entry four of six

live bass in intro by @americalovesme

you ate me alive—
devoured each inch 
like you thought i was yours
i thought that you said 
that you’d treat me like an angel 
but angels all fall
and it’s always so painful

you cried when i didn’t taste just how you wanted
you craved it like fruit
but i guess it was rotten
a pig at the trough 
but the trough was a coffin

take what
you can get
to avoid to be alone
feel regret
and now i look in the mirror
and i want to turn to dust
how does anyone do this
and not feel disgust

i never wanted it to be this way
i belong to myself 
and that’s how it should stay 
you can cremate my body
no one can have it anymore
i don’t want it to exist
cause i don’t want it to be yours

coffin

i’m not 
making an album 
anymore 
sorry :(

i realized
i wrote 
most of it from a
specific perspective
which i now think 
is better if 
i keep it to myself

still it was fun
to think about a big project :]

maybe sometime later
i can think of another one.
thank you for your immediate support
and help,
you are all lovely and amazing people!

if you need any thing from me
please feel free to let me know
<3

nevermind ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ

absence⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀avoidance⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ _chapter422

steejenstyle saves a choking yung goat (try not to cry im 3)

New Hope, Chapter XX - hold It
Recorded 6.12.24

I need to say my needs, I couldn't hold It
doesn't even like something you would get, doesn't even like something you would get
doesn't even like something you would get, doesn't even like something you would get

I never knew why, I never knew why, I never knew why
baby, it seems like you don't have to try
I never knew why
seems like you don't have to try
I never knew why
baby, yeah it seems like you don't have to try
I never knew why, I never knew why, I never knew why, why
I never knew why
I never knew why, never knew why
yeah, I never knew why, never knew why
yeah it seems like you never have to try
I never knew why, no I never knew why
never knew why, seems like you don't have to try
oh,
never knew why, never knew why
oh I never seem to forget you

no I never seem to forget you
seems so grey without you babe
why does it seem so grey with you babe (no I never seem to forget you)
no I never seem to forget you (I need to say for what it was)
I need to say, I couldn't hold It
I need to say "I won't forget you"

New Hope

hold It

New Hope, Chapter XII - guilt
Recorded 3.14.24

guilt, nah nah nah nah no (no)
guilt, nah nah nah nah no
guilt, nah nah nah nah no (no)
guilt, nah nah nah nah no

guilt

New Hope, Chapter XI - New Hope
Recorded 2.28.24

New Hope is 20 chronologically ordered recordings from the months of November 2023 - June 2024. Made with two microphones and a focusrite, the raw records play with room feedback and tape speed to reflect the sound of grieving while falling in love. Runtime is 90 minutes and gapless playback is recommended in a setting where you feel comfortable.

New Hope, Chapter X - Just go
Recorded 2.24.24

lyrics unavailable for transcription

Just go

patchymate