WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE DONT HAVE MONEY TO SPEND

produced by branwen

completely non profit

lyrics

turn it up turn it up for another night
getting drunk on a sunday till the morning light
waking up in a monday in a strangers bed
i think i finished all my drinks theyre in my fuckin head

holy shit here i go again
i been off my meds for a while
n im a god again
i dont really know who i am
n im alright with it
at least im being honest
if it hurts then u dont feel regret

ur head will hurt in the morning
u dont give a fuck
shes kinda cute might as well go n try ur luck
she thought that i was 25 holy wtf
so this wont go past tonight idgaf

19 i make connections when in drunk until i break them when im sober
in my heart im older
i bleed from underneath the scotch tape thats holding me together
its forever

why waste my time writing all these fucking metaphors
im still in love with the person that i met before
gave her my heart n she threw it on the fucking floor
i find it hard just to trust cus in the end
fucked my best friend
said she wishing i was dead
u live in my head
both u n him
and its such a mess 
that u have left
that u have left
that u have left

(hero)

i find it funny how we repeat such a cycle here again
shits so toxic its obnoxious she refuse to leave my head
and im okay with that, as okay with being sliced in half
"i got a thing for artists" oh i want ur take on that
chugging octane to experience a numbness when she on me
stop me, id like to see u try oh u could never
sulfate to really rub the cut into my skin
with scotch tape to wrap the fatal wound once again

scotchtape & sulfates ft. hero (branwen)

good night
enjoy

lyrics:
tell me how to feel
tell me how to live
clearly i dont know
cuz now i rly cant forgive
put ur heart in a keepsake 
tellin him shit that we’d say
i smoke up for the relay
used to think that every
thing i’d say was backwards
shit i didnt matter
hard to cope at all
when i hear is all the chatter
my mind is fixed on my passion
i struggle with takin action

how can i forget?
easily in fact
u make it so hard to love u
& god i’d love to
but fuck no after that

how can i forget?
everything we had
clearly its not a struggle
if u can figure it
out then its not bad

tell me how to cope
late december snow
blurry photographs
its chilly in the autumn cold
u know i miss u, farther
than we’ve been before
i know it got too hard
thats why im gone for good

how can i forget?
easily in fact
u make it so hard to love u
& god i’d love to
but fuck no after that

how can i forget?
everything we had
clearly its not a struggle
if u can figure it
out then its not bad

easily, in fact [autrioly]

im so tired of the rain and the pour
i wanna slow down take a smoke in the porch 
and live life with the art that i forge
cuz im afraid of death and it's comin for us
im so tired of the rain and the pour
i wanna slow down take a smoke in the porch 
and live life with the art that i forge
cuz im afraid of death and it's comin for us 

fucked n im not high
baby got my heart tight
with all ur lies 
why don't you act right?
mind aint alright
that's why i can't sleep at night
shits hard or am i~ 
swimming against the tide

i pray to see u once again
either its heaven or hell 
i hope ur resting well 
dad ur my fucking champion
will love you til my lifes done
till earth does its last turn (2x)

im so tired of the rain and the pour
i wanna slow down take a smoke in the porch 
and live life with the art that i forge
cuz im afraid of death and it's comin for us
im so tired of the rain and the pour
i wanna slow down take a smoke in the porch 
and live life with the art that i forge
cuz im afraid of death and it's comin for us(2x)

slow down, take a smoke in the porch (lavendertxwn x pekarot)

i feel hypocritical 
ive been hanging out at bars a lot
its kinda cool but i hate to think about it cause its fucked up
the fact that i actually kinda find it fun
its like a trampoline for when you feel down
i understand the appeal now 
sing along to the songs that you love
and im zoned out 
for right now i guess its what lifes all about 


i give it a week before im over it 
why the fuck am i here?  dont have money to spend
theres a girl looking at me and i need her to fucking stop, honestly. 
i really hope i dont wake up tomorrow 
cause i dont know how much more i can handle of this problem 
i hope you know that im not having fun at all
id rather be anywhere but here now 
where’s my trampoline? 
bitch i feel down
feel it everywhere 
so i dont think i deserve to go anywhere 
everything you said makes sense now
you had your reasons to peace out 
and i get it 
i just really wish that youd never said it

trampoline (prod. pekarot)

produced by neverforever
completely non profit
lyrics

i saw u in his letterman
so how could we be friends again
im tryna be the better man
but u told me i just pretend
to stick my head in ceiling fans
im neck deep in ur problems man 
so close ur eyes and count to ten
and try to sync our breaths again 
that puppy love in mountain air
who knew id find such damage there
these tiny things have venom
and they hide their fangs behind the hair
most people like to think they care
to say so's far from self aware
so i just chose to lock myself away and find some solice there

im hoping that u find something of worth while ur trapped under there
my girl chilling in a button up, she got no underwear
she just get this look all on her face when i get up in there
soon i smoke my doob she kiss my face and drag me out the chair  

gram inside my bowl im tryna send it for i go to work
parting up the sea of people, walk around my city turnt 
carving up this green, im evil, outfit gotta be a serve 
darling i need sleep but tearfully theres bread i gotta earn

rain
on the metal lace
soldiers lose their mind and take their swords up till the grave 
pain
running through my face
i will never falter
already went insane
shame
it all feels the same
if this is the path im on
ill take it to the grave
brain
all i needs my brain
trust i'll work it out
and put my movements into play

im hoping that u find something of worth while ur trapped under there
my girl chilling in a button up, she got no underwear
she just get this look all on her face when i get up in there
soon i my smoke doob she kiss my face and drag me out the chair  

take her out to dinner said let's just pretend theres strings attached 
oh i know i flex a little, u know soundcloud paid for that
im not tryna buy ur love, the good life what im aiming at
im just tryna crawl out of the mud and pay the world back

i just got this anger burnt inside me since when i was a kid
i cant help but blame my father, curse left generations dead
i cant even tell u not at all theres nought i wouldn't give
i just think that i could use a brain that doesnt hate to live

(alan watts sample) 

the path to dirtmouth (neverforever)

ｔｈａｗ　ｔｈｅ　ｇｕａｒｄ　ｔｈａｔ　ｓｈａｄｏｗｓ　ｍｅ

produced by dash vv
https://www.youtube.com/@dash8518

love y'all so much.
thank you for listening.
thank you for being here
more to come, in hopes

realistically wasting my time, and
don't claim you understand
you'll run out of road if you're way too gassed
we'll never last this
i wanna know myself 'fore i should take my life

the other side's so inviting

why you hanging 'round the wrong peers?
2D smiles but they're full of fear
i can see through the white lies
fuck a check, i ain't switch sides
matter of fact, think i'll own mine
call it wraps, called her 5 times
colon cramps, body's prolly fine
i been worse, and burnt more ties than mountains climbed
what the fuck

i hardly get any rest
when i lay me some ground
all my dreams make me sweat
well, honestly what'd i expect, i'm a tremor
who's born to make course with a crest
and since you've got room to assume,
i'll repaint the walls to a shade you once knew
but i'll say it once to conclude
it's only to falter youth

sending it down through my face to my gut
fireworks sound while i've waited enough
i ain't care much, i been down on my love shit
after effect of it damage and lunges
kicking and punching
wonder and covet
smoke in this oven i claim to be nothing
under the covers, i wake into sunder
and panic, then start to malfunction
these eyes are so indecisive
catching the sights that are so uninvited
well, anything but ultraviolet
going outside, my anxiety heightens
so i'll stay inside and be silent
minus the music and all of the crying
don't keep a snooze 'cause i'm up when the sky dim
yet prone to mute and respond autopilot

she told me that i'm smart
"i'm better than that?"
she told me i can start to feel something
she told me i could be something greater
then she left a hole inside my chest, like a crater

no one
to lend a hand
through the sawdust
in this foreign land
is this all that you want?
forever we run, even if we're not
indefinite rot
smoldered lungs while i talk

and no it ain't from the green
from birth i've been clean
but i kinda wanna be, to escape reality
no way this life was meant for me
never will i come to be fine with low expectancies
i'm fucking selfish, can't you see?
a frozen-hearted entity
thaw the guard that shadows me
too intolerant to speak
cut my lips and break my teeth
numb my limbs, but make it brief
i've got nowhere else to be
but miss the way it used to be
did you feel the same for me?

my eyes cry with the help of high life
can't you tell i repel with a fat lie
any sort of love will numb me;
numb enough to pass life
i sense two decisions
one's to splurge my thoughts and cast rhymes

it was 8 in the morning, i'm shipped like i'm cargo
heart in my chest beating out like a bongo
swipin' a scan of myself like a bar code
way past the date by some days, not alarmed though
rotten a bit, feelin' sick, sorta rank
'lil bit of soap, it could wash out the stains
i ain't been fuckin' with none of y'all lames
a couple of plays, now you thinkin' you great
this not a game, fuck a charade
pressin the keys until i feel okay
throughout the day
'till i collapse and wake up on my face
block out the sound with a video game
or something to drink
lemon and sugar remind me of fate
it's sorta sour but sweet by the grain
sweet by the grain, ay

she told me i was smart
"i'm better than that?"
she told me i can feel something
she told me i could be something greater
then she left a hole inside my chest, like a crater

by the grain [prod. dash]

cover of jude's (sleepwater) "nervous"
guitar by caves
reprod by me

miss you bro :(
don't wait on me now

sleepwater - nervous (cover)

I love u if you’re reading this :’)

Lyrics:

[hero]

i should write a million songs
a discography is not one

so maybe i'm lovin the silence
prop up my fifty pound eyelids
spent years in this room on my own and if u don't believe i could paint u the tiling
most of my friends are one-sided
bout time that i cut all of my ties and
i'm looking rough in the mall yet she likin my hair and i don't even style it
these r my guys that i could not betray
i wouldn't even know how to
awol n timeless
grounds n lowlifes
the rest of my guys i can't rhyme thru
where did the time go
feels like i started a cyclone
i never imagined i'd make it here
or know the friends that i know

[navyxower]

every day i am outside in
this cold weather makes me feel alive, andr
your always inside of my iris
i wish id take you out for the night, then

i dont wanna casue a problem
i lost a couple friends that i loved
i need to make some sense, of what i, have known
im in love with you and no one, knows
i need to make up my mind again, timeless the gang, yeah we know how we ride in this
i dont fw hoes or a side bitch, i made it far, now im thinking where ive been
up in my minds a mess

times going by, and i cannot stop it
im tryna make sense of this
but i cant even breathe through my concious
nobody fuck with me
my style yeah i see
the pain in ur eyes
baby i got your back, even if you aint mine

[hero]

so maybe i'm lovin the silence
prop up my fifty pound eyelids
spent years in this room on my own and if u don't believe i could paint u the tiling
most of my friends are one-sided
bout time that i cut all of my ties and
i'm looking rough in the mall yet she likin my hair and i don't even style it
these r my guys that i could not betray
i wouldn't even know how to
awol n timeless
grounds n lowlifes
the rest of my guys i can't rhyme thru
where did the time go
feels like i started a cyclone
i never imagined i'd make it here
or know the friends that i know


thank you

to all of my listeners
to my idols i base my sound off of
and to all my friends that have stuck with me.
(names in the order of who i met first to last to the best of my memory)

@kurayuz-rageex
@kukisawus
@seltzerkrys
@xweepings
@yokaidreams
@canyouseetheghost
@navyxower
@killsadghxst
@adoretaiken
@lovecliqxe
@noeke
@prod_emerald
@solofttt
@cyzun
@emptychest
@autumndropsdead
@sadtxnshi
@shizukesaaa
@swno
@ztope
@powla
@prodselfdoubt
@camertin
@luvsig
@yxvngjones
@nevrwrld
@x1fern
@caspywaspy
@drewisdead
@failure404
@paperthinwallss
@im_slendr
@drewisdead
@anmldoctor
@betweentheveinsandi
@safeatlast
@lxstboymusic
@heyzbee
@dxnnyymusic
@mxlatonin
@crizzywhite
@cuts
@sivistial 

and so many others i couldn't find the @s for or aren't on soundcloud (or i missed cuz i was tired writing this list LOL)

you made me who i am today
and i am forever grateful all of you have been part of my life

thank you (ft. navyxower) (skellington)

prod @nate2timezz <3

hope you enjoy
thank you for listening, like seriously, so much
gotta keep moving, somehow

irregulation; my heart, it still beats though
necromancy like i'm beyond the grave
sleeping a 14, or i'm up for days
but either way, i'll still feel the same
i'd rather feel burnout over withdrawals
repression, it kills me a lot, i can't sing it off
and it never stops
never stops
and it never stops
it never stops

how'd another worm get caught in the rain?
sun come out to enhance that pain
shame, shame
all that you wanted was someone to save
now that you're lost, you treat them as god
paying your dues, they've been clogging like clots
don't care about being 'part of your mirage
fuck an applause, this all i got

that weight upon the water's nothing more than just a storm
so what we drinking for? 
what we drinking for?
those ideals are everything you've only felt with utter scorn
so i can't take no more
i can't take none

fluid ghosts, i can feel them haunt my bones
i cannot break through the drapes though
radiation burn my halo
don't you go ask how my day goes
you're not concerned anyway
you're plastic as legos

quiet down while break the seal
'cause i'm numbin' down from what they claim is real
every day i wake just to fuckin break, then rejuvenate
i'm in shock, kinda like an eel

hit em with a swift so fast like an aipom
they went from a real to fake in a day; gone.
rollout like an autobot, waiting for december sun
who am i depending? 
honestly, not anyone anymore

so, you like to target? 
trust me there's no need to implore
inside my cartilage, there's already arrows galore
you're my narcotic, the thought of you imposes me warmth
or so i thought it; ultimately leaving me sore


irregulation; my heart, it still beats though
necromancy like i'm beyond the grave
sleeping a 14, or i'm up for days
but either way, i'll still feel the same
i'd rather feel burnout over withdrawals
repression, it kills me a lot, i can't sing it off
and it never stops
never stops
and it never stops
it never stops

so i can try to fill in all the blanks
when shrouded in mirage, i'll take the blame
poison in the pot,
love it 'till you hate the fact that you forgot
what mattered anyways

aipom (nate2timez)

www.carlbymusic.com
Featuring @lilskeleskrrt
Production, mixing, mastering & additional vocals by @horoshavibes
Additional guitars by @jolst

LYRICS
This is torture
You’re so often on my mind I doubt I cross yours
I can’t help but to fall short
I’m so easily ignored

How can anything compare to what we had back then
It was true love

Not sure I’ll ever love again
‘Cause you were everything I wanted
And the ghost of you still lingers in my room
You left me feeling haunted
Something so profound
Simply does not just die out
So I’ll hold you in these memories
‘Cause they're all that I have now

(skele)
Don’t understand why I’m still holding out
You’ve had enough of me
It hurts that we keep going down
You know that you’re the only thing I think about
You won’t stay here with me
So I'll just do without

Can’t save him
But we know I tried my best
We’re breaking
Taking back things you said
You’re the ghost inside that’s haunting me
But at least you’re still here watching me

Listen on Spotify!

Haunted w/ skele (Prod. Horosha & Jolst)

prod. secre swallowtail x heyrick
feat. casperrr & shizukesa.
art. my friends cat LOL

lyrics:

(please just tell me now, that you would hear the sound, of my voice calling out, so that i can be found)

and i can feel my heart sink in the rain now
so cold thinkin that i might breakdown
feelin lost, feelin lonley, and nobody’s around
and in this storm the waters rising and i think i might drown
please just tell me now, that you would hear the sound
of my voice calling out, so that i can be found

please just tell me now, that you would hear the sound
of my voice calling out, so that i can be found
but no matter how many times i might scream
it doesn’t mean ur any closer to finding me
so now ur looking for a ghost
just give up you’ll never be close

(please just tell me now, u r looking for a ghost)

(caspy)

nana~
can you help me now
pick me up from the ground
i hate loving in doubt
cuz that's when shit goes south

used to look for some1 like u
now i don't have a clue 
of what the fuck i should
to try and forget u

(shizu)

thoughts fadin like the blood on my palm
she saying shit the same well bitch im already gone
guess all the friends change
cuz they dk what im on
suicidal lil prick im jus a dick of a cunt
just a pussy n**** i quit talkin
steady smoking until hittin coughin
ion need help 2 know im the problem
bullet to the dome woulda solved em
only fuck around inside of FL but by next album im offing me
and honestly, been so sick of the calling me
like fuck out of my head

trampoline (prod. pekarot)

skrwd

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