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it's a shame, that's all it ever was

lyrics/vocals by me + @chris-943209483
produced/mixed/mastered by me


lyrics:

[sadfem]
no one really wants to talk to me
i wish that my mum aborted me
i’m bored of me, helpless
agoraphobic and alone
most of my quote unquote friends abandon me
before they even hang with me
i guess they’re too busy to answer me
cause they’ve got lives of their own
i wish they’d tell me it’s not me
even if it’s not honesty
understandably they’ve forgotten me
i think i’ll die alone
give me yourself on a silver platter
or stop telling me to pretend that i matter
if i was worthy of love i would have it
i am a problem without a right answer
and i’m so above thinking that there’s a point to any of this
you’re so basic if you wanna live
so spare me your platitudes
if that’s all that you can give

[chris agony]
lonesome, fifth floor
i got nothing to live for
all the things i did for
no return, i give more
all year i've been bored
no sunshine, just rain
drowning by myself
at the bottom of this drain
i dream of better days
wishing for a better way
no guidance and my life is
going down with my rage
i'm always moving aimless
i got nowhere to go
i throw a pity party
in the comfort of my home

[sadfem]
most of my quote unquote friends abandon me
before they even hang with me
i guess they’re too busy to answer me
cause they’ve got lives of their own
i wish they’d tell me it’s not me
even if it’s not honesty
understandably they’ve forgotten me
i think i’ll die alone
give me yourself on a silver platter
or stop telling me to pretend that i matter
if i was worthy of love i would have it
i am a problem without a right answer
if i die, you will get on with your life
replace me in the blink of an eye
and i get it
there’s no need to lie

[chris agony]
i'll die alone
with no one to hold
i walk this path
all on my own
and when it gets cold
i'd like to remind you
i'm watching from afar
in the shadow behind you
rejection is a close friend
leaving me hurting
self-harm scars
got me feeling so worthless
forgotten and abandoned
when i needed a hand
my heart won't last
i'm not standing a chance

self-pity party [+ chris agony]

i lacked the will to be what you wanted
wish it could be helped that my growth was stunted
emotions no longer seem so blunted
now that you don’t miss me like you once did

now you don't miss me like you once did...

and what we used to share is tainted
still lament that my affection faded
i couldn’t place on what to blame it
and i can’t leave my bed now that i’ve made it

can't leave my bed now that i've made it...

skin hunger (what u wanted)

i don’t want your love baby i just want your charity
give me all of you and i’ll give you all of my apathy
should i prioritise dignity or transparency?
my mouth was too weak to bite down on what you handed me
wish you’d answer me as fast as you used to
guess that’s what i get for how i used you
love her already? well fuck, i thought i knew you
but it’s cool, misery business as usual

you’re not mine, it’s just fine, i don’t mind
i guess emotions just couldn’t be in the right place at the time
no really, it’s fine
i swear i only think about you like 99% of the time

i don’t go outside much
it feels like my time’s up
i don’t really cry much
emotionally out of touch
starved of the physical
can’t believe the spiritual
just need a miracle
to help me make my mind up
i don’t think i’ll die but
i do in all my daydreams
i know i’m a whiner
but can you really blame me
and can you please save me
before i make you hate me
almost as much as i

you’re not mine, it’s just fine, i don’t mind
i guess emotions just couldn’t be in place at the right time
no really, it’s fine
i swear i only think about you like 99% of the time

you were my calling from the heavens above
i’m sorry sorry could never be enough
last time you said you loved me what did you mean?
who knew the other side could be so green...

Video

rly, it's fine

little things
wrapped up in plastic
tucked into jackets
and then brought home
little queen
of your apartment
always so crowded
never alone

i used to hope life would consist
of a million nights like this
i'm afraid, i'm afraid, i'm afraid
that they will never stop

little things
that never get filmed
that never sit still
that never stay
you and me
we always thought this
would be so perfect
it's just okay

i used to hope life would consist
of a million nights like this
i'm afraid, i'm afraid, i'm afraid
that they will never stop
the things that used to feel like bliss
honestly just now feel like shit
it's a waste, it's a waste, it's a waste
that's all it ever was

little old routines
you keep repeating
without thinking
like a machine
little things
about the mirror
you never notice
until it's clean

i used to hope life would consist
of a million nights like this
i'm afraid, i'm afraid, i'm afraid
that they will never stop
and if tonight was the last time
i don't even think i'd mind
it's a shame, it's a shame, it's a shame
that's all it ever was

little things [elite gymnastics cover]

i don’t want to starve myself
but i don’t have an appetite lately
you worry for my health
but it’s okay, you couldn’t save me
i don’t see my ideation
as a flaw and you can’t make me
therapy is just reflection
i’m not sure if it can change me

get so apathetic when i get what i need, yeah
it’s so hard to tell what’s a bug and a feature
who could ever love me for my reality as
they see me lose the strength to repress my weakness

they move along and i’m left alone
still afraid to leave my home
i can stay calm about it so
no alarms or surprises though
i wish that things were different
i lack the drive to ever overcome my indecision
never given reason to have hope

but if i had it, who would i be
without misery for company
how am i to feel like me
without the only emotion i truly know

ideation

@plasticgirl1 ft @yungster_jack prod @lockage

rezlaine - vampire sex (ft. yungster jack) [[HOSTED BY INFINITY INDUSTRIES]

lyrics/vocals: me + @brynnmiche
production/mixing/mastering: me
sample: Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise

lyrics:

[sadfem]
months spent wishing you would take me back
wallow in my hell
indefinitely dwell
on love you gave me when i couldn’t give it back
i couldn’t give it back
i couldn’t love you
so you moved on and it made me sad
quit caring for myself
realised what i felt
when it was too late and you couldn’t love me back
you couldn’t love me back
i’m not enough to

[brynn </3]
never sleep, never eat
i always feel so incomplete
without you here by my side
things just never come out right
please come home, i am alone
i just want you for my own
when i have you, you'll have me
can't you see we're meant to be?
i'm not very good to myself
or to my body
this body that
you have given me
i don't take very good care of myself
and i absolutely refuse
to ever ask
anyone for help

[brynn </3 + sadfem]
never sleep, never eat
i always feel so incomplete
without you here by my side
things just never come out right
please come home, i am alone
i just want you for my own
when i have you, you'll have me
can't you see we're meant to be?
if it's meant to be
it'll come back
if it's meant to be, ooh no
it'll come back
ain't no time like now
don't live in the past
baby don't hurt yourself
tryna make good times last

unfollow ur heart [+ brynn </3]

prod me + @snowworlddog

i just woke up and u werent there
id do anything to get u outta my hair
i cant stop thinking bout u its so unfair, its so unfair
its so unfair

you were never there
make another song to show u how much that i care
im still paranoid
i know that youll leave
pls dont change my mind just let me rot away and bleed

you dont even kno me
fuck it ima od
wish u never chose me

u shld never trust me
energy so ugly
why the fuck you love me
i cant give you anything

its always a mystery
playing all my cards until the deck is out of everything
its always more misery
from here until i die my futures just another history

its so unfair :/ (+cg)

Rip Me To Pieces (@fumiko)

@aclub

vox - @kiryoo
prod - @kiryoo
engineering - @hate_drue
artwork - @m0ch1

lyrics: 

@kiryoo

taking ketamine
cant get ahead of me
big ass Glock in the backseat
fuck the cash
i just want it all fuck it all
i just wanna fall
imma fkin witch
flying around the mall
im so high touch the sky
drop it down drop it on the fkin floor
u cant fw me
bitch go try to up your score
ouu ahhh ouuu ahhhhh
like haaa smoking za
touch the sky
falling in a hole
dragging me to hell
i got demons pulling
on my skin o well its so bad
I cant make it back pls help me god i stg ill pay u back

ketamine (prod kiryo)

Scared_3_2nd_edition_scared_354t.flac with cg

w/ @snowworlddog prod @s1ninja

i met some creatures they dont talk to me
i found some secrets they dont make sense to me
walkin thru the doors i dunno where they lead 
do i make sense or is it just a dream?

i met some creatures they dont talk to me
i found some secrets they dont make sense to me
walkin thru the doors i dunno where they lead 
do i make sense or is it just a dream?

i dont care if its real or fake
pop it anyways i dont care ima break
put me on the calendar we goin on a date
im the one who said it ill still show up late

goin down the waterfall
im falling
like an angel they just keep calling
dont text me i cant even lock in
i dont got a username i forgot my login

its so simple 
but im retarded
i forget everything when im with charlotte
lookin on my wrist and im seein stars
every single day im doubtin if im goin far

pop a green bus ion care abt nun
am i of the moon or is it the sun
how many years has it been
its been seven
since i lost my mind, ion go to heaven

jesus loves my opps, i think thats chill
forgive me for my sins, ur my favorite kill
i spent so much time thinkin fakes were real
everything inside your soul is what is truly real

Baby u th right 1
If i die 2day wld u type doves
N those ppl lie 2u U 2 hyped up
Shit was gone in a snap lik a nikon
Fuck dat
If u my brother then im gon ride
Rest in peace 2 Nate rest in peace 2 every1 tht died
I jus seald my fate
I jus seald my fate yuh
If u need a [?} then ima take ya
Ya im seein stars outside ima hide my face yuh
Fuck th [?] We lockd in lik a brace yuh

kingdom hearts w/ cg (S1NINJA)

i hate everyone and myself

16seconds

Rezlaine - bleghhh w/ glitterthroat (avast)

discord girlfriend v2 ft bvrdenCR

natural born loser who makes electronica that integrates varying amounts of ambient, wave, dnb, breakcore, bedroom pop, trip-hop, digicore, and whatever else it could be labelled, underpinned by a distinct ear for melody, melancholy, and dreamlike atmosphere.

i also offer affordable mixing/mastering! my prices:
£15/single
£45/EP
£75/album

little things [elite gymnastics cover]

sadfem

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