a mutual sickness report

@strivemusicau
@shizukesaaa
@autumndropsdead
@torvamia

(strivesad)
Caught in a cage with this endless pain
caught up to my age now I’m getting paid
Depression stays high and now the feelings changed
pour another bottle all apon my grave

you’ve been building roads
I’m building settlements

I keep craving another fucking serotonin hit
let’s flip the script

I don’t need no alliby
come with me and stay the night
Fighting for my life I think I’m doing fine

Ripped clothes now I’m going home
got these problems cause I feel alone
keep me in my zone

(shizu)
beamer swerving 
cuz i deserve the worst shit
bet she gon hit me up w/ 'love u but this isnt working'
might fuck around my blade till i negate the serotonin
now watch the liquid dripping red off slitted wrists, still frozen
find another guy and leave me dying w/ no notice
no i was never that man but fans in my dms saying im chosen
it gets hard to speak every want when everyone is seeing you choking
when words go wasting the space of audio waves to leaving me broken"

(autie)
my conscious is ever so heavy
i've been so cautious ever since you left
i've been holding myself down, with this self doubt
but nevertheless
i swear that i'll know when you need me
you know i'm right there when you're hearing that ringing
i'm patient a bit, but waiting's a bitch
i wish i could split and fuck up my breathing
but if there's anyone out there like me
smite like a god do and make me undying
bottle my goods for a world that is dying
plenish a helt that is tattered with lies
'cause i see through them every single minute
proof is in my dome, that's why i'm livid
tell me that you love him 'till i'm finished
i repel and let them be forgiven

(torva)
smoke until my chest hurts, til my lungs burn
think ill die soon, think ill go first
now my head hurts, never heard worse
if i lose you, need a gold hearse

never fuck it up, bitch i run it up
i go fucking crazy
til i do enough
keep my tommy tucked, never losing love
think i need some help
fore' i lose my trust

Cage w/ strivesad, shizukesa, autumndropsdead & torvamia [+ Tied For Silver x flesh]

prod raspo
mixed/mastered by getbetter

Lyrics:

rend it apart, i guess we'll move on now
i feel psychosis taking root in the scars you left
open hearts bleed courtesy of the knife 
i see my angel's wings shedding feathers in the moonlit night, okay i'm not alright

i want you to hold me tight

cause the life that i breathe through these chapped lips of mine, 
won't ever be cause enough for me to not lie 
oh and god saw you break my heart again
and i swear to him you wont get away with it
oh i was there when nobody else was, and i saw the darkness in those stale bones

oh it's clear to me, that you'll discard our history
throwing up blood as my esophagus wears down
oh the pills they saved me but the pills they hate me
twice i've met the reaper why wont he take me

you were perfect to me in everything that you do
well then i took the medicine, and i know what you did
baby you twisted my words so you could carve upon my skin
and i hate to admit it but on this liquor i depend
your soul i would defend if you were ever in need

inaction forms these complacent thoughts of mine
vertebrae collapse when i try to carry the weight
my love for you predates the day we met

i relapsed i was jus tryna see you
i ruined my life while tryna wait for you
i wish i could torch the feelings and demolish the view

fuck the excuse its always somethin new
i'm so tired i could go comatose
honestly preferable to tying the noose

cause i just wanna slip away
please don't hear this and tell me i'll be okay

tenseiga_ (raspo)

I love u if you’re reading this :’)

Lyrics:

[hero]

i should write a million songs
a discography is not one

so maybe i'm lovin the silence
prop up my fifty pound eyelids
spent years in this room on my own and if u don't believe i could paint u the tiling
most of my friends are one-sided
bout time that i cut all of my ties and
i'm looking rough in the mall yet she likin my hair and i don't even style it
these r my guys that i could not betray
i wouldn't even know how to
awol n timeless
grounds n lowlifes
the rest of my guys i can't rhyme thru
where did the time go
feels like i started a cyclone
i never imagined i'd make it here
or know the friends that i know

[navyxower]

every day i am outside in
this cold weather makes me feel alive, andr
your always inside of my iris
i wish id take you out for the night, then

i dont wanna casue a problem
i lost a couple friends that i loved
i need to make some sense, of what i, have known
im in love with you and no one, knows
i need to make up my mind again, timeless the gang, yeah we know how we ride in this
i dont fw hoes or a side bitch, i made it far, now im thinking where ive been
up in my minds a mess

times going by, and i cannot stop it
im tryna make sense of this
but i cant even breathe through my concious
nobody fuck with me
my style yeah i see
the pain in ur eyes
baby i got your back, even if you aint mine

[hero]

so maybe i'm lovin the silence
prop up my fifty pound eyelids
spent years in this room on my own and if u don't believe i could paint u the tiling
most of my friends are one-sided
bout time that i cut all of my ties and
i'm looking rough in the mall yet she likin my hair and i don't even style it
these r my guys that i could not betray
i wouldn't even know how to
awol n timeless
grounds n lowlifes
the rest of my guys i can't rhyme thru
where did the time go
feels like i started a cyclone
i never imagined i'd make it here
or know the friends that i know


thank you

to all of my listeners
to my idols i base my sound off of
and to all my friends that have stuck with me.
(names in the order of who i met first to last to the best of my memory)

@kurayuz-rageex
@kukisawus
@seltzerkrys
@xweepings
@yokaidreams
@canyouseetheghost
@navyxower
@killsadghxst
@adoretaiken
@lovecliqxe
@noeke
@prod_emerald
@solofttt
@cyzun
@emptychest
@autumndropsdead
@sadtxnshi
@shizukesaaa
@swno
@ztope
@powla
@prodselfdoubt
@camertin
@luvsig
@yxvngjones
@nevrwrld
@x1fern
@caspywaspy
@drewisdead
@failure404
@paperthinwallss
@im_slendr
@drewisdead
@anmldoctor
@betweentheveinsandi
@safeatlast
@lxstboymusic
@heyzbee
@dxnnyymusic
@mxlatonin
@crizzywhite
@cuts
@sivistial 

and so many others i couldn't find the @s for or aren't on soundcloud (or i missed cuz i was tired writing this list LOL)

you made me who i am today
and i am forever grateful all of you have been part of my life

thank you (ft. navyxower) (skellington)

im losing count what number single but its on the @fleshgolem album nonetheless

lyrics

my life is a ticking time bomb
u play the right song
and all of the wires will spark

life’s short then why it feel long?
i’m tryna right wrongs
while surrounded in dark

love myself
i’ve been tryna get to that place
no words said
i would never come out of that place
i don’t know what to say anymore
a thousand notes on my phone that’s jus stored

i wanna get to sleep on time
i been heavyheaded got a lotta stress on my mind
medicating just sleep at all
plenty ppl fall
but i can’t just lose what i used to die for

i don’t check the safety
just vibin lately
the pressure tryna take me
won’t let it change me 
suffer more suffer less, it’s all the same 
had no choice still a voice yelling change

she said can u lov me for the moment
but it don’t mean as much so y’s it so important 
u see thru my lens shit distorted 
why u want me to against the grain again and again
its jus pain, its jus pain, uh its jus pain its jus pain
￼

against the grain

against the grain (flesh x ertu)

s/o my brother https://soundcloud.com/breckenford

lyrics

i never been smart
dont worry bout me bae u got a good heart
i kno i will love u till my times gone
n no we dont got time to think about the time lost

buckle up ur my overdrive
i feel myself spiral to a downward dive
n if u leave me in the end i can say that i tried
ill take the long way home
got shit to think ab
i had to teach myself to "not fall when u looking down"
spent a long time looking for myself
something different that i found
n i dont like it

im seeing violence when i close my eyelids
n we may struggle towards the end but death is silent
n she love asking why im drinking like a pirate
but when its all broken down
its just a science

(ford)
give me guidence
everyday im breaking down in the quiet
will it ever go away im steady crying
when u lie u overtaking got me dying
so indecisive
said im priceless then u say im violent
girl im trying
i dont gotta hide it
perfect timing
still wont stop the whining
so im reliant on the pain thru all the shining
but it make sense
all the times u broke me down n made me reset
made me realize all the cries were never silent
everything u ever said was only pretend
for no reason
i did my best to make sure u knew that i felt
every feeling in the world when i fell down
ill move away
go to town
find a new crowd
youd see what love was all about if u stick around
i know the truth now
it was over from the start
u a rebound
u could never reach my heart
such a let down
why is life so gd hard is this even allowed
is this even allowed

buckle up ur my overdrive
i feel myself spiral to a downward dive
n if u leave me in the end i can say that i tried
ill take the long way home
got shit to think ab
i had to teach myself to "not fall when u looking down"
spent a long time looking for myself
something different that i found
n i dont like it

death is silent w/ brecken (jacob vallen)

beat prod by: king theta
written and performed: @reject333 x @xipz_sad
visualizer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ozm0u2REao

just a little bit + @xipz_sad (p. king theta)

ghost town w/sendflowrs (prod. wetmall)

lyrics
n im not happy at all
but she gonna keep me from falling apart
im talking to myself but i see a face on the wall
does someone else do my job
n i just cry at a photo
n im just feeling it all at once
i just feel it all too much
look what its done to me
look what youve done for me
look what youve done to me
made me feel better now

n i watch the storm pass clouds fly by i can see u
smiling, shining
look how u did so well
n the day that i go
will be the day that u go
n girl im broken i dont have a purpose
i wrote a song for u
u said that u heard it before
but baby this ones new n i just wrote it tonight
i kno they all sound the same to u
id give a piece of my brain for u
u kno i try to hold u tight when the night comes
kno i feel u in my bones n my weak lungs

u can find me ill be in the underground
n i been working one day they gonna sing the sounds i make for u
bury me inside a grave thats made for two

n i watch the storm pass clouds fly by i can see u
smiling, shining
look how u did so well
n the day that i go
will be the day that u go
n girl im broken i dont have a purpose
i wrote a song for u
u said that u heard it before
but baby this ones new n i just wrote it tonight
i kno they all sound the same to u
id give a piece of my brain for u
u kno i try to hold u tight when the night comes
kno i feel u in my bones n my weak lungs

u be crying laying next to me
while im nodding off
ill be getting money soon
but im not enough
u say that i talk too much
yea i kno that
n even tho the suns shining bright
im still in all black
now u crying u just laying in my lap
i tell u its gonna be okay when i get back
im tryna say i love u i could do without the jab
n life makes me feel better but i know that its a trap

as i watch the storm pass (p. jacob vallen)

prod me
guitar by me <3

restless in these sheets
the nightmares scare away the dreams
“if i could only have a chance to run away from everything”

but would i take it?
this is everything i know

i stay amongst the thieves
that took my life away from me
if i could only take a second of your time to let me breathe

but i cant save this
i can never feel like home.

practice what you preach
youre taking it
way too far to bring
a fraction of what the
world turned out to be
back to ashes 
avoid my company

just a little bit + @xipz_sad (p. king theta)

popularreject (@rejectcore.mp3)

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