produced by jxyln

cover art by @aidanjewell + @user-654846963 (jacoby)

MY SELF DESTRUCTIVE TENDENCIES JUST MIGHT BE THE DEATH OF ME

featuring neeco <3

cover art by @heartpacee

produced by immortal

lyrics:

Who am I to hypothesize?
When every time we talked about it it was based on lies
I took advantage of your trust so I could still get high
You told me come back in a month and now it's been bout 9
Wonder how I ain't die
Wonder how I'm alive, but in due time
Who am I drinking all night long?
While you were sitting there just worried bout me back at home
I take another and another tryna overdose
I probably won't because of you but you know how that goes
Stuck in a comatose
Laid with my rose
So tell me what was the last thing that you said
I'm sorry I cut you off, say that again
God damn now we trailing off back in a sec
Now every time that I text I'm left on read
And the next time that you text I might be dead
I might be dead
I hate that the last thing that you said was

Let me speak
Let me speak
I ain't slept in bout a week
I'm still tryna hit my peak
Let me speak
Let me speak
Let me speak

I'm underground
That's when they get to talkin bout me like I'm here right now
In my head it's peace and quiet please don't be too loud
Got an angel but the devil won't let me out
Let me out
The only way that I can talk is through a wall of sound
A wall of sound
But please don't break it with those words that I despise
A sea of people looking at me with no eyes
eyes but do they pray for me
Every person there was hating me 
One day I will fucking rot

Let me speak
Let me speak
I ain't slept in bout a week
I'm still tryna hit my peak
Let me speak
Let me speak
Let me speak

LET ME SPEAK w/ neeco

prod king theta

the beaten path 1/26

lyrics:

i still feel last friday night
the yellows in my eyes girl that ain't right
the shadows on my wall have came to life
you're witnessing the fall i'm ashamed to write
i'll never get better
and how the fuck i'm supposed to blame it on the sunny weather
if ima die tonight then how will i be your forever
all i know
is that i'm crawling home
cus i spent 3 days sleeping in the room with the porcelain walls
tryna find out what to do but i'm losing it all
if i spend the days with you i don't care bout the cost
if I live past 22 you'll find me dead on a cross

all i know
is i got nothing left to show
all i know
is that i'm never coming home

i still feel last friday night
i'm covering the scars and i cried 8 times
i crashed a couple cars and i still ain't died
i'm looking at the stars but their in my mind

i'll never get better
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
i'll never get better
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
i'll never get better
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

did u really care when i almost died
cus i don't really care if i lose my life
got drugs for us to share blew it off my knife
girl u were never there but you're here tonight
won't u tell me why
i still listen when i know u only tell me lies
if they shun me down to hell u know that hell will rise
i said you can keep my soul if u look in my eyes

look away, don't look away

all i know
is youve been carrying my load
wish u could marry with my soul
wish i could stay and watch u grow

i still feel last friday night
the yellows in my eyes girl that ain't right
the shadows on my wall have came to life
you're witnessing the fall i'm ashamed to write
i'll never get better
and how the fuck i'm supposed to blame it on the sunny weather
if ima die tonight then how will i be your forever
all i know
is that i'm crawling home
cus i spent 3 days sleeping in the room with the porcelain walls
tryna find out what to do but i'm losing it all

LAST FRIDAY NIGHT

*MUSIC VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wc-ywd8N2s

Prod thrml + bended

lyrics:
It feels like everything is falling on me
It feels like I'm the only problem, I see
And I keep building myself up just to fall back down
And I keep thinking that you're gone don't you call back now
Yeah I keep thinking I'm the shit but I'm not all that now
And every time I stop and sit, wish I was in the ground

I guess I got to keep it moving, I see
It's hard to see me past a fluid IV
But I'm still in love with the music, my tree
It's just real hard to keep pursuing my dream
But I won't ever stop
I left my words engraved in stone so it's forever now
And I been trying to trick myself to think it's better now
But this my purpose talking to the mic whenever now
And sometimes I might start to sink but I won't ever drown
It's falling on me
Feels like the life I want is calling on me
I see my old friends got my song on repeat
And other people think it's wrong that I'm me
And other people think it's wrong that, I'm trying
Not only for the song but, I'm dying
The road I'm trying to find is long but, I'll find it
I'm stuck inside a fog but, I don't mind it
I let it wash over me and clean my sins
And I keep saying that I won't but know I will again

I guess I got to keep it moving, I see
It's hard to see me past a fluid IV

It's just real hard because it's falling on me
Feels like the life I want is calling on me
I see my old friends got my song on repeat
And other people think it's wrong that I'm me
And other people think it's-

FALLING ON ME *VIDEO IN DESCRIPTION*

prod king theta

lyrics:
At the bottom of this bottle
I'll find everything but tomorrow 
I still wallow and drown my sorrows
And cut up rocks in my Monte Carlo
DND when I cut my line
In the night I'm gone come alive
They gone clap when they watch my eyes close
They love me when they watch me die slow
All the screams help me silence things
Suicide been inside my dreams
I'm gone die right inside this Tahoe
Scream my name when I'm in the cosmos

They call me Astro, but I'm too human to understand the concept of space
It's funny how I can't be alone but the thought of people drives me insane
I can't pretend I'm someone else I'm me but don't think I won't try
I'll be everything that you need Cause for me I just can't be that guy
Why? Why?
Can't I get things right?
I just cry, cry, cry
And pour my problems over ice
I get high, high, high
Off those flashing lights
Hear them scream my name inside my dreams to get my through the night

I think you're perfect you just want me to be okay I'll try
I need to get it right this time because it's do or die
You think I'm worth it
But I'm worthless and you'll see that in time
Go pack your bags let's hit the road and leave our past life behind

If it's demons on the roadside you can throw me off the cliff
I'll lead them where we'll both die
Or we'll find out why we live
In ten years I'll cross the boatyard
Just to see your smile again
You could have someone else's hand
Maybe I'll have lived enough to-
Be your man
You said we'd cross paths again
 And I've been struggling down the path we set out on when we began
So if it's demons on the roadside
You can throw me to them if it means you'll win

At the bottom of this bottle
I'll find everything but tomorrow 
I still wallow and drown my sorrows
And cut up rocks in my Monte Carlo
DND when I cut my line
In the night I'm gone come alive
They gone clap when they watch my eyes close
They love me when they watch me die slow
All the screams help me silence things
Suicide been inside my dreams
I'm gone die right inside this Tahoe
Scream my name when I'm in the cosmos

IN THE COSMOS w/ 4stro, ap ycm & jackson sadinsky

prod. king theta

lyrics:
I can never be what you need
I can never be what you want
I've been stuck in the indigo and you hear it in all my songs
We were fine just a year ago, but I still don't know where I'm wrong
Every night I know tears will flow cause I made you wait for too long
You had faith in me but I let you down
Tried to float with me but I let you drown
And when things went south, then I left the town
If you got to leave then just let me down slowly

Girl, I always got your name on my skin
Yeah I always thought you'd raise all my kids
Will you watch me rot the day that I give
Even though I don't deserve it
I'm sorry that I can't be perfect
I'm trying baby nothings working
You think it's cause I got deserted
But it happens every day of my life
Went back to a stranger being my wife
My life is in danger, killing my light
Already killed the old me, killing him twice
I'm stuck here at the bottom and killing my high

They think I don't know the struggle because I'm 19
You've never been at the bottom you're nothing like me
I'm trying to crash out so fuck it
You want to fight me?
Put the dukes up
Hang both my shoes up
Boy please try me I want you to do some
Hang with twin rattlesnakes like Medusa
End my suffering I'm just a loser
Won't it's fuck them then I'm trying to shoot some
I'm gone dump them in banks of the Houston
Guess I live and I die by this Ruger

I can never be what you need
I can never be what you want
I've been stuck in the indigo and you hear it in all my songs
We were fine just a year ago, but I still don't know where I'm wrong
Every night I know tears will flow cause I made you wait for too long
You had faith in me but I let you down
Tried to float with me but I let you drown
And when things went south, then I left the town
If you got to leave then just let me down slowly

Let me down slowly
Let me down slowly

CRASH OUT ANTHEM

prod guda

lyrics:
I been on the drugs I been lazy
Made me think that I'm the one who's crazy
All my Opp's rolled in a pack, getting hazy
Pupils dilated on the daily
Am I gonna die tonight I don't know maybe
All my homies' wrists be shining like the navy
Crash out with my bitch she told me have my baby
I'm in hell I done recorded this with Hades
Oh
Oh, Oh
(Oh no)
I'm not excited to let you go
But just make sure that your boyfriend know
About every place that you went last night

Oh
I'm not excited to let you go
But just make sure that your boyfriend know
That you gone show up still in my coat
(Say every place that you went last night)
Oh
(Say every place that you went last night)
Oh
About every place that you went last night

I been on the drugs I been lazy
Made me think that I'm the one who's crazy
All my Opp's rolled in a pack, getting hazy
Pupils dilated on the daily
Am I gonna die tonight I don't know maybe
All my homies' wrists be shining like the navy
Crash out with my bitch she told me have my baby
I'm in hell I done recorded this with Hades
Oh
Oh, Oh
(Oh no)
I'm not excited to let you go
But just make sure that your boyfriend know
About every place that you went last night

(Oh)
(Oh)

U LEFT LAST NIGHT INTERLUDE

Prod 14slxva + dynox

lyrics:
I know a place that security never guarding
If someone trying to fuck with you then let me know
Cause it’s war like the Evergarden
This shit should have never started
On text but you never heart it
Girl I don’t know
When to move fast or how to move slow
But your old man getting the .44
4
Yeah he tried to fight back but he gone fold for sure
Yeah his homeboys know where his bro gone, go
Got a new bitch and she go loco, bro

And she said boy get up behind me
Codeine in my Hi-C
Don’t care if you like me
Hennessy in my IV
Yeah
Let’s go to where all of this started
Way before all of the shows and deposits
Before we was geeking on molly
Before she came up every time that she saw me
Nothing changed I’m still the same, yeah
Couple blue strips won’t make me fake, yeah
Hold me down, but I’m still a player
Lil bro fuck around to much like what you say?
Yeah
Every night popping champagne, yeah
I ain’t worried about a damn thing, yeah
In a year from now I’ll break the bank, yeah
In a year from now I’ll stay the same, yeah

I know a place that security never guarding
If someone trying to fuck with you then let me know
Cause it’s war like the Evergarden
This shit should have never started
On text but you never heart it
Girl I don’t know
When to move fast or how to move slow
But your old man getting the .44
4
Yeah he tried to fight back but he gone fold for sure
Yeah his homeboys know where his bro gone, go
Got a new bitch and she go loco, bro

That bitch is loco
I got a beam on my stick like it’s glow cove
Fill him with lead and it’s hot like it’s cocoa
I bought some white and it come by the boatload
Walking the street and they use me for promo
Walk down the street if you talking on me then I’m aiming the beam and I’m leaving you rojo
Watching the bullet hit your head in slow-mo
Then I link up with the bros when I go home
Dropping the tape on they head like a GoPro
100K and I did that with no promo, lil bitch

I know a place that security never guarding
If someone trying to fuck with you then let me know
Cause it’s war like the Evergarden
This shit should have never started
On text but you never heart it
Girl I don’t know
When to move fast or how to move slow
But your old man getting the .44
4
Yeah he tried to fight back but he gone fold for sure
Yeah his homeboys know where his bro gone, go
Got a new bitch and she go loco, bro

EVERGARDEN

prod king theta

lyrics:
While I write this song, I'm officially touching on rock bottom
Trying to right my wrongs, but I still can't acknowledge that I got them
Are we strangers yet again?
These walls are caving in
Be strong and don't you quit
Even though I wish we could drop it to just try
One more time
Want to just lie
Here and die
All I got is this mic

And I ain't saying this shit for no TikTok video views
And I ain't talking my shit on it this time, but I been on the news
Fix our problems with that new red lingerie
Thought this time was different but it's all the same
Your bad premonitions coming to life
And back then I couldn't picture tonight
But here we are

While I write this song I'm officially saying that I don't give a fuck
And yeah, I bite my tongue but I'm constantly deprecating and giving up
Will I ever leave my shell?
Will I die behind a cell?
A danger to myself
But you know I'll never let anyone hurt you
Yeah you know I'll never let anyone in between
I been pouring drugs in this cup since I was a teen
I'm gone put the blade to my face like it's Halloween
They gone sing along to my songs but don't know the meaning
Ask me why I said what I said but I didn't mean it
I been overdoing, abusing it, I been geeking
But I'll be okay
They told me make the same shit I did in the old days
They wanted six in the morning when I get on stage
But they still flick and record it if this shit don't play
Now I'm finally up
I'm still in the dumps
I know it's my year but I started it in the cuffs

While I write this song, I'm officially touching on rock bottom
Trying to right my wrongs, but I still can't acknowledge that I got them
Are we strangers yet again?
These walls are caving in
Be strong and don't you quit
Even though I wish we could drop it to just try
One more time
Want to just lie
Here and die
All I got is this mic

Its never been enough

I'll never be enough

I'll never be in love again

No, no, no, no, no
No, no, no, no, no
Never be in love

Never be in love
Fuck

STRANGERS AGAIN

lyrics:
(Shh)

Is this all?
Is there more to life than this?
Yeah is this all?
I guess that's unfortunate
Yeah is this all?
Well I mean of course it is
Yeah is this all?
Or should I put a cork in it?
Yeah is this all?
Is this all?
Is this all for nothing?
Or is there something deeper?
The floor just ate my sneakers
I'm Morphing with the reaper
The door just ate my finger
I still can't see inside

Is this all?
Is there more to life than this?
Yeah is this all?
I guess that's unfortunate
Yeah is this all?
Well I mean of course it is

Is it all
Is it all done and over
Left my blood on the wall there's your closure
When I'm gone will you all still be sober?
Will your mom try to call up my old work?
Is it all
Is it all done and over
Is it all
Is it all done and over
Is it all
Is it all

Is this all?
Is this all for nothing?
Or is there something deeper?
The floor just ate my sneakers
I'm Morphing with the reaper
The door just ate my finger
I still can't see inside

I still can't see inside

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