https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

Thanks to my homies: 
https://soundcloud.com/sepha-joey
https://soundcloud.com/slothboipapi
for jumping on the track <3

will I get used to this, 
always having dreams of where I die
waking panicked half alive

broken bones in my fingers
crawling out of bed just to survive
to exhausted cannot fight

don’t wanna be this don’t wanna be that
yea this life is fucking mine
get back and let me decide

feels like im just cursed in this body
hold a second give me five
can I fucking feel alive

cus I don’t understand this, I don’t understand this
I think the pressures getting through to me
I think im stuck in a place between
im sick of begging fucking on my knees

cus I would never wish this, would never wish this
on fucking anyone who fucking breathes
you’ll live a life always filled with deceit
now paranoid my only enemy is me

Sepha:

Tho nothing feels real online
I live there all the fuckin time
If only they really knew me
I’d hate to really know me
X2

But
Its as real as it is everywhere else

$lothboi:

I know I aint the same mother fucker that I used to be
Now its white wine sippin just to put myself to sleep
Fuck, if you saw, memories, you’d be under deep
Thankful I’m alive, but it hurts, fuck I cannot breathe

I know I aint the same mother fucker that I used to be
Now its white wine sippin just to put myself to sleep
Fuck, if you saw memories
You’d be 6 feet deep
And knocking on the gates of hell


I AM BREAKING
SOMEONE SAVE ME
RIV AND SEPH, GOT MY BACK, IMA MAKE IT

I CAN SHAKE THIS
FEELING OF ABASEMENT
KNOWING I GOT HOMIES I CAN TRUST, IMA MAKE IT

Beggar FT. Sepha / $lothboi

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

it’s like my bones are weighed down by lead
I pull my feet to the ground and I try to move forward
there’s an absence of the sound here
until my vision fades black and I wake up on your shore

how do I put my thoughts to words
when my ghost keeps tripping on itself and I fall
emptiness was just the goal here
weigh your problems on me till I crumble, crumble, crumble down

yeah im the rat king yeah your love still stings
affection pins me to the wall, the ground opens yeah watch me fall
your the dreamless the one that still calls
fill my lungs up with sorrow until I can’t breathe in I drown again

yeah cus im the rat king, where the fuck have you been
close my blinds and lock the door im not coming out anymore
desperation still lives in here
so we toss the key and move on

fuck fuck fucked all around me
I will bury our love in me
take take take till im nothing
toss me to the wolves when you’re done 

break break break all around me
mood stabilizers make me sick
leave leave leave in the morning
I know you never cared where I went

push me back and spit in my face
when I said to you that im sick
sorry that im too just much to handle
another day spent inside wasting all my time just to sleep

fall to pressure now addicted should I blame you now im weak
when you’re not in my dreams I can’t sleep what the fuck you’ve done with me
on my knees now can’t stop the shaking
just pull the plugs and watch me drown

Tidewreck

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

push the curtains back my skin starts to unravel
It’s not like ill fucking be missed
take some pills and enter bliss
where fogged walls cloak everything and my bed is the abyss

back then I was trapped in hell 
and I couldn’t fucking tell what was real and what was fake
yeah I thought you were my friend, guess the drugs got the better of you
I had to let  you go I had to leave

you were fucking like a brother to me
we watch the wolves in the woodwork chase after the pieces of my soul
face first hit the concrete 
my eyes snap open just another nightmare will I wake again
just to find reality isn’t really like fucking hell is this a joke
this is not fucking funny anymore

Every day this lifeline gets a little thinner
hold on yeah just wait a minute throwing up what’s left of dinner
sick of fucking feeling but that is not what I want
I just want to say that I am happy

trauma leaks from those red eyes
if you cant understand would you grab my arm and drag me out alive
fogged up your just a dead mind
yeah dissociated at fucking best 

I feel like I am crawling out of lab x 16
poltigiest controlling me with memoroies
im in the old woods by the doctors’ house
feel like im out of control can you look into my eyes and say that you remember me

The One You Hate

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin
show my homie some love: https://soundcloud.com/khode-248149108

Rivilin:

fingertips purple and numb
I guess the glass is half full
just so empty and glum
separations never easy

I never thought I could hate you so much
dance with the devil down low
im by myself here a lot
this nightmare is all my own

so what the fuck did I do to deserve this can you tell me, no
burning cigarettes into my hands prepare for hell then loathe
knowing my existence is nothing more than a fucking joke
tearing at my skin, can you just fuck off oh

watching your eyes sink into this emptiness I call a soul
they say the abyss stares back when you look at someone with no hope
on my fucking deathbed cellulitis up my neck, don’t call
never heard a word from you, you left me in a shallow whole

this emptiness is more than enough
im fine here alone,im fine by myself
this thing we call love is never enough
you take watch you want and leave me torn up

northwestghost:

Nether Ft. northwestghost

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

Cheers to my homie <3: https://soundcloud.com/tsunamiij

Rivilin

until I’ve had my fill
ill linger here be numb
my family always calls
to ask if I am done

of being pulled by the strings
a constant reminder
of foggy streets at home
where I lose track of time

Yeah I place my feet straight on the floor ye watch everything turn to stone
the wooden shutters hide the sunlight sinking in an empty hole
grasping onto straws in desperation  just to find I fall
straining everything out of my mental state im pacing back and forth

I can hear the wood start to creek as you’re pressed against this
hear my calling out as the ground open up, im forced to embrace hell
how can I call this living as the wolves open up my gut
watch me sink, watch me sink into myself

sepsis in the veins, now complain to a new face
all my psychs cant analyze me, pushed aside, and disgraced
spitting on your grave, you left me down in this place
gravity it falls as I take a leap of faith

what I got to lose nothing left except my name
putting pressure on your scalp until you can feel my pain
metal to the head like I am praying for a new way
no reply from God above, so here I drown in dismay

Tsunami J.

These things they hurt inside me
I’m searching for the freighting
I might not find what I seek
But I will search till I peak

Wash the shame outside my mind
I can see the sands of the time
I been hoping for a sign
But I’m hopeless in this life
I keep peaking out the blinds
Cause I’m focused on the light
I’m just poison to the kind
Man I’m stuntin with my dime

I think I’m worried I might sink
It’s just the spins from all these drinks
I think the world is onto me
They must be here to watch for free
I keep begging for my sight but I’m not trusting what I see
I keep drinking till I lie cause I’m just rushing to my fiend
He’s just breathing to my binds until I’m dusting down my needs
I’m just dealing with his cries until I’m fucking up my peace

I think I’m worried I might sink
It’s just the spins from all these drinks
I think the world is onto me
They must be here to watch for free

These things they hurt inside me
I’m searching for the freighting
I might not find what I seek
But I will search till I peak

Sepsis FT. Tsunami J.

Thank You For Everything

How do I relive a life again
I dont know if I'll redeem my sins
We lasted like diamonds in the rough
Dark days, nearly lost my head
Hey you have begun to escape this
Pain thats seeping through
With no eyes at my witness
I could end it too

What if I begin to lose
And I'm slowly giving up
When I know its not enough

It's not enough to replace it
This hole inside my chest
When every thought is invasive
Breaking down in my regret
I've been surrounded by faces
Strangers I don't recognize
But nevermind, you were never mine
I think its for the best
I need to let it die

I'm losing it all for you
I've never felt so consumed
The life that we had secure
Was our chance
To be so much more
Hey baby I don't feel so good
Keep saying gave it all I could
If 10 years is before I die
I'd still give you all my time

It's not enough to replace it
This hole inside my chest
When every thought is invasive
Breaking down in my regret
I've been surrounded by faces
Strangers I don't recognize
But nevermind, you were never mine
I think its for the best
I need to let it die

Days Gone ft. Riverkinn

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

https://soundcloud.com/ripthepetals

Rivilin
yeah baby  im gone you know i don’t mess with the past
but I know you just try to hit me up and fuck with my heart
now im alone darkness seems to swallow all of me
till my room fills with light and I see you hitting up my phone

cus im chilling with the vermin swarm, drug addictions all we know
best intentions peeling back my scalp you grab a bottle and take my soul
all the money I have got spent on frivolous things
try to fill an empty void with friends and designer rings
 
RipThePetals

I've got fake friends who dip when they pop off
New friends only like me cause im Petals
I've lost too many friends to the drugs, but they give me more, when i'm coming down, just to keep me around

And i can't answer the question to why your coming back to me
Your blowing up my phone just to treat me like i'm the enemy
I'll fall in love again, just a chip in my heart
Girl you broke me apart, but i can't seem to let you outta my arms

Rivilin


so what did  you say, what did you say
i don’t wanna feel like this anymore
so why did I turn, why did we fight
everytime i seem to be just at your door

so what did you mean, so what did you mean
that everyone just wants a little piece of me
the shadows seem to stalk im out of my mind
I feel like paranoia gets the best of me

yeah so baby im gone, try to fill conversation with validation
but you just want to chuck it back in my face no imagination
yeah if you just really want to hate me
At least just say it to me face say it to my face

if you just really wanted something  yeah
why can’t you just take it and let me just fucking leave
cus it always ends up this way
two best friends fighting over someone that we wanna hate


RipThePetals

Hate me, always love it when you tell me that you hate me
On these amphetamines, you tell me that you break me
All those words you've never spoken that I can't read
I’ve been abused in every fucking way so

You cant do a fucking thing to me
I see my demons when I’m smoking weed
I think about it they look just like you, when you know the truth, come crawling back to me

INVALID FT. RIPTHEPETALS

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

https://soundcloud.com/ripthepetals

Rivilin

I wanna see you smile but I keep that on the low
I wanna make you mine yeah but you already know
that your wasting time yeah I take that as a blow
your knuckles hit the spine and now im passed out on the floor

you love to cut me down but you keep that on the low
you hate it when i leave but you keep begging for more
this isn’t love its fire and your burning at my soul
i try to win this time, but i keep begging for more

Ripthepetals

I’m over these meds and all the bitches in my fucking bed
I fall in love too easily
I'm over all of these texts that say you flaking to him, its so hard to say I want company

It's just another life I guess
Another fucked mistake my soul made
It's just another life i fucked up, baby im fucked up, give me a break

Rivilin

yeah it’s like my best intentions never seem to go to plan they’re just mistakes
you're just a toxin in my skin medicated to forget
im popping tags for serotonin always know it don’t work
so you lay me on a pedal stool to try make me feel like im worth it

but you know its toxic, don’t you know it fucks with chemicals
plagued with awful memories so im just forced to forget

Ripthepetals

I just wish that I was pretty as fuck, but ima jealous cunt, im throwing up in the bathroom
And no one else can compare to you, but it's not fair to you to say that i'm the one you want

I just wish that I was pretty as fuck, but ima jealous cunt, im throwing up in the bathroom
And no one else can compare to you, but it's not fair to you to say that i'm the one you want

KEEP ME ON THE LOW FT. RIPTHEPETALS

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

https://soundcloud.com/ripthepetals

yeah, is this just the price of existence
It’s nothing chemical I think it’s the distance
two wrongs make a right in the system 
and were both fucked in the head, what's the difference?


yeah I don’t feel the love or affection
sleep is better cus then my life is fiction
you always got time for him, 
so I sit in this dark room, steady wishing

yeah, I’ve been breaking bones to make it work
peel the fingernails you’re watching the skin burn
tell me what’s wrong? 
you’re always on ig live steady crying

yeah, maybe I was the asshole all along
watch the comments say that I was all wrong
I wish i wasn’t always alone, 
im always fucking alone, please pick up the phone

EXISTENCE; LOSING INTEREST FT. RIPTHEPETALS

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

https://soundcloud.com/ripthepetals


RipThePetals

Icy Veins
Freeze within
Calm me down
Think like him

Passion fades from everyone I know
The flowers grow, when your all alone

It's nice to know you cared, I never cared at all
I never cared

Rivilin

ill pop a few more, i‘ll pop a few more
cus i don’t know where ill end up if I accept myself
valium to lithium yeah this is just a false hell
scratching at my faults until i end up hating myself

I turn the whip hard I flip the fucking car
and now im still struggling to put my head in place
Percocet’s to credit cards yeah my minds going numb now
do a few more lines so I can just forget about myself  

RipThePetals

Cigarette in my hand
Stains on my jeans from when the ash mixed with the tears
I'm in a false hell
And i'm tryna get out, im tryna get out, Im tryna get out

It wasn't fair i put you through that
Im manic, depressed, i'm in all this stress
I couldn't even tell that i was fucked up
And i'm tryna get out, im tryna get out, Im tryna get out

And i'm tryna get out, im tryna get out, I'm trying, trying

UNCOLOURED FT. RIPTHEPETALS

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

https://soundcloud.com/ripthepetals


Rivilin

results of mistakes always end this way
yeah always coming back at me
im not gonna just turn up to be fake
take a piece of my soul yeah it’s free

should i just flake and walk away
cus its obvious the problem is me
pushing through the crowd ye calling my name
im gonna walk away and just fucking leave

Ripthepetals

I don't really like the way that you talk
I don't really like the way that you talk
I don't really like the way that you talk
I don't really like the way that you talk to me

I don’t really fuck with you no more, we were living our life just like a sweet teen movie
Fucking in your parent’s bed, no one else had a king-sized in your crib
Playing with my chest hair, it’s 3 am and there's sweat all on the bed
I see you still like my songs when I check on my Soundcloud

I hope that you still sing along, knowing that there about you

And how I fucking despise you

Rivilin

yeah like the Truman show is my life faked
cus everyone’s like an actor
yeah so predictable they’re just gonna take
yeah take everything from me

always tried and tested guess it didn’t work out
said I wasn’t gonna pass school and I should just leave
so I packed my bags headed on my way
found someone who I thought meant something to me

no, no I guess it’s just me overthinking 
drinking until I know my liver is  sinking
it feels like I am switching rooms everything im blinking
take me to a time where I am listening to Linkin park

when I was 9 years old 
yeah imagining im on the stage with them when I saw them live
yeah a kids fantasy were always so blissful
can I turn back time

PAINT ME OUT FT. RIPTHEPETALS

Self produced / Sad  

CONTACT: RIVILINAU@GMAIL.COM

PAINT ME OUT FT. RIPTHEPETALS

Rivilin

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