more like this man i love your cloudy songs i hope you hear me

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

push the curtains back my skin starts to unravel
It’s not like ill fucking be missed
take some pills and enter bliss
where fogged walls cloak everything and my bed is the abyss

back then I was trapped in hell 
and I couldn’t fucking tell what was real and what was fake
yeah I thought you were my friend, guess the drugs got the better of you
I had to let  you go I had to leave

you were fucking like a brother to me
we watch the wolves in the woodwork chase after the pieces of my soul
face first hit the concrete 
my eyes snap open just another nightmare will I wake again
just to find reality isn’t really like fucking hell is this a joke
this is not fucking funny anymore

Every day this lifeline gets a little thinner
hold on yeah just wait a minute throwing up what’s left of dinner
sick of fucking feeling but that is not what I want
I just want to say that I am happy

trauma leaks from those red eyes
if you cant understand would you grab my arm and drag me out alive
fogged up your just a dead mind
yeah dissociated at fucking best 

I feel like I am crawling out of lab x 16
poltigiest controlling me with memoroies
im in the old woods by the doctors’ house
feel like im out of control can you look into my eyes and say that you remember me

The One You Hate

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

each day just repeats after the next
seems to always be the same yeah I can’t catch my breath yeah
try to explain but you just don’t get it
cus the same thing happened like you just took an amnestic

in my own hell right here, yeah I think I get it 
I just write these songs so yeah I can admit it
cus im lost in these tunnels not making sense
put a knife through my sternum treat me like I am an experiment

poor piss pants kid what did you expect
did you really think they’d treat you like an equal with respect
yeah boot to the face and they left you on the ground yeah
strap a kid down and medicate till his family is replaced

with a bottle and some drugs on the side yeah
wake up every morning feeling like I wanna die yeah
pushed into the trunk and try to kick out the light
no energy no strength just to keep up the fight

So what’s the point in living when you don’t really get it
yeah 404 connection lost im awkward I admit it
yeah what’s the point of running when they knew from the beginning
like who the fuck am I this insanity repeating

so what’s the point of loving when I couldn’t just admit
just a feeling of disgust in my stomach and its screaming
cus I hate this hate that everywhere I go
just the same face, lose touch, everything’s for show

say its aggravated assault when I punched you in the face
I swear time stood still for a second then its breaks yeah
watch the consequences start to come around yeah
running without shoes from the cops living underground

remember two of us at the landfill 
didn’t want to go home, no choice tears spill
in the family house where the holes start to resonate
watch the abyss grow in the cracks from your fathers’ hate

I hear you fucking crying through these paper-thin walls
you didn’t understand emotional abuse and now she’s gone
I see you running down the street, not a fear in site
except the one from your father where he stabbed you in the spine

three kids residing in the back room feeling pretty shit
don’t know how to talk about each other’s pains
until one day they just give up
I still blame you for her death

The Coward

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

yeah make way for the coward like what did you expect
yeah you didn’t think about it much but now your sons a wreck
doesn’t know how to cope or be social, 
feel like he’s the only one who feels this way no he cant maintain

a regular routine or fucking diet
cus he doesn’t know how to be alive most days he feels like he died
in that car crash a few years ago
he swears he saw the fucking light at the end of the tunnel

but he’s still on two feet, still barely coping
yeah he stays high so he doesn’t deal with his mind
cus it’s always the negative thoughts that take over each other
yeah until the tension just breaks snap yeah we just relapse back

to a childhood where we were neglected
by a family who couldn’t understand what it’s like to be different
from everyone else it’s like you’re all just NPCs
Yeah living check to check just to have nothing to show

yeah it’s fucking sad that we have to live this way
always tryna feed our family who’s hungry but they don’t understand the pain
that you go through day to day, live a nine to five, 
just the same routine from 30 till your fucking 89

I don’t  know why you fucking live like this
what happened to your fucking dreams would you blame it on your son
and would you leave all of us behind just to restart
maybe you fucking would but that’s life you don’t get a second shot

so this kids a bit older he’s almost 25 
doesn’t know what he wants but he’s got his fucking music
to live by new friends no lies, 
Every day we get a little better more plays no we never settle

for what we couldn’t have back when we grew up
yeah we all got our own problems and memories no one perfect
so we just fade, just fade out have a few more drugs
Yeah this isn’t what life is fucking all about

I Beg Your Pardon

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

https://soundcloud.com/ripthepetals

Rivilin
yeah baby  im gone you know i don’t mess with the past
but I know you just try to hit me up and fuck with my heart
now im alone darkness seems to swallow all of me
till my room fills with light and I see you hitting up my phone

cus im chilling with the vermin swarm, drug addictions all we know
best intentions peeling back my scalp you grab a bottle and take my soul
all the money I have got spent on frivolous things
try to fill an empty void with friends and designer rings
 
RipThePetals

I've got fake friends who dip when they pop off
New friends only like me cause im Petals
I've lost too many friends to the drugs, but they give me more, when i'm coming down, just to keep me around

And i can't answer the question to why your coming back to me
Your blowing up my phone just to treat me like i'm the enemy
I'll fall in love again, just a chip in my heart
Girl you broke me apart, but i can't seem to let you outta my arms

Rivilin


so what did  you say, what did you say
i don’t wanna feel like this anymore
so why did I turn, why did we fight
everytime i seem to be just at your door

so what did you mean, so what did you mean
that everyone just wants a little piece of me
the shadows seem to stalk im out of my mind
I feel like paranoia gets the best of me

yeah so baby im gone, try to fill conversation with validation
but you just want to chuck it back in my face no imagination
yeah if you just really want to hate me
At least just say it to me face say it to my face

if you just really wanted something  yeah
why can’t you just take it and let me just fucking leave
cus it always ends up this way
two best friends fighting over someone that we wanna hate


RipThePetals

Hate me, always love it when you tell me that you hate me
On these amphetamines, you tell me that you break me
All those words you've never spoken that I can't read
I’ve been abused in every fucking way so

You cant do a fucking thing to me
I see my demons when I’m smoking weed
I think about it they look just like you, when you know the truth, come crawling back to me

INVALID FT. RIPTHEPETALS

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

https://soundcloud.com/ripthepetals

Rivilin

I wanna see you smile but I keep that on the low
I wanna make you mine yeah but you already know
that your wasting time yeah I take that as a blow
your knuckles hit the spine and now im passed out on the floor

you love to cut me down but you keep that on the low
you hate it when i leave but you keep begging for more
this isn’t love its fire and your burning at my soul
i try to win this time, but i keep begging for more

Ripthepetals

I’m over these meds and all the bitches in my fucking bed
I fall in love too easily
I'm over all of these texts that say you flaking to him, its so hard to say I want company

It's just another life I guess
Another fucked mistake my soul made
It's just another life i fucked up, baby im fucked up, give me a break

Rivilin

yeah it’s like my best intentions never seem to go to plan they’re just mistakes
you're just a toxin in my skin medicated to forget
im popping tags for serotonin always know it don’t work
so you lay me on a pedal stool to try make me feel like im worth it

but you know its toxic, don’t you know it fucks with chemicals
plagued with awful memories so im just forced to forget

Ripthepetals

I just wish that I was pretty as fuck, but ima jealous cunt, im throwing up in the bathroom
And no one else can compare to you, but it's not fair to you to say that i'm the one you want

I just wish that I was pretty as fuck, but ima jealous cunt, im throwing up in the bathroom
And no one else can compare to you, but it's not fair to you to say that i'm the one you want

KEEP ME ON THE LOW FT. RIPTHEPETALS

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

https://soundcloud.com/ripthepetals

yeah, is this just the price of existence
It’s nothing chemical I think it’s the distance
two wrongs make a right in the system 
and were both fucked in the head, what's the difference?


yeah I don’t feel the love or affection
sleep is better cus then my life is fiction
you always got time for him, 
so I sit in this dark room, steady wishing

yeah, I’ve been breaking bones to make it work
peel the fingernails you’re watching the skin burn
tell me what’s wrong? 
you’re always on ig live steady crying

yeah, maybe I was the asshole all along
watch the comments say that I was all wrong
I wish i wasn’t always alone, 
im always fucking alone, please pick up the phone

EXISTENCE; LOSING INTEREST FT. RIPTHEPETALS

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

https://soundcloud.com/ripthepetals

Rivilin

you know its a pity 
chin up yeah you know life’s pretty shit
white powder on my nose I said id quit 
racking up, racking up in bathroom stalls till I just vomit

I found myself in self-destruction 
pushing you away with a grin on my face
cus id rather get better on my own than drag you through hell
get caught in the tide you’ll drown in the swell

do I stay here, if I pop a few tags will I get some serotonin
what’s the point of that when I look in disgust at the mirror-like you gotta be joking
yeah if I walk away will I get better and fix my mental state
yeah you know i won’t cus i sink sink sink

RipThePetals

Tell me you love me, but you smiling more with him
Tell me you want me, but your spending more time with him
Suicide runs deep in my veins, you only call me when your high or alone, so im gone

Dirt road
No home
I felt you body and baby your so cold

Glass bones
Baby im fragile
Im crying this pillows wet, i'm trying to go home

Rivilin

even if I had 100 grand on my face yeah id still feel like shit
it’s hard to see the future right here when everything’s covered in a blanket
so’ll take some more of that oxycontin sinking below and I’ve passed the bottom
having conversations with my soul yeah he said he hated me

trapped in a dark place like im sitting in my own head looking through the mirror
my body parts moving back and forth like why I don’t control a thing
dissociated most of the time. ye like im gonna be, gonna be sick
feeling like this tunnel vision won’t ever go awa-, go away

RipThePetals

I'm a pretty crier and you a petty lier
I hate you face, but fuck I wish that it was back in my bed

I'm a lone survivor in this world so cold
I had a heart of gold, and than you sold it for prescriptions i guess

Just tell me that your ok
I promise I will let you know i’m alright

I'm alright with you and your alright with him
I’ve got these problems I gotta let go

I'm so alone
Nowhere to go

I'm alright with you
This jealousy, get the fuck out my mind

SWELL FT. RIPTHEPETALS

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

https://soundcloud.com/ripthepetals


RipThePetals

Icy Veins
Freeze within
Calm me down
Think like him

Passion fades from everyone I know
The flowers grow, when your all alone

It's nice to know you cared, I never cared at all
I never cared

Rivilin

ill pop a few more, i‘ll pop a few more
cus i don’t know where ill end up if I accept myself
valium to lithium yeah this is just a false hell
scratching at my faults until i end up hating myself

I turn the whip hard I flip the fucking car
and now im still struggling to put my head in place
Percocet’s to credit cards yeah my minds going numb now
do a few more lines so I can just forget about myself  

RipThePetals

Cigarette in my hand
Stains on my jeans from when the ash mixed with the tears
I'm in a false hell
And i'm tryna get out, im tryna get out, Im tryna get out

It wasn't fair i put you through that
Im manic, depressed, i'm in all this stress
I couldn't even tell that i was fucked up
And i'm tryna get out, im tryna get out, Im tryna get out

And i'm tryna get out, im tryna get out, I'm trying, trying

UNCOLOURED FT. RIPTHEPETALS

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

https://soundcloud.com/ripthepetals

Yeah I feel like I don’t belong here
Blame me when you don’t make it clear
You text me to say that you’ve found love now
You expect me to make sense of that shit

So fuck you, I hope you’re doing bad now
You got me on drugs till I fell down
So hate me and say that im at fault now
You expect me to come crawling back when you’re alone 

RipThePetals

Theres alot of shit you wanna bring up
I know that i’m a cunt, but I broke my fucking back for you
Tears in your eyes, you wanna break up
And you always said that you'll be by my side while I make it, boo

Big Riv, in the back
Geeked up, yeah he smoke the whole sack
No smoke, no smoke, don't pass
When im fucking on a bitch like that

We the swarm, don't applause
We deranged but we selling out floors
Act up when she do on all four
No pause, no force now she want an encore, on god

It’s been a couple minutes and I’m fucking up
It’s been a couple since I fell in love
It’s been a couple months since i felt you touch
I’ve been depressed for years and i've had enough

Another fucked mistake I've made
I hate my face, you made me feel like I was a mistake

EXPECTATIONS FT. RIPTHEPETALS

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

https://soundcloud.com/ripthepetals

RipThePetals

Body so cold
I'm on the road
You wanna go home

Cocaine drip down your nose
Body feel so cold

I don't like you
I don't even see you as a friend anymore

You know when it rain, yeah you bet it gone pour
Remember you came and you claimed you’re alone

I was there when you needed help
Now i'm alone, living in this hell

Body so cold
I'm on the road
You wanna go home

Rivilin

No i don’t get this, 
when you say im a fuck up and leave me alone oh

RipThePetals

Cocaine drip down your nose
Body feel so cold

Rivilin

Where do I go from here 
when I mentally fucked and I hear your call

RipThePetals

I don't like you
I don't even see you as a friend anymore

You know when it rain, yeah you bet it gone pour
Remember you came and you claimed you’re alone

Rivilin 

FUCK FUCK FUCK

RipThePetals

I was there when you needed help
Now i'm alone, living in this hell

IMAGERY FT. RIPTHEPETALS

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

https://soundcloud.com/ripthepetals


Rivilin

results of mistakes always end this way
yeah always coming back at me
im not gonna just turn up to be fake
take a piece of my soul yeah it’s free

should i just flake and walk away
cus its obvious the problem is me
pushing through the crowd ye calling my name
im gonna walk away and just fucking leave

Ripthepetals

I don't really like the way that you talk
I don't really like the way that you talk
I don't really like the way that you talk
I don't really like the way that you talk to me

I don’t really fuck with you no more, we were living our life just like a sweet teen movie
Fucking in your parent’s bed, no one else had a king-sized in your crib
Playing with my chest hair, it’s 3 am and there's sweat all on the bed
I see you still like my songs when I check on my Soundcloud

I hope that you still sing along, knowing that there about you

And how I fucking despise you

Rivilin

yeah like the Truman show is my life faked
cus everyone’s like an actor
yeah so predictable they’re just gonna take
yeah take everything from me

always tried and tested guess it didn’t work out
said I wasn’t gonna pass school and I should just leave
so I packed my bags headed on my way
found someone who I thought meant something to me

no, no I guess it’s just me overthinking 
drinking until I know my liver is  sinking
it feels like I am switching rooms everything im blinking
take me to a time where I am listening to Linkin park

when I was 9 years old 
yeah imagining im on the stage with them when I saw them live
yeah a kids fantasy were always so blissful
can I turn back time

PAINT ME OUT FT. RIPTHEPETALS

Self produced / Sad  

CONTACT: RIVILINAU@GMAIL.COM

UNCOLOURED FT. RIPTHEPETALS

Rivilin

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