is it culpable
standing by
tryna ease the pain
I think its probable
yeah it'd be fair if we shared the blame
I find it optimal
to chalk it up
we are not the same

chalk it up
know that we are not the same

i'm not trying to be rude
I don't like your attitude
it always puts me in a mood
I know you feel it too

if it made a difference
I would fix it in an instant
all up in my business
 when I'm trying to be distant
trying to be distant
I'm trying to be distant
I can burn my bridges
never blink
I never miss it

chalk it up
know that we are not the same

not the same

pepsi chaser (SPOTIFY LEAK)

oh, there is a lost year
somewhere between you and i
you smell like a garden
i want to be twisted in your vines

i just want to feel you
running around my pavement
ooh, tell me i’m your favorite
minor inconvenience
and i’ll return the feeling

just grow
and i would crack to marry your devotion
interwoven
we could be the garden and the pavement

you gave me a flower
bright red and pink, but i got you stepped on
enter infestation
the doubt that I think i’m not what you want

but i want to feel you
running around my pavement
ooh, tell me i’m your favorite
minor inconvenience
and i’ll return the feeling

just grow
and i would crack to marry your devotion
interwoven
we could be the garden and the pavement

cracks and petals cut were bound to come
when we were never meant to love
but that doesn’t mean we can’t break rules
this is filthy love but it’s golden and
the whole world needs to know it
but i dont like convincing you

the garden & the pavement DEMO

song for akira :)

mixed and mastered by John Trainum

Lil Cow

diet coke

I extended my branch
So you building a boat
It tore me apart
By keeping us both afloat
I may have done wrong
For a light I’ve shone
And yet you may gleam
A shadow’s pinned to your toes

In this form that we’ve arrived
At like a moth to candlelight
It will make us blind
If I cared, I’d let you know
I’m looking rough, but there I go

I’ve purchased that light 
you cast upon me
It’s taken the form of a plastic Jesus piece
I dont mind if it rains or freezes
Knock on your door 
cause at least the heat is free

In this form that we’ve arrived
Don’t look like much but that’s alright 
Tell me what you like
But If I cared, I’d let you know
I’m looking rough, but there I go

There wasnt a light
That you’ve shone on me
That wasn’t unsure
Of who it was blinding
I’ll see you tonight
It’s been a while
The baggage from weeks
You’ll add to the pile
From the old town
To the big city
Where we both met
When we were pretty
There wasn’t a night
Where you were beside me
Where I wasn’t unsure
I didn’t mind it.

Looking rough

artwork made by @malusmatrona on instagram

i don’t believe it
said you’re tired and leaving
tomorrow you’ll be out of state
for some unknown reason

right in front of my eyes
a perfect picture that time buys
breaks apart uneven
for some untold reason

alternating questions 
not the greatest first impression
it’s not about getting even
except to you for some reason

i listened to your stories
with bleary eyes at four in the morning
we lay our heads and then it’s evening
for some untold reason

reason

Is it selfish
To think of you with me all of the time?
Got a good life
And I don't wanna ruin it if I were to make you mine
My eyes shut
We're in no rush
Count my days
We will be okay
Every time I have to hear your voice
It feels like an obligation and I have no choice
But to want you
Do you love me?
I'm fucking done, this shit's making me crazy
Oh
Make a move, wanna get to know you
There's a world that I wanna show you
Its got black and gold picture frames
Of me and you running away
My eyes shut
We're in no rush
Count my days
We will be okay
Every time I have to hear your voice
It feels like an obligation and I have no choice
But to want you
Do you love me?
I'm fucking done, this shit's making me crazy

getaway (acoustic)

When it rains, it pours

My cover of The Pogues' 'Dirty Old Town'.
Recorded on 10/03/2025, in one take with minimal post-processing.

I met my love by the gas works wall
Dreamed a dream by the old canal
I kissed my girl by the factory wall

Dirty old town
Dirty old town

Clouds are drifting across the moon
Cats are prowling on their beat
Spring's a girl from the streets at night

Dirty old town
Dirty old town

I heard a siren from the docks
Saw a train set the night on fire
I smelled the spring on the smoky wind

Dirty old town
Dirty old town

I'm gonna make me a good sharp axe
Shining steel tempered in the fire
I'll chop you down like an old dead tree

Dirty old town
Dirty old town

I met my love by the gas works wall
Dreamed a dream by the old canal
I kissed my girl by the factory wall

Dirty old town
Dirty old town
Dirty old town
Dirty old town


Songwriters: Ewan Maccoll


Dirty Old Town (The Pogues cover)

A tender acoustic journey through hope, loss, and the burning desire to truly live. "I Want to Live Madly" tells the story of a soul who refuses to fade—who lights the darkness with trembling flame and carves songs from sorrow's stone. The bridge blooms into an emotional peak, a dialogue between guitar, piano, and strings, before dissolving into a whispered outro that lingers like a memory.

Looking rough

memory wears