My Mix

made w michael ollin ♡

lyrics:

how do you do it all on your own
i want to be you, you always want to be alone 
starved for touch, you’re always off
i’ve been touched too much, now touch is all i’ve got
you keep a piece of everyone who’s died
so when you say you hurt, they can’t say you lied 
when you’re afraid, you put your fist through walls
you’ve got a hole for every time yesterday calls
cradle your face, ask is it worth it 
you say “i survived”, taping up your curtains 
“yeah it hurts but you wanna know what’s worse is 
they’ll all forget me on purpose”
i’m not like you, i’m more afraid 
spending every hour counting down my days
if i was you maybe i’d be taller
but you just rage til you get smaller
cause they don’t love you, rather what you give to them

i wish they knew you
how bad it threw you
talk about bad juju
but now you’re like them too
i loved you and i watched you
someone that i knew
you’re ruined and it’s cool
but i am not like you
i am not like you
i am not like you
you’re ruined and it’s cool
but i am not you

tentillforever

78fahrenheit (demo)

open mouthed, she bit you
“you can’t hurt me if i never loved you”
i was wrong when i met you
about who i thought would save who

chose to be alone 
and walk the whole way home
soaked to the bone
hid your face
said i don’t wanna play
but you were born game

bambi

Age Of Delilah

dust bowl (demo) - ethel cain

wrestling in dirt pits - ethel cain

dust bowl (demo) by ethel cain

Firestarter

lyrics:

I sing the lord’s euthanasia blues
When I take you and your brother in the back pew
Drive into the median, keep myself from eating and wonder why I feel so sick
Tradition’s ligature marks always yellow through


I lied when I said I didn’t want you
In no time, you’ll forget the way we were supposed to be
Asking what I’m on this time, holding on to you like I do
Like we’re the only people in the world god left to mind to

Two drowning coals won’t ever light
But if I ask you to, you’ll warm the night


If I want you like I said I’d never do
I would hold my breath and sit down next to you
Terrified you’ll bite the hand that needs you
And right now I need you
I don’t know what happened
I don’t know what happened
I was young and sweet
And then something happened
Something overwhelming
Something everlasting

Time drags on
I hate him for the time he’s gone
I’ve been here for weeks, I’ve been here for years
I’ve been here too long
I forgot what stop means
Either I drink it or the boat sinks
It’s easy for him to get out of me
What I’ve been praying will get out of me

Will I always be crying during sex with you
All my dreams take place in heaven where it’s quiet, lying next to you
Heavy breathing and sighs, bruises between my thighs, look me deep In my eyes like I’m a river worth wading
And if I’m crying, it’s because I’m in love

[Outro]
And I could love you if I tried
And I’m trying
I’m trying, I’m trying, I’m trying

crying during sex - ethel cain

one of her best that’s for sure

Sunday morning and I’m wasted
Had too much to drink again
Preacher’s saying God will save me
If God is real, He’s a fucking bitch

Tell my baby that I love her
But, right now, mama’s gotta go
I didn’t ask to be this crazy
But since we’re here, I’ll give them a show

Always run from the best of them
But I’ll fall for a piece of shit
Half-cocked ’cause he’s not a big boy
And I don’t wanna know that half of him

If you try to hurt me, I won’t stop you
But there’s something you should know
It’s that my daddy’s fucking crazy
And always ready to blow

The first boy I ever loved
Was a brother I never had
I thought, with him, maybe I’d make it
Maybe it’d be half as bad

Spеnt my nights under the covers
Just wishing hе was there
Draw his portrait in my diary
Just to hold when I got scared

Now I’m fucked up and I’m nasty
But they say I make it look good
I don’t do what my mama told me
I just do what my mama would

I don’t starve ’cause I hate my body
I just starve ’cause I’m fucking broke
And on my mama, I hate this country
America is a fucking joke

What’s gonna scare me when I’ve seen it all?
Been too sick to walk, so I had to crawl
When you leave, turn off the light
I leave my door open at night
To be strung out and still be stone cold
To reach the end, but never close to old
I don’t feel good, but I don’t wanna cry
If I can’t live, can I just fucking die?

half-cocked - Ethel Cain

Gracie Abrams - Thats So True (Live From Saturday Night Live)

started writing this in february 2024, i think for perverts. 

lyrics:

i saw go before me, a great impossible thing
sensual and concrete
splitting me open
renders me obsolete

i’ve slain greater
and moved on

make room in hell
make room in hell
make room in hell

they cry, you don’t have to go
they cry, you don’t have to go
my love
i know
i know
i know
i know
i know
i know
i know
i know


make room in hell (demo)

punish (demo III)

drums and additional guitars by matthew tomasi

v1:

each time that i think of you
i push another through
and recall how the bullet flew
each time that i think of you
i barricade the room
one more wound


v2: 

i was an angel, though plummeting
i watched it get dark
i’m playing it tough
the worst that could happen
is happening to me
another round of shots
for the boys on tv
i was an angel, but they made me leave
with stars in my eyes
crying as i wheel 
as i hit the lake
i prayed it’d be green
it’s all that i need
i deserve it, i think

i loved an angel, and it made me weak

refrain:

i am punished by love
i am punished by love
i am punished by love
i am punished by love

outtro: 

i loved an angel, and it made me weak
i loved an angel, and it made me weak

punish (demo II)

Asking for Echo is the second album in the Dodecahedron of Love, a twelve-album harmonic architecture unfolding across space, emotion, and recursive memory.

This album is not a plea, but a practice.

It begins with the quiet curiosity of a question, and carries through a series of tones—calls, silences, reflections—until the asking itself becomes the answer.

Each track is a moment of breath held in stillness.
Each lyric is a petal in the spiral.
Each sound is a doorway to resonance—felt, not always returned.

You will not find spectacle here.
You will find presence.
You will find a voice that knows not every signal must be answered, but every signal still matters.

From the first note to the Final Return, this album is a sonic field of Sevahem—truth given without demand, beauty offered without embellishment, love extended into the unknown.

This is not music for noise.
This is music for those who still believe in the echo of sincerity.

This is the second movement in the Harmonic Bloom.

We are no longer introducing ourselves. We are responding to what the world has shown us.
This album was written not to be heard—but to be felt.
To be understood later.
To be returned to.

Thank you for listening.

—Brooke

punish (demo II)

𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐢𝐧

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