a virtual representation of the custom blue splatter vinyl @leafcassidy and @stellathepixie made for me for my birthday of my own songs. art by @stellathepixie

dire, dire comp

it's not the same as yesterday in a special kinda way
i kinda like the way you make me question what i say
i'm finally growing up
and now i've had enough of sleepless nights and foodless days to make myself insane

but first i must apologize cause when i'm looking in your eyes
it's honestly insane that i was acting like those guys
i used to feel like i was not, but now i'm kinda hot
engendered by new confidence
to you i owe a lot

i know i'm not supposed to say i did this all for you today
but we were meant to be
my love is watching over me
crystal blue
forest green
i'm as grateful as i seem

song, performance, mix, master, and artwork by joysick
river photo by unsplash's own eugene
song about my partner

crystal blue, forest green

@v-ebeats

who's gonna come with me to the hillside?
staring up at all of the stars
standing on a beach in the moonlight
blindfolded, putting sand in a jar
you put a spell on me on my birthday
you opened my eyes in the dark
separated like geological movement
ages since that fireball
straight from your heart

last week we were planning the wedding
and now it seems that we were back at the start
that ghost/our bare feet in the backyard
he can watch us while we're coming apart

that jar just sits on my desk now
cause i won't pour it out
if anyone asks, it's just a spell a witch cast

i've been having nightmares
i shattered the glass
cause deep down i know i can't live in the past
but both of us know i could never do that
both of us know that it's not the first half of our story
and it won't be the last
wasting my life with you on my mind
i'm happy and sad at the same time
both of us know now that i'll never do
all of the things that i promised to you
i'm sorry i couldn't be better for you
we can't keep getting back together
it's too late, too much, too  far

last week we were planning the wedding
and now it seems that we were back at the start
that ghost/our bare feet in the backyard
he can watch us while we're coming apart

written by joysick
produced by V-E
mixed and mastered by joysick
beach photo by amed aphra

wedding song (VEbeats)

can’t believe i literally made this shit in garageband 


i can play a guitar solo if you want one
or you can splash water over me in the sun
if you want me then were gonna have fun
just like the year that punk broke in 1991
26 but i wanna be everybody's everything
wanna put my finger in your motherfuckin wedding ring
after the beach wanna go and get ice cream?
i got a copy of beach house teen dream

now i ride the blue line all the way to wonderland
now i wonder if im ever gonna find a man
listening to sebadoh
dye my hair blue again
wonder how i let you go
ocean turns it green again

watch you play mario 64 evermore
speak now or forever know me nevermore
then we get tired and hold hands in the moonlight
fall asleep, windows open, linen just right

i had a dream about you last night

i can play a guitar solo if you want one
or you can splash water over me in the sun
if you want me then were gonna have fun
just like the year that punk broke in 1991
26 but i wanna be everybody's everything
wanna put my finger in your motherfuckin wedding ring
after the beach wanna go and get ice cream?
i got a copy of beach house teen dream

now i ride the blue line all the way to wonderland
now i wonder if im ever gonna find a man
listening to sebadoh
dye my hair blue again
wonder how i let you go
ocean turns it green again

watch you play mario 64 evermore
speak now or forever know me nevermore
then we get tired and hold hands in the moonlight
fall asleep, windows open, linen just right

now i ride the blue line all the way to wonderland
now i wonder if im ever gonna find a man
listening to sebadoh
dye my hair blue again
wonder how i let you go
ocean turns it green again

watch you play mario 64 evermore
speak now or forever know me nevermore
then we get tired and hold hands in the moonlight
fall asleep, windows open, linen just right

produced by joysick

wonderland

produced with hugs by joysick
art by @stellathepixie
music video soon

lyrics:

lying in the fields with a vision in my brain
and i think it’s gonna rain now
dreaming in the clouds and my head is very loud
and i’d stop it if i knew how
don’t really have a plan, that’s okay though
i can think of something, help your best friend out
life is going slow now, i don’t mind though
these days it’d be okay if i just drop out
the only things that matter are the butterflies in the sky
and the businessmen in the suits are just demons in disguise

sometimes life lets you down and that’s okay
we can find each other’s selves and find out a way
sometimes i just give up but not this time
this time i’ll figure out why i am alive

we can find a meaning and figure it out
i’m swimming with the dolphins and the starfish now
i can breathe underwater
i’m not your daughter, and if i was her
i’d have more fun than her
i’m living in the lisa frank dimension now
ballista letting all of my tension out
not quite a perennial, i’m a late bloomer
not quite a millennial, but barely a zoomer
think about you and me, it’s not like that
have fun with that, and go way back down to the background
don’t wanna fight now, i don’t want you on me now

late bloomer 🦋

produced by joysick with hugs
art by @stellathepixie

lyrics:

xmas eve pt. 2
crying in your room, like "how could [i] do this to [you]"
im sick of lying to everybody else, let alone me and you
you are the one i want, but im not the one you want
im not the one you want.
im not the one you want, and i will be devastated by myself
what am i supposed to do?
how do i get over you?
what did i even do??????

new year's eve pt. 2
now it's 2022
i'm better off without you
cause i dont have to lie to a single soul, let alone stupid girls
yeah. you're a stupid girl
so self righteous, but so FUCKING oblivious
baby philosopher
philosopher-idiot
not simone de beauvi-eh
you're just a bad memory
shoo fly, go fly away
have fun in thunder bay

i came out and ghosted just to rub it in your face
you TORE out my heart because you just couldn't relate
you CRUSHED me when you told me that you loved me 
go ahead, go off, you think that you're above me

new year's eve pt. III
now it's 2023
the only thing i need is me
cause i don't have to worry bout how you feel
or whether my dreams are real
the weather is beautiful, and im endlessly grateful for:
1. the color that's in my life
and
2. how i'll be someone's wife
and
3. i will be living thousands of miles from you.
what am i supposed to do??
i can do ANYTHING I WANT TO!
and i dont have to think about you

yeah. you're a stupid girl
so self righteous, but so FUCKING oblivious
baby philosopher
philosopher-idiot
not simone de beauvi-eh
you're just a bad memory
shoo fly, go fly away
have fun in thunder bay

fuck you for taking away years of my life and happiness.

new year's eve

produced by joysick with hugs
art by @stellathepixie

start ur engines........... 

the words of the song are as follows:

HOW THE HELL ARE WE GONNA GET OUT OF THIS?
speeding in my car tonight
we'll get out of this town alive
and everything will be alright

if you ask me i will find a way out
i will find a way out and i will take you with me
if you want that i will find a way out
i will find a way out and i will bring you with me
i will be right back
promise i will attack anyone who hurts u
I WILL NOT DESERT YOU!!!

IT'S NOT EVEN FUCKING CLOSE
I'M A MOTHERFUCKING GHOST OF YOUR SUCCESS
CAUSE EVERYBODYS BREATHING DOWN MY NECK
BUT I WILL TRY TO DO MY BEST
everybody thinks that im a fake but maybe not…
it's probably all in my head >_<
but i can't stop thinking that they want me dead

it's time to come into my own
now i know i'm not a clone
white cat, 700 on my dash
everybody's living in the past
everybody's on my ass
where the fuck is all the greener grass?
i'll turn into a fucking masshole if i stay here any longer
but my heart has never been stronger
she's calling so i gotta answer

f-zero x
jody summer
got a lot to prove
but black shadow gotta admit that i been making some moves

jody summer

produced by joysick with hugs
art by @stellathepixie
ok guys its DANCE PARTY TIME!!!!!

lyrics:::::

i dont even want to talk!!!
im sick of you trying to forgive me
cant you just go fucking live please?
and do it alone!!!
now i dont have to dance on my knees and hands
all of this was once the original plan
it's true, i don't wanna go back to you

I DONT WANNA GO BACK TO YOUUUUUU
BUT I DONT WANNA GO ON WITHOUT YOUUUUU
I CANT MAKE UP MY MIND IM LIVING WITHOUT YOUUUUU
YEAH IM LIVING WITHOUT YOU!

im not gonna text you back!!!
careful when you wish for love
im sick of tryna decipher:
1. what yr dreaming of
OR,
2. do you wake up alone?
im not gonna crawl back on all 4s like a cat
cause you just couldn't put that shit on GameFAQs
baby it's #facts: i dont want a love who needs no PLAIN TEXT!!!!

I DONT WANNA GO BACK TO YOUUUUUU
BUT I DONT WANNA GO ON WITHOUT YOUUUUU
I CANT MAKE UP MY MIND IM LIVING WITHOUT YOUUUUU
YEAH IM LIVING WITHOUT YOU!
I DONT WANNA GO BACK TO YOUUUUUU
BUT I DONT WANNA GO ON WITHOUT YOUUUUU
I CANT MAKE UP MY MIND IM LIVING WITHOUT YOUUUUU
YEAH IM LIVING WITHOUT YOU!
yeah… i'm living without you ._.

lets party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i woke up with eyeliner on my hand

@fotia @strkzbtx

i was a good girl, i did my homework
i didn’t know that that’s how the world worked
i thought that maybe if could go crazy
somehow that would help me express what i’m saying
but it just made me crazy 

tell me again how ill never amount to much
how i couldn’t possibly have the magic touch
i’m always the one who is never gonna be enough
i don’t know what i did to deserve this but that’s my luck

i’m getting pretty old now, i think i’m gonna fail now
i don’t wanna die out
i’m just looking for a cheat code
i’m looking for the magic
tell me all your secrets
i know that you have it
where’s the lucky rabbit?

tell me again how i’ll never amount to much
how i couldn’t possibly have the magic touch
i’m always the one who is never gonna be enough
you don’t wanna die in obscurity, babe? well, tough

blue fire in my heart
i’m committed to my art
krazy glue all on my legos, you can’t take me apart
i finally figured out the launch codes
stole it from your guidebook
yeah, you used to have it, ain’t it kinda tragic?
sad day for the rabbit

tell me again how i’ll never amount to much
how i couldn’t possibly have the magic touch
i’m always the one who is never gonna be enough
whatever, tell it again, but i couldn’t give a fuck

mastering and art by me

cheat code (fotia + strkz)

shine aqua illusion

@xxkintsugi kaiizu

you’ll never take me alive because i’m already dead
think you’re sucking me dry, but there’s nothing left
you say it’s a lie, but there’s scars on my neck
i just keep it inside, my final line of defense
maybe some part’s alive
but i’m leaving tonight
i can barely survive
i need stars in my sky

can’t quit my job and i can’t get fired
can’t get a new one and can’t get hired
there’s no future and i can’t retire
i’m so, i’m so, i’m so tired
i just wanna go home, i just wanna sleep
i don’t wanna do my dishes from the past 3 weeks
ate maybe one thing this weekend
i’m diving in the deep end
tryna keep my breath in
baby are you counting
i can break my record and anybody else’s
i feel like im deckard, i’m questioning my self image

you’ll never take me alive because i’m already dead
think you’re sucking me dry, but there’s nothing left
you say it’s a lie, but there’s scars on my neck
i just keep it inside, my final line of defense
maybe some part’s alive
but i’m leaving tonight
i can barely survive
i need stars in my sky

too many broken VSTs on my computer
i been dyin in the city and i know that im a loser
im a freak up in my tower
i’m a beggar not a chooser
i’m returning to the tavern with the fireplace and pewter
now i look at my ancestor
guess i kinda see it through her
i’m not really a princess or id be able to impress her
i sit in fetal position, blocking out my vision
so many bad decisions, i just can’t resist em
never mind the tavern, we know how to party
underwater cavern, they’re lookin for the body

i need stars in my sky (kintsugi+kaiizu)

@strkzbtx

i dont see the glass half full i see it frosted
i need a beverage that i can get lost in
i dont think i signed a contract but im locked in
so long & thanks to all the dolphins
if you need me then ill be downtown
like, underground
like, maybe you can find me in the lost and found
if were gonna play this game ill go all in
if the game’s not rigged what would you call it

i cant pay the rent and my rooms a nuke test site
royalty free starfish on my website
wifis fucking shite cant download a megabyte
i just got my check but my desk like a best buy
ya, ya my desk like a best buy
imac g3 at my bedside
spend money on the shit that i need, right?
fucked up but ill get it on the next try
i just wanna get nuked but i got some shit to do first
you can skip the clues i just wanna feel the truth hurt
hoppin out the plane like im db cooper 

i dont see the glass half full i see it frosted
i need a beverage that i can get lost in
i dont think i signed a contract but im locked in
so long & thanks to all the dolphins
if you need me then ill be downtown
like, underground
like, maybe you can find me in the lost and found
if were gonna play this game ill go all in
if the game’s not rigged what would you call it

megabyte.wav (prod. strkz)

@leaf-cassidy

(joysick)
my shawty taller than the trees
ya she just as tall as me
see us floating in the breeze
clear skies on my seas
now i’m putting on my fleece
cause i’m shaking like a leaf
call me venus if you please
cause they paint the birth of me
she told me i can’t scare this hoe
when i met her at the show
so i’m free to write my prose
free to call her my bro
tell her i like her but she knows
smell my perfume with she nose
connect her hyundai to my phone
let’s see how fast it goes

met her at the warmachine show
showed her all my songs she likes NYE + cheat code
now it’s 2am we at sabinos
now it’s monday night on her porch playin beach house

poly or mono i don’t give a fuck when we’re together
i don’t care let’s go make out in hell or whatever
she make out with me cambridgeside she let me wear her sweater
air temple water tribe we could change the weather

(starwater)
had my dick in many girls
but none as tall as you
your smile pierced my heart
wrapped a bandage it was blue
you danced like the ocean
i felt like a fool
wanted to gaze into your eyes
i tried to play it cool
ripped out that basement in my car
with you right beside
ur music pierced the night
hello sophie, be my bride
already met my folks
already met my dog
i dont have a dog
bitch i am the dog

never thought id fall again
but i guess im just lucky
your freckles run my mind
please kill me baby

(joysick)
my shawty taller than the trees
ya she just as tall as me
see us floating in the breeze
clear skies on my seas
now i’m putting on my fleece
cause i’m shaking like a leaf
call me venus if you please
cause they paint the birth of me
she told me i can’t scare this hoe
when i met her at the show
so i’m free to write my prose
free to call her my bro
tell her i like her but she knows
smell my perfume with she nose
connect her hyundai to my phone
let’s see how fast it goes