Deserves to blow up, every song ive heard by you is amazing 

friendly hollow moon why do you weep for me, asking questions of loss and empty sleep, 
hopeful child resting under families floors, a ghost to the background we watch and weep
if you took my hand, and held me against your chest, just for one minute, I would see the world.
our skin flakes, our love collides, a family once whole now divides.

it was like one day we just picked up our home
living on my nan’s couch I felt so alone
I remember my mother didn’t smile for a year
my brother flourished with suicide it was clear

maybe one day it will all get better, 
but right now it won’t
couldn’t see my mother when she was in hospital
perishing to the cold
  
didn’t really understand a thing about money
didn’t really know what a hard time looked like
brother was backstabbed by a few friends
saw him get death threats it got to his head
  
worried every night that he'd end his life
stayed home from school so I knew he'd be alright
time passes and everyone changes
you see I faded in the end

it was like one day we just picked up our home
living on my nan’s couch I felt so alone
I remember my mother didn’t smile for a year
my brother flourished with suicide it was clear

that I couldn’t handle myself turns to ways to numb the pain
yeah I saw it get the best of me
it’s like that year I didn’t ever exist
choking on my own sorrow shove it down yeah I won’t be missed

another bottle down another day gone
where did time fly, I don’t remember that time at all
on my phone to my best friend, breaking down crying
I couldn’t handle the pain, I knew I was lying

to myself to get through the day
sometimes it worked. sometimes I ended up writhing in pain
all these memories start to get hazy
I need to take a step back and rethink my ways

FAMILY HOSPITAL

didn’t mean for it to be this way,
you walked out shut the door right on my face

it’s like I never existed, I’m a ghost
I know you couldn’t stand to watch me deteriorate
I always thought that you would stay 
but you had too much on your plate

I guess we’re afraid of what we could say to each other
then something that was never said
cus we call these moments everything
you always loved my hollow cheeks

cus I’m dancing with forever,
knowing that it would turn back and never work out
so we push and pull each other
watch the skin tear and I rebound back

you medicate with things that made me worse
strapped to the bed, it’s not fair that it hurts
the guilt came like wolves to my skin
how they wait at my home for me to return

didn’t mean for it to be this way,
you walked out shut the door right on my face
you hate how I lose my days to sleep
I lost count of many it's been

cus you left flowers on my desk
yeah, maybe I was always gone
you left wounds they always seem to return
pulling out stitches, god it hurts

but   dear you know I have to open the door
taking the first steps, I hate how you mourn
concrete veins, blind tounges, heavy eyes
I don’t get how your heart still lies

I was fearless way back before I was cursed with you
how words cant be put to paper of how much you helped me through 
it took me years for me to brave myself on my feet 
but now you’re gone its as if it was all for nothing

we try to stretch our skin between the gap of our love
how miserable we fail, falter, become so weak
becoming frail, we always seem to break
we let go and never talk of this again

NEVER SAID

bruised eyes, you kick me down
chipped teeth now faced to the ground
warped vision, can’t get control
loose touch yeah where is my soul

like a dear on the highway not home
blank stare to your lights hit now alone
don’t go outside you'll be overthrown
the waves hit too hard now your overboard

it took me years just to get back on my feet
why do you still haunt me in my dreams
spend the night with the moon, hope he’s listening
I needed someone when you were never there for me

where do I fit in obviously not here
the wolves sing my name embracing all my fears
said it once, said it twice, yeah ill be fine
I need some space from myself to clear out my mind

HOUSE BURNER

im with broken bones, 
theirs no hope down here im in love with fear
live in a broken home, 
yeah your eyes still leer, watch as I disappear

I need to get away, I need to make some space,
won’t you get to the point make it clear suicide just kicks the chair
all I see is red,
you don’t want me here you just wanna leave me behind

im not coping with the way that you’re looking at me
take another sip and let the couch envelop me
why do I put myself through this
I can’t stand to look at your face

with that smile yeah haunting vision
I can’t tell what’s fact or fiction
your light was too beautiful 
I got to close enveloped by night

cus picture-perfect yeah im not worth it
ya point at my flaws and then ya say it’s not working
fucking my best friends yeah you would
they’re a replacement and im not chasing you

yeah 6 years down the drain what point of that yeah it was such a waste
watch the best of you just die in front of me, sick to my stomach yeah im not coping

shit out of luck back then yeah shit out of friends back then yeah
putting on fake masks tryna pretend that they’re so close to me so close to me
I know im replaceable, found out the hard way found out the best way
when they try to stab in the front with the drugs six shots down cant replace it cant just fix it

cus only had one best friend back then and he’s gone,  
hope he’s in a better place but he’s not
he’s breathing but he’s not alive
fucked up on drugs yeah he’s just lost

one reason true, and now we’re through
the person I blame is still  you
I don’t even know how I made it out alive man

NO LUCK

Im lost in the way where I don’t care 
fading now I zone in and out
I zone in and out 
theirs no forgiveness in this hell

my vision gets blurred when I look down, 
im sitting on this edge as my mind fills with doubt
my mind fills with doubt
in this hell, I know im alone

my mother gets scared ye she calls me
always wondering if im home
yeah im always home
I just  don’t wanna make you cry

im losing track of medication
is what I see real is it all in my head
is it all in my head
it circles back it starts again

HOW TO STOP CARING

you’re going out of your way to put me down
yeah im used to it, hateful comments always surrounding my emotions
im always looking for the ways you come around
try to fix my mental state when you say it’s intact but I know that its

my sorrow that’s just repeating the cycle
when you hook your string into my back and try to hang me up like a puppet
my  emotions got me confused, like why am I looking for you
the only thing I gained from this is depression

so what do you say you want
you have a tendency to want to cut me down all again
this was a mistake cus you’re gone
your so predictable when you come looking for more

skinny piece of shit what do you want from me
i have these dire scenes flash in front of me it’s just so disappointing
to always be left on hold when I wanna call
truth be told it doesn’t matter anymore just hang me up with the cord


drug-addicted piece of shit yeah that’s what I am
I can’t begin to fabricate the emptiness within so ill just pretend
that im not a burden to my family, 
obviously, my mother doesn’t think so but you know its really true
 
cus I filled the psychiatrist’s pockets with empty money
to put a debt on my family so I could be happy
but you know some things never really go to plan,  
cus our family fell apart, it fucked me up from the start

for a year a half I was fucking homeless, 
living on my nans’ couch yeah this family’s broken
yeah my mother was in hospital, I didn’t know how to discard
the anger I found in me, it’s tearing at the seems

TENDANCIES

its temporal shift in my mindstate you’re late
im trying to debate if im worth it, I hate me
cus you wanna block me out on the daily
im come to the conclusion it’s my fault lately

your eyes now water down to your cheekbones
its a hollow heart and an empty crosshair
your bones start to crack at the pressure
when you realize that you’re alone

medicate fuck me up in a new way
disappointed yea im left in the ashtray
you know me, im that kid whos forgettable
you did something that’s so unforgivable

hesitate, kick me out in the alleyway
winters coming and im lost in the picture frame
prescription ghost, you lost your place in her heart again
WHAT DO I DO NOW

cus I don’t want to be alone
yeah im crush down, im crushed down
your burning at the ends of my soul
cus it hurts now it hurts now

sinking down into the worst of days
didn’t make sense how I ended this way
sick to my stomach yeah
I can’t bear to look at myself anymore

my mother says I was always perfect
but I don’t remember the last time I could smile

I'M ONLY TEMPORARY

wake up on the cold floor,
I feel numb, I feel close to death
with bones made of stone, yeah im not getting up
I haven’t got the strength to call and say I’ve had enough

of this bullshit that you wanna put me through, wanna put me through
wanna push me down because you hate me too, its always you
singing my name our clearly, with depression embracing me
my eyes are getting blurry Im thinking I just need sleep

yeah so wake up when you feel like your coping
wake me up when theirs no one left to love you anymore
cus you know it’s easy to throw me away

im used to it
im getting used to it
just take me apart at the spine
let me just fly away

I don’t wanna be in pain anymore
memories of your body lifeless on the floor
they always, seem to come back seem to come back
I wish I wasn’t in love

you find me at the edge of the road
I’ve given up, shits fucked, yeah im here on my own
im losing control again
im losing control again

so when will I be normal can you let me know
im screaming out your name but I know you never show
im losing control again
I wish you could speak again

bite me on the lip and push me back
you’re always finding ways to pull at my skin theirs so much tension
between us, you’re so careless,
callouses are building up on my emotions just so I can’t feel a thing

yeah I need to shed my skin, but your hooks are deep within
every song I write is still about you and I hate myself for it
cus all I do is hurt other people
I try my best to move on but it never seems to work

IF ONLY YOU COULD SPEAK

yeah. 

yeah punched in the cheek, spitting out blood weak
yeah my brothers so concerned that I don’t get sleep
yeah these doctors try to get me on the medication, sedation 
I don’t feel like I am who I am, yeah im sitting in my skull

Gucci belt on my waist yeah, 
flipping on the acws do you hate me
why you gotta ask questions that you know the answer too
always talking back with an annoying attitude

feel your fingers on the side of my neck, your clenching tighter
sinking down into an awful place, I think I found hell
waking up in alleyways, I don’t know where I am yeah
knocked in the back of the head, im losing my time just to stress

you’re peeling back my scalp will you save me, I don’t think so
will you take my hand and pull me up, just give me hope
you wanna say that it’s all in my head you think I didn’t know
im the one who put myself here so hang me from this rope

so drag me out, new ice on my wrist yeah, 
don’t feel nothing yeah my exes talk shit yeah
you pull me under, my eyes start to glow
go hard in the smoke, new Gucci on my hoe

left right to the face yeah you end up on the ground
go cry to another cus your girls mine now
im a sad little shit, im giving no fucks now
stay high on the track, yeah I don’t come down

lost in the sheets of yesterday, 
got a new girl in my bed yeah im not ok
have another sip of this lean and ill fade away
push myself into the background where im cast astray

you know that im just a wallflower, I flutter in the room
nop one ever sees me so im never getting used
got my real crew, real friends, right out by the door
wanna talk some more shit yeah ill knock you on the floor

yeah I lost a lot of faith in myself in the one-two one
mental illness still plagues me but I have won
yeah my numbers coming up on a new day a new way
you ain’t got the guts to put me down anymore so don’t stay

your choking on the words that you couldn’t say but I have some
I don’t wanna hear your name anymore so  get lost
Every day’s slowly getting better gotta keep on that track
gotta keep my head straight yeah im never gonna slack

ANNOY

INTERLUDE

yeah so thank you I watch you leave all again
you know I hate you, yeah you don’t understand
oh yeah so thank you, you push me down all again
you know I hate you when things get so out of hand

Yeah yeah 

im that kid that didn’t learn shit yeah
emotionally stunted from my ex bitch yeah
always hitting me up on the flip phone yeah
got me back on the drugs I didn’t want to be like this

cus your teeth are putting pressure outside my neck
I feel like my throat is closing up
your eyes are burning deeply straight through my skin
when I see you  im frozen up

I don’t even remember much of our time together
but it still comes back to me in my sleep
cus I still feel like im drowning in my sheets
Every day I feel like im getting more weak

an empty void where you said you’d let go
cus theirs nothing like your love
its the only one I’ve ever known
im not ok, im so fatigued.

you stretch the skin off my bones
im just an empty vessel you call home

yeah cus im so use to it, so sick of it
yeah im just plagued by anxiety and depression
cus im not coping not hoping anymore
I know you’ll come back to take me apart

GECKO

Self produced / Sad  

CONTACT: RIVILINAU@GMAIL.COM

TENDANCIES

Rivilin

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Okuri Ookami

PsykoBlood

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