LYRICS:

Fluorescent lights are shining yeah down from above
Thinking it's heaven but that's just a joke
Knowing I'm in hell already it helps
If suicide happens I'll come back to tell

Cigarette ashes are inside my veins
Watch the skin just boil and now break
I would have tried to fix myself 
But I know I deserve all the pain

Clouded up and I push down the hate
I don't remember what did I say
Just consumed by the emptiness
That boils and just lives inside my brain

It's like when did we decide just not to get better
Toxic traits start to breed into the ones you deceive
If she was outside your house would you save her   
I miss the old you, yeah your face I can't see

Lose a friend grab my hand, won't you tag along
The person in the TV's telling me I need to go
Just let it end, let me mend, yeah I don't belong
Your voice is like the sea, it's dragging, pulling at my feet

Lose a friend grab my hand, won't you tag along
The person in the TV's telling me I need to go
The floor it breaks, starts to shake, you're not in control
I fall asleep all day without these meds you know I'll break

A liar and disgust and all that is free
Comparing your rings with the ones who can't eat
Jealousy brews in your gut till you're weak
Stealing and hiding while they get to sleep

I hear you screaming out from the edge of the wall
You see red and your family distorts
I tried to come between you two 
But you know that, that wasn't a choice

You didn't care even though I was ten
I guess ever since then I pretend
That everything will fix itself
But you know I can't handle the noise

Lose a friend grab my hand, won't you tag along
The person in the TV's telling me I need to go
Just let it end, let me mend, yeah I don't belong
Your voice is like the sea, it's dragging, pulling at my feet

Lose a friend grab my hand, won't you tag along
The person in the TV's telling me I need to go
The floor it breaks, starts to shake, you're not in control
I fall asleep all day without these meds you know I'll break

Wishing

LYRICS:

Black eye, burnt skin
I know the pain comes within
With shattered bones in my wrist
We watch the self-hate begin

A picture frame of a friend
Who wanted it just to end
purple stain on his throat
Show that wounds never mend

Silence then whispers all around
I feel them calling out for me
With reflections coming from the stained glass
I feel like I'm just a freak

When I saw his heavy hands hold onto you I knocked him off his feet
Then popped his teeth like pills until the arms around me made me weak
It was you, it was you always watching from the side
Yeah for you I did things that made me wish I would just die

Knocked to the concrete again, you said that you'd be there, no, 
I got beaten to a pulp, you’re never here you never care 

And I, 
I only have myself to blame
I bottle up yeah all the hate
My nervous system is betrayed

And I,
I feel the fatigue in my veins
I lay in stasis just decayed
Never awake just sleep for days

Feel this emptiness just burn in my stomach
I haven't eaten in days but still feels like I will vomit
Im in this constant state of nervousness and panic attacks
I try to be there for you but that's just something I lack.

I can't stand the public eye, with judgment from the sides
Feel like I'm just not enough yeah I know something’s caught their eyes
Is it empathy or pity? I couldn't tell.
It's like they are waiting for the fall then they'll come for the kill.

Left, right, I see their faces all in front of me
The ones I used to love the pain it brings i see them on their knees
Searching for apparitions that never seem to appear
They're praying to a deity that makes them cower in fear

So what's the point in that, explain it to me, I wanna know
Do you feel something as you kick your son yeah out of a home
Can you look upon your child and see the scars on his hands
He just wants someone to be proud of him, he thought you’d understand

And I, 
I only have myself to blame
I bottle up yeah all the hate
My nervous system is betrayed

And I,
I feel the fatigue in my veins
I lay in stasis just decayed
Never awake just sleep for days

Watch Me Sink

LYRICS:

Didn't wanna get it, didn't wanna face it, yeah, a family’s torn apart
Two kids in the middle I was only 13  when I knew that I was stuck
Swear I was hearing voices coming from the walls, my father freaked out and just stopped
Forced to talk to a psychiatrist who medicated me till I was cut

Tried to understand but I couldn't, Zyprexa just made me fall asleep
What did you expect from a kid who didn't have a stomach just to eat
So I made friends with the stars, they said that I wouldn't get far
But I found comfort in always being alone and trapped in my own

So don't tell me that you’re sorry for what you did
Because you're not, yeah you're not yeah I know that you are not
Cus I don't care, what's done is done I can't forget
Because I'm stuck yeah im stuck in a place with my own thoughts

Am I not real, I realized that I don't fit in
You can't accept, can't accept me for who I wanna be
Im overwhelmed, I'm not comfortable in my skin
This isn't me, isn't me, when will my mind find some sleep

A few years later nothing changes just a kid stuck in a rut
Putting on a facade for family just so they won't bother me a lot
Been twelve years since I was diagnosed with depression thought there was a cure
But the SSRIs numbed me out until I felt like I was worse

I want to explain it but I've realized no one cares for who you care
No one is special, no one is gifted, mental trauma that makes a star 
When there's nothing left I'll probably kill myself to let go of this pain
Cus I'm always tormented by myself when I forget my own name.

So don't tell me that you’re sorry for what you did
Because you're not, yeah you're not yeah I know that you are not
Cus I don't care, what's done is done I can't forget
Because I'm stuck yeah im stuck in a place with my own thoughts

Am I not real, I realized that I don't fit in
You can't accept, can't accept me for who I wanna be
Im overwhelmed, I'm not comfortable in my skin
This isn't me, isn't me, when will my mind find some sleep

Stuck

Check Out Rivilin:
Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/rivilin
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/3Zx6YOsYHf5uj5xvnNhhgL
iTunes: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/rivilin/1457877216
Insta: https://www.instagram.com/RivilinOfficial/
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rivilin
Twitter: https://x.com/RivilinOfficial

Check Out The Producer:
Youtube: www.youtube.com/c/KodaBeatz/featured
Beatstars: www.kodabeatz999.beatstars.com/
Twitter: www.twitter.com/prodkoda
Instagram: www.instagram.com/prod.koda/

(Robstar)
Do you look in the mirror and see you
For me it's only somebody pretending
I write it all in my room
But does this story have an ending
'Cause I see the signs
Of distrust and bitter lies
Yeah, and the twist I see in mind
Could ruin things I hold close to me
It's hard to breathe
And what you'll find ain't what it seems
I lock me in and I threw away the key
You'll only find the real me in misery

I've been going through shit I don't talk about
Even when I'm there I don't wanna let you down
Stuck inside my cage, you can't get me out
I always say it in shame like do you want me now
I'm always playing this game of who want me around
Keep me tame by the chain of what I think is allowed
And I keep waiting for the pain of when I hit the ground
Disappearing and I fade, I'm one in a crowd

(Rivilin)
Yeah, the only one who has a problem with me is me
I'm the one who drags me down, I'm the one who wants to leave
suffocating in my dreams, this life's too much for me
anxiety lives in my gut; it weighs like a brick till I sink

like damn, when did it get this bad, I don't know
racing through topics in my head, like will I just end alone
I don't know but for now I guess I’ll just stay home
every day is a struggle I think I still need time to grow

who’s that in the mirror, it’s not me 
that reflection I still see yeah isn’t mine
change up inside my head if I don't
I’ll be stuck on me forever and I’ll never climb

(Robstar)
I've been going through shit I don't talk about
Even when I'm there I don't wanna let you down
Stuck inside my cage, you can't get me out
I always say it in shame like do you want me now
I'm always playing this game of who want me around
Keep me tame by the chain of what I think is allowed
And I keep waiting for the pain of when I hit the ground
Disappearing and I fade, I'm one in a crowd

One in a Crowd

Rivilin

One in a Crowd ft. Rivilin [Prod. OkayKoda]

Lyrics:

malnourished I sit at the back far from the view where the fog is scarce.
hoping I don’t get recognized talking to youse a waste of time.
pop a few pills and I’m sinking down, staring from above, I sink I drown.
sleeping with a knife pressed to my neck, just looking at you yeah makes me sick.

club lights are flashing back on and off, 
there’s a feeling in my stomach and it’s telling me to stop.
place two feet forward I can’t remember I forgot.
yeah, how did I get here are you telling me I’m lost

yeah, push back to the wake of yesterday.
feel the sunlight burn the skin that I portray.
just a mask, yeah, I fake it, you don’t know who I am.
and I’ll never let you in, cus you’ll never understand.

is this the end of me reset it back then bleed
with fingers wrapped around my lungs I couldn’t stay I had the leave
depression comes and breeds, speaks tongues of apathy.
your loves like water down my lungs I wanna stay but I can’t breathe.

these hooks just lower me into the water below.
I see its infested with just degenerates who wanna carve at my soul.
they wanna get inside, I hide, they’re the reason why I stay at home.
but I’m always dragged out into situations tie me up above burning coal.

and I come to realise that it’s not worth, 
my hands are shaking far from picture perfect.
senses overload and I’m hurting.
pressure builds and builds and turning.

me in my head, 
it making me wish I was dead.
having conversations with the thing on my shoulder
he says it gets worse as I grow older.

CARTER

IDLEGLANCE x Rivilin x Sepha.

Rivilin: @rivilin
Sepha.: @sepha-joey

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/o9d0qB-Efow

Lyrics:

[Voicelines]:

I don't wanna d*e
Or k**l myself
I just wanna disappear
Until I feel okay

[Rivilin]:

You didn't want to understand
That's fair, that's ok
My head just hurts a lot
And every day just ends in constant pain
I met him down underneath
In the dark depths of my dreams
He tells me don't trust a soul
Cause no one is ever as they seem

Too bad it doesn't matter anymore
Glock straight to the temple
Dreams of dying by the door
And you can't get in
Cause my body's in the way
And you're screaming out for help
But nobody turns your way
And lately every night
Is plagued by nightmares
Waking in a sweat
Yeah I know I need some therapy
But I can't get a grip
Cause I can't afford the rent
And I can't afford to eat
Man, I always try my best
But this tastes just like defeat

[SEPHA.]:

Every time that I said I was fine
I was never
I was never
They who interrupt every dream of mine
I’ll flee from them forever
Flee from them forever
Maybe I’ll just look away
Maybe I’ll just quit this
Maybe I’ll just flee forever
Maybe I’ll just flee forever
Maybe I’ll just look away
Maybe I’ll just quit this
Maybe I’ll just flee forever
Maybe I’ll just flee

Nightwalking dark alleys with a shrug
Self critical thoughts like a warm hug
Affirmations crushed like a bug
With a hard shell under your heel
As days get shorter
Feels like time tries to steal
All the comfort that you held onto
And say get real
Here's responsibility laid on a plate
Sorry that it's dry and it has no taste

Every time that I said I was fine
I was never
I was never
They who interrupt every dream of mine
I’ll flee from them forever
Flee from them forever

Maybe I’ll just
Flee from them forever
Maybe I’ll just
Flee from them forever
Maybe I’ll just
Flee from them forever

[Voicelines]:

Sometimes
The only way out
Is to fade away
Leave everything behind
And never look back

Flee Forever

Rivilin x Sepha. - Flee Forever

Rise up from the rubble, there's no ground to stand
The promise of it getting betters just bland
You come to my home where I chose to withdraw
This battle inside isn't something that's fought
 
This towns now deserted since they shut the gate
They covered their faces while we got betrayed
You find you're still standing above your own flesh
I thought I was happy, I guess this ain’t it
 
That's when I turned around at the sound of a voice
You’re saying I’m glad that I’m finally here
Still don't know where I am really 
If I think about it, then it's clear
 
This place is where you go after
you get consumed by your doubt
And that voice I heard starts to guide me
And leads me outside this house
 
This is where you left your family
Tell yourself that they never cared
Here's where you stay, and you'll suffer
Until your bodies repaired  
 
It feels like time never changes
Since night seems never to come
And now your left here in limbo
I ask yeah what have I done
 
I never wanted it to be like this,
I didn't think that I was going to be missed
I thought I’d be happy but this isn't it
And now I realize, I’ve left my soul in a pit
 
It doesn't matter anymore I already chose to quit
Selfishly just cut my ties as I am found in a ditch
Tell myself if I had stayed, I would have still just done it
I’m all alone, into the depths I submit
 
I don’t really get it but my skin just flakes
Overwhelmed by flowers I burst then decay
As insects crawl inside, they gather within
They salvage what’s left of me, I just can’t win
 
Become isolated I’m one with the fear
That dissociation never disappears
And when I open up, I get ostracised
I think somethings wrong I guess that’s not a lie
 
I just try to reach for help out there, but there was nothing for me to grasp
heart held fast but I could never fathom, just how long despair would just last
like what are you stupid, none of this is real, come closer and soon you will feel
the judgment of ones who said they’d be there, with that it all became clear
 
and when I woke up bandages surround me, I guess this time they’ll same I’m sincere
And when I told them I am not coping, you know they won’t interfere
Just lock my mental state up in a capsule, hiding it will make you feel real
All it did was numb me out, until I knew that I was not here

Let the fire consume me

Come to in a bathroom tub, waters on, frozen I’m stuck
can't believe I'm here again, broken arms I can't pretend
that it's just normal to be pacing these hospital rooms
tryna search for something but every time I get a little closer, I'm consumed.

wake up, wake up
You’re floating above the sky, you think the clouds are rushing past
you feel like you’re just alive, for once in your life,
but that's just it, it builds up and then you fall upon knives, like what’s up

Worst part of it, I’m just repeating myself over and over and over again
nothing changes; I just stay, try to get up it's too late
set on fire, melted down, regenerated these flames are bound
to soul when I am found, I'll be screaming without a sound

teeth filled with the flesh of another, 
you don’t want all of this, you don’t want to be missed
I see the faces coming forth from the shadows,
they're brewing down to a cyst, they leave my neck tied and twist 

stare down from the edge I can’t breathe
I see death’s stare looking straight into me
He says, If you fall hit the ground; fall apart
I'll pick your little pieces up, but can't fix a broken heart, I loathe

I look up to see that no one is there 
it's just the grey sky that latches, fills me up with despair
I try to reach up, yeah, but no one replies
constantly tearing at my skin just to see if I'm alive

Welcome to hell you said. didn't imagine it'd be like this
gone unfed, can't afford to eat, yea this world is far from bliss
blessed above with dissociation, try to get a grip losing patience
as you push your nails through my hands, flinching back I didn't understand

yeah, there’s no meaning to it; you just enjoyed it
see my face fill with pain, breaking bones to remain
Yeah, to be the one you’ve chosen, my eyes are frozen
on seeing your smile decay, grind me down you betray

and there’s just me, laying in this bedroom alone
and sometimes I hear the noises scratching at the walls they beckon and call
yeah just to see some type of change, they want me to cave so they can control
what's fucking left of this body as I drink myself a hole, and you say

teeth filled with the flesh of another, 
you don’t want all of this, you don’t want to be missed
I see the faces coming forth from the shadows,
they're brewing down to a cyst, they leave my neck tied and twist 

stare down from the edge I can’t breathe
I see death’s stare looking straight into me
He says, If you fall hit the ground; fall apart
I'll pick your little pieces up, but can't fix a broken heart, I loathe

I look up to see that no one is there 
it's just the grey sky that latches, fills me up with despair
I try to reach up, yeah, but no one replies
constantly tearing at my skin just to see if I'm alive

University Telephone Hotline

How could I say that I'm okay?
Thanks so much to Rivilin for the crazy vocals

i'm sorry. goodnight w/@Rivilin

Stairgaze: heavy yet pretty noises born out of sadness, blurring the line between the outer world and the complexities of a troubled soul within, natural entropy and artificial dissonance. I do music that makes me feel something, sometimes with friends. Amateur producer out of Luxembourg with a love for ambient, shoegaze, black metal, post rock, witchouse, gothic and noise rock.

Self produced / Sad  

CONTACT: RIVILINAU@GMAIL.COM

𝔐𝔢𝔪𝔟𝔢𝔯 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔢 "𝔇𝔦𝔢 𝔜𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔤" 𝔠𝔬𝔩𝔩𝔢𝔠𝔱𝔦𝔳𝔢

https://soundcloud.com/die-young-die-young

Honestly I don't know what you see
But I see you every time that I dream
And I will until the day I'm gone

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