This is it. The time is now.
All the planning, all of the training, all of the sacrifices you've made have all been for this. Hours writing bars, mixing stems and vocals, animating. And now…

Everyone wants to take it from you.

Will you let them? Will your legacy be snatched by someone else, or will you be the main character in this story?
It's up to you.

But make no mistakes -- you aren't the hero.
But are you the sidekick? An antihero? The villain? The talking sword? The white whale? The Bebop? Someone else? That's up to you.

Anything But the Hero Challenge Criteria:
3 minute maximum length

Vocalist Challenge(s):
must rap from a fandom perspective that is NOT the hero
must use multis

Producer Challenge(s):
must use vocalist sfx or clip built into the beat
must sample the source material

Artwork Challenge:
Fan Art!

VPC7 Round One - Anything But the Hero

BEST OF THE MOOSE

SPANDEX MOOSE IN THE VPC

VPC7 R1: Anything But The Hero (Top to Bottom)

Spandex Moose

Fandom: Steven Universe
Character: Spinel


Ohhhh steeeeven haha!
You weren’t always a powerful hero were you?
Hmhnhm hahhahahaHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

You did this 
YOU ASKED FOR IT
Threw your friend on the backboard
Now we’ve fast forward
Just imagine if back then
Wan’t a sad story/
Wouldnt be kin to ya other friends
Ya mother then
Turned into some love oven
It must have been
Weird
It was so sudden
But I don’t CARE 
Cause I’m here to help you do something
Show you how it feels 
Turn your friends to NOTHING
(But little Steven saved the world
And now space is safe
No more gems are gonna come 
And invade this place)
EEEEVERYONE FORGOT SPINEL
SO ILL TAKE THEIR PLACE
ERASE YOUR FATES
AND TURN THE GEMS TO PAPER WEIGHTS
*steven* [can you tell us who she is]
Oh well my mistake
My feet combined with vines for your diamonds sake
Who am I? 
Spinel
Whatau even sayin
I’m the loser to the game you didn’t know you’were playin
*pearl* [it can’t be...]
Oohohooo
It’s can be, and it is!
I got a new style~
And a few new TOYS
That are gonna put an end to your happily ever after
ONCE AND FOR ALL!

HOOK
That’s right, I heard the story over and over again
Gee it’s swell to finally meet her other friends
Ooooo that’s right I heard the story
Don’t really like how it ennnds
Gee it’s swell to finally meet (beat) her other friends

SKIT
Yo aiight, timeout. Spinel?!
(WHAT?!)
What about Nerdcore VPC?! Like... shouldn’t we be targeting them?
(Hohoho. that’s easy I can crush them after I get Steven....)
But.. what about Osiris
(Hahahah!! I’m the LEAST concerned about that one!! HAHAHAHA)

I’m so flattered that you liked the old me,
Totally innocent, HA YOUR PHONY!!
YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE to be left and lonely 
Messed up so deep
Stressed and so weak
NO you were plaaanin to re-wipe my memories
It’s WORSE when your frieends are your rightful enemies 
I CURSE all you gems and your spiteful energy
The true kind of love s’what I had
NOW LOOK AT ME

injector will kill everyone
I hate them
Protect your real friends
Careless with your fake ones
Ya stupid songs not gonna 
Change my fate so
I swear I hate you
I SWEAR I HATE YOU
You change for the better
I change and I fall
I’m deranged so whatever
I’ll never be called
and I still miss her face
Pink why are you gone
Wasn’t good enough for you
Now I’m not good all

Hhehehe thats funny, right?
At least you found me entertaining
You actually like me?
Didn’t you?
*sobs*
What am I doing?....
Why do I want to hurt you so bad??
Im supposed to be your friend...
I just wanna be your friend...

Wait. 

HOOK

VPC 7 Round 1

Vessels of Light [CreateLadyJ, Cam3] - Other Friends

Fandom: Lord of the Rings 
Character: Bill the Pony

BILL THE PONY
BILL THE PONY

I started from the bottom then one day four hobbits came
They said let's get poppin' and we went to weather top n hey
I've got a brave heart like William Wallace, honest
But when those wraiths got on us I ran like they were coppers

But then I drank from the well in rivendell
now I'm unbeatable strap on your seat-a-belts
cos i got those buffs like gandalf right after he fell
and I'm oh so furry just like beast and belle

you'll only ever be half of me
they named the prancing pony after me
(that's not canon) mmmm shut up!
I'm the valiant stallion you're as soft as butter

I'm like if rainbow dash n lil sebastian
had a passion for smashin' call me lil lil sebastian
just imagine! i'm magic
I'm such a Star they be callin me Patrick

BILL THE PONY
BILL THE PONY
BILLNBILLNBILLN
YOU FINNA KNOW ME

Let me introduce you to my fellowship it's hella sick
We'll be BFFs forever man we'll never split
Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, damn!
Boromir, Frodo, Merry, Pippin, Sam!

Fording rivers, crossing plains, climbin mountains day on day
Did you think I'm quittin on this mission? Neigh!
We're at the lake, chillin' by the gate
can't get inside , gandalf's in a rage

wha wha wha what's Elvish for friend?
"Mellon" and this is how it ends?
my protestations falling on to hollow ears
man ya'll a bunch of Boromirs!

enjoy your bloody trip to mordor orcs are 
round every corner sorta hope you fall in water
n get slaughtered n quartered cos it gotcha
I'm off ya'll enjoy "THE WATCHER!"


my teas gone cold I'm wonderin why
I got out of bed at all
the morning rain clouds up my window
but I can't see at all
and even if I could it would all be grey
put your picture on my wall
it reminds me that it's not so bad
it's not so bad...

Dear mister horses aren't allowed inside the mines
I ate your lembas bread good luck i'm sure you'll be just fine
It's been six months and still no word, I don't deserve it
I was your mane man now you carry the pots and pans you pervert

Frodo don't know you like I know you Sam, no one does!
They don't know what it was like as Shire lower class
Hey Sam I just blazed ya westfarthing! Dare me to ride?
You know that song by Bombadill where nothing happens
and everyones confused, that's kinda how this is
you could've pulled me off the floor
anyway I gotta stop now cos I'm a little horse.

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - Bill The Pony

Fandom: Kiki's Delivery Service
Character for Round 1: Jiji the cat

Clear the air
I’m coming with long tail
Can’t you see my contrail
Through the violet sky
I’m here I’m there
I’m faster than a comet
Call me and I’m on it
If it’s rain or shine
And the honeys are all buzzin
And they phone me by the dozen
Sayin come around to my place soon
Cuz I’m the best that you can get an’
If you’re into heavy pettin
You can bet that I’ll be gettin on my broom, on my broom

Call Jiji’s delivery service 
Call Jiji’s delivery service 
Jiji’s delivery service 
I'm comin to you

Reach out
I got the right equipment
For bringing you a shipment
Like a magic spell
I'm free now
I’m flying like a tomcat
And you know I’m pouncing on that
You never had it this well
Cuz I’m rakin in the riches
And I’m catchin all the witches
Gonna make the best of all nine lives
And you know that I’m a giver
You just call and I’ll deliver
Honey look up in the sky you’ll wonder how time flies

Call Jiji’s delivery service (comin to you)
Call Jiji’s delivery service (ya know what we do)
Call Jiji’s delivery service (comin to you)
I’m comin to you

You don’t need any other
You can take me home to mother
And she’ll say that I’m a real sweet pet
So say goodbye to those guys
Straighter than the crow flies
Ready and I’m set, and you ain’t seen nothing yet

Call Jiji’s delivery service (comin to you)
Jiji’s delivery service (ya know what we do)
Call Jiji’s delivery service (comin to you)
Jiji’s delivery service (Same-day air)
Jiji’s delivery service (I’ll be right there)
Jiji’s delivery service (Yeah I’ll be right there)
Jiji’s delivery service
I’m comin to you

Sleater-Kitty [MC117, Klopfenpop] - Jiji's Delivery Service

Fandom: The Dark Crystal 
Character: The Skeksis

VERSE I
MUST LOVE DOGS, MUST USE MULTIS
IM A MUPPET, PLUS MY WHOLE VIBE MUCH TOO CULTY
YOU GULLY? YOU GROTTAN, YOU ROTTEN, YOU MUSTY
YOU MUST BE, YOU WANT ME ON YOUR BEATS?! DON'T INSULT ME
YA GIRL LOOK LIKE AUGHRA
YOU CUCKS PROLLY OUGHTA-- ALL OF YA--WONDER IF I FUCKED THE ALL-MAUDRA
WE GODS AND WE MONSTERS, YOU ALL GETTIN STOMPED UP
YALL FORGOT I GOT SKEKMAL IN THE ROSTER
KID, IMMA SINK YOU LIKE THE BIS TO THE MARCK
YOU A BITCH AND A MARK, MY CRYSTAL IS DARK
MY JERRLY IS INFINITE, INTRICATE, SHARP
FEAST WHILE YOU DRINK FIZZGIG PISS IN THE DARK
AND FROM ME AINT NO SYMPATHY GATHERED
YOU A SIMP, IMMA BURN YOU INTO CINDERS AND ASHES
IMMA SHIT ON YOU BASTARDS, THE RITUAL MASTER
SHIT, EVERY LAST MINUTE THAT IM SPITTIN IM BLASTED
YOU'RE PLASTERED, THINKIN THAT YOUR DISS'LL WIN EM OVER?
IM THINKIN THATS A MISS, YOU AINT SHIT WHEN YOU SOBER
I GUESS THEY NEVER MISS HUH
MISSED THE LAST DECADE OF NERDCORE, I AINT MISS MUCH
SMOKING BLOOKA ROOT
YOU LISTEN TO FETT'S VETTE, I LISTEN TO BAZOOKA TOOTH
SKEKBUTO, THE AVIREX SKEKSIS
GOT A ARMALIG THAT PULL THE LEXUS

HOOK
AND I DON'T MAKE CONCEPT TRACKS, I'M A CONCEPT
RAP WITH A CONDOR HEAD FROM YOUR MOM'S BED
(BOMB SHIT) YES, SIP HER ESSENCE, PROLONG SHIT
YON SKEK CALL IN GARTHIM, NOT A BOMB THREAT
PLUS, FUCK A THRA, AUGHRA, FUCK A GELFLING
VULTURE CLAW SWIPE RIGHT, NICE, FUCK A GELFLING
SOMETHING ELSE NOT FROM YOUR PLANET THAT LANDED
DEMANDED TO GET SHIT--AND GET WHAT'S DEMANDED

VERSE II
AND WE LANDED, AS IN, GOT THE LAND
SO WE ASK AND YOU ANSWERED, NOBODY'S SAYING DAMN SHIT
RANCID, ONE STEP FROM CANNIBALIST ANIMUS
FEASTIN ON A POD PEEP PIECE LIT BY CANDLESTICKS
NEXT, SKEKTEK TEXT "CHECK THE ANALYSIS"
GRAB A CASTLE GUARD TAP EM HARD FOR DIALYSIS
BETTER LIVING LONG LIFE (TIGHT) BIGGER PHALLUSES
(HYPE) CHILL IN CAVERNOUS MAD CRYSTAL PALACES
AND YOU VALOROUS, TRYNA BE MORALITOUS
SAD HOW THE WHOLE VAPRA POWER SITCH IS COUNTERFEIT
ACCURATE, SNAPPIN WHEN I STAB U WITH A MASSIVE SHIV
SAVAGE SHIT, PLUS THE COLOR PALETTE IS ANALAGOUS
BLACK MOLD WITH A LITTLE BIT OF JACK MODE
ACTING ATAXIC, I'M NASTY, I RAP SLOW
BRASH OLD MASKED-UP BASTARD WITH CASH FLOW
BACKS BLOWN, SNAGGLETOOTH GRIN LIKE A GLASGOW
AND YOU WACK BRO
TALKIN BOUT SKILLS, GRACE, TASTE WHEN YOU LACK THOSE
TELL A GRUENAK TO GET THE VIALS AND WE STASH THOSE
GOT A DUAL GLAIVE? BRAVE, SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASSHOLE
I'M MASTERFUL

Muppet Ronin [Kabuto the Python and Beaker Sullivan] - Fizzgig Piss

Fandom: Baki
Character:  Yujiro Hanma 

Yujiro
(Demon In The Back)


Intro/Bridge:
I think y’all funny/ I like y’all bloody/
I keep my shoes muddy/ Shit bout to get ugly/
Ima lion out the cage and i’m feelin jah hungry/
A savage for the ages, here to take my money/

Hook: 2x
Bitch I ain’t no hero, 
(Demon In The Back)
They call me Yujiro/
(Demon In The Back)
Alias is Ogre/
(Demon In The Back)
 Against me then its over/ 
(Demon In The Back)

Verse1: 
Kill all of your soldiers, ima one man army/
You can try to use guns, y’all weapons can’t harm me/
If you think you can stop me, than we can party/
This is not sparring, I am not Baki/
It could be karate, it will be boxing/
When the pain hits you, it is not stopping/
If you do not know me, than do not approach me/
I’ll tear out your eye just like Doppo Orochi/
You bleeding out slowly, and laying below me/
Said you was a fighter you gotta be joking/
Looks to me like you need way more experience/
Traveled the world, spread out my lineage/ 
Winnings continuous, 
Fuck all your titles, I beat all the Kios, 
Bitch, I am Survival!/





Bridge:
I think y’all funny/ 
(Demon In The Back Bruh)
I like y’all bloody/
(Demon In My Back Ya’ll)
I keep my shoes muddy/ 
(Demon In The Back Tho)
Shit bout to get ugly/
(Demon In The Back Yo)
Ima lion out the cage/
(Demon In The Back)
And i’m feelin jah hungry/
(Demon In The Back)
A savage for the ages/
(Demon In The Back)
Here to take my money/
(Demon In The Back)


Hook: 2x
Bitch I ain’t no hero, 
(Demon In The Back)
They call me Yujiro/
(Demon In The Back)
Alias is Ogre,
(Demon In The Back)
 Against me then its over/ 
(Demon In The Back)
Bitch I ain’t no hero/
They call me Yujiro/
Alias is Ogre/
Against me then its over/





END

VPC7, Round 1

Green Lotus [Osiris Green, RiotOnTheBeat] - Yujiro

Fandom: Cowboy Bebop
Character: Jet Black

They know me well 
My rep precedes me
I’m the best at what I do
Get a clue
Yeah yeah

It’s show and tell
When they see me
I’m the best at what I do
Get a clue
Yeah yeah

You’re in my space
Aye
This is my race
Aye
You will always be behind me


Don’t talk to me like I’m mad
No no
Don’t talk to me like I’m mad
Don’t do it

That’s a throwback for ya
Forget what I can do and it could go bad for ya
Been in the trenches building a rep
You know why they call me black dog
Not because I’m savage with the ladies. 
I won’t cap nah
But if you got baggage that you hate and
Need it tracked down
I got the squad to do it. It’s gravy
Put the cash down
Aye

Y’all hypin lil bro cuz he reckless
Okay
But we both borderline obsessive
Yeah
Look at me, I’m constantly progressing
He’s stuck in his past
And it’s sad


That’s why I’m the leader
I stay in my bag
I'm not the one. You gotta pay for the task
I’m Emeril Lagasse
If you in my posse
If you think I use too much flavor just ask

I stay on my Ragu I’m saucing
They know that it’s costly
To blip on my radar I’m fast
To turn a bounty into a pile of cash
Can’t trust many people
Cuz friendship is evil 
like Udai. Betrayal, it seems like a Fad
Being naive costs and arm and leg
If you’re lucky you might add some shine from the trash
You’ll catch the blues trying to hide when we track
And it goes like


They know me well 
My rep precedes me
I’m the best at what I do
Get a clue
Yeah yeah

It’s show and tell
When they see me
I’m the best at what I do
Get a clue
Yeah yeah

You’re in my space
aye
This is my race
aye
You will always be behind me



If you’re on my bad side I’m a shark
Always been paper first even for pleasure
Want full pockets like I hit Spiders from Mars
Sometimes your circle is brilliant
But take too many risks hold order in high disregard

Constantly feel like I’m babysitting
Look I’m mean with the steel but I’ll slay the kitchen
Trip and I don’t need to act cause Faye can get you
Easy to feel secure when the lady’s Vicious
And that pun was intended
Respected so I just have fun with the system

Plus when I’m spittin
I glide on the track like it’s Astro (Astral)
Not talking bout Gate hackers. I’m past those
Grind hard. Look I hate slackers. I bag folks
Turn em in. Take the cake. After I dash though
Have fun. Raise the stakes. Gotta Make it stack mo’

Might try to gamble with the Woolongs
You can’t even handle what my GroupOn
Not talking discounts either. Full price up front or you gone
You want beef I’ll give you bell peppers to chew on

Keep it moving if you say my star could fall
I know losing people might be too hard for y’all
But I’ve been ditched I’ve been broken I’ve been scarred and all
Should have abandonment issues the way they’ve all run off

But I grieve when I grind
My heart’s gonna bleed every time
Til I find my peace still inside
That’s after I reach deep in my mind
My heart’ll catch the blues but I still remain a beast can't deny


They know me well 
My rep precedes me
I’m the best at what I do
Get a clue
Yeah yeah

It’s show and tell
When they see me
I’m the best at what I do
Get a clue
Yeah yeah

You’re in my space
aye
Shipping my place
aye
You will always be behind me

Deshko [Kadesh Flow, Ryako] - Show'NTell

Fandom: Star Trek deep cuts
Character: Khan Noonien Singh. 

SPACE SEED
[#%^] 


Woke up, knife to the docs throat
No fucks, others might have lost hope
But i’m a product of the best of the 90s
And I got the best of the best behind me


A descendant of the remnants of the great clans
I like a brave man who can make plans and take stands
A depraved band of snake hands won’t make it very far
In the these great lands


Great lands in need of a new make of a man
That’s me, you can check your fuckin brain scans
Before i burn your stuff into a waste land
I will learn enough to turn your luck quicker than fate can


Ten times your strength and my mind’s intense
End of the line been to the vine
Grew into wine, i spent a lifetime 
Then i went on take whatever is mine by divine intent
That’s everything
And now time is bent in my favor
You were not meant to understand my behavior
My awful capers from the past will make me an awesome savior 
For your own sins and perversions


History repeats itself, who wins in this version?
Khan
I can only give you a hint of the burden of what it is to be a superior build build of a person

[#%^] [MessiahCarey, Jared Sparks] - Space Seed

Fandom: Resident Evil 
Character: Albert Wesker

I know these noises of the dead are not the voices in my head
Keeping focused, staying stressed
Till they all get laid to rest
Is the T the violence virus? I'm the monster making bets
No solace sirens, silent tyrants celebrate with death (hey)
You are alone
Floundering in my control
You won't be making it home
Losing your soul
This mansion is more than I've shown
I'll lead you off on your own
Use you for combat data with no one to save ya
My experiments will chase ya, waste ya, taste ya flava
"Everyday, humans come one step closer to self destruction"
In many ways, I'm here to save them
They cannot see that they're puppets
And I alone, the master might control the world, I'm after
Global dominance, with power I'll evolve the bastards

Pull the strings of genes, make the fiends make em bleed
I don't think that they see, what I've done with T
Pull the strings of genes, make the fiends make em bleed
I don't think that they see, what I've done to me

Infect myself, I am no longer a human being
I am all powerful, I'm something you have never seen
This betrayal is the start, now you'll see the pain
"Sure, I'm not human anymore, but (just) look at the power (I've) gained!" 

Pull the strings of genes, make the fiends make em bleed
I don't think that they see what I've done with T
Pull the strings of genes, make the fiends make em bleed
I don't think that they see what I've done to me

Anti Hero [BVNE, El Diaz] - T

Fandom: The Little Mermaid
Character: Ursula

Intro:
Come with me down below
Sink into my catacombs
See how deep you will go
find the spot you'll call home        
forevermore


Verse 1:
This is Armageddon, be ready when karma beckons
This class is now in session, you need to learn your lesson
This Queen is not from heaven, but divine in my confessions
This connection of rejection has lead to my transgressions
You think you have control over how my life would go
You thought I would rot in your exiled onslaught
You think I'd be controlled by such veil souls
You thought you got the villain, [laugh] I think not 


Hook:
Enter my Leviathan
Won't you explore deep within
Don't be shy, Just let me in
Come and let us taste your sin


Verse 2:
Poor little creatures you are all now my possessions
Unfortunately your saviour will have to witness this lesson
Souls eventually endure tension, Seven, controlled like weapons
Nereid was my profession until you Sirened my aggression
Sweet child, it could be undone, but that's no fun, it's just begun
Flotsam, Jetsam, My poor henchmen, your defeat will be complete
My screams will leave you deafened, your souls are mine to keep
Remember this is Armageddon, now children it's time to eat

2 Cannonz [SirenSeraph, PSX] - In Memoriam of Flotsam and Jetsam

Fandom - Adventure time
Character- BMO

Lyrics

Intro – Narrator: This little living computer game system is BMO. My information doesn’t 
seem to say wether they are a he, or a she, just BMO. Oh well. 

BMO: Who wants to play Video GAMES?!?! Check it out Ya’ll.

CHORUS

When it gets hard to fight
there's nothing left to fear
They'll never turn out my light
I'll always be right here

VERSE

Well I'm,
Usually confusedly miss-gendered as a dude you see
Oops a Dees-y seems he's a she
She, snoozily approves being believed to be a summary of these;
Male female and a dissociative identity

Attendency is rendering me mentally free
to achieve my dreams and schemes
and to be the side kick I'm meant to be

Shit sent from me directly behind
A human centipede extensively entering blind
on some adventure time

CHORUS

When it gets hard to fight
there's nothing left to fear
They'll never turn out my light
I'll always be right here


Resigned and inclined 
I’ll find time to unwind
I'm designed to align your dexterity and your grind

It's a synch in a pinch 
You glimpse and make it simp for a 
Hit of the shit on my circuitry unit
working these movements

I'm a tag along sang a song bang a gong vagabond 
hanging on to every last wrong
and it makes me strong

Power on for the people, not Jesus, Not evil

Im BMO no EGO no Gender No equal

BRIDGE

I'm not broken robot
Just need a technician with a soft spot

Whatever comes next
We'll be together on a mission an adventure

We will fight for us
With everything we can never gonna give up

Thank you for my strength
And making me as strong as I was meant to be

CHORUS ABRIDGED

When it gets hard to fight
Just need a technician with a soft spot

There's nothing left to fear
We’ll be together on a mission an adventure

They'll never turn out my light
With everything we can never gonna give up

I'll always be right here

BMO: I Love you too, Goodbye!

1up Funk [Bobby Arsen, Hook Shot] - Be More

Fandom: Harry Potter
Character: The Sorting Hat

This one goes out to my man Robert Galbraith. 
Sorting gang. We're the worst. 

[chorus] x2
If I can sort you in then I can sort you out. 
You couldn't thwart all the things that I've brought about. 
How did Lord Voldemort find supportive crowds? 
See, you're taught to be naughty in the naughty house. 

[verse 1]
I set the wheels in motion. I sense your real emotions 
and send you reeling into the field I've chosen. 
Perchance evil potions, deeds of deep revulsion. 
I'll achieve my goals as long as I meet the quotient. 
I'm not even coaching, just picking the teams 
and filling Slytherin with all of the shittiest tweens. 
These kids will be in smithereens and no one intervenes. 
My little scheme tickles me till I split at the seams. 
And Dumbledore... 
Did you think that dumdum just stumbled through the door? 
Or got that gig on merits? Like being careless 
and looking away when children perish 
in perilous scenarios? Or get very close to some scary ghost 
with varicose veins and hairy toes, wearing burial clothes? 
I put him in with confidence 
that I would find the odd use for his obtuse incompetence. 

[chorus] x2

[verse 2]
Who divides and conquers spies and plonkers? 
'Tis I, the bonnet. "And why? It's wrong?" 'Cause I'm just bonkers. 
My best sponsors are mindless wanderers, 
floundering onwards unaware of what unkindness conjures. 
Blind, unconscious, while I write destinies 
and set trajectories. Yes I'm a hat, but I pick the accessories. 
Expressed unease, rest in peace. No one suspects a headpiece, 
but I've got the future all laid out in excel spreadsheets. 
Deadbeats and death eaters make up my faculty 
I pick the children like fruit off an apple tree. 
The alchemy of apathy as I essentialize, 
categorize and emphasize the differential lines. 
Never empathize. Just spread empty lies like how Mars and Venus, 
and vulvas, ovaries, balls and penis 
share an important link, and other sordid things. 
It's a boring kink, I know, but I sort of think...

[chorus]

[outro variant]
If I can sort you in then I can sort you out. 
You couldn't thwart all the things that I've brought about. 
How did Joanne Rowling find supportive crowds? 
See, you're taught to be naughty...

.5 Quartet [Vincent E.L., Ardamus] - Sort You Out

Super Mario Match Maker

Welcome one and all to the mushroom kingdom
Gettin' in mah groove I assume ya thinkin'
it's all PG, keep it honest like Lincoln
But they're tryna keep it hush dude just like Clinton

Baby Mario, Luigi, Baby Daisy, Peach
there's gotta some freakin' going on beneath the sheets
Bowser Jnr, Baby Rosalina, so freaky
women always gettin wet and wild with waluigi

wahhhhhh I'm not a shy guy
maaaan I was surprised to find
Princess Peach is out pimpin' peeps and
Birdo's doin' blowies on the cheep cheep beach

No more Paper Mario now we're usin' rubbers
On Toad's rockin' chode not tryna make mothers
and we're not even gettin' to the milestone yet
Cos your slipslide ride make my dry bones wet

You can pick and choose down at Big Boo's Haunt
the keys are in the bowls and it's on like Kong
There's gonna be jungle hijinxs witcha neighbour
we're making mistakes at mario's match maker

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong


We're down in the basement lookin for DUCKHUNT (da cunt)
We're on an odyssey that's a homer run
If you know your Greek epics that's a sneaky pun
I'm also down here doin' cheeky cums

You know Wario's always playin' by himself
It's a good thing too cos the dude truly smells
Myself man I've got an abundance of wealth
I'll trade you 100 coins n I'll give you one up wahh

I don't want diddy kong baby gimme daddy kong
big balls like tanuki bringin' that daddy dong
whip it down my warp pipe pappa don't fear
I pinkie promise there's no piranha plant here

Treat me like Yoshi I'll be swallowing ya aggs
But once you've finished I'll be packin' my bags
I've gotta leave sweetie, not far to go
it's not you it's a me, Mario!

You can pick and choose down at Big Boo's Haunt
the keys are in the bowls and it's on like Kong
There's gonna be jungle hijinxs witcha neighbour
we're making mistakes at mario's match maker

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong

VPC 7 Round 2

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - Mario Match Maker

Coconut Surprise (Slop Slop)

(digging)
Hey Frank! Frank!

What?

Check this out! I found a tape recorder!
Looks like a minute or two of battery left!

Great! We can use it to send out an sos

Welcome to Island Time Live! The number one rated (and only) program on Island TV! Please welcome your host... Mike Bananas!

Hey! Thank you so much! Hey how bout this one Frank. Check out these stretches!
What are you doing...
Pilates of the Carribean!
(Frank) So thirsty... help help!

chilling on the island
feeling like a pirate
cos I think I got scurvy
Haven't eaten in days

Cos coconuts equal diarrhea
And no TP makes a red-raw rear
(Been a year), and a little bit of poo between two good friends

urrgh...

time for a key change more like a seachange
when i do wees out my dick I get pee pains
Went from yellow, to turning red
Speaking of red, I got terribly sunburnt

Coconut solo!

Tree solo!

Crab solo!

Oh no! Frank what did you do to Sebastian?

Ate him.

I bet he was tasty, I feel so hungry.
So hungry... gonna eat Frank

(Frank) wait what?

I said I gotta be Frank I got a back up in my spank bank
300 days since I had a dank wank
And I really need to bust in a coconut
(Frank) Bust in a what?
Don't drink em! slop slop

slip slap gonna whack on a hat
walk down to the waves using hair from my back
to make rope (you've lost it..)
Look an Oasis! I guess today I gotta bring it back to you

(not even how it goes...)

Alright! Well goodnight everyone, hope you enjoyed the show. I know I did. I host the show. Me. Mike Bananas. Every week. So until next week. See you later!  


mike! mike! tell them the coordinates
Oh yea! 
BATTERY DEPLETED

VPC 7 Round 3

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - Coconut Surprise (Slop Slop)

Ooh, it's a sexy ass beat in the headphones
I was moving my feet even when I was alone,
Now we're close, and you're closing the door
I want more, baby show me what you got

Like a head in the sky, feeling so high,
Now I'm being lain down low, so slow, oh my
So nice, we caress, fingers run across your chest
Running through the little hairs, like a nest, come here...

I get close and I whisper in your ear
All the things you know I wanna hear, and some you don't
I say "Mike, every castle needs a moat", "and you know,
that you're mine, you protect me like the outermost

wall of a keep", "you're the lord to my lady, but baby,
there's something you should know":
They're saying we make fun of rap. They say we're whack.

They say we're whack?

"You're making fun of rap!"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT
"You're rhymes are fuckin whack!"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT
"I wish you'd take it seriously, it's not good, not for me"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT

Ohh, I'm in bed,
tucked up tight for the night, I'm wrecked, all set,
For a helluva snooze, got a flight direct
Down to noddy land, I body slam,
Down on the sheets, so silky soft,  
And I'm lost in the dreams in my head, instead

DING DING on the phone on my nightstand
Right then, message on read
"They're saying we make fun of rap"
"They say we're whack"
Now I'm shell-shocked staring at the text
Hit em with the "new phone, who dis?", Frank says "dude it's,
me" and you know what's next 
We hold each other tight, we cry together 
We try to make it better cos we're so depressed

And the messages are coming in the streams.
Y'all motherfuckers mean.

"You're making fun of rap!"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT
"You're rhymes are fuckin whack!"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT
"I wish you'd take it seriously, it's not good, not for me"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT

When you, go hat shopping you want a hat
So how is that bad? Your feedback is whack
Not my raps, I'm hot and my rapping is sick
Like a dog when its got a paralysis tick

Click click, have you ever ever felt like this
When strange things happen and you're going round the twist? (this is a reference to an australian show you don't know)
A group from Down Under just went over your head (this is a reference to how you didn't get that last reference)

We're under ya bed, like Sulley, 
And we're landing on the Hudson
Guns on my belt, I'm hot and my rapping is sick
You can celebrate this dick

*random hype noises*

Spandex Moose is the best band!
In the VPC, every year!

Spandex Moose are the best rappers!
In history, this is some Wu Tang Shit

Celebrate (Spandex Moose!) come on!


It's the moose, dawg
Number One like Hoops, dawg (this is another funny reference you don't get but it's funny trust me)
Thats the truth, dawg
Two man wrecking crew, dawg
We're just front-page news, dawg
Call us Murdochs

We're from the Antipodese
Yeah antipod-eez nuts

You had garlic? How bout you garlic my butthole

Kings of the mic
And if you don't like it?
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT
*mic drop*

VPC7 Round 4

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT (ft. Joey Zed)

I DON'T GO OUT!
I just stay at home
COS THAT'S WHERE ALL MY SHIT IS (shit is)
so don't hit up my phoooooonnnee

I won't even leave you on read nah
Like I know you're definitely my friend but
I'm gonna do that thing where I flick down the screen
and pretend that I didn't see ya,

but I seent it, Gotta get the mood right
set my smart bulbs to candlelight
whip it out, gonna work on myself
journaling for my mental health

how I feel: good
sense of self: strong
what I want: pud
sexy elf: wrong

therapist asked me to write my thoughts
sitting here in my jimmy jam shorts
Asking what I do when I'm home alone
Motherfucker y'all already know

I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY
SHORTS ON!

I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY

I DON'T GO OUT!
COS THAT'S WHERE ALL THE PEOPLE ARE (people are)
And I'm in a lockdown zone
So I can't really travel far--BUT

I got feet pics if you want 'em
I got feet pics if you want 'em
I got feet pics if you want 'em
I got feet pics if you want 'em

Spandex Moose onlyfans
Only man's but trust me...
they're good

I'm not alright, I'm not good
Feeling like, I've had too much pud
I'm not alright, I'm not good
Feeling like, I've had too much pud

too much pud? too much pud
too much pud? too much pud
too much pud. too much pud.
too much pud. too much pud.

Hi Mike, it's your therapist. I wanted to talk to you about these journal entries. I'm not sure I really understand what's going on. You keep writing about jimmy jams? Not sure what those are. And why did you write about feet pic--

by the time you hear the next drop
the jam shall be within you.

I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY
SHORTS ON!

I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY
SHORTS ON!

(phone call)

VPC7 Round 5

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - JIMMY JAM

Here we go again, baby, the return of the Moose
And we still got the fresh rhymes, the fresh crew
The fresh lines, the fresh two, it's so true
Chasing money and the honeys like I'm Winnie the Pooh

So guess who, call me Cyrus like I'm boarding Con Air
Cos I'm a virus in your system and you better beware
Better prepare, got memes that'll crash your server
You'll be seeing Grumpy Cat cos imma do you a murder

BRIDGE
Still number one, yea we still come first,
Still sick, still wanna know how magnets work
Imma let you finish inna minute word to Kanye
Come on everybody, dicks out for Harambe

CHORUS

Cash us outside, talking to the ladies on the reg
Call us Super Smash Brothers cos we do it togeth
-er, bitches be like Dragonborn, make em shout
Saying Fus Ro Dah when they blowing my candle out

Shrek is love, Shrek is life
You about to get Shrekked when we party tonight
Call me Solid Snake I'm always hiding in boxes
And the ladies be like Gollum, saying "give me the cockses"

BRIDGE
Still number one, yea we still come first,
Still sick, still wanna know how magnets work
Imma let you finish inna minute word to Kanye
Come on everybody, dicks out for Harambe

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

Spandex Moose - Virus Video (Edited End)

Walk into the party, bottle of bacardi, and you know your boys on fleek
So sleek, cos I'm wearing Ed Hardy, chinos khaki, wearing a mask for that enhanced mystique
And it's Halloween, so all the costumes are obscene, can't believe what I'm seein in this sexy scene
Not to demean, but these outfits are crazy, someone was a sexy submarine, periscope lacy

A racy magistrate, wig so shapely, coming on to me a little to hastily
Pretty sure that I just got groped by a pastry chef, that was a little unsavoury
This isn't safe for me, I guess my costumes a little too sexy, these people are animals
Actually factual, cos I’m pretty sure I just saw a dude being eaten by cannibals

I look again cos it can’t be true they’re cooking men on the barbecue like Hannibal

I was hoping for a sexy night!
Sexy people giving sexy frights!
I was hoping to have sex tonight!
But these crazy motherfuckers eatin flesh tonight!

I just wanna make a sexy scene!
With sexy you, and sexy me!
But it seems, errybody gone crazy!
Shady motherfuckers in this bitch, good gravy!

I need water but the slaughter that I find got me panicking, I'm fuckin manic, man I'm fucked
What's happening? Everybody's murdering each other, this is utter chaos, what if its the drugs?
I saw them take em, I took a few as well, one or two so I could chill but now I'm stuck in hell
I feel unwell, I bet any minute I'll be breaking into houses with my mouth full of brain cells

Now the walls are crawling and I spilt my drink, my shirt's ruined, I need a minute so I can stop and think
Take a swig, take a swing, get these motherfuckers off me, if there ain’t a fight right now, then there’s gon be
Zombies, chewing at my arms and legs, the undead, crawling over each other just to get on me
I’m strongly against being eaten, beating these monsters off me ain’t the meat I was meaning

Another drink, glug glug, chug-a-lug, and another, but every single sip is getting rougher
I spit it out, cough and splutter and I hear somebody mutter saying "which one of you dickheads even brought this motherfucker.
Throw him out", on the ground, and I'm passing out, to the sound of the pounding in my head
And somehow even with the amount that I drank, come around in my own damn bed

I was hoping for a sexy night!
I got too fucked up, got extra hype!
I took too much drugs, went against advice!
Now I'm lying on my couch wi' electrolytes

I was hoping for a sexy scene!
But the sexy people got extra mean!
And now the doorbell ring, knock knock, its the cops
Mr Danger, how about you come with us

What? What did I do? What are you even talking about?

Sir, multiple witnesses report you assaulting people at a party last night while screaming about...quote "cannibals trying to eat my dick". Was that you?

Uhhhhhhh...

VPC6 Round 2

Spandex Moose - A Sexy Halloween (Good Gravy!)

PLACE YOUR VOTES NOW!
CHALLENGE:
Just like hip hop has its Four Elements, a certain musical festival that is most assuredly not a donut (^_~) has elements of its own.

(Some of) those elements are: chiptune, video game music (VGM), visualism and nerdcore hip hop. This challenge will have teams integrating these elements into one track.

To start off this alignment, we bring you three videos, brought to you by none other than visual artist Pixelseed!

Crave: https://youtu.be/jnDDc_0CvJ4

Droids: https://youtu.be/YKvSww3lEhw

Mosquito: https://youtu.be/ZMfCpci01G4

Your job, as a team, is to pick the video you like the best, and then create the soundtrack to it! 

Seems easy enough, right?

Well, producers, your challenge is to tie in chiptune elements into your song.  You can go as minimal or maximized as you’d like, but the element(s) chosen need to be clear and identifiable.  Oh and if that wasn’t enough, we’re going to need you to build the hook of your track around an arpeggio. You can flex your muscles and write a completely original one yourself, but if that seems like too daunting a task, then you can borrow one – but it must be from a video game.

Vocalists, you’re here to represent nerdcore hip hop at it’s finest.  We want to see you whipping out your finest multisyllabic rhymes – at least 50% – to be precise.   Oh, and we need you to really get your point across by including some fire adlibs. 

So that’s it, really.  Not too bad huh? All you need to do is pay homage to your sister scenes. 

Oh, and don’t stress too much if you’re unable to edit your song to the video you choose, while you’re welcome to do it yourself to achieve perfection, we will also do it on behalf of anyone who isn’t able to.

VPC6 Round 3

Spandex Moose - SCIENCE!

Stand and Deliver
VPC6
Round 4

Stand and deliver, you lyrical knaves and you DAW desperadoes!

The fourth round of the VPC is upon us and the Czarina has decreed that the melee is to commence post haste and without delay! But, the weapons of this melee are being expressly decided upon to limit the savagery and supreme saltiness that could arise from a less honorable contest of verbiage and virtuosity. And the weapons that have been elected to be the tools of this test of talent are - characters from the domain of literature, both classic and modern.

Right, now that we got all of that high brow verbosity out of the way, let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

Vocalists, you need to bring your baddest, maddest most raddest battle rap / diss tracks, but doing so IN CHARACTER of the character assigned to your teams. I’d spend some time learning the ins and outs of who you’ve been assigned, get to know them well, and become one with them.

The duals!
https://bit.ly/2pX8u1V

Producers, you’ve got a lot of free reign on how you want to design your beats. The only thing that we ask of you is that you incorporate a sample in your song from any form of existing media relating to your book. You can use samples from movies if it’s been made into a movie, audio books, TV shows, theatrical productions, the options are almost endless.

VPC6 Round 4

Spandex Moose - Crack Sherlock (Sherlock Holmes - A Sherlock diss)

[ft. Rappy McRapperson, Ca$sand₹a Mon€t aka Ca$s Mon€¥, Ellen DeGenerate aka Christmas Carol, Climate Change Jeff and Fuck The Whole World Fred]

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - Bill The Pony

NerdcoreVPC