In 2017 I got addicted to painkillers
In the six weeks before we met
And after that I took them only when I needed
Like the night you called me back
And in the mornings we would walk to class and smoke cheap cigarettes
Because menthols taste healthier, right?
Back then I didn’t sleep and I wrote shitty poetry
About Newark when my grandma died

And i hope you don’t remember at all
You just grab the money and i’ll take the fall
I never moved to New York, but I went there on tour; I’ve got your notes in my drawer
I still remember it all

In 2021 I mixed klonopin and whiskey
In the city where angels go to die
And I made a man a flower crown then passed out on his living room floor
And said “don’t touch me, I’m fine”
See, my ambition was a prison, wanted to carve my name into
The bones of everybody I met
Back then I didn’t see beauty in just about anything
So I guess it turned out just how you said
It would

But I hope you don’t remember at all
Been running away, it’s getting harder to walk
I don’t know what it was for, getting ruined for sport; goddamn victorian whore
I still remember it all

Reading my old journals, double-checking it got better
And my hands still turn purple when it’s cold, so I’ll wait seven years
‘Til there’s nothing left of who i was but melody and fever
I hope next time, when she says she’s too high you’ll stop
And you'll believe her

One day I won’t remember at all
The pictures all faded, now we’re outlines in chalk
I never moved to New York, but I’ll go there on tour; I guess that settles the score
I still remember it all

i still remember it all

If I don't turn off the TV
I think I'm gonna kill me
If we could go back to Spring Street
Do you regret that you met me?
'Cause I know it was a rough ride
But we held on for a long time
Pretty faces and white lines
At least we know what it feels like

But I remember the first night I laid in your bed
And I remember it like you were waiting for this
But when I wake from the dream, I hear you pray for the end
I try to go back to sleep, but then I feel it again
And then I feel it again

Do you remember, on Halloween?
I kissed your neck, you were waiting
For me to say it meant something
i told our friend it was nothing

But I remember the first night you told me the truth
And I remember it like I was waiting for you
But when I wake from the dream, I don't know what I should do
I try to go back to sleep, I try to go back to sleep
But I remember the first night I laid in your bed
And I remember it like you were waiting for this
But when I wake from the dream, I hear you pray for the end
I try to go back to sleep, but then I feel it again
And then I feel it again
And then I feel it again

go back to sleep

Ignoring calls from all my friends 
'Cause I'm too high to leave my room 
Started smoking just to see my breath 
And the angel told me he'll be coming soon 
This is a different kind of sunrise 
Where everything turns cold and blue 
And I guess that's just December, but last July 
We stayed up all night and I was warm with you  

And I know talk is cheap but hell, at least I can afford it 
Everybody needs a lover they can keep until the morning 
And we'll get drunk on our potential, talk out our problems and ignore 'em 
No one said it would be easy, hell, at least it isn't boring 
And now I'm spinning in my room half-naked, talking to the moon 
And dripping poison down my throat just to wash out the taste of you 
And now my hometown is a desert, my body eats itself in spirals 
Watch my skin fall off in patches, lay back down it's just denial 

Last night the fireworks kept me awake 
And I'm afraid I'm turning cold 
But I cleaned my room alone again on New Year's Day 
And we'll talk again when I know what to say

And I know talk is cheap but hell, at least I can afford it 
Everybody needs a lover they can keep until the morning 
And we'll get drunk on our potential, talk out our problems and ignore 'em 
No one said it would be easy, hell, at least it isn't boring 
And now I'm spinning in my room half-naked, talking to the moon 
And dripping poison down my throat just to wash out the taste of you 
And now my hometown is a desert, my body eats itself in spirals 
Watch my skin fall off in patches, lay back down it's just denial

hell, at least

I wish we were friends when we were kids
I've gotten so much older now... I'll deal with it
Like when I didn't recognize my mother wearing a wig
And I made her cry, gave her something else to fix
I'm so selfish but maybe that's just growing up
Fill my body up with innocence until I throw it up
And my chest hurts from never being what you want
And I can never sleep right, I'm shaking until dawn

But when I'm gone, don't go and find no one better
I know I'm selfish but I promise I'm trying
When I'm gone, if my ghost wants to hold you, let her
I'm so selfish when I call you crying

I miss stealing wine and crushing pills in our drinks
Now my apartment's mostly mirrors, I just stare at the sink
And I feel so alone out here
It never rains, I can't see stars, I end up drowning in fear
Pace around inside a box until I'm buried in one
You were my daylight, now I'm afraid of the sun
I'm hanging up above the freeway, I can't block out the noise
You're telling me to calm down like I ever had a choice. I'm sorry

When I'm gone, don't go and find no one better
I know I'm selfish but I promise I'm trying
When I'm gone, if my ghost wants to hold you, let her
I'm so selfish when I call you crying

vermont ave

I can't be your man, I only come the way you say I am
I can't be your girl, I'll be your gun
My baby looks like Hollywood, I'm doublewides and dollar shots
I like it here the best when I'm drunk
And I look like an animal, always too much or not enough
The pills will bleach my insides 'til I'm done
My baby's sleeping beauty, all Klonopin and makeup wipes
They like you here the best when you're young

I might run away but I'll come back
And bring a bird in my teeth
I'll never be an inside, I'll never be a inside
I'll never be an inside dog

I might run away
But I'll come back
And bring a bird in my teeth
I'll never be an inside dog

inside dog

lyrics:
50 milligrams per milliliter, I can't get away
And even if I could, i think I'd stay
I remember what they told me back when I had learned to walk
Said, "darling, whatever you do, don't walk away"
And I was born in a place where people go to die
And I wrapped the chord around my neck, attempted suicide
I just couldn't breath, they fed my tiny body candelight
And said, "baby, happy birthday"

You can try to stay alive or just get drunk and learn to dance
You can shiver through the night and, in the morning, learn to stand
And if I told you all my secrets, I would turn back into sand
Like everything, like everyone, like what I am

I wonder if my name has crossed your daughter's lips
Do you forget to draw the curtains? So the moonlight meets your hips again
And I can't help but reminisce and wish I did it right
Was I always bound like this? Could I have fixed it if I tried?

You can sleep inside a memory and wake up all alone
You can kill all of the pain or you can make yourself its home
And I wouldn't know what to say this time if you picked up the phone
I just called to hear your voice and I'm so sorry

if i told you all my secrets

lyrics:
I can't sleep anymore
Will you find me tonight?
With a gut full of powder
Under crystal clear skies
I've got good news to tell you
If you've changed your mind
But I'd tell you anything
I'd tell you anything

Just don't hang up
Just let me pretend
Baby don't hang up
Just let me pretend, just let me pretend

That it's all in my head
Every day since I left
I've been swallowing everything
Just trying to forget
Every curve of my shadow
Every promise unkept
But I would do anything
I would do anything

Just don't hang up
Just let me pretend
Baby don't hang up
Just let me pretend, just let me pretend

just let me pretend

lyrics:
Porch swings and Diet Cokes
I think there's something in the water
Saw it on my small device
I'll never be my father's daughter
I run from everything
Though I was taught to hit back harder
I miss being seventeen
At twenty-three, you're so much smarter

Now I wanna be your dumb blonde forever
Couldn't we stay in bed tangled together?
Saying, "aren't I the luckiest girl in the world?
My baby's sweet like cherry pie, won't find another one like her"

(Oh no, oh no, oh no)
(Oh no, oh no, oh no)

Cheap beer and neon signs
You told me nothing lasts forever
Thought I'd see my name in lights
But all we got was nicer weather
I ran away again
I'll tell myself it's for the better
But every night I lay in bed
Drink Diet Coke, reread your letter

But could I still be your dumb blonde forever?
Couldn't we play pretend tangled together?
Saying, "aren't I the luckiest girl in the world?
My baby's sweet like cherry pie and I hope we never learn"

(Oh no, oh no, oh no)
(Oh no, oh no, oh no)

porch swings and diet cokes

produced by brody mckeegan
lyrics:
single razor, blood on the wall
dripping down until i fall
dinner table, mother called
sit around and feel it all
it always got too cold in here
needle sting and chandeliers
pillowcases stained with tears
in motel rooms when you’re not here

tell me i’m the only one
whose memories are dirty blood
do you like the way i flick my tongue?
will I see heaven if i make you cum?
tell me i’m the only one
whose memories are dirty blood
there’s a garden growing in my lungs
i hope it withers with the setting sun

daddy’s dead and buried deep
rest your head, lay you down to sleep
lock the door, swallow the key
i’ve been in hell with you in me
i watched our love on videotape
i’ve never felt so far away
through two-way glass though wide-awake
you bruised my knees so i can’t pray

to stop
just stop
just stop
just stop

tell me i’m the only one
whose memories are dirty blood
do you like the way i flick my tongue?
will i see heaven if i make you cum?
tell me i’m the only one
whose memories are dirty blood
there's a garden growing in my lungs
i hope it withers with the setting sun

dirty blood

produced by brody mckeegan and ghostdaughter

lyrics:
I'm face down in the mud
I only taste the blood
You think I'll fall in love
If you can make me come
I try and try to run
I writhe beneath your touch
She hides until you're done
But I can't get enough

Tie me up
Drink me dry
This is the only way you do it
You make me beg for my life
Break me down
Black my eyes
This is how you always do it
Make me your sick sad child bride

I'm face down in the mud
I only taste the blood
You think I'll fall in love
If you can make me come
I try and try to run
I writhe beneath your touch
She hides until you're done
But I can't get enough

Turn me on
Punch out my lights
This isn't how my daddy raised me
You'll have a corpse before a wife

I'm sick, touch me, I'll die
I'm dark, I need your fire
Cut me open, make me empty
Make me what you desire

What you desire (Oh-oh)
What you desire (Oh-oh)
What you desire (Oh-oh)
Oh-oh Oh-oh Oh-oh

I'm face down in the mud
I only taste the blood
You think I'll fall in love
If you can make me come
I try and try to run
I writhe beneath your touch
She hides until you're done
But I can't get enough


00:0004:08


New tracks tagged #ghostdaughter