Song A Week 2019

Originals

Cover designed by Cecilia Balvidares instagram.com/nyctophiliacmb

Lyrics:

I kinda like the idea of you and me together
but I like to runaway.
So don't get used to the thought of forever
because I'm not used to stay.

Don't be so glad you met me
'cause you don't know nothing yet.
All the love you were searching
will turn into regret.

'Cause I'm not one for the endgame,
I'm not the one you want by your side.
But I like the way we're pretending
we know exactly what's on our minds.

I kinda like the idea of you and me together
but I like to runaway.
So don't get used to the thought of forever
because I'm not used to stay.

Don't think the way I look into your eyes
means something more.
Because I just try to figure out
the perfect time to go.

'Cause I'm not one for the endgame,
I'm not the one you were trying to find.
But something started a fire
and I'm scared to lose my mind...

I kinda like the idea of you and me together
but I like to runaway.
So don't get used to the thought of forever
because I'm not used to stay.

How did I end up like this?
It was just a kiss, it was just a kiss.
How did I end up like this?
It was just a kiss, it was just a kiss.
How did I end up like this?
I'm not used to miss, I'm not used to miss.
But I miss you and I don't know what to do.

I kinda like the idea of you and me together
but I like to runaway.
So don't get used to the thought of forever
because I'm not used to stay.

Runaway

Lyrics:

Black coffee in the morning, sitting on your desk
next to the papers signed with your name.
Black suits and meetings, the smoke of cigarettes
blurring your silhouette.

I could spend hours and days
looking at the wrinkles on your face.
I wanna get lost today
in the way that you say my name.

God knows all the sins you hide
behind your angel smile, let me find out.
Let me find out, let me find out.
Are you asking me to think twice?
I thought I saw a spark in your eyes.
Let me start a fire, let me start a fire.
Let me start a fire...

A rush of adrenaline the minute you touch my hand,
a spark turns into a flame.
Your skin is my worst enemy.
You got me wondering all the time
what's underneath your black tie.

Can't reconcile in my head
what I should do and what I wanna say.
It might be too late to look back,
let me close the door and cover our tracks.

God knows all the sins you hide
behind your angel smile, let me find out.
Let me find out, let me find out.
Are you asking me to think twice?
I thought I saw a spark in your eyes.
Let me start a fire, let me start a fire.
Let me start a fire...

Black coffee in the morning, it's cold tonight
next to the ashes of our desire.
Someone's on the door knocking,
we burned down some rules...
Who will walk out first... me or you?

Black Coffee In The Morning

Lyrics:

I'm taking my time and taking a chance,
all I want is to hold your hand.
It's been a while and things have changed,
except for the smile shining on your face.

Let's go outside, "hey, how you've been?"
I thought by now I'd never see you again.
It's been a while and things have changed,
except for my heart screaming out your name.

When the clock strikes 12 don't fade away.
I'll draw your fingers touching my skin
like the whole world is depending on it.
When the clock strikes 12 just say my name.

Am I taking a breath or am I taking your hand?
You always make me feel like I'm flying away.
It's been a while but I know what you'll say,
it's on the tip of my tongue, it's in the back of my head.

Let's go outside, "hey, how you've been?"
I thought by now I'd never see you again.
It's been a while and things have changed,
except for my heart screaming out your name.

I'm drawing your hand, it's all I wanna take
and piece by piece, we'll fall into place.
I'm just a puzzle signed with your name
and you're the missing piece that could never fit.
It's been a while but I couldn't change,
still I fall in your eyes like an open gate...

Green Sugar

I didn't have time to write something this week, so this is a song I wrote during one of my many existential crisis regarding my songwriting. Also, there was a storm outside while I was recording this so you might hear the sound of my window crying for help.

Lyrics:

Push me 'till I fall, I don't need this.
Kick me when I'm down, I don't need this.
Tell me that you love me, I don't need this.
Or that you're bored of me, I don't need this.

Pointing out my flaws, I don't need this.
'Cause I already know and it's a long list.
Your little white lies, I don't need them.
They only come from your mouth and I can see it.

But if you tell me something from your heart, I'll believe it.
But if you expect me to be someone I'm not, I'll just leave it
right here... I don't need this.

I could be better, I don't need this.
I think I like the way I am feeling.
Don't rain on my parade, I don't need it.
I can put myself down better than you will.

Take me out like trash, I don't need this.
I didn't like it anyway, you can keep it.
I don't need all the emptys "you're good at it"
'cause honestly I already know I am.

I Don't Need This

Lyrics:

Open up my eyes to this new life
and I wait for a signal to step outside.
And who I was is waving goodbye
and now there's this empty space to fill up.

But I'm happy here 'cause no one told me how to feel.
But it's quiet here like they're waiting for something to steal.

It's a strange feeling, standing in this new place.
Everything's familiar except my face.
It's a perfect healing, standing in this strange place.
Everything's familiar except myself.

I'm taking back my side in these trying times
and if I learn to stick together, I will rise.
'Cause who I was will come back
and all of these bruises will keep me intact.

But I am confused, 'cause no one taught me how to lose.
And I can blame it all on you but you can blame it on me too.

It's a strange feeling, standing in this new place.
Everything's familiar except my face.
It's a perfect healing, standing in this strange place.
Everything's familiar except myself.

But I'm happy here 'cause no one taught me how to feel.
But I'm happy here 'cause no one told me how to feel.

It's a strange feeling, standing in this new place.
Everything's familiar except my face.
It's a perfect healing, standing in this strange place.
Everything's familiar except myself.

But I'm happy here 'cause no one told me how to feel.
But I'm happy here 'cause no one told me how to feel.

Familiar

lyrics:

sit back and tell me where you've been,
all those little stupid things
you wouldn't tell nobody but me,
when the sun comes out it all disappears.
tell me why your guard is low
and all the things she didn't know
'cause you runaway too soon
and now it's just us in this room.

let's lay down under the moon
'cause she knows about loneliness too
and no one knows better than you
how beautiful is to love the way you do.

sit back and let it all begin,
all these little stupid things
I already know them by heart
they keep me company in the dark.
tell me why you're under her spell
and all the things I know so well
'cause I'm the shoulder you cried on
every time you thought she was gone.

let's lay down under the moon
'cause she knows about loneliness too
and no one knows better than you
how beautiful is to hurt the way I do.

let's lay down under the moon
'cause she knows about loneliness too
and no one knows better than you
how beautiful is to hurt, how beautiful is to burn,
how beautiful is to love the way I do.

stupid things

so, the theme for this week was "stay between the lines". for me, this is what it means.
when I say I lock myself up in my room to write my songs, I really mean it. almost nobody in this house listened to my songs. and I'm 80% sure one person in particular is not very supportive about this. so this song is for that person. I love her and I'm thankful for everything she gave me, but living the life she expects me to live, staying between the lines she created for me, that's exhausting. 

basically I wrote a song about what I've been feeling for several years. wow.

I recorded this a few days ago after I finished the lyrics, I was expecting to record it again later but I woke up with a sore throat, niiiiiiiiice. it's kinda messy, I'm sorry. 

now yes, LYRICS:

I'm tired of caging myself down
between these four walls just to make a sound.
and I can't help but letting you down,
I know that I'm trying but I'm not what you want.

and it's ok, I'm getting used to the sense of regret,
I'm not living the life you created for myself.

I'm singing with my eyes open,
singing with my heart broken
for all the things I believed in.
Singing with my hands steady,
singing for when I'm ready
to give this all away...
I'm singing for nobody.

nothing's enough when we're on the run,
and I'm left behind, is that what you want?
I bend but I can't break when you're around,
and I'm always trying but I'm not what I want.

and I know that I should know better than this
but I'm not living the life you created for myself.

I'm singing with my eyes open,
singing with my heart broken
for all the things I believed in.
Singing with my hands steady,
singing for when I'm ready
to give this all away...
I'm singing for nobody.

and you know that I'm trying, but it's not enough.
I'll always be left here in the dark.
the words that I'm saying are prisioners in my mouth.
I'm singing for nobody...

singing for nobody (demo)

(I should've been doing homework, but this song got in the way and I just couldn't resist)

photo by Ayelen Molina ig: @ a.m.molina

lyrics:

this is who you are, this is who I am
and the things we say, the things we do
will never change.
this is the bottom line, the promised land
but the things we were hoping to find
won't be there

'cause I know you more than I know myself
and I know the things you said that day
will fade away.
and you know me more than I'd like to admit
'cause I gave you a piece of my heart that you
shouldn't be handling.

this is what I got, nothing else.
I gave you everything I could find
to make you stay.
but it's not enough, I can tell.
you can say it out loud, you can let me down
I'm used to it

'cause I know you more than I know myself
and I know the things you said that day
will fade away.
and you know me more than I'd like to admit
'cause I gave you a piece of my heart that you
shouldn't be handling.

and I switch between the good
and the bad days.
still chasing a long shot
until it takes me away...

'cause I know you more than I know myself
and I know the things you said that day
will fade away.
and you know me more than I'd like to admit
'cause I gave you a piece of my heart that you
shouldn't be handling.

long shot

photo by Ayelen Molina (ig: @ a.m.molina)
(yes, it's the same window from the past week. it's a lovely window, please don't judge me)

lyrics:

lipstick on your neck,
whisky on your breath.
there’s nothing worse than the
blind heart on my chest.
I’ve said it to myself
a million times before you get to the bed
but if I can’t convince myself
how do you expect to convince anybody else?

but I’d be here
even if I’m wasting my time.
and I’d believe
even the worst of your lies.

the smell (I KINDA SAID "SMILE"? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO ARGENTINIAN, PAULA.) on your shirt,
these blue pills that “you don’t own”
the smile on your face,
the pieces of my heart that it breaks.
I’ve said it to myself
a million times before you close the door
that you won’t come back again
‘cause this is just a house, not a home.

but I’d be here
even if I’m wasting my time.
and I’d believe
even the worst of your lies.

I go back again to the things that I know
back when I was sure I was your world.
till the alarm goes off and I'm violently thrown
out of this dream and the show must go on.
oh what a way to put this heart to die.
oh what a way to suddenly fall apart...

'cause I'd be here
even if I'm wasting my time.
and I'd believe
even the worst of your lies.

secondhand lover

on today's episode of "why do I keep trying to make background vocals when I suck at it?"...

fun fact: I've been trying to write this one for months (I only had the title). and it's actually a song about myself: I felt like there was certain irony in the word "alright" which is my first answer everytime someone asks me "how are you?". I knew I wanted to write about that word, but it was almost impossible every time I tried, uNTIL NOW. So this is basically like a fight between the side of me that knows what's best for me, and the side that's always doing what she wants, the side I can't help to be. 
but yeah, why not, you can send it to your ex boy/girl-friend.

lyrics:

another white lie to add to the collection,
say it with that pretty smile close to perfection.
I thought I made my point, don't ask me for direction
'cause we both got so lost in translation.

you can't help yourself, that's your intention.
you don't even try to pay a little attention.
I thought I made my point, don't mind if I mention
how little I care about your salvation.

oh goddammit I just wanna be free
from all the things that I hate but I constantly need.
I didn’t come all the way down here to just sit back and let it pass
‘cause I won’t let you forget I remember you said I’d be alright.
na na na, na na na, na na na.
(be alright)
na na na, na na na, na na na.
you said I’d be alright.

another vague look to just keep me waiting
almost sidelined, is it captivating?
does it make you smile? oh I am sure it does,
for you this is always entertaining.

you can’t help yourself, and that’s the situation,
where both ends meet breaking our foundations.
is this “being fine”? is this “being alright”?
you have some words you might wanna redefine.

...

oh goddammit I just wanna be free
from all the things that I hate but I constantly need.
oh goddammit I just wanna be free and I…. I’ll be alright.

I didn’t come all the way down here to just sit back and let it pass 
‘cause I won’t let you forget I remember you said I’d be alright.
na na na, na na na, na na na.
You said I'd be alright.
na na na, na na na, na na na.

another vague look to just keep me waiting
almost sidelined, is it captivating?
does it make you smile? oh I am sure it does,
for you this is always entertaining.

alright

kind of a singer/definitely a songwriter.

alright

Paula Varela