someone call me gorgeous
i need the reassurance
someone call me handsome cuz
i feel so abhorrent

I wish i could change so much
about myself
wish i could leave my insecurities
on the shelf

constant comparisons like
are they staring
do they notice me at all
my lack of confidence is glaring

do people think im small
do they hate the way i talk
is it all inside my head
or did i just invent it all

did i just invent it all

someone call me gorgeous
i need the reassurance
someone call me handsome cuz
i feel so abhorrent

I wish i could change so much
about myself
wish i could leave my insecurities
on the shelf

i cant help the way i look 
i didn't choose this face
and im sorry if you all think 
im a f*****g waste of space

losin half my teeth
and im skinny to the bone
so forgive me if today i aint
picking up the phone

I know im not the only one
but i still feel alone
i cant face the world today
so ill just stay at home

I wish i could change so much
about myself
i wish i could leave my insecurities
on the shelf

gargoyle (prod V-E beats)

recall 
the days when
things were
so simple
innocence
undefiled
they seem so distant to me

searching
for something
like cracks in melted glass
its over
hard to grasp
it slipped right through our hands

faded
memories
like photos
all torn

feeling
lost now
we all grew up too fast

empty
defeated
our battles scar
they sting

no one
can hear us
on deafened ears they sink

lost now
i scream out
yet no one
can hear me

iv searched far
and wide now
but hopes nowhere to find

endless
is my pain
there must be some way out
i'm sorry
forgive me
this is my goodbye note

sayonara (black curtains) (prod 11feinly)

in shadows
i stay here
lost in my own despair
my echoes
they haunt through
the thick and stagnant air

the weight of
my anchors
they chain me down to hell
im drowning
in brimstone
this smoke it overwhelms

a labrynth of darkness and my spirit it breaks
suffocating all my hopes away
i stay up all night and then im tired all day
my smile it fades with every breath that i take

yet through it all i find the strength to fight
i promised myself that ill get out alive

shackles (prod tears)

dont talk to me i dont wanna hear your voice
looked right through me like i was a fuckin ghost
all the answers hidden in forgotten books
questions no one asks until they comatose

if i die then at least il'l look good in my grave
drip so heavy it'll make you misbehave
call me morbid, i'm just being honest babe
lost my sense of dignity i cannot change

emotions like a merry go round
gettin dizzy
lose my feet on the ground
i'm feeling nauseous
like im gonna throw up
all my silence
yeah im startin to rush

i need a goth girl tonight
i want blood and pain
cut me til i feel pain
feel somethin once again

ill be there by your side
until my suicide
we could both die tonight
we could both die tonight

is there life after death
can we put that to the test
take in our final breath
lay our bodies to rest

baby you know if we
went ahead with our plan
we'd never kiss again
is it all worth it then?

carousel (prod shmog)

she wanna start me off but ill make this last
i dont wanna waste no time so ill make this fast
i dont wanna play your games cuz im just not like that
i dont wanna get nasty cuz im good at that

you can use your best tricks to get my attention
baby if you told the truth then i might just listen
i am so sick and tired of your stupid lies
if your gonna disgrace my name well then do it right

that promise
that id never hurt you
i stick by my words
cuz im not like you

she wanna start a war but im just not armed
she wanna go nuclear but i just dont care
used to be my best friend and now all i feel
is her animosity and its just not fair

the break up (prod olifye)

leave now
im sick of
your faces
its bullshit

im better
alone now
im fine just on my own

i always knew that
your time would pass

sometimes i lay awake at night and start thinking to myself
was i really all that good a person can i still make things right?

i dont know, dont know how i ended up this way 
i dont suppose this life of mine can start again
i'd ask you how to show me live a normal life now
but i dont really want to that's where the problems lie

stay offline  and turn my phone off
i don't want no human contact
people really make me sick
they just drag me down

stay away from me today
i'm purposely self isolating
people seem to want to drive me
into the ground

witching hour (prod dead yami)

take your secrets off my shelf
cuz i don't recognise you 
if all we are is dust and dirt 
then you're made of glass i see straight through you

stay with me
my darling i cant believe
your truly over me
you cant move on that quickly

show me how to right my wrongs
your good at pointing them out
but your the worst girl come on

take my hand 
we could go anywhere
you know i'll follow you 
until the end of the world

beat me
until my blood driers up
i wont let you hurt me
agony i've had enough

bruises (prod eyelessowls)

since i can remember shit iv always felt so isolated
are you feeling lonely kiki? fuck me that's an understatement
friends i have i cherish well the ones that aren't yet dead and buried
keep meaning to tell them all that i'm not feeling myself lately

tell me that
you hate me
like everyone
its boring

chew me up
its okay
it'll happen to 
me anyway

tell me lies
its perfect
the truth will only
upset me

spit me out
i love that
good times for me
just never last

everyone i meet i seem to struggle holding conversation
get the sinking feeling they're just being nice for presentation
took me 13 months to write this album got no motivation
i don't want no fame or glory i just crave appreciation

you can tell me the truth
you know that i'm self aware
i'm just tryna improve
but some days i just don't care

you can tell me grow up
and that i'm too immature
but i just need some help
cuz i'm so insecure

spit me out (prod splashgvng)

just a little more time
and just a little more faith
i could be happy today
if you would just walk my way

you caught
both of my eyes
i need shades cuz the way you shine
you could waste all my time
cuz i don't do nothin' else
but sit on my own and cry

just a little more luck
and just a little less hatred
of myself and i bet
i'd find a way to connect

my heart to you
girl you know i could be 
your latest red flag
so darling come play with me

we could watch sum movies sit around and do sum dumb shit
dance like no ones watching drinking red and getting so lit
visit all the cities that we never really been to
wondering what life is all about cuz it will end soon

we could start a cult and simply leave because we got bored
spend entire weekends on the beach riding our skateboards
taking photos of you like a model cuz your so fine
counting down the days that i can finally call you mine

don't think i can wait cuz everything you do excites me
leaves me wanting more i crave you every single moment
put your lips around my neck i'm begging you to bite me
please don't go and break my heart just to spite me

just a lil (prod blvnk)

listen, here's my story
about a kid named kiki
had dreams of fame and glory
but turned out dark and dreary

family was broken b'fore the age o' 1
with no brothers or no sisters he's the only one
other kids at school i guess we got along
but it was hard and before long the loneliness begun
sat up in my room hooked on to 64
the first way i could escape but trust me there'd be more
i was looking up to characters in video games
cuz i'd never really had a role model before

what i got i taught my
self and no one else
my mum she done her best
forget about the rest

when i, hit high school i
tried to find myself i
dyed my hair jet black and
put on my studded belt

still i had the dreams id had back in the past
but it felt a bit like life was going way too fast
waving goodbye to your childhood can freak you out
but the little kid inside of me will always last

listen, no one ever
does and never did
i hope that someone hears me
i hope my friends forgive me

forsaken allegory (prod p3tro)

HATE ME

Looking For You

amateur emo/sadboy artist
YT: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9X0utt3UsmyzcadfrHUFdg

East London, originally from Brighton

live for them late night chilled out emotional vibes and pop punk summer days

just a sad kid with nothin to lose tryna put those emotions in to music so people got something to remember me by at the end, this is the personal diary of kiki, the freak

I don't have any proper experience in creating music, everything I have done is just doing my best and hoping I can learn, dont take my music too serious i'm kinda just havin fun with it all... still learning to actually sign and mix music so ya i know my mixing and vocals aren't the best, but as Jake the dog says the first step to being good at something is sucking at it - spittin facts

also open to collabs

gargoyle (prod V-E beats)

kikithefreak

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