my poison and fuck, I consumed it
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)

(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)

I’ve been staring at my ceiling so long it’s come alive
Prosperity is fiction and everything’s a lie
If I can’t break the cycle then who the hell am I?
I wish I could answer your question, I can’t make up my mind

And that seems to be my tendency
So scared of dependency
I can’t keep my head on straight ‘cause something’s always tempting me
Yeah, that seems to be my tendency
So scared of dependency
Start to hyperventilate, I let it get the best of me

I picked my poison and fuck, I consumed it
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)
I’ve made my choices and I can’t remove them
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)
I wish that I could change like everything, take me back to seventeen
I picked my poison and fuck, I consumed it
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)

Yeah, I bet you wanna change that, I bet you wanna change
Yeah, I bet you wanna change that, I bet you wanna change
Yeah, I bet you wanna change that, I bet you wanna change
Am I ever gonna change? Am I ever gonna change?

Yeah, I bet you wanna change that, I bet you wanna change
Yeah, I bet you wanna change that, I bet you wanna change
Yeah, I bet you wanna change that, I bet you wanna change
Am I ever gonna change? Am I ever gonna change?

I picked my poison and fuck, I consumed it
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)
I’ve made my choices and I can’t remove them
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)
I wish that I could change like everything, take me back to seventeen
I picked my poison and fuck, I consumed it
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)
I picked my poison and fuck, I consumed it
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)
I’ve made my choices and I can’t remove them
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)
I wish that I could change like everything, take me back to seventeen
I picked my poison and fuck, I consumed it
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)
(Yeah, I bet you wanna change that)

linktr.ee/JesseMelancholy

Poison

all in good time

streaming http://elroy.70angels.com/infinitelove

produced by elroy + alez karlo

Infinite Love

On discernment ..

~ lyrics ~
You left a mark
That I can't seem to get out
Rather not talk about this yet

You left a mark
And It's fucking up the fabric
Can't relate I'm too attached
To all the memories, the past
And what it could have been

You said you've always enjoyed
How they never put those streetlights in
The darkness has a way of easing up
All the tension in your neck
And safely bringing up the things
That you'll wish you said

Oh how the roots
Push up the asphalt around
Your old driveway I will never
Forget the way they rattled
The nerves out
Wild how difficult it was
And how a clunky conversation
Might be my favourite hour this year

But leave me out
I get I've been a weight
On your shoulders now
So leave me out
While I fix everything
That you bring up

You left a mark
It's visible up close
But in a real specific light
Could be mistaken as a wrinkle in the cloth

You left a mark
Or at least that's what I'll say
While I refuse to get this dry-cleaned

God how nicely
Our well constructed lies seemed
But taken out of context
I see right through the walls while we would
Hold hands driving
And turning on your high beams
You'd let it swerve a little
Before loosening your grip

But leave me out
I get I've been a weight
On your shoulders now
So leave me out
While I fix everything
That you bring up

You left a mark
You left a mark
You left a mark
You left a mark

Shocker

On fragility ..

~ Lyrics ~
Do you hate me
Do you like that
Is my god complex intriguing
Enough to be ignored

Do you hate me
Do you like that
Am I wasting your time
Have you wasted your time
Have you figured yourself out
Yet

I noticed you pulled back
When I went to kiss you
I realized I'm a lot
I could be better at giving space

Trust me. I understand
How a touch once enjoyed
Now brings shakes to your hands

A warmth in your belly
To shivers and goosebumps
And not in a fun way

You haven't looked at me once
Am I talking too much
Are you tired of me yet

A little attention slut
Am I touching too much
Are you tired of me yet

Do you hate me
Do you like that
Is my god complex intriguing
Enough to be ignored

Do you hate me
Do you like that
Am I wasting your time
Have you wasted your time
Have you figured yourself out
Yet

Heed

written by: Jesse James Pontt
prod by: Cmplxtra & JesseMelancholy
mixed by: JesseMelancholy
mastered by: Xenura

Music Video:

(is that feeling we left coming around again? i’ll be the ache in your cranium at half past ten, oh)

yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

we can’t get the day back, we spent it in your bed
hang out for the paycheck, save that for the weekend
i’m zooming down the A2 and you know that you’re the reason
oh, oh, oh
we’re driving to your friends house, she thinks i’m your brand new toy
i guess i took it kind of wrong but i thought maybe i was more
and i want this like you wanted me a week ago today
and i know i should communicate the things i want to say

you’ve been looking at your phone screen for half of the night
i’ve been hiding in the one place that you’ll never find 
is that feeling we left coming around again?
i’ll be the ache in your cranium at half past ten, oh

in the same place that i was
tightly wrapped around your thumb
feeling the weight of what i want
i’m nearly there, come out the front

i see us twisted and tangled for a while
no, you can’t find the part of me i’d rather go and hide
i’ll talk your ear off so we’re staying up all night
no, you don’t want to label us and baby, yeah, it’s fine

‘cause i feel it, oh, oh, i feel it, oh
this feeling, don’t want to fear it, oh
‘cause i feel it, oh, oh, i feel it, oh
oh, oh

you’ve been looking at your phone screen for half of the night
i’ve been hiding in the one place that you’ll never find 
is that feeling we left coming around again?
i’ll be the ache in your cranium at half past ten

you’ve been looking at your phone screen for half of the night
i’ve been hiding in the one place that you’ll never find 
is that feeling we left coming around again?
i’ll be the ache in your cranium at half past ten, oh

in the same place that i was
tightly wrapped around your thumb
feeling the weight of what i want
i’m nearly there, come out the front

cranium

remember,

@brakence @50landing
_

i dont wanna be well known
just wanna be known well
id rather be lonely
than be by myself
dont wanna go home
or put my pride on the shelf
cause i dont need help
from anyone else

and ive been feeling so low
help me back into character, i was
"reckless kid born and raise in america"
now im a lost cause and truth be told
i lie too much, my bad
trust me im working on it

i thought i'd die young
likes didnt do shit
i know well being well known's useless
ill go to hell too eager to care
im on a screen island where no one stares

i wanna find whats inside me
feel every fiber
done sucking up cause
im no longer a liar
dont know how to be myself sometimes
but whenever i need your help
i always tell you now

i know now
it was all costumes, funny dances
to play my mind
now i need to believe it
and i wont hold onto something familiar
we were kept back from the people we really were
its a start
i just hope i agknowledge the gifts from the past
when we run out of time

i just wanna be known well
not well known
id rather be lonely than be alone
id rather sleep in a hotel
than sleep in my home
but ive been pulling my weight in my thoughts
no matter where i go

ive been feeling so low
help me back into character, i was
"reckless kid born and raise in america"
now im a lost cause and truth be told
i lie too much, my bad

i got a star studded cast of friends
that never answer the phone
no matter when i call
gotta stop trying so hard to try so hard
otherwise ill have nobody at all

im still learning to be direct
cause for years ive been a mess
in '18 i changed address
not the right one but the best
cause my parents are my success
i still need to earn their respect

im just tryna figure it out

theres probably a lot
that i should've done differently
and i, oh i went to hear it out
but i was never listening
i knew that it's not alright
just trying to find the light
summon another spark
or maybe its gone and died
i try to stay out of sight
i gotta leave by the night
i cant seem to clear my mind

but i know now, that it was all
a bad dream, crash scene playing in my mind
and i shouldn't believe it, so i
cant hold onto something familiar
when ive lost sight of the people we really were at the start
and ive started to see it. cause

i dont wanna be well known
i dont wanna be well known

i dont wanna be well known
just wanna be known well
id rather be lonely than be by myself
dont wanna go home or
put my pride on the shelf
cause i dont need help from anyone else
_

thank you to will and graham for the bgv in the second chorus
thank you to the boys, and bekah, and my parents for knowing me well