wish I could explain the storm in my brain
words slip through like sand in the rain
if truth’s a bird
it’s flown again

they keep the wheels turning
turning fast
slick with oil
built to last

if most things are lies
tell me why
it’s illegal to say when the wheels still fly
you can’t prove a thing unless the thing says so
but I’m stuck here trying
trying to know

the clock’s hands wave
mocking my stare
time’s a trick
a loop
a snare
everyone’s smiling
but no one’s there

moving forward
never back
truth’s a ghost on a speeding track

if most things are lies
tell me why
it’s illegal to say when the wheels still fly
you can’t prove a thing unless the thing says so
but I’m stuck here trying
trying to know

moving lies

when past and future collide
when demons of doubt and fear that you hide
become too much of a mountain to climb
when your body is hurting and your soul is too tired
and all you want to do is hide
when your life is filled with stress and chaos
and you know everything isn't right
and bills keep piling up
and your baby is crying
and your lives are on the line

and you still have to find time
and you still have to find time

to love and hope
and heal and cope
and live and laugh
and forgive the past
and work and play
and live another day
and get down on your knees
and pray

when love and lust collide
when you're crying out for help and no one can hear you
and you feel like you just want to die
when you know truth but you keep up the lie
and it eats you up inside
when you feel like your whole life is one big trauma
and you can't run from it no matter how hard you try
when you envy everyone around you
and you don't want to face it
but you know you can't hide

and you still have to find time
and you still have to find time

to love and hope
and heal and cope
and live and laugh
and forgive the past
and work and play
and live another day
and get down on your knees
and pray

find time

bloom in frost
nowhere to go
watching gray
lost in snow

from glaciers to bubbles
of metal and heat
suburbs breeding silence
no sound leaves these streets

a great lake out back washes guilt away
a great city sleeping, greatness at bay
a great mess, a great wonder, a great trap
great living in a blank space on the map

privilege isn’t gold or chains
it’s lack of noise
a gentle hum
it’s kids with toys

we know worlds burn
we see smoke rise
but we have good insulation
and tired eyes

bloom in frost
nowhere to go
watching gray
lost in snow

roots deep in rot
fruits so sweet
the Devil thinks

when Heaven speaks

you’re safe and sound
just don’t look down
don’t ask why
a simple life
comes with fragile lies

bloom in frost
nowhere to go
watching gray
lost in snow

we eat heavy here
mac salad, greasy meat
to keep the bitter out
as we die slowly in seats
of a diner that hasn’t changed since '94
"garbage" on plates, we ask for more

while a suit in a Benz
on the way to the Finger Lakes
passes a kid in a hoodie 
sick with the shakes

and they wave

because corruption isn't a monster
it’s neighborly here
it pays for silence
it drinks beer

in renovated squares
with statues of glass
reflecting skylines
so you don't look to the past

bloom in frost
nowhere to go
watching gray
lost in snow

but the Genesee remembers
what the concrete forgot
you can polish an apple
but you can’t hide the rot

wash away sin
wash away stains
drink the ale
forget the pain

bloom in frost
nowhere to go
watching gray
lost in snow

neighborly

every time I build it up
knowing damn well it’s just going to fall down
guess I’m good at breaking things

met you unexpected, vibe electric
connection got me reckless, confessing aggressive
told you half my life in a night, to second guess it
woke up feeling vulnerable, my pride’s protective
now I’m pulling back, doing friendship backflips
scared I showed too much, leave emotions in a casket
can't keep it surface level, I drown beneath appearances
apologies sound repetitive, habits ain’t mysterious
want to let you closer, but panic is automatic
afraid you’ll see the damage, so ghosting is the tactic
open up just to close again, confusing mathematics
push away dramatic, emotional gymnastics
catch myself tripping, overthinking basics
anxiety so contagious, I sabotage relations
laugh at flaws, act calm like I can fake it
put you up so high I can never make it
so scared of disappointment, destroy it before it happens
smiling through depression, running from attachment
guess I’m just addicted to making shit complicated
friendships keep sinking and I'm the one who orchestrates it
truth is, trust feels like danger
distance feels safe, but I hate being strangers
tell myself to be real, but fear is overwhelming
putting you on a pedestal is easier than helping
messy with intention, tension from pretending
struggle to explain it, connections keep on ending
overthinking issues, paranoid you'll notice it
elevate to sabotage then call that shit emotionless
blame past scars, excuses have been comfort
half measures, full of apologies, the cycle always covers
caught between wanting friends and fearing what they may uncover
pedestal built so high, swear I do it like no other
patience is what I need, but that won't bring you back
so I’ll keep hurting first, scared of everything I lack
afraid of being boring, afraid of being real
afraid if anyone knew me fully, they’d vanish still
so I'm dodging truth again, running from sincerity
too close means clarity, easier to bury it
pedestal high, build fast, crash faster
damage done, apologies come after
pedestal so high, and I know exactly why
it's easier to run than to let you see inside
yeah, someday I'll face it
but right now
it's complicated

pedestal

born in the Roc, flower city, concrete petals
terminal velocity, life’s gas pedal
keep a mop, keep a cross, heavy metal
but the stares cut sharp, like a dull-edged bevel

dust on my boots, prayers on my tongue
what did I do to be cursed so young?

why’s everyone so cross with me?
just tryna bloom where the frost might be
heavy in the air, but I breathe it free
roc city blues, yeah, they’re stuck with me

ghosts on the Genesee, whispers in the breeze
history seeps through cracks in these streets
red bricks bleed, past life in the weeds
where hope wilts slow, and despair plants seeds

wind cuts my face, but it won’t cut my soul
living in the gray, still chasing gold

why’s everyone so cross with me?
just tryna bloom where the frost might be
heavy in the air, but I breathe it free
roc city blues, yeah, they’re stuck with me

flower city

OCD123

I wish I could explain the fog in my head
the more I try the more it spreads
a puzzle with no edge no frame
just pieces that all look the same

the thing keeps moving
and nobody knows
it’s a dance it’s a trick
but that’s how it goes
the thing keeps moving
you can’t pin it down
it spins it spins
around and around

if most things are lies but we call them true
does the lie become the glue
holding this chaos together tight
or is it just shadows playing with light

you can’t say it’s wrong
if the world sings along

the thing keeps moving
and nobody knows
it’s a dance it’s a trick
but that’s how it goes
the thing keeps moving
you can’t pin it down
it spins it spins
around and around

what if the truth is a whisper a sigh
what if the proof’s in the blink of an eye
what if the thing isn’t real at all
just a ghost just a dream just a mirrored wall

the thing keeps moving

the moon’s a mirror cracked in two
stars whisper secrets I can’t pursue
the clock hands crawl but time won’t keep
life is a dream but I can’t fall asleep

clouds are heavy like a lullaby
but my heart races
don’t know why

life is a dream
a dream on repeat
but I’m wide awake
stuck in the heat
close my eyes
but shadows creep
life is a dream but I can’t fall asleep

the streets hum songs of restless feet
neon halos make the dark complete
I count the cracks on every wall
but no one answers when I call

the wind it hums
a broken tune
the night it swallows every moon

life is a dream
a dream on repeat
but I’m wide awake
stuck in the heat
close my eyes
but shadows creep
life is a dream but I can’t fall asleep

life is a dream

every square is a mine
every square is mine

King in check
but checking out means checking in
to deeper sin
where I begin
again, again, again
again

fronting like I got options, but options
keep me locked in boxes
toxic thoughts on rotation
station never changes
just the playlist of damnation

move and die, stay and die
every choice is suicide
board's alive, I'm the price
in a war I can't decide
move and die, stay and die
clock is ticking–asking why
every square is sacrifice, so
I roll the dice, with my own life

patterns pacing, racing thoughts running laps
mind maps caught in mouse traps
snap decisions snap back at me
therapist said just breathe
but breathing's involuntary movement
improvement through stillness feels like complicity
my complicity with my own hostility
hostility towards the very possibility
of possibility
so I possibility myself to death

every breath–a piece moved wrong
song on repeat, defeat on repeat
keeps on going when the beat should stop
shopping for new in the same old stores
more of what I swore I wouldn't do before
before was just a different configuration
of the same interrogation room
I resume, I resume, I resume, I consume
fumes of assumed outcomes that never assume back
lack of action is an action
I'm reacting to my own reaction
fractions of attention paid to paying attention
tension in not sensing I’m not mentioning
the thing, the thing I can not stop mentioning

move and die, stay and die
(stay and die)
every choice is suicide
(suicide)
board's alive, I'm the price
in a war I can't decide
move and die, stay and die
(stay and die)
clock is ticking–asking why
(why?)
every square is sacrifice, so
(why?)
I roll the dice, with my own life
(my own life)

zugzwang

living easy
where robbers meet
in boardroom seats
and clean sheets
means mean streaks

oh, you say you got it easy
windy cities make it breezy
smile–don't look cheesy
life’s a lemon, squeeze it, please me
down on my knees, do you see me?
it’s so easy
it’s so easy

I talk in my sleep
dig in too deep
count black sheep
where shepherds creep
preaching talk is cheap
(talk is cheap)

broken leases, broken peace
whatever gets another piece of pie
or a piece on your hip when you walk outside
I’m not keen on green but my sheen implies
that I’ve been to where dreams go to die
check receipts, check deceit
take a seat, admit defeat
ctrl-alt-cease
got fleece for cold shoulders
my niece is getting older
world is getting colder

I’m a soldier
beauty is in the eye
I’m the beholder
I’m a soldier
(talk is cheap)

I talk in my sleep
dig in too deep
count black sheep
where shepherds creep
preaching talk is cheap
(talk is cheap)

easy come
easy go
(talk is cheap)

easy (talk is cheap)

been painting portraits inside of the paint
no sinners or saints, just pumping the weight
of “the thing", on the move, as it tears us apart
and how self-defense became state-of-the-art

clean up the glass, see it all clear
(see?)
toast with fate–to the end of fear
(see?)
then shatter the glass down to the floor
(see?)
to keep score where demons soar
(dreams)

movement flows
motion is law
draw attention
draw out flaws
draw up a play
play with fate
be on time, but…
the thing is late

(the thing is…)
trying to... break arcs
trying to… dim sparks
so I’m… so I’m…
trying to… make art
trying with… spare parts
so I… so I… 
take a shot… and it starts
(and one)

post up heavy, post up light
guard what’s left, do what’s right
cut through static–what a knife
pivot your feet, that’s life
don’t travel to score
travel to see
the world is on lock
play is key
(be free)

release is peace
movement’s a cure
the swish..
is sincere
(and one)

and one

look, I’m changing shape
(is there no escape?)
about to burst, going ape
armor’s on, the purple drapes
quite dark with arts, like Snape
DM style, wear a cape
fit every opp inside a tape
sweet life, yeah, I eat grapes
cloudy flow, yeah, I hit the vape
yeah I clean plates of heavy freight
wait, power level past nine thousand
million, billion, trillion–fate
cut my pride, so I berate
those who step over gates, say
it’s never too late, and nothing I ate
was given to me, skill’s not innate
savage blood is a dominant trait
don’t do it for glory, do it for the sake
of people watching worlds break
where everything you see is fake
sleeping on the boy? stay awake
I’ll throw you in then drown the lake
with anything you tried to take
iterate, erase, re-create
and I make
mistakes.
so many mistakes.
pick up the pace
kamehameha right into your face
disappear, leave no trace
run up stats, win every race
spray your eyes like I’m the mace
open up the brief, I’m the case
from another world, I’m outer space
on I chase, on I chase, on I chase
what did they say? I don’t play
stay in lines? nah, I don’t play
fuck games, I don’t play
(I don’t play)

going ape

little swallow, little bird
ice is melting, seasons turn
cut through static, give the word
grant us grace from bridges burned

can you hear it?

coming ’round again?
(where have we been?)
let love come rushing in
to wash the spirit clean
of everything we’ve seen
little bird, little bird
(where have we been?)

it catches prayers you never said
heavy thoughts inside your head
it sees the quiet ways you care
when you think no one is there
it’s been collecting every spark
to burn a hole inside the dark

coming ’round again?
(where have we been?)
let love come rushing in
to wash the spirit clean
(where have we been?)
of everything we’ve seen
little bird, little bird
(where have we been?)

follow the calling deep within
let a brand new morning in

little bird
little bird
little bird
little bird

little bird

take, take, taking a
field trip in a microchip
data mined with hollow tips
the past is just a sunken ship
but I’m captain now so get a grip
take a sip
let it rip
(drip, drip, drip)

forget tricks, I flip bics
illuminating crypts
(who asked for a mystic?)
I go ballistic with statistics
(average is cliché)
I break away on freeways

stop hissing
do you hear hissing?

I’m not listening
signal missing
what did I miss?
(did I miss?)
snakes pissing on ambition
see the friction?
so I write fiction
addicted to diction
a fatal addition
to a fatal affliction—
the mission—
flipping systems
(convicted)

ain't that a bitch?
(ain’t that a bitch?)
thirty-six years digging ditches
to find out I’m the ditch
an empty void where I don’t fit
(but I won’t quit)
(persist)

nah, I’m going in
(the abyss)
you coming with?
check your wrist
does time exist?
make a wish
blow a kiss

take chances
make mistakes
GET MESSY!
(ms. Frizzle!?)

I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I’m so cold
logist-ic, unrealist-ic
get away from me with lipstick
I’m focused on the dipsticks
the burning oil—engine sickness

am I just a lunatic
or Jeremiah laying bricks
(laying bricks)
laying bricks
(laying bricks)
taking licks
(taking licks)
fixing ticks

nah, I’m going in
(the abyss)
you coming with?
check your wrist
does time exist?
make a wish
blow a kiss

MESSY

check the logic. it’s cold and systemic
a hunger so global, the fear is pandemic
survival? anemic. so let’s get polemic
standing on sidelines, acting prophetic
that’s been my aesthetic
I’ve been pathetic, see
choices out there are harrowing
walls out there are narrowing
if I’m out here collecting dimes
is that selling out or buying time?

systems are rigged, it’s explicit
acting with scorn means I’m complicit
I won’t add to the deficit of love
I won’t push the spirit down just to prove I can break it

I see machines hurting people, it’s massive
my rage against machines can’t be passive
I have to find a way to be effective
to change perspectives

I’m unappreciative
God, it’s so pervasive
the urge to be evasive or abrasive 
I’m trying to find a motive that’s creative
but creation is destruction

here’s a terrifying variable
burdens aren’t curable
I have to teach my kids the world can be terrible
without making their lives unbearable
how do I pass the heat without passing the scorch?
I don’t want them to inherit cynicism
but I can’t lie about the mechanisms
I can’t lie about the prison

decades of liability
managing volatility
testing stability 
to hold anger and love with mobility
I call that agility
I might never master the facility
I might never find tranquility
but I have to try
for the sake of possibility
I pray they can survive hostility
with their hearts intact

I’m unappreciative
but I’m working on my narrative
I’m fighting the imperative
to burn it all down
just trying to live

unappreciative

I’m auditing the structure of integrity
scanning fractures in the spine of my identity
performative, benevolent, masks of serenity
underneath, rotting in obscurity
fragmented, disjointed, incoherent
falsity is parasitic, the sickness is inherent
I speak in dialects and scripts I never wrote
I’ve choked on lies lodged deep in my own throat
I have a mirror but the image is distorted
every noble impulse I ever had has been aborted
by cowardice of comfort, the sedation of the herd
I’m terrified to utter another single honest word
because truth is a scalpel, truth is severance
it cuts through piety, it cuts through reverence
leaves you left bloody with who you really are
a creature full of malice gazing up at stars

if you don't burn them, lies build cells
and pave roads right down to Hell
so call the Devil by his name
strike a match, feed the flame

deadwood, dry rot, accumulation
a psyche of tinder waits for incineration
think you’re avoiding pain? Hallucination
you’re adding interest to the devastation
burning is mandatory, suffering is constant
choose sacrifice or living as a respondent
consequence of chaos, totalitarian states
manifesting gulag through things we tolerate
we know where bodies are
we know how to manufacture avatars
a collective psychosis born of individual lies
closing eyes to truth as benevolence dies
so I’m standing, contending with a monster
not the one under the bed, the one I foster
the malevolence inside me waiting for a slip

and it hurts
God, it hurts to let parts of you die
to witness ego shrivel up and vaporize
but look at the alternative
look at what happens when we don't
we make Hell

making Hell

I hear scratching in the plaster
every second, louder, faster
backed into a pillar of cold stone
it’s getting warmer, I’m not alone
a sea of teeth, a flood of limbs
of doubt and sin and could have beens
I’m tearing up, I’m tearing apart
a hole in the sky like the hole in my heart
I didn't ask for war, I didn't ask for a siege
I’m looking to God, but I can’t find a friend
I’m just trying to get from here to the end

it’s too late to run
it’s too dark to see

don’t look down, don’t look down
look at the lies, look at the sins
look at the lives we’ve built collapsing in
don’t look down
look in

she’s bound to the floor
she’s bound for the sky
she keeps asking why?
why choose this life?

I see gold in tears on her face
I see proof of infinite grace
but I can’t take her hand, I know the cost
if I let her save me, then I’m what’s lost
I want to be safe! I want to be held!
I can sell pain and bargain for breath
I can’t cheat life to beat death

I look at Her
I look at the blood
and I smirk
still covered in some

don't look Down

processes get vicious when promises are fictitious
a phoenix is rising but looking suspicious
I’m peeling back layers to unwrap the present
it’s unpleasant to witness remnants
peasant is just another name for tenant
so I severed bonds to see beyond
no magic wand just a vagabond soul

in a crucible irreproducible
a truth irrefusable–pain is usable
I make musical waste with terrible taste
running a race with limited space
manifesting isolation
strangled creation
no salvation just more agitation
communication via amputation
feeling cathartic aiming at targets
another artist with bloody carpets

pride can’t be silent
complexity is violent
pride can’t be silent
complexity is violent

retention of detention during ascension means
dimensions of tension beyond comprehension
I reject extensions of prevention of Intention

pride can’t be silent
complexity is violent
pride can’t be silent
complexity is violent
shh–I’m learning resilience


silent violence

The voices are synthetic
The pain is real

Slate Theory

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