s/o to the people that hurt me enough to write more than one song ab them
alex
lorraine
damean 
dawson

and most importantly
he_knows_who

all_original_songs_2020

Release date:
11/15/2020

instrumental: https://soundcloud.com/madisonelaineofficial/snowstorm "Snowstorm" by Madison Elaine

Lyrics:
I need you so badly and I'm afraid that you don't love me anymore, 
that you didn't cry until you passed out in your bed when all of this mess happened. 
That you don't need me. 
That you'll move on, that you have moved on, that you won't be waiting for me like I'm still waiting for you. 
I miss the nights that we had fun and sneaking around at 4 in the morning. 
I miss falling asleep to you singing in the shower. 
I miss imagining our lives together. 
It hurts a bit to do it now, not from the possibility of it happening and having to wait, but the possibility of it not happening because you don't want it to. 
I'm scared you'll forget me, I'm more scared I'll forget you. 
But I'm certain the latter won't happen. 
I stay up and think about you and cry. 
I fall asleep to my music box with the twinkly version of the lullaby you used to sing for me. 
I go outside and watch the sunset and wonder if you're watching it, too. 
I hope you are, 
I hope it so much. 
We could be friends when you're allowed to talk to me again, but I'll never stop loving you. 
I won't. 
I can't. 
It hurts so much without you. 
So many other problems are happening right now for me, but you don't have to worry over them anymore, do you? 
You're so perfect.
I'm sorry that I had to scare you with all of this. 
I didn't mean for this to end. 
I tried to say I love you one last time before you were taken away from me. 
I hope you had a good time in Colorado. 
I hope you're having good times with your friends, and I hope that sometime you can tell me about them. 
I think I'm running out of characters, but I won't run out of love for you.

intro/dehumanized (prod. Madison Elaine)

Release date:
12/2/20

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjWpymIm4FI "december" prod. metlast

lyrics:
our last goodnight, i saw you cry
big tears in your small eyes, but not the last time
our last goodnight, the moon full and bright
colored strobing lights, made your skin shine

nothing’s good about goodnight when it means goodbye 
i had to leave, couldn’t fight anymore
nothing’s good when you turned around
tears drip off your face and fall to the ground
i had to leave, i couldn’t let you down anymore

our last goodbye, my last good night
held you so tight, wouldn’t let you leave my side
our last goodbye, now you’re in the sky
didn’t know you’d try, to take your own life

nothing’s good about goodnight when it means goodbye 
i had to leave, couldn’t fight anymore
nothing’s good when you turned around
tears drip off your face and fall to the ground
i had to leave, i couldn’t let you down anymore

and i blame myself 
for your lack of self worth
if you wanted to leave the earth
y’could have told me first
you held so much pain
i tried to break your chains
oh my dearest rain
why’d you put that bullet in your brain?
it’s so pitiful
still singing bout you, three years ago
you left and i’m still miserable
i play the victim cus i dunno how to cope

our last goodbye, my last good night
i watched you cry for the last time

nothing’s good about goodnight when it means goodbye 
i had to leave, couldn’t fight anymore
nothing’s good when you turned around
tears drip off your face and fall to the ground
i had to leave, i couldn’t let you down anymore

no.. 
nothing’s good about goodnight when it means goodbye 
i had to leave, i couldn’t fight anymore
nothing’s good when you turned around
tears drip off your face and fall to the ground
i had to leave, you couldn’t watch me drown, anymore

goodnight/goodbye [prod. metlast]

Release date: 
12/10/2020

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7sjzww5ayc "LAKE" prod. shinju x krave

lyrics:
i told you how i felt, which was all i wanted to do
I don’t need you to love me, but i can’t help wanting to
wrap my arms around you and feel your heart beat with my own
but since you’ll never need me i guess i’ll be all alone

thanks for listening to me when i would try to talk 
and everyone else would speak
thanks for being there when i didn’t know who to be
thanks for not being harsh when i wanted you. to. like. me.

i want you to know you didn’t break my heart
cus i was prepared for it
i can’t trust anyone, only i can take care of it
i’ll put up my 
walls and you almost broke through

guess that’s why i liked you

i want you to know you didn’t hurt me with the words you’ve spoken
I want you to know you didn’t break my heart cus you can’t break what’s broken
you could never hurt me
yeah my heart’s still open
you can’t break my heart when aGainn it’s already broken

and i still miss the old you
the one who would like me, too
even when the new you is here to talk to
i wish you would get a fucking clue 

i’ve done everything i couLd do
you’ve done it before, just fall for me too
these feelings we have are nothing new
just love me again, the way i love you

you know you kinda hurt me with the words you spoke, oh
you couldn’t break my heart again when you already broke it
you know you kinda hurt me with the words you spoke, oh
you couldn’t break my heart again when you already broke it

brokenified (prod. shinju x krave)

Release date:
12/11/20

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHwlaaNqXRw “miss you” prod. metlast

bandaid commercial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7KdFyaW_x8 bandaid commercial 

lyrics:
(i am stuck on bandaid brand cus bandaids stuck on me)

writing about friendship while i’m crying in the classroom
crying in the classroom
i should’ve been a better friend and kept your life from ending so soon
it was too soon
honestly i tried so hard and did everything i could do
everything i could do
but when it rains it pours thinking about you
about you, bout you

i’m all fucked over and my tears are running
bite my tongue and my mouth gets bloody
a slash on my wrist for everyday without you
a cry for help waiting for you to come through

bandaids on my wrists, bandaids on my heart
bandaids keeping me from falling apart
bandaids on my elbows, bandaids on my knees
cover me in bandaids so i can heal quickly

writing about friendship while trying to heal without you
without you, out you
i wish i could have been there to stop everything hurting you
hurting you, hurting you
i always feel guilty, but life goes on, and what could i do
could i do, i do
still, when it rains it pours thinking about you
about you, bout you

i’m all fucked over and my tears are running
bite my tongue and my mouth gets bloody
a slash on my wrist for everyday without you
a cry for help waiting for you to come through

bandaids on my wrists, bandaids on my heart
bandaids keeping me from falling apart
bandaids on my elbows, bandaids on my knees
cover me in bandaids so i can heal quickly

the days aren’t easy, but the night’s the hardest part
now i need a bandaid to heal my broken heart
the days aren’t easy, but the night’s the hardest part
now i need a bandaid to heal my broken heart

cover me so i can heal quickly, so i can heal quickly
bandaids on my elbows, bandaids on my knees
cover me in bandaids so i can heal, please

bandaids [prod. metlast]

Release date:
12/17/20

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2eVPwbviiw “luminy” prod. wurlishmouk

lyrics:
la dee da dee da da da, da dum

bedtime, stuck in my own head time
my friends all think i’m dead time
bedtime, i forgot what you said time
crying cus you prolly called ten times

i don’t have charge in my phone
in my room, on my own
without you i might just die alone

bedtime, my heart full of lead time
worried cus she’s dead tonight, night night
bedtime, another tear shed time
what i most dread time

i don’t have charge in my phone
in my room, on my own
without you i might just die alone

i cried myself to sleep every night this week cus your not mine to keep
when i try to speak my voice gets weak 
and my well rehearsed words become a squeak
i cried myself to sleep every night this week cus your not mine to keep
when i try to speak my voice gets weak 
and my well rehearsed words become a squeak

i cried myself to sleep every night this week cus your not mine to keep 
(no charge in my phone)
when i try to speak my voice gets weak 
and my well rehearsed words become a squeak 
(no, no, no)
i cried myself to sleep every night this week cus your not mine to keep 
(in my room, on my own)
when i try to speak my voice gets weak 
and my well rehearsed words become a squeak 
(without you i might just die alone)

bedtime, deadtime, rest your sleepy head time

i wanna kill myself
i dont need help 
dont worry bout my health 
hate the hand ive been dealt 
others got it worse gotta keep this to myself 
put my emotions on a shelf 
thats what i do and nothing else 
nothing else 
im nothing else than what you think about me 
i dont need help

i dont need help, its bedtime

bedtime (prod. wurlishmouk)

Release date:
12/22/20

instrumental: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PZawxhRaf4 “protect me” prod. wurlishmouk

lyrics:
la dee da dee da da
la dee da dee da i wanna be gone
la dee da dee da fuck this song, fuck this song
la dee da dee da she’s long gone

don’t feel bad
it’s all your fault, not mine
i’m just hurting
but i’ll say i’m fine
we were wallflowers 
and we helped each other grow
i told her i loved her, 
i really hope she knows

i shouldn’t get mad
it’s all her fault, not mine
you put words in my mouth
and pretend i don’t know why
you don’t like me feelin
cus you don’t know what to do
but all your lies 
got me feeling so blue 

and i don’t know why, and i don’t know why we die
and i don’t think that, and i don’t think that anyone does
and i don’t know why, and i don’t know why we lie
and i don’t think that, and i don’t think that we should

she was right, i was wrong, and i shoulda knew it all along
she was brave, she was strong, i’m breaking tryna move on
and i can’t blame her for her life being difficult 
but she told me “terrible is typical”
and “in the end, when i see you again
both of our lives will be easier”

she was too young, i was too dumb, us both broke as they come
she loved, lived, and laughed, now it’s all in the past
and i know that it’s rough 
but she told me “life will be tough”
and “in the end, when i see you again
both of our lives will be easier”

but it’s so selfish to me
to even fucking think
of never feeling a thing and
i never wanted her to feel
like she was nothing without me
why the fuck must we all be

please don’t tell me not to scream
or tell me not to cry
i don’t give a fuck, i wanna know why
you know that i’m hurting, you know i’m not fine
if you don’t wanna know then leave me here to die
this shit’s not a game, you think it’s funny when i cry?
then leave me on the floor without a goodbye
you do it anyway, like im a cold fry
in the bottom of the bag, remember when you thought i was fly

i don’t know why we die
and i don’t know why we lie
and i don’t know why i cry
please tell me why
please, please tell me why

‘just move on’
but i’m stuck like glue
‘she’s long gone’
it feels like you are too
it feels like you are too
fuck you, mhm

easier (prod. wurlishmouk)

most of this is old and i'm not really proud of it but it's whatever
love y'all
-lith 6/26/21

brokenified (prod. shinju x krave)

lith_pickett