‘And there’s something here perhaps that the body is offering you, something wanting, something, raw, something hurting…. Inviting it to feast at the table, the fullness of this experience, being empathically received in presence, just letting g it be the way it wants to be, allowing it to find it’s own way into its own healing and wholeness all in good time.’
Focusing Courses Autumn 2024 https://www.tickettailor.com/events/focusing
FREE UP TO DATE FOCUSING & MINDFULNESS RECORDING 
https://www.living-presence.co.uk/podcast
How do you approach yourself other than react, attack, freeze, overwhelm, dissociate, the deep grooves of repetition and habit?  Find out how to flourish and thrive.....the focusing way.

‘This is the alchemy that turns ore into gold, carbon into diamonds, pupa into butterflies.  The butterfly of the felt sense knows its own freedom, is unbounded, and natural…..’

‘We are intimately connected, we are all born of stardust and heat form the sun, and from the waters of the mighty oceans and lakes, from the earth, from the space around us. There is innate wisdom in these elements as they combine into animation, into us, just being available to this mystery of the life that runs through  us, how amazing.‘

‘This is the matrix for creativity, healing, flow the fresh edge that knows its own way, that knows its own direction, without restraint, without patterning, expressing itself in the moment spontaneously, playfully even.’

More on Simon and Living Presence: https://www.living-presence.co.uk/

Exquisite Alchemy of Focusing Support Attunements Reflections Exercises

Sunlight warming our skins breathing the warm awareness of Compassionate Presence, earthing and grounding and anchoring into some safety. 

NVC short courses Autumn 2025: https://www.tickettailor.com/events/nonviolentcommunicationnvccoursesandcoaching

Whole-body emerging ….. sensing each other in communing and connection, a togetherness.  Just checking in with your needs, what is important to you this very moment, and checking in with your feelings as an indicator for your needs…. Freedom, learning growth, ease, fun and play, connection, friendship community, space and boundaries, privacy, love and closeness….

Compassionate Presence is the hallmark of NVC and very often, we are dealing with the ‘Jackal’ (unconscious repetitive patterns on autopilot, otherwise known as the inner critic).  They keep repeating themselves ‘You are no good’ etc ……. The Jackal is pretty relentless, and its doing its best to meet your feelings and needs.  Just how do we ‘receive’ the Jackal (the inner critic) that allows for safety and containment avoiding overwhelm and being smothered by emotion, that invites the unmet need, a fresh edge into a new way of behaving and being – wholeness and balance and a way of life that we can live from – this quality of Compassionate Presence.
Meet SImon https://www.living-presence.co.uk/

Nonviolent Communication Longings of the Heart and other Reflections and Meditations

An exploration around what it means to come into relationship with parts of ourselves.  Focusing is about exquisite relationship, it’s about the relational field that we can inhabit fully, but normally, to be fair, we have learned the Cartesian paradigm, of ‘I think therefore I am’ something believes it is fixed, and it lives in its head, something like that. And it’s anchored into thinking as its core identity.  So, Gene Gendlin offered the Focusing paradigm realising that the sensing home, was the heir to meaning, to life itself, to a flourishing quality of living that was not hostage purely to ideas, beliefs and thoughts. So, this is just a quick, how do we meet and greet parts of ourselves how do we say hello to them, in a way that honour them, that can begin the process of healing and forward movement. Well, quire simply, we just pause, in the chaos and movement, its still going to be chaotic and moving, but something in us is a bit stiller. 
This something stiller can sense feet on the earth the body on the seat/settee, and the sensing body can just begin to land in itself more fully, clothing on the skin, breathing in the breathing, whole body breathing, and if you like you can place your hand on your chest or tummy, it sometimes helps. Allowing your body to sense outwards into space, into your room, and beyond up into that sea of stars. We are born of course from that sea of stars, we are stardust, stardust on the edge of its own growth and evolution. The universe with its hand on its chest or tummy, sensing within inviting a gentleness, a care, a warm awareness, and giving what ever is inside here, lots of space to be the way it wants to be to come alongside us if it will let us, to keep it company. It is a something inside of us, some body of experience, clear or not clear. Or not a lot going on, we can welcome that. And if you like, if its ok by it, just offering a little kindly hello, I’m just keeping you company, from the whole of this, and you can find a home in your own unique way I call this Embodied Relational Presence. As we complete, I am not abandoning anything, I can keep close to you if you want me to or give you space, and remaining in presence as we complete, if that works for you.

Compassionate Approach Saying Hello to Vulnerability Within

Letting Things Be the Way They Want to Be
I think, in my own focusing evolution, I’ve changed tack slightly. I’ve shifted my approach to letting things be the way they want to be. Now, it feels more contextual for me. There’s an awareness around it that I didn’t have before.
Recently, I worked through a small bubble of old trauma. Occasionally, it still comes through a little, and the process has been quite interesting—at times, even intense. But yes, in true focusing fashion, when something arises, you receive it, make space for it, and say:
"Hello! There you are! This is it?"
I would like to add something to this principle. I believe we each learn, in our own way, how to relate to different parts of ourselves. It’s not just about passively letting things be the way they want to be; it’s about receiving something fully. It’s an incoming—an incoming experience, an incoming awareness.
Classically, we might push against it, repress it, or freeze. But in focusing, we come into full relationship. Full relationship means being open to receiving, but also open to offering back—a way to be with what arises.
For example, when something turns up, we say: “Hello.” That itself is a response. Over time, I’ve come to understand the subtle dance of receiving fully—letting something be as it wants to be, rather than partially, which can take time.
Sometimes, when past trauma surfaces, I find myself offering it information or inviting it to explore something. This can be done through open questions. You might sit with yourself and say:
"Hello… Oh yes, it’s like that. And now, it’s moving into this… or shifting slightly. It’s becoming less intense… or maybe more intense."
That’s what we do, right? But I think there’s also a more active side of focusing. We can offer something like:
"How would 'all okay' be for you right now?"
"How would 'all okay' begin to be for you in good time?"
"What would bring more ease, peace, or resolution to this part within the whole of you?"
These are gentle, respectful invitations. There’s a practice called dyads that involves listening to these invitations. They’re quite beautiful, and I’d love to explore them more.
This is where my perspective has shifted: I now see that letting things be the way they want to be includes offering. There are caveats to this, of course, and I wouldn’t suggest it lightly. But if a new way of being presents itself, it can be gently offered.
I’ve been experimenting with this and have noticed some interesting shifts. Sometimes, I say:
"I’m inviting you to sense more spaciousness, more ease, more peace right now."
This might be pushing the boundaries of traditional focusing, as it usually doesn’t involve such direct guidance. But I’m playing with it, and I’m finding that it brings fascinating results. I offer this with deep respect and sensitivity because, ultimately, it’s for each individual to explore in their own way.

Letting things Be the way they want to Be reflection

So I was asking you—how do you know when you're moving into a healing mode? And how do you know when you're not?
What's happening inside of you? What's going on in there?
How do you know?
Do you know? 
Because sometimes I say to myself, when there's an edge, when it's a bit challenging: Where's the healing edge in all of this? Is it in the whole thing? All of it? Because I'm not quite sure where it is. So I just ask: Where's the healing edge in all of this?
And I wait, you know.
Sometimes, it comes back and gives me something—maybe a certain shape in the body.
Sometimes, it doesn’t. But it's like—oh, it's like that.
It’s like that in there.
That’s the healing edge. Oh, okay. And then I can say hello to that, right?
So it's an open curiosity rather than an interrogative, pointed question. See what I’m saying?
For me, the question is: Where does the felt sense begin? And where does it end?
And I'm asking you with curiosity—where does the felt sense begin, and where does it end?
Just drop into that. Ask your whole body—what does that mean to it?
Does it begin in the heart area? The tummy? The throat? The face?
And where does it end? Around the shape of the heart? In the torso?
Does it begin in the sternum? Or is it more intense there?
Wherever it might be—does it radiate outward?
Does it end where the feet meet the ground?
Where the body meets the chair, or the bed?
Does it end at the skin, with the sensation of clothing?
Or does it extend to the shape of the room, or even beyond?
Where is it alive?
And if there’s something going on—say, a bird chirping or sunlight on your face—is that part of the felt sense? Or not?
What do you mean by the felt sense?
This is really important when it comes to healing.
Because—what’s the point of it?
I mean, maybe it’s heresy to ask—why do we have a felt sense?
I mean, it’s so mechanistic. But if you did ask, it’d be interesting to see what answer comes back—if anything comes back.
And if it did, it wouldn’t be a definitive answer.
I don’t think it would be. It would probably be quite complex.
Or maybe the answer would come through a gesture, or a sound, a symbol or metaphor
So—is the felt sense static? Or dynamic?
Is it in one place? Or many places?
Can you sense it in the whole experience? Or just in a part of it?
All these curiosities—along with many others—are questions.
And they all relate to the meaning of healing.
Because—well, what is healing?
And how does something know how to offer freshness from the old?
How does it know how to do that—especially with something that’s been stuck for 10 or 20 years?
And then, suddenly—there’s a surprise when you feel that melting into something genuinely different.
There’s a freshness appearing.
Where does that appear in a felt sense?
So—those curiosities.
Yeah. I’m wondering how that lands with you—without coming so much from your head.

.

Tsunami Surfing, Healing, Liberation and the Thrill of the Felt Sense Reflection

Sitting with the Felt Sense
The felt sense comes alive when we sit alongside something and be with it just as it is. This is perhaps the most challenging thing a human can do. On one hand, you don’t want to be with it. On the other, how do you be with it? And what is it, anyway? Many things come up around that. Yet when one entertains it, I believe it can be incredibly inspiring. Something in you will catch it and go, “Right. Okay.” It’s like one’s whole universe potentially shifts. When one is entertained by the felt sense, it's like Lyra, Philip Pullman's character with the subtle knife. She cuts through the air and enters another reality. I think that’s exactly it. The Edge of the Map
There’s a deep sigh of recognition about what’s heard here. It’s continually reminding itself of that, because it’s not a habit. It can’t be. That’s the beauty. It’s on the borderline of habit and non-habit. It’s at the edge of the map. You come to the edge of the map, and then what? It’s freeform. It’s like finding a whole new map. But the map can be different every time. A whole new place. Multi-dimensional. And it can only be a map in retrospect. You can’t have the map to begin with—it’s not there. Map is linear. This is more multi-dimensional. The map runs out, and you look back and go, “Oh, now I have a new map.” You can’t look forward with that map. It’s a new kind of way of being.

Metaphor, Creativity, and the Limit of Language
It’s very nourishing just to chat about it. Something in me gets it. It’s like that. It can only ever be a “like that” from this perspective. In a way, it’s another map—a metaphor or symbol. Like a pair of wings, like a surfboard. I talk about surfing. But maybe you have your own metaphor that fits better. This is where true creativity happens. It’s the place of the artist, the creative to create. And if someone is creating from a map, they’re not truly creating.

Shifting Paradigms
It’s a different paradigm. It’s liberating. I was talking to a friend. I used the phrase "going south." We’re a bit far north—let’s go south. It’s tough. Then they talked about being below the waterline—what’s happening there? We recognize that from different traditions. In a sense, we’re coming to the same point. And then the whole conversation calmed. And it was like—that’s it.

All We Have Is Relationship
Relationship. That’s it. We’re not having a relationship—we are relationship. We are interaction. We’re not having an interaction. The relational field is always alive. When you stop thinking about people as fixable objects—relationship emerges. What brought me into this was wanting a better relationship with my wife. Then I realized I needed a better relationship with what’s going on in here. It turns out all we have is relationship. When you get there—it’s all relationship.

Felt Sense as Portal to Living
The felt sense is a portal into the “thisness” of direct living. You could say direct intuitive living, though intuition can be misunderstood. Korzybski, the Polish semanticist, said “the map is not the territory.” We need maps. But we don’t need to be fooled by them. The left brain is a map. People are fooled because they believe them. They believe dichotomous ways of seeing the world as absolutely true—when they are just maps. Language is a map. A belief is a map. But ultimately, it’s not true.

Perspective and the Limits of Knowing
There’s always another view. My teacher spoke of this: look at the Plough, your favorite constellation. It’s beautiful. But if you called someone on Mars and said, “The Plough’s out, can you see it?” they’d say, “What are you talking about?” From their view, it doesn’t exist. If you go toward it—after 30 billion light years—you’d be inside it, and it wouldn’t look constellated. What we take as real is relative. It’s only real from the perspective of the seer.

End of the Map and Felt Sensing Beyond  - Reflection

The Deer, the Forest, and the Tiger

It's a bit like sitting next to a deer that comes out of a forest. You come down on your haunches and you wait. You see that deer. You don't run at it. You don't say, "Oh, there's a deer!" and run at the deer. It's like—oh my God, the deer runs off. Well, why wouldn't it? It knows something's there.

So we sit down. We wait. The deer comes close. The deer goes, "Oh, this is safe." And then it may finally come and lie down by you. And you go... you put your hand on the deer. Well, you might not. But there's a lot of beauty in this.

And then comes out a tiger. And we go, "Oh..." and then we really feel the ground. I mean, you look down slightly because you don't want to freak the tiger out, right? And we see its beautiful shape. It's a beautiful creature. Very, very beautiful. It's 500 pounds of sheer power and beauty, and it comes weaving over. It too sits down by the deer and by you. And you put your hands on both of them.

And you say: Welcome. That is presence.

Then the tiger gets up and wanders off. And you go, "Okay. It's cool." It's all me, in a way. 

Now there's a deep sigh because it recognizes the complexity of all that. And the beauty of befriending our monsters and our magicians, you know? And how they're not really there to attack us. They're there to serve us, really, underneath it all—if we take time to let them be and sit by them.

But we need to be in presence. We need to be grounded. That's the difference. Once we're there, whatever we do or say will be connecting.

And then Comes a Tiger

Guided Presence and Embodiment Practice
Introduction to Embodied Communication
Self-awareness, it's implied, but certainly any practice which brings presence is really key to non-violent communication.
No awareness of the body, no awareness of emotions, you can't really communicate. You're coming from the head. We really need to be alive to what's alive in us, and what's alive in someone else. So these are tumors are about checking in with your life, really.
In a way that's safe.
So here we go, guys. It's only about 5 minutes, 3 minutes, maybe? You know. So it's really quite short. M.
Beginning the Practice
Yeah, so you can feel free to close your eyes. And you're quite safe here. And, but we just pause into… this shared space.
Arrival and Settling
Yes, and… It's beginning to arrive. Settling.
Grounding Through Physical Contact
Sensing your feet on the ground. Reading the contact. At the soles of your feet, on the earth. Or, your body on the seat, or settee, or… Whatever it's touching.
Resting in contact. Where the body meets the earth. This is… A key visceral point. connection.
Inviting Embodiment
Inviting embodiment. Just sensing… From the body's sense of itself. It can do that. It can sense clothing on the skin, The soft fabric. You can sense the shape of itself.
The heartbeat, maybe? Breath. Tingling with life. Vibrating with life. It can be warm and cool. Moving and still.
Yeah, just pausing… and sensing.
Expanding Awareness Outward
And perhaps taking a moment to scent outwards. Sensing the room.
And sensing beyond the room, Into the open air. Fast moving towards autumn. The leaves are already changing color into their golds, and… Reds… Browns, curling slightly, maybe.
Connecting with the Natural World
Sensing beyond the canopy of trees. Big blue… Along the clouds, maybe. Up into the stars. Who's… Diamonds and pearls. keeping us company. in infinity.
All this spaciousness in our bodies. Okay, sense. Accompanied by the stars.
Recognizing Our Interconnectedness
Here we are with each other. In our houses, with our families, maybe, or on our own. Local community, neighbors. Cities, or towns, or countryside. Extending around the globe. beings. sentience. human animals, non-human animals.
Life. Being breathed by the universe. All at the same time.
Internal Check-In: Emotions and Feeling States
I'm just taking a moment to check in what's alive and you today? what mood?
Maybe… emotions, or… Feeling tones in the body there.
Sensing where they are in the body. And also.
Exploring Universal Human Needs
Elias are telling us we have needs natural on that. Needs for safety, for care. Love. Closeness. Peace. Freedom. With Zilli. Play and fun. connection. Or healing and wholeness, or growth and learning.
Intention Setting and Life Purpose
Just checking in with what brings you here. What's your intention? What is your… hearts longing. Would make your life more wonderful.
Bring… A richer meaning, and fullness, and fresh edge and flow. Into your life.


What would bring you into your Fullness NVC Attunement

NVC Self Empathic Receiving Wellbeing

Compassionate Communication Meditation
Welcome and Introduction to Presence
Welcome. This is about compassionate communication, an invitation into presence.
Very often, I guess, we're in some quality of absence.
So what is absence?
Understanding Absence: The Jackal Mind
Absence is the propensity to live in the head. We often talk about being stuck in our heads.
So absence is really summarized by the symbol, the jackal. And the jackal represents unconscious, autopilot, habitual habits - especially to do with emotions and language.
These are patterns of being which can be frustrating, constricting, oppressive, if you like. When we're held hostage, and ruled by these patterns, these somethings... Even overwhelmed by them.
Nonviolent Communication and Presence
So NVC, nonviolent communication, begins with the premise of presence.
That is epitomized by the word "awake."
Awake to the sensing. Alive, vibrant. Alive to the nuancedness of feeling and emotion and thought.
All in the context of the sensing, living in an embodied way.
Effectively, it's a conscious life in which choice... choosing presence... inviting a healing forward movement at any given time.
Guided Body Awareness
As the body senses the ground, its own shape. Sense of its whole self. Beginning to rest and settle here. As we pause.
Sensing outwards to include each other. And beyond each other, to include all beings on this planet.
Sensing into the ether. Sensing into that eternity. The stars.
Integration: Inner and Outer Awareness
And the whole of this. And sense inwardly to the inner universe.
Tender and gentle with whatever is present here.
Saying hello to it all as it rests in itself.
Resting here.

Awaken Attunement

From "I Am" to "Something in Me": A Meditation on Self-Relationship

The Challenge of Identity-Level Statements
It's very hard for us to have a relationship with ourselves, or with others, when we come from an "I am."
I am angry. I am enraged. I am jealous. I am frustrated.
These "I ams" are identity-level statements, and they're all-consuming and leading to overwhelm, often. Because an "I am" is the whole of you.
Moving to Awareness and Accuracy
And if we're more honest, these somethings in us are...
Something in me is enraged. Something in me is angry. Something in me, down there, is anxious, or jealous, or...
And as soon as the awareness comes to be accurate to our experience, i.e., it's an experience in me.
This experience is a part of me.
The Practice: Sensing and Experimenting
So I just invite you to sense your body.
Sense your body.
And just experiment with your experience. Say to yourself, oh, I am bored. I am angry. I am... whatever your emotion is, say I am. I am it. I am irritated, or... I am curious, or I am happy.
Now try this. Now go inside yourself there, and notice the feeling tone.
Something in me feels like that. Something in me is angry. Something in me is peaceful.
Befriending What's Inside
Let's go and befriend that. So we can put our hand on our chest or our tummy.
And say, oh, I'm really here to meet you inside. That's something that... it's like that, right now.
In this way, we learn to welcome, to acknowledge.
Is it okay for me to come closer to you, or do you need more space right now?
What kind of empathy would you like from me right now?
Warm and kind, perhaps?
Offering Compassionate Presence
So I'm coming and sitting either side of you. I'm keeping you company. Is there something here in me?
And of course, I'm quietly curious, behind it all, what your unmet need is, or met need is.
You can offer that in your own time. It may take a minute, or it may take 20. It might take a week.
Coming alongside you and keeping you company. As a way of welcoming.
The Transformation: From Overwhelm to Relationship
Moving from an "I am" to a "something in me" for relationship. So a "something in me" means I can have relationship with you.
In a way that's kindly, caring, and compassionate.
Assisting with you in this compassionate, warm way.
Inviting forward movement, healing, and freshness.

Healing Forward Movement and Freshness Attunement

Presence Deep Rest Meditations and Reflections inspired by Focusing, Mindfulness and Nonviolent communication Embodied Relational Presence training and personal coaching.  https://www.living-presence.co.uk/

And then Comes a Tiger

Simon McKibbin Presence Meditations & Reflections