stuck in my head
sick in my bed
sick in the head
wish i was dead

lead painted walls
feeling so sick
i cant do this
vomit in the halls
and im so done 
with it all

when did it all go wrong

sick

my walls my canvas
my guns my brush
if i knew, itd come to this
i wouldve stayed of touch

i mustve said
about a thousand times
i still need you
but you, cut my throat

i thought itd be easy
just give my love
i never expected 
you to strike that low

I
Hate
that you torture me
i 
hate
the things youve done

i bought some flowers
but theyre not for you
ill make sure
ill get a gift
up on my headstone
to make it look
like youre there for me
it cant
be that hard
to stop hurting me

and when its said and done
you wont hear from me again
ill buy a shotgun
with 1 shell
and put it to good use

the 
sheets
are stained, with regrets
cant
forgive
what you have 

my head is boiling
got wire round my neck
and everynight
im still dreaming 
about the past
i wanna love you
youll have to love me too
is that a promise you can keep
or will you break that too


big flats community park and my ability to love

Choke on my vomit (demo)

noped out

teach me to read your books sound delicious
getting drunk and talking to you is so fun
youve gone away but it cant be for long

it so hard to keep mattering to people all the time
but you
youre the one i wish would just come back

come back

nokilam cover: @nokilam

im in this class again
just staring at the wall
your on my mind again
for no reason at all

maybe this time round
you can look my way
but its fine ill watch you leave
and i wont beg you to stay

fuck what he said
lets go and dance
your in my head
no i know i cant

cant send a text
get left on red
wish i was dead
im alone again

these beginnings
dont feel that much new
i feel so shitty
i wouldnt with you

chaudown!! (nokilam)

i left you
please never try to find me

theres no ending resolution just one lingering pain
and when im dead and gone i hope that you forget my name

let yourself down

I know I’m nothing that you wanted to see 
I know I’m not a single thing I’ve ever wanted to be 
I know there’s not a thing you’ve wanted from me 
I know that you’re sick so I guess that I’ll just leave 

I’ll go back home if I know you really want it
And I’ll hop on the game as soon as I install it 
I never thought the time would leave me stuck right here 
Now nothing is the same and I never feel the same no more 

Fuck my body cuz my brain is on a mission
To see how fast I can kill myself with my inhibitions 
I get anxiety from the little things 
I don’t wanna be seen I’m not a man in name

Oh god 

I feel so lonely and my dogs my only friends 
I get so sick of this damn room it feels just like a pen 
No one cares anyway and I have zero fans
I’ll smash my guitar into bits until it pains my hands 

And I’d leave you alone if you really need it 
I got myself a new bad habit got me a new demon 
I never throught there’d be no better days 
And everyday’s the same and I always feel this way 

Fuck everybody I hate myself and this shit 
reality in front of me but I won’t ever see it 
There’s no variety in my day to day 
I don’t wanna be seen I’m not a man in name

Oh no

whats new? (i dont have fun)

you were stuck i was gone and theres no way i can turn back now
my love is gone im so done with this life, why do i try
my heart beats, it beats alone, i dont know why but it still treads on
i hold back tears, hold i must, because if i show it you will run

i just want my friend back again
i just want my friend back again
i just want my friend back again
i just want my friend back again

the night is cold, i shiver in tones, but you're still up cutting your clothes
theres this thought, i always had, but i still deny that it was the truth
im missing out, all you need, was just a friend to give you call
but why should i, when you hate my guts, and you go to your gay boyfriend

i just want my friend back again
i just want my friend back again
i just want my friend back again
i just want my friend back again 