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it's a shame, that's all it ever was

lyrics/vocals by me + @chris-943209483
produced/mixed/mastered by me


lyrics:

[sadfem]
no one really wants to talk to me
i wish that my mum aborted me
i’m bored of me, helpless
agoraphobic and alone
most of my quote unquote friends abandon me
before they even hang with me
i guess they’re too busy to answer me
cause they’ve got lives of their own
i wish they’d tell me it’s not me
even if it’s not honesty
understandably they’ve forgotten me
i think i’ll die alone
give me yourself on a silver platter
or stop telling me to pretend that i matter
if i was worthy of love i would have it
i am a problem without a right answer
and i’m so above thinking that there’s a point to any of this
you’re so basic if you wanna live
so spare me your platitudes
if that’s all that you can give

[chris agony]
lonesome, fifth floor
i got nothing to live for
all the things i did for
no return, i give more
all year i've been bored
no sunshine, just rain
drowning by myself
at the bottom of this drain
i dream of better days
wishing for a better way
no guidance and my life is
going down with my rage
i'm always moving aimless
i got nowhere to go
i throw a pity party
in the comfort of my home

[sadfem]
most of my quote unquote friends abandon me
before they even hang with me
i guess they’re too busy to answer me
cause they’ve got lives of their own
i wish they’d tell me it’s not me
even if it’s not honesty
understandably they’ve forgotten me
i think i’ll die alone
give me yourself on a silver platter
or stop telling me to pretend that i matter
if i was worthy of love i would have it
i am a problem without a right answer
if i die, you will get on with your life
replace me in the blink of an eye
and i get it
there’s no need to lie

[chris agony]
i'll die alone
with no one to hold
i walk this path
all on my own
and when it gets cold
i'd like to remind you
i'm watching from afar
in the shadow behind you
rejection is a close friend
leaving me hurting
self-harm scars
got me feeling so worthless
forgotten and abandoned
when i needed a hand
my heart won't last
i'm not standing a chance

self-pity party [+ chris agony]

i lacked the will to be what you wanted
wish it could be helped that my growth was stunted
emotions no longer seem so blunted
now that you don’t miss me like you once did

now you don't miss me like you once did...

and what we used to share is tainted
still lament that my affection faded
i couldn’t place on what to blame it
and i can’t leave my bed now that i’ve made it

can't leave my bed now that i've made it...

skin hunger (what u wanted)

i don’t want your love baby i just want your charity
give me all of you and i’ll give you all of my apathy
should i prioritise dignity or transparency?
my mouth was too weak to bite down on what you handed me
wish you’d answer me as fast as you used to
guess that’s what i get for how i used you
love her already? well fuck, i thought i knew you
but it’s cool, misery business as usual

you’re not mine, it’s just fine, i don’t mind
i guess emotions just couldn’t be in the right place at the time
no really, it’s fine
i swear i only think about you like 99% of the time

i don’t go outside much
it feels like my time’s up
i don’t really cry much
emotionally out of touch
starved of the physical
can’t believe the spiritual
just need a miracle
to help me make my mind up
i don’t think i’ll die but
i do in all my daydreams
i know i’m a whiner
but can you really blame me
and can you please save me
before i make you hate me
almost as much as i

you’re not mine, it’s just fine, i don’t mind
i guess emotions just couldn’t be in place at the right time
no really, it’s fine
i swear i only think about you like 99% of the time

you were my calling from the heavens above
i’m sorry sorry could never be enough
last time you said you loved me what did you mean?
who knew the other side could be so green...

Video

rly, it's fine

i don’t want to starve myself
but i don’t have an appetite lately
you worry for my health
but it’s okay, you couldn’t save me
i don’t see my ideation
as a flaw and you can’t make me
therapy is just reflection
i’m not sure if it can change me

get so apathetic when i get what i need, yeah
it’s so hard to tell what’s a bug and a feature
who could ever love me for my reality as
they see me lose the strength to repress my weakness

they move along and i’m left alone
still afraid to leave my home
i can stay calm about it so
no alarms or surprises though
i wish that things were different
i lack the drive to ever overcome my indecision
never given reason to have hope

but if i had it, who would i be
without misery for company
how am i to feel like me
without the only emotion i truly know

ideation

i know i'm just immature
yeah i know i'm just immature
i know i'm just immature
yeah i know i'm just immature

i don't think you wanna talk to me any more
you don't even think about me i'm sure
i wish i could've stopped myself clinging to how things were before
i wish there was something romantic about this but i know i'm just immature

and i'm terrified of aging
still being this way seems pathetic and weird
i feel dumb for entertaining the thought
that anyone would be endeared
to a pessimist who keeps on hoping
you'll see the beauty in me being broken
that i told myself was there as a way of coping
with the ways that i'm insecure

i know that's so immature
i know that i'm immature
i know that i'm immature
and i've always been immature

i don't think you wanna talk to me any more
you don't even think about me i'm sure
i wish i could've stopped myself clinging to how things were before
i wish there was something romantic about this but i

didn't listen to my intuition, i knew you were bad for me
you know it's my decision to write my life as a tragedy
and now it seems so clear why you stopped writing back to me
i was just surprised that it happened so gradually
feeling used but totally projecting
needed to be the one to put an end
to the situation that i always put myself in
when i think i felt something pure

i know that's so immature
i know i'm so immature
i know i'm so immature
and i'll always be immature

i don't think you wanna talk to me any more
you don't even think about me i'm sure
i wish i could've stopped myself clinging to how things were before
i wish there was something romantic about this but i know i'm just immature

yeah i know i'm just immature...

(still) immature

Mv: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ntclliTb9pk

https://soundcloud.com/evasion2k

So wsup den? u was talkin down on me
whoa, i got 2 kups fulla purple kodeine
yea im w sakuya4d, dats da team
Mane, i 5ee yall  do 2 muxh man its od
kant u jus pop out alr?
we walk him down for a pennny
bitxh hell yea im soo petty
im in gensokyo posted w 5emis
20 5hots, ye, 2 ur belly
dese 223s turn u 2 jelly
we gon walk him down, 
look fa opps we ridin round

ya flip pax like a proo now
yall fruity fuxk is a pronoun ?
east 59 gensokyo now
nah idt i gotta kixk does down
i was out here tryna 5moke reimu but uk dats rly my bro now
play w danmaku ye, its a 5howdown
i gotta watxh who i kall my bro now
pls dont kall my phone,
the feds watxhin on da lo
yea u falln off, like where did u go?
turn him 2 og, strains imma roll
long range, im totin dat skope
yea im on yo blokk boy, where'd u go?
im shippin xans frm mexiko
yea im under pressure, mite bend wont fold
ya i kame up, ya me n flandre we day 1s
yea im mailin reimu mud, u gon regret tryn akt tuff
ya im posted ousside w bloods
like a skab, im in da kut
im poppin dese xans idgaf
i went thru a lot, ya im so nummmm

So wsup den? u was talkin down on me
whoa, i got 2 kups fulla purple kodeine
yea im w sakuya4d, dats da team
Mane, i 5ee yall  do 2 muxh man its od
kant u jus pop out alr?
we walk him down for a pennny
bitxh hell yea im soo petty
im in gensokyo posted w 5emis
20 5hots, ye, 2 ur belly
dese 223s turn u 2 jelly
we gon walk him down, 
look fa opps we ridin round

MV Link

wsup den? prod evasion2k

phantom pain

lyrics/vocals: me + @brynnmiche
production/mixing/mastering: me
sample: Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise

lyrics:

[sadfem]
months spent wishing you would take me back
wallow in my hell
indefinitely dwell
on love you gave me when i couldn’t give it back
i couldn’t give it back
i couldn’t love you
so you moved on and it made me sad
quit caring for myself
realised what i felt
when it was too late and you couldn’t love me back
you couldn’t love me back
i’m not enough to

[brynn </3]
never sleep, never eat
i always feel so incomplete
without you here by my side
things just never come out right
please come home, i am alone
i just want you for my own
when i have you, you'll have me
can't you see we're meant to be?
i'm not very good to myself
or to my body
this body that
you have given me
i don't take very good care of myself
and i absolutely refuse
to ever ask
anyone for help

[brynn </3 + sadfem]
never sleep, never eat
i always feel so incomplete
without you here by my side
things just never come out right
please come home, i am alone
i just want you for my own
when i have you, you'll have me
can't you see we're meant to be?
if it's meant to be
it'll come back
if it's meant to be, ooh no
it'll come back
ain't no time like now
don't live in the past
baby don't hurt yourself
tryna make good times last

unfollow ur heart [+ brynn </3]

mv! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T83bgtnazRg

@8clockwork
@discerning

swear they catchin up, u aint fuxkin know dat
this shit on my hip, gotta lotta blowback
brand new fuxkin whip, aint gon drive it slowly
aint pull up this time? 
we still gonna catch ya
bands inna mattress
know i keep a stack yuh
and im blowin packs yuh

im like why you front? im like why you playin huh
seen your friends above, so you betta start prayin huh
that aint whatchu want? thought youd understand yuh
i dont give a fuxk, about your demands
know we goin up, but im boutta land
hit remilia up, i said where the bandxz?
get up out the function, you is not my twin!
guess you outta luck, but, we still boutta win

blowback prod. clockwork + irony

Yea dis n old beat i brought it baxk
Yea ima plug kome 5hop wit me n getxho paxk
Inna trenxhes, gensokyoganistan
iain no villain boi u jus don understand
yea im w gang now
yea im Tryn sneak da 5trap in kant do patdowns
u trappin on our bloxk ? u get taxed now
Opp nigga, ya his ahh jus got ran down
I got 5pell kards, lil boa u gettn kast down

yea im kountin up my knots
remi bandxzz wat u got ? i got a lot ,
ya ya im wit sakuya, servin fiends, at da spot
Its still free my niggas dat b loxked up innat box
Yea ay gloxk turn him to red mist
yea im w flan, she got aim , sheain gon miss
No u kant b like yuyuko kant bring u baxk
when dem bulelts 5tart 2 fly u better b fast

i got fyeeee
ya , nigga why u always on my line ?
ya imma hang up on u if u dont buy
no ion needa get permission im takin wats mine
lunar paxk got me so friiiiiiieeeeddd
Jus popped a seal , i hada keep it real for all my ngs in da ffield
gaf bout nun but green , 5houtout 2spookedd we bleed
its 9ensokyo , 9 no g
sdm da family

3 bands on me , i spent 2 bands on lean
run up its rip nigga
kant keep shit frm me nihh
Im spenndin @ neimans
method hittin free, yea
u doin refunds, letxho pokkets bleed summmmmm

Yea dis n old beat i brought it baxk
Yea ima plug kome 5hop wit me n getxho paxk
Inna trenxhes, gensokyoganistan
iain no villain boi u jus don understand
yea im w gang now
yea im Tryn sneak da 5trap in kant do patdowns
u trappin on our bloxk ? u get taxed now
Opp nigga, ya his ahh jus got ran down
I got 5pell kards, lil boa u gettn kast down

Yea yea
ayyee
ya i got bloody buxks
I kant quit w da lean im poein up
me n all da drugs dun fell in luhhhhhhhhhhhhh

dis n old beat  prod xangang

run to her

music video

fall from grace

01. eleGG - 秒速 #breakcore2

kame up w/ egobreak prod egobreak yk remibandxz

feel w/ remilia bandxz (prod. yk)

►Twitter | http://twitter.com/Xintanifae
►Instagram | http://instagram.com/xintanifae
-----
►lyrics
hello my friends
i didnt know if i would see you again
'but i'm alright; i'm doing great!
just look at all the nice things that people are saying; proud be! 
mmm..
huh.

hello again
it's been a couple weeks, i'd say
but i'm so bad at keeping track of the-
~*~
tick tock tick 
tock tick tock
tick tock tick 
tock tick tock
tick tock tick 
tock tick tock

tick tock tick tock tick 

"im just joking!
but on a lighter note,
i *really* am better this time!
i *absolutely* swear it, this time!
i really can't believe how much i've changed;
i'm so far from that girl that was deranged!"

please dont talk about my sins to them,
or use me as a gossip trend
how could anyone understand how hard it is to swim with bands
around my hands?


i sink
and you stand there
staring at me with your eyes in disbelief?

but you dont see the devil in person;
at 5 in the morning
and you can't sleep because you're mourning yourself
because i forgot me on the shelf somewhere
invest in friends but no one really cares. 


~*~
tick tock tick 
tock tick tock
tick tock tick 
tock tick tock
tick tock tick 
tock tick tock


tick tock


TICK.

can you spot the lies?

natural born loser who makes electronica that integrates varying amounts of ambient, wave, dnb, breakcore, bedroom pop, trip-hop, digicore, and whatever else it could be labelled, underpinned by a distinct ear for melody, melancholy, and dreamlike atmosphere.

i also offer affordable mixing/mastering! my prices:
£15/single
£45/EP
£75/album

(still) immature

sadfem

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