SPANDEX MOOSE IN THE VPC

2 minute maximum length
Vocalist may not use any forms of "to be"
(be, am, is, are, was, were, being, been)
No Punch Ins
(each verse must be in one take)
No Adlibs

Producer must source and feature prominently the sounds of nature
(sounds can be sourced or sampled)
Producer may only sample "Amen Brother" by The Winstons
(no other external music samples may be used)

Artwork Challenge (for fun):
MS Paint style art only!

VPC7 Round Three - Message In A Bottle

VPC7 R3: Message in a Bottle (Top to Bottom)

Spandex Moose

VPC7 ALL TRACKS

nerdcore

Fandom: Lord of the Rings 
Character: Bill the Pony

BILL THE PONY
BILL THE PONY

I started from the bottom then one day four hobbits came
They said let's get poppin' and we went to weather top n hey
I've got a brave heart like William Wallace, honest
But when those wraiths got on us I ran like they were coppers

But then I drank from the well in rivendell
now I'm unbeatable strap on your seat-a-belts
cos i got those buffs like gandalf right after he fell
and I'm oh so furry just like beast and belle

you'll only ever be half of me
they named the prancing pony after me
(that's not canon) mmmm shut up!
I'm the valiant stallion you're as soft as butter

I'm like if rainbow dash n lil sebastian
had a passion for smashin' call me lil lil sebastian
just imagine! i'm magic
I'm such a Star they be callin me Patrick

BILL THE PONY
BILL THE PONY
BILLNBILLNBILLN
YOU FINNA KNOW ME

Let me introduce you to my fellowship it's hella sick
We'll be BFFs forever man we'll never split
Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, damn!
Boromir, Frodo, Merry, Pippin, Sam!

Fording rivers, crossing plains, climbin mountains day on day
Did you think I'm quittin on this mission? Neigh!
We're at the lake, chillin' by the gate
can't get inside , gandalf's in a rage

wha wha wha what's Elvish for friend?
"Mellon" and this is how it ends?
my protestations falling on to hollow ears
man ya'll a bunch of Boromirs!

enjoy your bloody trip to mordor orcs are 
round every corner sorta hope you fall in water
n get slaughtered n quartered cos it gotcha
I'm off ya'll enjoy "THE WATCHER!"


my teas gone cold I'm wonderin why
I got out of bed at all
the morning rain clouds up my window
but I can't see at all
and even if I could it would all be grey
put your picture on my wall
it reminds me that it's not so bad
it's not so bad...

Dear mister horses aren't allowed inside the mines
I ate your lembas bread good luck i'm sure you'll be just fine
It's been six months and still no word, I don't deserve it
I was your mane man now you carry the pots and pans you pervert

Frodo don't know you like I know you Sam, no one does!
They don't know what it was like as Shire lower class
Hey Sam I just blazed ya westfarthing! Dare me to ride?
You know that song by Bombadill where nothing happens
and everyones confused, that's kinda how this is
you could've pulled me off the floor
anyway I gotta stop now cos I'm a little horse.

VPC 7 Round 1

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - Bill The Pony

Fandom: Harry Potter
Character: The Sorting Hat

This one goes out to my man Robert Galbraith. 
Sorting gang. We're the worst. 

[chorus] x2
If I can sort you in then I can sort you out. 
You couldn't thwart all the things that I've brought about. 
How did Lord Voldemort find supportive crowds? 
See, you're taught to be naughty in the naughty house. 

[verse 1]
I set the wheels in motion. I sense your real emotions 
and send you reeling into the field I've chosen. 
Perchance evil potions, deeds of deep revulsion. 
I'll achieve my goals as long as I meet the quotient. 
I'm not even coaching, just picking the teams 
and filling Slytherin with all of the shittiest tweens. 
These kids will be in smithereens and no one intervenes. 
My little scheme tickles me till I split at the seams. 
And Dumbledore... 
Did you think that dumdum just stumbled through the door? 
Or got that gig on merits? Like being careless 
and looking away when children perish 
in perilous scenarios? Or get very close to some scary ghost 
with varicose veins and hairy toes, wearing burial clothes? 
I put him in with confidence 
that I would find the odd use for his obtuse incompetence. 

[chorus] x2

[verse 2]
Who divides and conquers spies and plonkers? 
'Tis I, the bonnet. "And why? It's wrong?" 'Cause I'm just bonkers. 
My best sponsors are mindless wanderers, 
floundering onwards unaware of what unkindness conjures. 
Blind, unconscious, while I write destinies 
and set trajectories. Yes I'm a hat, but I pick the accessories. 
Expressed unease, rest in peace. No one suspects a headpiece, 
but I've got the future all laid out in excel spreadsheets. 
Deadbeats and death eaters make up my faculty 
I pick the children like fruit off an apple tree. 
The alchemy of apathy as I essentialize, 
categorize and emphasize the differential lines. 
Never empathize. Just spread empty lies like how Mars and Venus, 
and vulvas, ovaries, balls and penis 
share an important link, and other sordid things. 
It's a boring kink, I know, but I sort of think...

[chorus]

[outro variant]
If I can sort you in then I can sort you out. 
You couldn't thwart all the things that I've brought about. 
How did Joanne Rowling find supportive crowds? 
See, you're taught to be naughty...

.5 Quartet [Vincent E.L., Ardamus] - Sort You Out

Super Mario Match Maker

Welcome one and all to the mushroom kingdom
Gettin' in mah groove I assume ya thinkin'
it's all PG, keep it honest like Lincoln
But they're tryna keep it hush dude just like Clinton

Baby Mario, Luigi, Baby Daisy, Peach
there's gotta some freakin' going on beneath the sheets
Bowser Jnr, Baby Rosalina, so freaky
women always gettin wet and wild with waluigi

wahhhhhh I'm not a shy guy
maaaan I was surprised to find
Princess Peach is out pimpin' peeps and
Birdo's doin' blowies on the cheep cheep beach

No more Paper Mario now we're usin' rubbers
On Toad's rockin' chode not tryna make mothers
and we're not even gettin' to the milestone yet
Cos your slipslide ride make my dry bones wet

You can pick and choose down at Big Boo's Haunt
the keys are in the bowls and it's on like Kong
There's gonna be jungle hijinxs witcha neighbour
we're making mistakes at mario's match maker

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong


We're down in the basement lookin for DUCKHUNT (da cunt)
We're on an odyssey that's a homer run
If you know your Greek epics that's a sneaky pun
I'm also down here doin' cheeky cums

You know Wario's always playin' by himself
It's a good thing too cos the dude truly smells
Myself man I've got an abundance of wealth
I'll trade you 100 coins n I'll give you one up wahh

I don't want diddy kong baby gimme daddy kong
big balls like tanuki bringin' that daddy dong
whip it down my warp pipe pappa don't fear
I pinkie promise there's no piranha plant here

Treat me like Yoshi I'll be swallowing ya aggs
But once you've finished I'll be packin' my bags
I've gotta leave sweetie, not far to go
it's not you it's a me, Mario!

You can pick and choose down at Big Boo's Haunt
the keys are in the bowls and it's on like Kong
There's gonna be jungle hijinxs witcha neighbour
we're making mistakes at mario's match maker

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong

Mario might make you moan
Bowser's got a beast below
Peach is playing ping pong
But Donkey Kong's dong
Don't do no wrong

VPC 7 Round 2

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - Mario Match Maker

Challenges accepted:
Vocals - (double time - Zolt Energy Serum)
Producer - (no snares in the beat - The Bear Hammock 29-F)

Game genre: Dating Sim
Screen: The Final Encounter

V: Oh, here we have it, the final encounter. This is a tough one, to be sure. Many have tried, all have failed so far, but maybe this is the one. 
A: It's a challenge, for sure, but we have a challenger. 
V: Oh, a true player. Let's see how it goes. 
A: Round one. Shoot your shot! 

I'm the final boss of the dating sim.  
There's no way to win, 'cause I can't take a hint. 
You're gonna fail and then you'll wanna play again 
Your loss, take it in, let the games begin.  
I've got all my defenses up, 
all tensed up and my comprehension tends to suck. 
Try to bend your luck with charms and methods of 
seduction, but we all know where you're ending up. 
Zone of friendship? What? No, twit, that's a prize. 
You're going home alone. Big fat surprise. 
Like Macaulay Culkin, without supplies. 
Always sulking, rip out your eyes  
if you don't wanna see the blank stare on my face 
as I dismiss your compliments as having terrible taste. 
I've had my fair share of dates, so I'm set, except 
I only found out in retrospect. (That's what that was?)  
  
V: Oh, you hate to see it, folks. Striking out in the first round. 
A: Well, let's see if there's any bouncing back from this. 
V: It is not looking too good right now, but it ain't over yet. 
A: Round two. Make your move! 

You know you'll be ill at ease, I don't show 
vulnerabilities. You've honed your skills, increased 
your ammo as sociable charmer, 
but cupid's arrows ricochet off my emotional armor. 
And my heart doesn't glow, so it's harder to get to. 
You try to connect, I'm just not gonna let you. 
With all the respect due, every romance Lothario 
measures on a scale from no chance to very low, 
no matter the scenario, even with careful listening, 
say you're getting hot, I'll hit the air conditioning. 
It's not your whispering nor a matter of discipline. 
I simply miss the gist of what it is you're propositioning. 
Not a single inkling. I just stare into space, 
unaware of infatuation you wear on your face. 
I've had my fair share of dates and before I left 
there wasn't one who wasn't bored to death. 

V: Ooooh! That's gotta hurt! Advances went right over the head *and* were countered with absolute tedium. 
A: This is a disaster, folks, and after so many successes. 
V: Well, there is one more round, so maybe not all is lost. 
A: Round three. Date!

I'm like talking to a brick wall, 
mindless conversations. 
A human bottle of rohypnol, 
minus connotations 
When we're walking through a strip mall, 
I'll exhaust your patience. 
What I'm saying's I'm an awful date, 
and you're gonna wanna escape from the jaws of fate 
before it all too late. They're already agape, 
frothing and starting to oscillate. 
Being my lawful mate is not so great, 
like a box of defrosted flakes. 
To get dad jokes like that for the rest of your life 
put me in a dress that is white and address me as wife. 
I've had my fair share of dates on repeat, the same 
every time 'cause no one's beat the game. 

A: Oh no, I think that's game over, folks. 
V: It sure is. The only way to move forward now is to start over from the last checkpoint at the beginning of the encounter. 
A: Press any key before the end of the countdown. 3...2...1...

.5 Quartet [Vincent E.L., Ardamus] - Beyond Reach

ch.
bury me with all my shit
don't want you to have it

v.
to whomever it may concern
no concern of mine
bury me with all my shit
leave no trace behind

holiday, a castaway,
murder and a suicide
heaven knows carusoe goes
on friday nights for homicide

someone get some just rewards
wilson ever get ahead
willpower makes you fucking bored
boredom makes you more depressed

just a desert, just desserts
guess what you deserve?
deserted and you know the worst
deserted with a kilo hurts

shallac a thousand blackest nights
stranger stranded on the sand
shiv 'em, shank 'em, saw, a knife
strangle 'em with my two hands

this little note, uhh
I hope it float, uhh
just like a body baby
just like a boat, uhh

and if it sinks, yeah
then burn a witch, uhh
or just another 
motherfuckin' evil bitch, so

don't call the cops, no
call no police, yeah
don't go send out, no
no SOS, uhh

just bury me, yeah
with all my shit, uhh
and all I got
my last request

VPC 7 Round 3

Thot Team Epic [Nursehella, Ultraklystron] - Bury Me (With All My Shit)

"GONE" by The Storytellers [The Paladxn, 0]
LYRICS:

I can’t believe, you and me… and this... tree…
Seeing stars corresponds to our his’tree.
Stuck on an island yet I just can’t see outside
Send up a signal in the hopes that you can give me a ride,
To the places that you go in your mind.

Staring in your general direction,
Your eyes fixed on the horizon, I
Know we can buy ourselves time,
If we can mobilize,
Coordinate insides,
Get coordinates States-side, ah, ha-ha!   [ =_( ]
We have to try, we have to try, oh-oh-oh!
If you and I, record it right then maybe we can
Chart atop the billboards while they
Chart a course to paint our story on

If we can get it going, going, going
Then we can get going, going, =GONE=

We wanna make it out of here
If we wanna make it out of here
Alive
We’ve got to collaborate
Our lab, low battery
Near midnight on Saturday
Not a lot of time
We wanna make it out of here
But no one makes it out of here alone
Message in a bottle going, going, going
So we can get going... =GONE=

The Storytellers [The Paladxn, 0] - GONE

Coconut Surprise (Slop Slop)

(digging)
Hey Frank! Frank!

What?

Check this out! I found a tape recorder!
Looks like a minute or two of battery left!

Great! We can use it to send out an sos

Welcome to Island Time Live! The number one rated (and only) program on Island TV! Please welcome your host... Mike Bananas!

Hey! Thank you so much! Hey how bout this one Frank. Check out these stretches!
What are you doing...
Pilates of the Carribean!
(Frank) So thirsty... help help!

chilling on the island
feeling like a pirate
cos I think I got scurvy
Haven't eaten in days

Cos coconuts equal diarrhea
And no TP makes a red-raw rear
(Been a year), and a little bit of poo between two good friends

urrgh...

time for a key change more like a seachange
when i do wees out my dick I get pee pains
Went from yellow, to turning red
Speaking of red, I got terribly sunburnt

Coconut solo!

Tree solo!

Crab solo!

Oh no! Frank what did you do to Sebastian?

Ate him.

I bet he was tasty, I feel so hungry.
So hungry... gonna eat Frank

(Frank) wait what?

I said I gotta be Frank I got a back up in my spank bank
300 days since I had a dank wank
And I really need to bust in a coconut
(Frank) Bust in a what?
Don't drink em! slop slop

slip slap gonna whack on a hat
walk down to the waves using hair from my back
to make rope (you've lost it..)
Look an Oasis! I guess today I gotta bring it back to you

(not even how it goes...)

Alright! Well goodnight everyone, hope you enjoyed the show. I know I did. I host the show. Me. Mike Bananas. Every week. So until next week. See you later!  


mike! mike! tell them the coordinates
Oh yea! 
BATTERY DEPLETED

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - Coconut Surprise (Slop Slop)

Mouth all dry and shit

Don’t go looking for things
that you don’t wanna find might  just end up on this island  wash up with me on the tide 
Take it all in stride Feel the pain i feel alive 
I swear i tried but i needed my supply 

Like here i stand
deep
head planted in sand. 
Swear the pills get demanding 
like bitch go grab me a sandwich 
need a bandage
i took every one i could manage
and they just kept taking advantage
fell and i finally landed
on my face
locked in that dark place with no escape 
accept my fate
lost without my grace 
change my face till it erased
think i need my space 
but i still long for your embrace
attitudes i chase 
chemicals i taste
looking like some palm trees 
rotting at the roots
isolate me 
then you wanna talk about abuse
seen so many fall and still i thought myself immune
you like to accuse when you ain’t got no fucking proof 
shaking like a leaf spitting blood again
Guess I’ll just get it out the mud again
Cut em off  looking for some drugs again
Like he don’t love himself how she in love with him
guess that he plugged -ed in
i got a win and i rubbed it in
sitting alone at a pub again 
lining it up till i can’t walk a line
people keep saying You outta your mind
shit lookin fine
Feeling divine 
Each spiral is feelin like slowly reclining back to the bud again
sand on my toes snow in my nose inside the hole i created alone
just got too scared of becoming a drone
panicking family hitting the phone
i shoulda known not to go looking cuz i could get lost shouldn’t a pushed it and thought of the cost
proof in the pudding get fucking exhausting 

just snacking on this can of worms

Shawn Solo & Lex Lingo [Lex Lingo, Shawn Solo] - Things You Dont Want to Find

--plane crashed--
--first contact made--
--delivered a message--
--they do not come in peace--

they hide among the clouds
they lie alone in wait
they watched us all evolve
they watched us decimate

they gave us all the chances
they could ever offer
but we failed all the tests
why'd they even bother

time to 
burn this
world down, 
start it over

we deserve this
grab your loved ones,
hold them closer

watch the fireworks
light a burning 
pathway in the 
sky, take a final breath:
kiss it all goodbye

HOOK:
no stars in the sky
no god showing love
just arms in disguise
raining death from above
no stars in the sky
no god showing love
no chance to survive
just death from above


judgment day
finally falls upon us
you can't blame religion,
no collision of the 
comets, just you hopeless
parasites feeding on the 
earth, void of any worth,
undeserving, over-birthed

you could have heard them
if you only listened

we've conquered galaxies:
the sun, the moon, the stars, now we've
come to take our planet back
before you go too far

Easy fix.

HOOK:
no stars in the sky
no god showing love
just arms in disguise
raining death from above
no stars in the sky
no god showing love
no chance to survive
just death from above

Sailor Doom Remix [Johnny Hacknslash, Twill Distilled] - Death From Above

The truth begets marooned  adrift
Lost the plot
Listless lost the list, 
In My mission I’d become remiss
Clutched in my fist and It all just slipped
I even doubted my purpose
On purpose and watched it eclipse
Just watched it eclipse

Rather die seeking land
Than leave my bleached bones in the sand
Seek getting seen until the bitter end
Lost and never found 
Lost and never found 

So I fell in a well of my own design
Grief regret and weight of the lie
I told myself “I tried”
Truly did I? No.
I no longer ride the waves
The echoing phrase
lost and never found
lost and never found

Obvious Corruption [Obvious Lee, Cosmic Ray Corruption] - Never Found

[#raccune]
Message in a bottle, no not for me
I don't need to write a damn thing on that USB
I got a mermaid pregnant, start a family
And we live on this island for eternity

Don't type no lines, I'ma live my best life
I'm not hallucinating dude, that mermaid is my wife
In this fool's paradise there could be nothing wrong
Try and leave if you want, NoShoes, but I'm staying on.

Oh man, uh... I'm kinda not feeling that good. Oh I think I need to drink some water or something. I think I'm seeing stuff.

[NoShoes]

Gee. you probably don't even know shoes
washed up on many shores, the water knowin' these blues
no stranger to storms, they know there's nothing to prove
The plane's gone, this songs' words the last spit that I'll do
so many hugs that I've missed, opportunities dusted
bonds strengthened and broken, tokens familiar but rusted
taken blows from my friends when foes from yesterday trusted
Onward comes a slow death these bones soon barnacle encrusted
tell my kin that I love them. asure the mrs not worry
it's all been a trip, ignored the road for the journey
must have really done dirt, fate chose a deadlocked jury
now merely a flicker of what was a blazing hot fury
damn foolish of I, to say I've made no regrets
I'd have a lot more to say, if we'd just found a cassette
Not much longer now, my insulin pump's at 1%
if the ship comes in I'll miss it, my souls done got up and went...

Night City Glitches [NoShoes, #Raccune] - Tom Hanks

nonconformists they sing in chorus to poor performance
receive a warning yo Beefy sporting a stegosaurus
Oldest gen but still my importance remains enormous
Often dormant cause feeling boring just never for us

Why don't we find the one getting the rub
the one straight up covered in enemy blood
 the one sneaky coveting all of your love
and planted like roots in  he river, resisting the flood
And overweight generous stud
 addicted to Tanner like audio drug
neither of us ever giving a fuck
baby what up?

But maybe still nothing to see here
darkness surrounds us but stay clear
Jean-Luc'ing out in the frontier 
bucking with horns saying oh dear
faces they changing like Top Gear
check for a minute then out in a second
cause nothing could get me to leave here

So why you even trying?
said that I'd go off the grid and Beef not known for lying
finally I saw myself, the image terrifying
levels rising, body dying, I just care about the hiding
socially sneaky
I don't want em to see me
breathing in deeply
giving up easy
making up progress
laying out carpets  
eliminate profits
take out the targets   
make em regret ever calling you artist 

Return that shit to sender
Independent, no surrender 
Return that shit to sender 
Relocating here forever

Muscle Laughing Shrimp [Beefy, tanner4105] - Return to Sender

MUPPET RONIN - ISLAND NOT GOOD

YO
PLEASE HELP, KABUTO STUCK ISLAND
I UHH...HIT HEAD COCONUT, FORGET HOW RHYMING
ONLY KNOW CLIMBING, SURVIVING, MAKE KNIFE
ALSO DID BUILD SHELTER FOR LEOPARD HIDING
NO FOOD HERE, SPICY GROSS WATER
DRINKING HEAD BONK JUICE BITING ROAST OTTER
MISS FAMILY, WIFE, SON, DAUGHTER
NIGHT COLD, SCARY--BUT IN DAY, SUN HOTTER
ONLY HAVE ONE BOOK, CALL HARRY POTTER
CANNOT READ HARRY POTTER BECAUSE TRANSPHOBIC
DAMN, SCOPE IT--WISH WAS WOKED BUT
CANT READ HARRY POTTER BECAUSE HIT HEAD COCONUT
ISLAND NOT GOOD--DAMNABLY SHITTY
WISH HAD CRASH LANDED IN RANDIAN CITY
OR AT LEAST ON ISLAND WITH CONSPIRACY THEORY
TIME PARADOX BLACK SMOKE...UHHHH
WISH HAD INTERNET, STREAMABLE MEDIA
KABUTO NEVER SEEN "LOST" NEED WIKIPEDIA
MUST LEARN WAY OF MAKE RAFT OR BOAT
ALSO HELMET IN CASE HIT HEAD COCONUT
AND YET... KABUTO LOVE COCONUT
NO BABES HERE, ONLY GIRLFRIEND COCONUT
PLANE DOWN NO SURVIVOR N.T.S.B. OPEN SHUT
NO ONE ELSE HERE CALLIN KABUTO THE LOCAL NUT
JUST COCONUT...ONLY COCONUT
HEAD SWELLIN, DOESNT HURT, SYNAPSES ARE CLOSIN UP
SIT WITH COCONUT, LOOK OUT AT THE OCEAN DUSK
DONT LOOK NOW BUT...TRYNA COCO-NUT
U FEEL ME
K.T.C.
LISTEN, LOOK AT ME
LOOK AT ME
DONT LOOK FOR ME

Muppet Ronin [Kabuto the Coconut, Coconut Sullivan] - Island Not Good

Pardon my smiling,
AJB live at the island,
Live at the island

Plane crashed, marooned, spent 400 moons
With my best friend, but still I need some elbow room,
We never found our jet or any of the wreckage, strange,
How the hell do you lose a plane?

Stuck on a lonely island off the coast and I feel me roasting
Out in the sun, just about to see my ghost when
I notice something stuck in the base of a tree,
Grab a couple sticks, we’ll try to pry it free

Gotta give thanks, amen, we caught a break,
Single by The Winstons, flash megabyte 8,
We've got enough battery for just one take,
Oh that only says 4 megabytes... great

Turn up the juice, let's put it use,
I'll send an S.O.S to the world, you produce,
So get ready for the last thing you'll hear from us,
JK, we'll bump tracks for the next 30 years plus

Pardon my smiling,
Kyle Vice live at the island,
Live at the island

I built a raft out of mp3s and emptied me
Inside of the lyrics, but it crashed at sea,
Impractically, it didn't sound like trash to me,
But I didn't fit in the box for how it has to... grr

Screw iambic pentameter, try to fit a song in
These confined parameters,
Confined to an island I can walk its diameter
Faster than you can say, "Boom shacka-lacka-lacka!"

Jack Merridew, not scared of you, I don't care if you,
Can sing a High C, mmm,
I thirsty, I hungry, I tired,
I can't think straight enough to talk inspired

I use rap just to gauge my emotional state,
Over the past year life is… not great.
Want a song about an island? That's my life,
But I can't use the verbs I need to express that, come on, play nice

Mechanical Peasants [AJB, Kyle Vice] - Scurfy With Brine

Don’t ignore yourself
If you find that you harbor a passion
That might treat you well
For a while, but it causes disaster
In the end of it all


In the end of it all
I hate that I ever paid mind to those who buried their intentions
They considered careers in the arts too unrealistic
I had good grades so a safer career obviously made sense to
Those who lived in fear of risk, but I listened


Once I embraced my ambition
I thought I’d finally begun to ascend and
Live out the dream I’d resisted


Life went and cut me off
How much would I have accomplished
If I never ran away from what lived in my heart


How many lives could I touch
If I just
Trusted myself and did my art


If you choose to pay attention
Please don’t miss out on your chance to 
Make your start




Don’t ignore yourself
If you find that you harbor a passion
That might treat you well
For a while, but it causes disaster
In the end of it all


In the end of it all
I don’t believe I ignored any call
I just waited too long to get involved
Don’t mimick me 
Getting stuck in Opinions of others
Then wishing 
That you never stalled


Believe in yourself and embrace every fall
when you get back up 
New knowledge will stack up
And buff you so now you can keep standing tall


I needed way too much validation
Eventually I stopped ignoring my fears I knew that I had to face them
I stopped suppressing negative emotions and decided to embrace them
But now I wonder if the phrase “too late”
can Evolve into "channeling greatness"?


Do better than me

Deshko [Kadesh Flow, Ryako] - Dont Ignore Yourself

Stuck on this island, the trouble just piling 
up and then rising above the horizon. 
Nothing surprising under the bright sun. 
Fuck with poseidon, get struck by the trident! 
Son of the titans. Thunder and lightning. 
The undeniably crummiest timing. 
A couple of hyphens-- 
I suck at describing my struggle in writing. 
I wonder if I might become reunited with dry land, 
or if anyone can even find me where I stand... 
You wouldn't happen to recognize this white sand 
by chance? 'Cause I can't! 
The return address: Desertedness. If this ever surfaces, 
pretty sure I guess you've never heard of this. 
Purposeless! Better start preparing for permanence, 
'cause of the limitations I observe myself working with. 
I wanna leave, but it dawns on me I'll probably rot on this beach. 
If I thought I'd see other people, I'd believe posthumously. 
Ardamus keeps working hard on this beat, 
but I'd find it less awkward if he'd bother talking to me. 
In shock, or just seething 'cause he thinks I caused this debacle? 
Lost in his thoughts while mine get tossed in this bottle? 
Contents long gone, God crossed off of the gospel. 
Just gotta process the awful like hot sauce up a nostril. 
Nature, a hostel as hostile as possible, 
fatally harsh and too far from a hospital. 
Lots of unsolvable problems and obstacles. 
Consciousness distorted as if through a Boss pedal. 
Give me the bronze medal in shit going wrong! 
The minute we've gone, I'll sing the victory song. 
Time ticking along. Trickery! Contradictory! Wrong! 
Shorter hours; seconds getting unpredictably long. 
Don't know what we should do, 
except accept we've stepped into a Kobayashi Maru. 
Colossally screwed across the great blue yonder. 
A quandary we don't have the philosophy to ponder, 
finding the long shot our hearts grew fonder-- 
Better yet, new harbor. Hardly. Too somber? 
Two goners, doomed to wander a handful of square feet, 
lucky if we last a mere week.

.5 Quartet [Vincent E.L., Ardamus] - Flaskpost

Ooh, it's a sexy ass beat in the headphones
I was moving my feet even when I was alone,
Now we're close, and you're closing the door
I want more, baby show me what you got

Like a head in the sky, feeling so high,
Now I'm being lain down low, so slow, oh my
So nice, we caress, fingers run across your chest
Running through the little hairs, like a nest, come here...

I get close and I whisper in your ear
All the things you know I wanna hear, and some you don't
I say "Mike, every castle needs a moat", "and you know,
that you're mine, you protect me like the outermost

wall of a keep", "you're the lord to my lady, but baby,
there's something you should know":
They're saying we make fun of rap. They say we're whack.

They say we're whack?

"You're making fun of rap!"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT
"You're rhymes are fuckin whack!"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT
"I wish you'd take it seriously, it's not good, not for me"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT

Ohh, I'm in bed,
tucked up tight for the night, I'm wrecked, all set,
For a helluva snooze, got a flight direct
Down to noddy land, I body slam,
Down on the sheets, so silky soft,  
And I'm lost in the dreams in my head, instead

DING DING on the phone on my nightstand
Right then, message on read
"They're saying we make fun of rap"
"They say we're whack"
Now I'm shell-shocked staring at the text
Hit em with the "new phone, who dis?", Frank says "dude it's,
me" and you know what's next 
We hold each other tight, we cry together 
We try to make it better cos we're so depressed

And the messages are coming in the streams.
Y'all motherfuckers mean.

"You're making fun of rap!"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT
"You're rhymes are fuckin whack!"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT
"I wish you'd take it seriously, it's not good, not for me"
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT

When you, go hat shopping you want a hat
So how is that bad? Your feedback is whack
Not my raps, I'm hot and my rapping is sick
Like a dog when its got a paralysis tick

Click click, have you ever ever felt like this
When strange things happen and you're going round the twist? (this is a reference to an australian show you don't know)
A group from Down Under just went over your head (this is a reference to how you didn't get that last reference)

We're under ya bed, like Sulley, 
And we're landing on the Hudson
Guns on my belt, I'm hot and my rapping is sick
You can celebrate this dick

*random hype noises*

Spandex Moose is the best band!
In the VPC, every year!

Spandex Moose are the best rappers!
In history, this is some Wu Tang Shit

Celebrate (Spandex Moose!) come on!


It's the moose, dawg
Number One like Hoops, dawg (this is another funny reference you don't get but it's funny trust me)
Thats the truth, dawg
Two man wrecking crew, dawg
We're just front-page news, dawg
Call us Murdochs

We're from the Antipodese
Yeah antipod-eez nuts

You had garlic? How bout you garlic my butthole

Kings of the mic
And if you don't like it?
wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT
*mic drop*

VPC7 Round 4

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - wHy dOn'T yOu cRy aBoUt iT (ft. Joey Zed)

30 second intro.
Ardamus: check it check it check it….it goes like this….XOC is in the house….Vincent E.L. they're in the house...Ardamus I'm in the house….Point Seven 5 we're in the house and….(intro fades)


(Intro fades. Then intro of beat drops)
(Banter from Vincent E. L. and XOC? Optional)


Chorus:
Ardamus: I'm celebratin' elevating other paths
Never settle fo.r the medal when the devil stab a brotha's back
Break the bank, break it down but dont break ya neck
You can take a chill pill still while you take the check 
XOC: -Everything is changing I’m no longer what I thought about, 
steady rearranging, the complaining getting smothered out,
 begging for forgiveness, those are things I do not talk about,
 burying my past, take my future on another route -
Vincent E. L.:I've been depressed of late and estimate 
it's not my last time feeling less than great, 
but as I investigate my mind in its present state, 
I guess you could say it's better than yesterday. Arda, you good? 
A: Damn right, I'm good. Yo XO are you good? 
X: Damn right, I'm good. E. L. are you good?
V: All things considered, I'm good.
All: damn right yo it's still all good




Verses pt. 1
X:-Blessed be my day, cause I finally could say so, 
blessed be my day, I no longer have to lay low,
 blessed be my day cause it’s looking like a new one, 
finally can say I made it out of the confusion
A:Illusion, Enforced vision of course hit em'
core twitchin' rewired my whole support system
Hundid percent, come get me, run efficiently 
sippin' rum, having some epiphanies
V: Just when I think I've forgotten how to write, 
and any other thought is out of sight and inspiration's not about to strike, 
I hear this sound, and it's like I'm surrounded by 
astounding amounts to type and signs that life is finally right. 


Chorus:
Ardamus: I'm celebratin' elevating other paths
Never settle for the medal when the devil stab a brotha's back
Break the bank, break it down but dont break ya neck
You can take a chill pill still while you take the check 
XOC: -Everything is changing I’m no longer what I thought about, 
steady rearranging, the complaining getting smothered out,
 begging for forgiveness, those are things I do not talk about,
 burying my past, take my future on another route -
Vincent E. L.:I've been depressed of late and estimate 
it's not my last time feeling less than great, 
but as I investigate my mind in its present state, 
I guess you could say it's better than yesterday. Arda, you good? 
A: Damn right, I'm good. Yo XO are you good? 
X: Damn right, I'm good. E. L. are you good?
V: All things considered, I'm good.
All: damn right yo it's still all good


Verses pt. 2
V: It's a new dawn, new day, new life, 
loose ties turn to tight bonds when the glue dries. 
Up ahead, a promise of blue skies, 
as long as I choose wisely as I deduce where the truth lies.  
X:-Vision the imagery, 
talk about the balance and the symmetry,
Witness an existence with a past they planted into me,
Started as a child, when they promptly ran it into me,
You kidding me, left me here with years to fight the misery
A:- Oozin' out my pores, blood and sweat
Held back the tears with enough regrets
I'm slowin' down, speedin' up, the revelation
Happens everytime around the team when we're….

.5 Quartet [Vincent E.L., Ardamus] - Still All Good (ft. XOC)

I DON'T GO OUT!
I just stay at home
COS THAT'S WHERE ALL MY SHIT IS (shit is)
so don't hit up my phoooooonnnee

I won't even leave you on read nah
Like I know you're definitely my friend but
I'm gonna do that thing where I flick down the screen
and pretend that I didn't see ya,

but I seent it, Gotta get the mood right
set my smart bulbs to candlelight
whip it out, gonna work on myself
journaling for my mental health

how I feel: good
sense of self: strong
what I want: pud
sexy elf: wrong

therapist asked me to write my thoughts
sitting here in my jimmy jam shorts
Asking what I do when I'm home alone
Motherfucker y'all already know

I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY
SHORTS ON!

I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY

I DON'T GO OUT!
COS THAT'S WHERE ALL THE PEOPLE ARE (people are)
And I'm in a lockdown zone
So I can't really travel far--BUT

I got feet pics if you want 'em
I got feet pics if you want 'em
I got feet pics if you want 'em
I got feet pics if you want 'em

Spandex Moose onlyfans
Only man's but trust me...
they're good

I'm not alright, I'm not good
Feeling like, I've had too much pud
I'm not alright, I'm not good
Feeling like, I've had too much pud

too much pud? too much pud
too much pud? too much pud
too much pud. too much pud.
too much pud. too much pud.

Hi Mike, it's your therapist. I wanted to talk to you about these journal entries. I'm not sure I really understand what's going on. You keep writing about jimmy jams? Not sure what those are. And why did you write about feet pic--

by the time you hear the next drop
the jam shall be within you.

I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY
SHORTS ON!

I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
I JIMMY JAM WITH MY JIMMY JAM SHORTS ON
JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY JIMMY JAMMY
SHORTS ON!

(phone call)

VPC7 Round 5

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - JIMMY JAM

Sorry to bother you. 
I know you've got a lot of stuff on your plate. 
You're brushing up against the date and look at the nothing you've made! 
It's tough to resuscitate your lust to create. You've been crushing it lately, 
but now you're getting crushed under the weight. 
Must be great knowing it's much too late to start. 
A game of art, not for the faint of heart. 
Play your cards, portray this as your "favorite part" 
and maybe they won't pay regard to the quotation marks. 
[Aw, poor baby...] I hear you're supposed to write a letter to yourself. 
I don't envy you, but at least you know you better than anyone else. 
You won't excel with every breath you exhale, 
but never put pencil to paper and you'll definitely fail. 
You're in the belly of the whale. Telling a tale 
you might as well be spelling in braille to an elephant snail. 
That's a hell of a way to tell em you're well on your way to dismount 
the intelligence scale looking delicate, frail and incredibly pale. 
Better get it together, level with Nebuchadnezzar, 
and tell yourself you're better than ever, 
and get the twenty that's left on the dresser. 
A generous treasure for selling a pheasant your feathers. 
An elegant gesture, but can you weather the pressure 
of penning an eloquent letter from behind the delicatessen? 
I don't know what you expect to get for sending a message except 
an exacerbated sense of emptiness. Depressed and upset 
at the sentiment settling in the sediment. 
Is it getting too meta to meditate on the genuine? 
Would you have to explain what every letter meant? 
You're writing to yourself. It's technically self-evident. 
You're reticent, hesitant to express your perspective and 
you've never said anything without any prep and editing. 
You're spending a minute twenty ingeminating the premise when 
you could instead with brevity pretend to be semi-intelligent. 

[Write. You cannot write. 
Write, on time. 
Three days until the deadline, 
still not having written a word? 
Write. You cannot write. 
You cannot...write words. 
Write. You cannot... 
...write on time.]

Dear waste paper basket, this halfwitted draft 
written past the halfway mark's definitely getting trashed, 
pretty fast. It is massively daft. 
Asininity about to hit critical mass. 
When you tell yourself you won't finish the given task, 
you're spitting scientific facts. It's simple math. 
At the risk of getting crass, you and your shitty raps 
are committing acts of lyrical Syrup of Ipecac. 
If they don't skip this track, you're getting ripped in half. 
Like the the napkin you scratch your inscriptions at. 
They will snicker and laugh, tickled pastel pink 
with nipple clamps and compare you to Nickelback. 
A triple pass of rewrites won't fix this gaffe. 
Your talent's as nonexistent as the middle class. 
You need to get off your ass, you haven't achieved a thing 
since bringing your babysitter back from Fribbulus Xax. 
Maybe it's for the best that all you're gonna do 
is send a dorky message to an audience of you. 
It's been a long time since you seemed promising and new. 
You're a disgrace to your name and your mom is gonna sue. 
Are you getting through to yourself or is it in one ear, 
out the other, as you sputter another opinion? 
Weird? Utterly, but it's been done, all you could think of. 
Enough, pencils down, it's time to give up.

.5 Quartet [Vincent E.L., Ardamus] Emetographia feat. Klopfenpop

Round One: Fandom at its Finest

Overall Theme: Fandom is a strong part of nerdcore hip hop. We all have our favorite movies, book series, comics, video games, etc. As such, the first round of VPC III will be about that very fandom.

FiberOptic Illusion (Flexstyle X Midiboss) - Never Turn My Back (Fairy Tail Anthem)

Beefy And Tanner4105 - Dear Valentine

Round Two: Nerd Life

Overall Theme:  This is a track about the reality of your life as a nerd.

MoreOrLesAndAbstractArtform - Headphones

Round 3 Challenge: We all know that Nerdcore, as a whole, is full of the intellectual types.  Now it’s time to show off your brains!  In this challenge, we’re asking that you teach the judges a thing or two.   That’s right.  You need to teach me how to _________________.     We want to hear you educate us, and by the time we’ve finished listening through all these tracks, we hope to come away just a little bit smarter because of you. 

Team Krunktaku - How To Be A Supervillain

Round Five: Guest vocalist/Posse Challenge

Overall Theme:  Showing Off

That’s right, your song can be about anything you want.  You can collab as many guest vocalists* as you want.  The only thing we ask is:  MAKE THE COLLABS COUNT.  Make sure your track is still around a unified subject matter, and then GO WILD.  Vocalists, bring your best.  Producers, show off what you are capable of.  Incorporate a non-traditional instrument into your beat.  We want to see Sitars, Theremins, Hurdy-Gurdies, Panpipes, Accordions, Recorders…  Anything that’s not traditionally found in hip hop. We expect this track to pull out all the stops.

Beefy and tanner4105 - Don't Make Me Go (feat. Dr. Awkward)

Here we go again, baby, the return of the Moose
And we still got the fresh rhymes, the fresh crew
The fresh lines, the fresh two, it's so true
Chasing money and the honeys like I'm Winnie the Pooh

So guess who, call me Cyrus like I'm boarding Con Air
Cos I'm a virus in your system and you better beware
Better prepare, got memes that'll crash your server
You'll be seeing Grumpy Cat cos imma do you a murder

BRIDGE
Still number one, yea we still come first,
Still sick, still wanna know how magnets work
Imma let you finish inna minute word to Kanye
Come on everybody, dicks out for Harambe

CHORUS

Cash us outside, talking to the ladies on the reg
Call us Super Smash Brothers cos we do it togeth
-er, bitches be like Dragonborn, make em shout
Saying Fus Ro Dah when they blowing my candle out

Shrek is love, Shrek is life
You about to get Shrekked when we party tonight
Call me Solid Snake I'm always hiding in boxes
And the ladies be like Gollum, saying "give me the cockses"

BRIDGE
Still number one, yea we still come first,
Still sick, still wanna know how magnets work
Imma let you finish inna minute word to Kanye
Come on everybody, dicks out for Harambe

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

Spandex Moose - Virus Video (Edited End)

Walk into the party, bottle of bacardi, and you know your boys on fleek
So sleek, cos I'm wearing Ed Hardy, chinos khaki, wearing a mask for that enhanced mystique
And it's Halloween, so all the costumes are obscene, can't believe what I'm seein in this sexy scene
Not to demean, but these outfits are crazy, someone was a sexy submarine, periscope lacy

A racy magistrate, wig so shapely, coming on to me a little to hastily
Pretty sure that I just got groped by a pastry chef, that was a little unsavoury
This isn't safe for me, I guess my costumes a little too sexy, these people are animals
Actually factual, cos I’m pretty sure I just saw a dude being eaten by cannibals

I look again cos it can’t be true they’re cooking men on the barbecue like Hannibal

I was hoping for a sexy night!
Sexy people giving sexy frights!
I was hoping to have sex tonight!
But these crazy motherfuckers eatin flesh tonight!

I just wanna make a sexy scene!
With sexy you, and sexy me!
But it seems, errybody gone crazy!
Shady motherfuckers in this bitch, good gravy!

I need water but the slaughter that I find got me panicking, I'm fuckin manic, man I'm fucked
What's happening? Everybody's murdering each other, this is utter chaos, what if its the drugs?
I saw them take em, I took a few as well, one or two so I could chill but now I'm stuck in hell
I feel unwell, I bet any minute I'll be breaking into houses with my mouth full of brain cells

Now the walls are crawling and I spilt my drink, my shirt's ruined, I need a minute so I can stop and think
Take a swig, take a swing, get these motherfuckers off me, if there ain’t a fight right now, then there’s gon be
Zombies, chewing at my arms and legs, the undead, crawling over each other just to get on me
I’m strongly against being eaten, beating these monsters off me ain’t the meat I was meaning

Another drink, glug glug, chug-a-lug, and another, but every single sip is getting rougher
I spit it out, cough and splutter and I hear somebody mutter saying "which one of you dickheads even brought this motherfucker.
Throw him out", on the ground, and I'm passing out, to the sound of the pounding in my head
And somehow even with the amount that I drank, come around in my own damn bed

I was hoping for a sexy night!
I got too fucked up, got extra hype!
I took too much drugs, went against advice!
Now I'm lying on my couch wi' electrolytes

I was hoping for a sexy scene!
But the sexy people got extra mean!
And now the doorbell ring, knock knock, its the cops
Mr Danger, how about you come with us

What? What did I do? What are you even talking about?

Sir, multiple witnesses report you assaulting people at a party last night while screaming about...quote "cannibals trying to eat my dick". Was that you?

Uhhhhhhh...

VPC6 Round 2

Spandex Moose - A Sexy Halloween (Good Gravy!)

PLACE YOUR VOTES NOW!
CHALLENGE:
Just like hip hop has its Four Elements, a certain musical festival that is most assuredly not a donut (^_~) has elements of its own.

(Some of) those elements are: chiptune, video game music (VGM), visualism and nerdcore hip hop. This challenge will have teams integrating these elements into one track.

To start off this alignment, we bring you three videos, brought to you by none other than visual artist Pixelseed!

Crave: https://youtu.be/jnDDc_0CvJ4

Droids: https://youtu.be/YKvSww3lEhw

Mosquito: https://youtu.be/ZMfCpci01G4

Your job, as a team, is to pick the video you like the best, and then create the soundtrack to it! 

Seems easy enough, right?

Well, producers, your challenge is to tie in chiptune elements into your song.  You can go as minimal or maximized as you’d like, but the element(s) chosen need to be clear and identifiable.  Oh and if that wasn’t enough, we’re going to need you to build the hook of your track around an arpeggio. You can flex your muscles and write a completely original one yourself, but if that seems like too daunting a task, then you can borrow one – but it must be from a video game.

Vocalists, you’re here to represent nerdcore hip hop at it’s finest.  We want to see you whipping out your finest multisyllabic rhymes – at least 50% – to be precise.   Oh, and we need you to really get your point across by including some fire adlibs. 

So that’s it, really.  Not too bad huh? All you need to do is pay homage to your sister scenes. 

Oh, and don’t stress too much if you’re unable to edit your song to the video you choose, while you’re welcome to do it yourself to achieve perfection, we will also do it on behalf of anyone who isn’t able to.

VPC6 Round 3

Spandex Moose - SCIENCE!

Stand and Deliver
VPC6
Round 4

Stand and deliver, you lyrical knaves and you DAW desperadoes!

The fourth round of the VPC is upon us and the Czarina has decreed that the melee is to commence post haste and without delay! But, the weapons of this melee are being expressly decided upon to limit the savagery and supreme saltiness that could arise from a less honorable contest of verbiage and virtuosity. And the weapons that have been elected to be the tools of this test of talent are - characters from the domain of literature, both classic and modern.

Right, now that we got all of that high brow verbosity out of the way, let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

Vocalists, you need to bring your baddest, maddest most raddest battle rap / diss tracks, but doing so IN CHARACTER of the character assigned to your teams. I’d spend some time learning the ins and outs of who you’ve been assigned, get to know them well, and become one with them.

The duals!
https://bit.ly/2pX8u1V

Producers, you’ve got a lot of free reign on how you want to design your beats. The only thing that we ask of you is that you incorporate a sample in your song from any form of existing media relating to your book. You can use samples from movies if it’s been made into a movie, audio books, TV shows, theatrical productions, the options are almost endless.

VPC6 Round 4

Spandex Moose - Crack Sherlock (Sherlock Holmes - A Sherlock diss)

[ft. Rappy McRapperson, Ca$sand₹a Mon€t aka Ca$s Mon€¥, Ellen DeGenerate aka Christmas Carol, Climate Change Jeff and Fuck The Whole World Fred]

Spandex Moose [Mike Bananas, Frank Danger] - Coconut Surprise (Slop Slop)

NerdcoreVPC