This one GETS me😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

songs ive written

Robin Kester: vocals, guitar, synths, spinet, wurlitzer, piano, vibraphonette, percussion
Marien Dorleijn: backing vocals, trumpet, synth, percussion
Michiel Stam: guitar
Thijs Visscher: bass guitar
Joep van Osch: drums, percussion, backing vocals
Sussanne Linssen: violin
Timo Jilesen: saxophone

Produced by Robin Kester & Marien Dorleijn
Additional production and mix by Ali Chant
Mastered by Joe Lambert

Cat 13

Robin Kester – Cat 13

This short but sweet song was made last summer for the gloom4u charity compilation which can be purchased here:
https://gloom4u.bandcamp.com/album/gloom4u-v2

There’s a lot of nice, nostalgic memories behind this song and I hope you can enjoy it.

Lyrics:
They really wanna watch me fall
tired but I give it my all
breaking down all these walls again
I don’t know when it will end
you hate the fact that I grew 
while all of you stayed the same
I guess some people never change

lamp lit skies on that faithful night
how could you ever leave my side

comfort place

wrote this about looking into the mirror and seeing somebody so different its a literal monster

you monster
undercover
you’re so weak
you just can’t stop

these waters
i’m going under
before me
you stand too tall

im six feet down
about to sink deeper
i’m gonna drown

im Under the surface
Wondering if this is worth it
Try to swim from the danger
But somebody threw the anchor

and i’m sinking
deeper than deep ends

this feeling
it’s too familiar
it’s empty
but it’s my friend

a sweet thing
but it’s bitter
you’re the beast
inside my head

ten feet down
about to sink deeper
you’re gonna drown
me you creature

im Under the surface
Wondering if this is worth it
Try to swim from the danger
But somebody threw the anchor

i See my reflection
When i look your direction
find you’re not just a stranger
it’s me, i threw the anchor

and im sinking

this dagger
between my fingers
will shatter
this very mirror

and this dagger
will kill you creature
i’ll end you
right now and right here

if you don’t drown
my only ounce of hope
cause now i know

you are me
and im you
and we are one thing
but i dont wanna be you

See my reflection
When i look your direction
try to swim out this chamber
but somebody threw the anchor

i threw the anchor
we threw the anchor
you threw the anchor
and now i’m sinking

the anchor

"dont u cry its over now" are the only words I wanna hear
no blue skies have come around here
at least as of lately

say they're fine enough to smile..
are they really fine enough to live?
near 18 but still a child
I am truly no adult in the slightest

the the the days are re p p p peating
cant stop drinking empty feelings
(I'm an alcoholic)
the the the time is t t t ticking
still cant find a single reason like them
are they really happy?..

cause I see them fcking living
maybe they don't have to worry like me
maybe they don't have to worry like I've been lately

look in glass, I'm swinging words at my body like they're wrecking balls
i guess its what i deserve
life is truly one A-team throwing curveballs

the the the shadows are c c c creeping
on the walls and on the ceiling
(oh its so psychotic)
c cause the sun is still b b b beaming
still cant find a single reason like them
are they really happy?

cause I see them fcking living
maybe they don't have to worry like me
maybe they don't have to worry like I've been...

lately I've been wasting time
emptiness has filled my mind to the point i cant move forward
lately I've been telling lies
saying i don't want to die
but i love our apartment and my corner
i truly cant think anywhere warmer

and maybe i don't need to worry like
yeah maybe i don't need to worry like I've been lately

Lately (worry like me)

Non-confrontational social awareness
For the sake of fairness, I'm saying it first
You've seen my body and that makes me nauseous
Overly cautious, and prone to complain
But I'm here like I always was
Older and wiser, better with time
Was it fair for a man of your age to seek comfort in mine?

Oh, to be a child
Wide-eyed and wild
Oh, to seek the love you gave and in return
A punch, a kick, a blow, a burn
That rolls right through your fingers to the touch 

Non-confrontational social awareness
And you'll never say it, so I'll say it first
If I was so bothersome, why did you keep me at arm's length?
Was it convenience? 
I cried to my sister that day in the car and I felt so pathetic 
I couldn't quite get close enough
But I doubt that it crosses your mind 

Oh, to be a child
Wide-eyed and wild
Oh, to seek the love you gave and in return
A punch, a kick, a blow, a burn
That rolls right through your fingers to the touch 

Could we address the elephant
It's better than indifference 
And I know that you're an adult, beloved by everyone you know
I could've said it all out loud
But it's too late, you got your crowd
And I swear sometimes I hope that you're okay
I wish that you'd have wondered the same 

Non-confrontational social awareness 
For the sake of fairness, I'm saying it first.

Elephant

you wanna know where your heart is?
last night did you feel me break in?
with a loose thread and a paper clip
i sewed the evidence right back up

i wanna know why you’re distant
i’m scared baby what are you planning?
a detective, you’ve been leaving hints
you broke our promises and my trust

well dont go looking
where you’re not gonna find it
i dug some graves
last night when we fought and i
hid the safe and i
know some places so far away from here

your eyes are facing
the wrong faces
im right in front of you
isolated
just tell me why we’re falling apart

and ill let you know where i hid your heart

i catch clues when we’re fighting
your words up for interpretation
when i asked you if im your favorite
you hesitated ‘yes’, like theres more than one

you’re responding
like there’s something that you’re hiding

you better not go looking
cause you’re not gonna find it
i dug some graves
last night when we fought and i
hid the safe and i
know some places so far away from here

your eyes are facing
the wrong faces
im right in front of you
isolated
just tell me why we’re falling apart

i need to know
where’s your suitcase babe?
half our closets has disappeared
look at my face, dont turn away
i swear i’m not crazy i’m acting out of all the fear

that you’ll leave me
with no regards for my feelings

dont go looking
cause babe i took it
and i booked a plane
to a place with no name so far away from here

oh, your eyes are facing
the wrong faces
im right in front of you
isolated
just tell me why we’re falling apart

and i’ll let you know where i hid your heart

hid your heart rough demo

if i had the motivation i wouldve re recorded these vocals but whateva
this one is just a reminder to myself and maybe u

the bridge is atrocious but its ok we will get through it


this one isnt to garner a grand reaction
im here to give you a hug
just trust, some things are larger than handy sadness
i hear you try then give up

listen to the syncopation of your breathin
don’t escape cause you can’t make it make believing

we are taking small steps
im here, right beside you
its ok, leave your head
feel around, you’re moving
i see you, and i promise

get up, join me in walking along the sidewalk
sunshine and time are a cure
your love was more important than you ever thought
it’s time you love a little more

listen you don’t need the famous that you’re thinkin
you’re escaping from the places you believe in

we are taking small steps
im here, right beside you
its ok, leave your head
feel the ground, i promise

and it might seem contradicting
but there’s stability in your movement
when you’ve got no motivation
just remember it’s ok to sleep in

some steps seem invisible
but they’re in your peripheral
i promise
i promise

we are taking small steps
im here, right beside you
its ok, leave your head
feel the ground, you’re moving
even if you don’t think it
i see you, i promise
there’s stability
in small steps

small steps demo

I’m standing naked, in front of a crowd 
throwing a tantrum, screaming out 
and the sun doesn’t rise like it used to 
i ignore you, because I have to

I look into everything, when i look in his eyes
it’s you staring at me, my courage dies
and I can not love like I used to
no matter how far I am it comes back to you

Joe, I hope you’re alone, I hope you are hungry 
I hope you are broke 
i hope everyone that you love leaves you
i hate the mean person you turned me into

I don’t know how to fix this
Is this who I am? 
all my kindness has rotted, I don’t like who I am
are you apart of me now? do i carry this shit?
I feel you in the night breezes and I see your face
I hear you breathing when Im awake

Pick up the pieces, crumble under the weight
and everyone asks me, why I would stay 
but I sat in the dark to appease you
you promised you’d chance and I believed you

now I’m sick to my stomach, and high off the hope
I stood there crying while you stared at the floor 
you said I’d do great things, I think I freeze up 
and now i’ll do anything to prove i’m enough

I’m afraid if he touched me, i’d make him drown
crack open my skull, and I’ll pour in your mouth 
i’m sorry I can’t get to know you
if he saw me I think I would run too

I don’t know how to fix this
Is this who I am? 
all my kindness has rotted, I don’t like who I am
are you apart of me now? do i carry this shit?
I feel you in the night breezes and I see your face
I hear you breathing when Im awake

Joe, please let me go
i have been hungry, i’ve lost all hope
i never did anything to you 
if it makes me clean then I’ll forgive you

I don’t know how to fix this
Is this who I am? 
all my kindness has rotted, I don’t like who I am
are you apart of me now? do i carry this shit?
I feel you in the night breezes and I see your face
I hear you breathing when Im awake

Joe’s Waltz DEMO

Film Shadows

oh, there is a lost year
somewhere between you and i
you smell like a garden
i want to be twisted in your vines

i just want to feel you
running around my pavement
ooh, tell me i’m your favorite
minor inconvenience
and i’ll return the feeling

just grow
and i would crack to marry your devotion
interwoven
we could be the garden and the pavement

you gave me a flower
bright red and pink, but i got you stepped on
enter infestation
the doubt that I think i’m not what you want

but i want to feel you
running around my pavement
ooh, tell me i’m your favorite
minor inconvenience
and i’ll return the feeling

just grow
and i would crack to marry your devotion
interwoven
we could be the garden and the pavement

cracks and petals cut were bound to come
when we were never meant to love
but that doesn’t mean we can’t break rules
this is filthy love but it’s golden and
the whole world needs to know it
but i dont like convincing you

the garden & the pavement DEMO

Cathedral Bells' "Velvet Spirit" LP now available for pre-order on Limited Edition Midnight Swirl vinyl ~ http://goodeyerecords.com/product/velvet-spirit/

Cathedral Bells - "Ethereal Shadow" (Remixed)

i don’t really know why
my biggest fear was working a 9 to 5
when our love was gasping for air
i dont really know why
i’m standing here on my birthday night
and you’re standing over there

i gotta take time
put in the work
and i don’t really know if it’s sposed to hurt
but i hope you’ll love me still

i waste time
trying to feel
the love and all the wounds i’m trying to heal
but i know you’ll love me still

and love you i will
i’ll still love you still

i don’t really know why
my biggest fear was running out of time
when our love was dying in my arms
i dont really know why
it’s torture forcing myself to watch you cry
knowing i did the harm

and babe there’s no amount of “sorry”
to fix the wreck i made
and there’s no amount of apologizing
oh, i gotta take

take time
put in the work
and i don’t really know if it’s s’posed to hurt
but i hope you’ll love me still

i waste time
trying to feel
the love and all the wounds i’m trying to heal
but i know you’ll love me still

and love you i will
i’ll still love you still

i waste time
trying to feel
the love and all the wounds i’m trying to heal
but i know you’ll still love me still

lets still love us still (demo)

i probably stole these melodies from somewhere

tell me you’re listening
i keep you in foremost front parts of my mind
last night was different
you should promise the first time was the last time

you do things in the moment
when you don’t know if you mean them
when i let down my defenses
pull you out of the deep end
the breaking starts

down at the skatepark
kickflippin under over my heart
kickflippin under over twisting turning burning breaking my heart
that’s where it starts

sat on memorial benches in homestead
you joke that you’ll leave one for us when we’re both dead
and gone, ashes in homes
the spark on the fuse grew alongside your nose

and i know that’s impossible
so i'll be responsible and
take half the blame, i'll play your game
if you take back your bench, i’ll try not to miss

comfortable silence
the biggest smiles after a kiss
kickflippin sleeping over kissing learning hurting like little kids
i’ll try not to miss

oh why’d you do things in the moment
when you had what you called perfect
now i don’t know if you meant it
now i’m the one in the deep end
you broke my heart

down at the skatepark
kickflippin under over my heart
kickflippin under over twisting turning burning breaking my heart
can’t we restart

skatepark kickflippin except ive been sick for a week and almost lost my voice

i want you to sing so beautifully
light up the world with your harmonies
take all of the time that you need
no matter what I’ll be waiting

for you
it’s true
i’ll be waiting for you

sing to me sling x2
sing to me
[repeat]

abstraction and little things hold familiarity
i swear i dedicate everything to you sling

skatepark kickflippin except ive been sick for a week and almost lost my voice

sketchist

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