(My mind is a garden of possibilities
And I cultivate thoughts that bloom into success
My mind is a garden of possibilities
And I cultivate thoughts that bloom into success
My mind is a garden of possibilities
And I cultivate thoughts that bloom into success
My mind is a garden of possibilities
And I cultivate thoughts that bloom into success)

I am a shining star of possiblities
I am a magnet for success and good vibes
I am the CEO of my wildest dreams
And business is boomin'

Even when times are tough
I will always be enough
Sticks and stones may break my bones
But even then I won't lose hope

Seven AM I make my kale smoothie
Go up to the bathroom mirror
And I say

??? (Shovelfaxce forgot the lyrics here)
???
I radiate positivity
I'm choosing joy over grumpiness

??? (Here too...)
???
???
???

(Shoutout to Eckhart Tolle
He wrote that book I like
"The Power of Now")

Shawty likes that I'm working on myself
Shawty likes that I'm manifesting joy

Shovelfaxce's Daily Affirmations

My ship cruisin'
Yo ship capsizin'
Many a lonesome night at sea
My horn ain't been tooted
For many a month
Call me nautical Miles Davis
The way my balls are kind of blue

Shoutout to universal healthcare
Shoutout to kale smoothies
Shoutout to Fatuous Rump, the band
Reverse shoutout to O.B.L
Osama Bin Laden
Shoutout to stepping out
Of your comfort zone
It ain't an easy thing to do
Shoutout to calisthenics
More on that later
Shoutout to Rikard Jansson from Regurgitate
I wonder what he's up to nowadays
Shoutout to anyone patient enough
To grow a bonsai tree

She got me neglecting
My engine room duties
She got me proclaimin'
Shiver me timbers, man

My ship cruisin'
Yo ship be capsizin'
On the seven seas

Nautical Miles Davis

(So now I'm gonna have my first
Virgin taste of this
And I'm very excited...)

(...mmm)

Fusarium Oxysporum
You took our Gros Michels
Them Cavendish
Don't hit the spot
Junk 'nanas
They peels too thin

Big Mike has a higher concentration
Of isoamyl acetate
The ester commonly used
For banana food flavoring
Than the Cavendish

Isoamyl acetate
Hell yeah

The physical properties
Of the Gros Michel
Make it an excellent export produce
It's thick peel
Makes it resilient to bruising
During transport

Gros Michel is a triple cultivar
Of the wild banana
Musa Acuminata
Belonging to the triple A group

This article
Will wake you up
(Look up Kovács et. al.)
"Expression of a
Rice chitanese gene
In transgenic banana
(Gros Michel, triple A genome group)
Confers resistance
To black leaf streak disease"

Black leaf streak disease

Biggy Mikey
We ain't gon' ever forget

(And it is better
It's got a more robust taste
Tastes more, like a
Like a banana)

The Ballad Of Big Mike And The Panama Disease

Who the hell is Sharif
And why don't he like it
And also
What is it that he don't like

Could it be Marmaduke?
Or could it be The Notebook

Mark my words
You wretched fools
We ain't be leavin'
No mo-fuckin' casbah unrocked

Slamba Intermezzo

Ok, so hear me out
Somehow we received
A time machine
The deets are kinda blurry

Hey, but nonetheless
Adventure time!

We packed our respective portmanteaus
With sports bars aplenty

Naturally we wanted to see some shit
Shit that's real dope
So we ventured
Back in time to visit
The cretaceous period, nice

We saw a pachyceph'
Shit was bitchin'
Knocked me right offa my feet

Then we went
To nazi germany
We tried to kill Hitler
But instead we made it
So much worse than it would have been
Oopsie daisy
We got the hell out of there

Fast-forward to Stockholm 1986
We saw
Whodunnit
Killed Palme
It was (indistinguishable)

Holy smokes
We're out of sports bars!

Pit stop in present day
To refill our stock
Then go to the future

We found ourselves in
In 2030
Our hunnid-song record
Had gone platinum
Oh well, nevertheless
Dude, we better
Skidaddle further into the fut'

Two-thousand five-hunnid
Kiss on their hunnid-fiddieth
Farewell tour
Half-life 3 is still not released

Oh shit, our quantum-drive core's
Gone short circuited
How we gon' get out
This situation?

To be continued
On song fiddy-nine
On the Book of Grind, goodbye

I B Composin' In D While You B Decomposin'

My frequent flyer miles
Are fuckin' rackin' up
Yes, you heard me
They're fuckin' rackin' up

I bought a ticket, a plane ticket
To southern Djibouti
Call me Ismaïl Omar Guelleh
The way I rule ya booty
I bought a sandwich, a tiny sandwich
That cost a fortune
At the local airport
Them tiny sandwiches costin' fortunes

Plane crash
(There was an engine failure)
Life vest
(Assist your child before yourself)
Smooth land
(The pilot handled it well)
He's really competent

Floatin'
(I got that buoyancy)
See land
(Or do my eyes deceive me?)
Bornholm
(It seems I've landed in hell)
Oh no, hostile land

Denmark, only place
Where them pigs outnumber peeps
They may be known across the continent
For their quality bacon

Albeit tasty, their use of antibiotics
Exceeds that of Sweden's
By 3.8 times

We
Must
Work
Against
Antibiotic resistance

Washed up
(On this godforsaken shore)
Panic
(Can't let them Danes get me)
War drums
(This is a battlefield)
Danes comin'
Enemy spotted they're coming to take me to

Århus
(That's where they keep their prisoners)
Dungeons
(It's really cold down there)
Mistreat
(They 'bout to feed me only)
Rødgrød med fløde

Ugh

I bought a ticket, a plane ticket
To southern Djibouti
Ended up in Denmark
Damn, I wish I was all up in 'bouti
I wanted sandwich but instead
They fed me Æbleskiver

Æbleskiver is wack

Can you hear that bacon sizzle
To the sound of Danish war drums
They're closing in

Ugh

History repeats
Tb to way back in '08
I'm talkin' 1808 to 1809
When our neighbors done ganged up on us
Uncool

Damn, I Wish I Was In Djibouti Rn

On a charter 'cation
Up in Transyl-V
Checkin' out them castles
Learnin' they history

Shawty alert!
Scrump

What's your name, hun?
Cloaky D, huh?
Call her Vlad
The way she impale my heart

Weeks pass
Shawty be takin' her
Sweet time to answer my
Vulnerable DM's
It looks like

She done gone ghost
Shawty gone ghost
She done gone ghost
Shawty gone ghost

(She took my heart)
She done gone ghost
(Tore it apart)
Shawty gone ghost
(I'm such a fool)
I done got played
(My true love)
Shawty gone ghost

Call me Dracula
The way I'm countin' hunnies
My hunny count exceeds
That of the Hunnic Empire of

Three to four hunnid AD but
But no one compares to Cloaky D

She done gone ghost
Shawty gone ghost
She done gone ghost
Shawty gone

Ghost (She Done Gone)

A little bit of Persephone
In my life
A little bit of Mephistopheles
By my side

Lou B
Why be stealin' my boo?
Wasn't Erica and Rita
Enough for you?

Hot Topic in a rural setting
I was browsing merch
Goth baddie in a Carcass hoodie
I just knew she had a farmer's tan
Had a farmer's tan

Goth
GF
She a tractor driver
I'll do the plowing here

Lo and behold, acres of farm
Shorty got an impressive barn
She be doin' agriculture
Imma go and try indulge her

Nice bananas
Are they of your labour?
Them fruits

(Gros Michel, often translated
and known as Big Mike
was until the 1950's
the main variety grown)

Ominous sound of a riding mower
In the distance

Gros Michel in hand
Louie B
Rides off with my girl

Mambo No. 666 (A Little Bit Ov...)

Decant the amarone, darling
We used to bump them in my
Ford Taurus back in '22
When you where
Still a grindcore shawty
You showed me Pass The Dad
And Savory John and
Carrot Blaster
Yeah
(We used to slip and slide)
And to this day
We be still
Slippin' and a' slidin'
Like never before

Now finally
Two years later
A new record
How we waited

So once again
We'll gather up
Whole family
In silky robes

They're really soft to the touch
Each one in a gender neutral hue

Oh no, somebody has made a mistake
At the record shop, this ain't Shovelfaxce
Somebody put the 2018 record
From Hoobastank, put it right up the wrong sleeve

This was a very unpleasant surprise
Hoobastank hasn't been good since '09
Honey go tuck the kinds in
We gon' spare 'em the trauma
Of hearing the expletives fly

I'm not a perfect person
I'm not a perfect person
But I won't subject my kids
To expletives and butt rock

Hold up!
Hoobastank's new stuff is decent

I was about to let 'em have it
Them doofuses
At the record store
Wait, hold up...?
Is doofuses in plural doofi?
Or something entirely different

Thank you for reigniting the flame
That is good ol' butt rock

Albeit poppy, their new stuff goes hard
I never thought they would make it this far
This album got me feelin' like a million bucks
Slippin' and slidin'
I'm slathered in lard

Family gathered up around the tree
Holiday season, it had me like bree
Decant the amarone, buckle up
'Cause we gon' listen to Hoobie discography

I'm not a perfect person
I'm not a perfect person
But today I got a little more perfect
And the reason is Hoob

Decant The Amarone, Darling. Shovelfaxce Just Dropped

Sweden's most successful Seinfeldcore band

Decant The Amarone, Darling. Shovelfaxce Just Dropped

Shovelfaxce

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