Listening to my old highschool playlists. Ur music and lyrics are so amazing and still resonate with me deeply. Truly hope ur doing well💚

senior year and im still a loner... at least my music taste has gotten so good im happy wit hmy earbuds in all the time :)

"cause my stupid brain can't help but get attached to every person whose attention even barely starts to drift a bit my way"  damn so relatable:(

Middle school playlist. Girl cheated on me. I’m back.

"and it's coming on again, starting to crush again" hits right here mate, 3 years later, I feel the same sadness and loneliness that I went through 3 years ago. it fuckin sucks

my playlist

the midwest is a tar pit
it seems like no one ever really finds a way out
indiana is a tar pit
at this point, i can feel it flowing into my mouth

but i won't die here!
i refuse to!
i won't let it steal my youth

i had one thing
keeping me here
and now she's gone, too

i hope she's resting peacefully
i hope she's having better dreams than me

i dial her number without thinking
in the morning as i turn on the tv

but i don't think she's ever answering
i don't think she's ever answering

'cause the midwest is a tar pit
i miss her more like everyday
indiana is a tar pit
why does it take the things that i love away?

tar pit (demo)

Wayne Szalinski's debut full-length "Black Mirror" 

Atrophy For Lethargy

at the edge

お気に入りのスニーカー

泥の中から拾って

そのまま帰ろう

裸足よりはマシだ


敗者はお前だと

呪っているのが敗者

嘘つきと笑うだろう

苦しみは俺のもの


すごくいい気分さ

気持ち悪いというのは

呼吸してる気がする

この腐りきった星で


大事な人を

罵られながら

地味なプライド

かなぐり捨てて歩く


生きてるという土下座

しながら離さない

生きてるという地獄

意地でも離さない


すごくいい気分さ

醜いというのは

生きてる気がする

この腐りきった地で




あぶくの呼吸.WAV

this is a song i wrote about overcoming my mental illness. while i'm nowhere near the end of the journey that it has been, i have learned a lot along the way and improved myself tremendously in the process. the first half of the song represents my state of mind a year ago and before, and the second represents the loving, open-minded, and even somewhat positive (occasionally) person i've become since.

thank you all.

special thanks to chloe, halli, john, jesse, joey (both of you), my mom, my grandparents, my brothers, the rest of my family, my counselors, and everyone who enjoys my music

lyrics:
i'm gonna kill myself one day, i'm sure
i'll be gone and you'll be there still
i've been standing at the edge for far too long; it's time that i jump
or pull me down 'cause either way i'll be gone
and i'm so sorry for the things that i have said
i know it hurts to have to follow
but i've been standing at the bottom of a bottle
with bones made out of glass since i could walk
and i'm still sorry for what i've done

i'm gonna live to tell the tale, i think
i've stared into the mirror for an hour, i don't hate myself no more
and i am sorry for the words that have offended you
and caused an ounce of terror in your stomach
i swear, i swear i'm always getting better
never worse, if only that were true, if only that were true
i can see it in your eyes, it's like a diamond in disguise
it's like a pilot lost his eyes and now he's truly flying blind

flying blind

Re-Do (Modern Baseball Acoustic Cover)

this is an album about the fears and tremors that come with love, and the crisis of not knowing your own identity as yours.

enjoy.

fog & obscure

download

apathy

i've never felt less like myself 
than when i'm naked in reflections 
truly wish that i could exit this body 

and it's coming on again 
starting to crush again 
can't wait to fuck up every friendship that i've made 

but i've never felt more like myself 
than when i'm drunk alone 
at 3 a.m. again 

'cause my stupid brain can't help but get attached 
to every person whose attention 
even barely starts to drift a bit my way 

oh, here we go again 
here we go again

sorry

here we go again

(big thanks 2 taylor ochoa for background hummies n harmonys)

I won’t forget
 how your hands fit 
even if you regret it
 I guess we all change with the seasons there don’t have to be a reason 
for the leaves to fall 
or me to call you back 
this time 
i’ll try 
not to cry again but i’m tired 
and i’m worn 
and ive been right here before
(i’ll try, to not cry, but i lied, i felt like shit this whole time)
try to call you up 
but I guess One year was too soon 
and I know you still think about how you fucked me on your front porch 
I’m sorry you never loved me 
I’m sorry this lyrics are so ugly
 I’m sorry I had to leave 
all the times you left me calls 
begging me please 
and how I ruined your life 
and now your mother hates me 
sorry for calling you up 
every time that I can’t breathe 
and for doing all these drugs 
when I promised I’d stay clean,
I really wish I could just go back
 and never go inside that stupid gas station 
I wish I never came over 
I wish we never watched Palo Alto 
and I wish I never loved you
because

it’s January 4 
and you make my heart thump and my hands shake, but how can I be content when You’re in love with someone else? seeing you type makes me feel sick, and it’s been four days and i miss the buzz of my phone shaking my hand like how my lips were the first time we kissed,  and now i only taste you from three shots of vodka.  and you say that drunk words are sober thoughts, but what if you never respond to me? Because anything can kill you especially a girl with a freckled smile and short curly hair, and i may seem fine but if someone asked I’d still studder your name. 
does my absence bother you? or did my presence never impact you the way I thought it did? cause you asked me to wait five minutes, but I stayed up all fucking night, and I hope his bed warmer than mine, but when he breaks your heart I’ll be here fixing my sheets for you. 

and you tore me apart in an attempt to fix yourself, And I really do hope you’re doing okay, and I hope you sleep full nights without the thought of me constantly poisoning your brain, because here’s the thing:
we were so young
 and falling in love always seem like a dumb dream 
but I learned a lot 
and I hope you did too 
because it’s January 4 
and you make my heart thump and my handshake 
but how can I be content when you never were?
 i hope you find better in someone you can find comfort in,
like how i found in you,
it’s january forth and we are fighting,
it’s march forth and im writing this poem,
it’s may forth and i miss you but you seem happy so i’ll leave you alone,
it’s august forth and i dont think about you everyday anymore,
it’s november and i’m okay without you. 

the whispered words at the last couple seconds is this:

(i hope one day you let yourself out of the tomb you call your chest and you learn how to unlock all the locks he built up over time and you learn to love yourself too)

Poem (on spotify/tidal/apple music)

seasonal depression is kicking my ass, so here's some music
cover photo taken by corey "deko" gilbert

lyrics:
just know i'm sorry for it all 
i know it must be hard to hear 
i'm glad you left before the fall 
'cause i won't make it past this year 

just know i love you like a rose 
would love the thorns upon its stem 
no matter how they might have dug into my skin 
no matter how things might have ended 
i will wish for you each night, i'll wish your touch was mine again

winter

download <3

just know i love you like a rose

when it all falls apart like a house made of cards
i will shuffle this deck 'til i fall asleep
gentle touch, brittle bones, when we talk on the phone
i exist for you, you have all of me

i'm a small speck of dust, an inanimite husk
of my former self, they are vanishing
there's a ghost in my room and it wears the perfume
that you used to wear; it's like you're next to me

but nothing's ever real enough (x2)

you're a voice in my head, at the foot of my bed
like a poltergeist, drifting hauntingly
and my mind is a void, for the broken, destroyed
little parts of me, an infinity

this ache in my head makes me quake in my bed
i fixate on it, i can't fall asleep
with this whine in my ears when the silence appears
it is deafining, it is everything

but nothing's ever real enough (x2)

real enough

:(

lyrics:
sat beneath your bathroom window
incense burning on the floor
we're watching stars crawl over rooftops
limping on towards heaven's door

whispering through awkward secrets
fumbled words and quaking hands
you and i had bunked with angels
sighing through some sacred lands

and you... you were my heaven
oh, my god... but now there's hell to pay

tell me where it is i'll find
all the people that i've left behind
there is something inside my mind
that doesn't sit well with me

u were my hvn

produced by @mt_fujitive

lyrics:

life has got me feeling discombobulated, in place of common phrases
all i say are awkward statements in every conversation
often sitting cautious, pacing, dropping frames in talks with strangers
making observations, in that awful cadence
i've been rather quiet since a sophomore
every time my voice comes out my mouth, it sounds like nails on a chalkboard
saving pieces shattered as my age increases faster
i can make my thesis matter if i learn to fuckin' talk more

but that's just an inkling, small talk is always shrinking
and this ship will always sink until we fill in all the gaps
i've made some dumb decisions and evaded inhibitions
digging graves for my ambitions just to make it on the map
which seems ironic at present, given my title
periodically stepping through this recital
i've practiced a thousand times, messaging with my idols
and definitely sounding like a dumbass when i try tho

i treat a soundcloud page like a diary
and push away all the people who inspire me--sorry
so afraid of the person i should try to be
and it seems, by now, they should kinda be sorry

flowers ep

discombobulated (prod. mt. fujitive)

when it's raining in the morning 
and you smell the petrichor from your bed 
know that i'm with you, there in some way 
like a fly on the wall in your head 

when the bad thoughts and the nightmares 
keep us afraid of the things in our minds 
know that it's alright, life keeps moving 
just don't let it leave you behind 
when you're exhausted and you're lonely 
and the sadness begins to appear 
know that somewhere, there are people 
who love the idea that you're here 

and when the sky dims, turning pitch black 
and the clock reads 3 a.m. 
hit me by phone call or text, calm or panicky mess 
and we'll go out for milkshakes again

cover taken by https://twitter.com/Queen_of__Hades

petrichor

This track is from the album Poems for Cigarettes and is available for purchase on CD Baby here: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/northfield1

Powers of Zero

my concussed song. also I don't know if I even like it but yuh

here we go again

tea

Recent comments

𝖏𝖔𝖊

Heiwa

i wish i was

Suler

Related tracks