Have you lived long enough to see yourself become a villain?  Have you made a decision to turn your pain into something beneficial?  Is it possible for you to see beauty in the darkness?  

Beauty In The Darkness

The Darkest Star is a track from my 2020 album Beauty In The Darkness.

I had quite a lot of requests to remake Decadence and Disorder for the album, so I decided to restructure the lyrics and give it a totally new sound. The title comes from my favourite lyric in D&D: 'you're the darkest star within the galaxy of life'.

The Darkest Star (The Voice Of Anorexia)

Shadow Dancer is a track from my 2020 album Beauty In The Darkness.

The inspiration behind this song came from the memory of dancing alone in my bedroom at night when I was suffering from anorexia as a teenager. I would wait until after midnight, put on my headphones, and dance until I believed I'd burned off enough calories - it was just me, my shadow, and the anorexic voice pushing me on. With this track, I hoped to capture the haunting feeling of isolation that comes with embracing the anorexic voice, and the strange sense of companionship that forms as a result.

Shadow Dancer

Loving Curse is a track from my 2020 album Beauty In The Darkness. I wanted to try and make something to bridge the gap between Dark Descent and BITD, going for something more atmospheric and menacing, portraying the anorexic voice in its rawest form.

Loving Curse

Dark Thoughts is my first song written solely about male anorexia, where I've tried to reflect the difficulties and judgement men with anorexia experience when reaching out for help.

Dark Thoughts

Cold is a track from my 2020 album Beauty In The Darkness, based on the cold reality of anorexia hospitalisation. Within the track, I've added voiceovers reflecting the mental battle between the sufferer and the anorexic voice. Cold can also be seen as a sister song to Immune.

Cold

So Low is the first song I've written about depression, with undercurrents of an eating disorder. With this track, I tried to capture how I've felt during low times, and the need to hide myself away from others and shut out the world.

So Low

Beauty In The Darkness is a song from my 2020 album under the same name. 

This track was inspired by a YouTube comment on one of my other songs, which made me realise that there are elements of beauty within the darkness of eating disorders - for example, the intense euphoria and feeling of achievement experienced through weight loss. The lyrics convey how the ED tries to seduce the sufferer by playing on insecurities and fears from childhood, or from peer pressure, and offers a misleading sense of comfort and security.

Fading Light is the short intro to my 2020 album Beauty In The Darkness. The track symbolises the descent into darkness in the story of the album, fading directly into Shadow Dancer.

Fading Light (Intro)

Rising Dawn is the final track from my 2020 album Beauty In The Darkness. It signifies the darkness giving way to light in the story of the album, portraying the rising hope of personal recovery, and encouraging the sufferer to find the strength within themselves to begin the recovery journey.

Also, I grew up in the 90s and I have a lot of nostalgia around cassette tapes, so I liked experimenting with this track and concluding the album, and over a year of hard work in creating it, with a final press of the stop button.

Rising Dawn (Outro)

Recovered anorexic from UK 🇬🇧
Psychological music based on eating disorders & mental illness 🎶

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