You’re the official caretaker of kitchen wood. So, grab that mineral oil and get to work —because heaven forbid your wooden spoon looks anything less than radiant. As you massage oil into your spatula with the dedication of a wood whisperer, remember, this isn’t just kitchen maintenance—it’s an art form. And when you're done, you can bask in the glory of knowing your wooden spoon is glossier than your hair on a good #day .

"Wooden Spoons"

The most important words in the kitchen, aside from “don’t catch fire,” are “mise en place.” This French phrase, meaning to put things in their place, refers to the chef-approved technique of measuring, cutting, and otherwise prepping ingredients and laying them out before attempting a recipe. Doing adequate prep before you start cooking will make the cooking process a whole lot faster. Better yet, it’s easy to avoid overcooking your food if you’re not frantically trying to find ingredients. Slow cooks make for unhappy diners.

"Mise En Place"

What’s life without a sprinkle of magic, right? So, here’s a magical trick for you. After you boil your veggies to death, don’t toss that murky water or those sad leftover bits—no, no. Dump it all into a freezer container and when you’ve collected enough, throw in some tomato juice and spices. Voilà, you’ve created a culinary masterpiece I like to call "free soup." Nothing says gourmet like “I cleaned out the fridge.” Bon appétit, budget wizard.

"Veggie Soup"

For a 30-minute Italian feast, kick off with Caprese Salad — sliced tomatoes with cheese  and basil, because we’re apparently avoiding real cooking. Next, whip up Pasta Carbonara: boil pasta, throw in eggs and cheese, and hope it turns creamy instead of scrambled. Finally, end with Affogato—ice cream drowned in espresso because nothing says “dessert” like a scoop of caffeine. Buon appetito!

"Taste of Italy"

It’s officially time to sprinkle some color into your diet—because apparently, beige isn’t a food group. Load up your plate with an outrageous variety of vegetables and turn your meals into a modern art masterpiece! Your body will thank you for the nutrient boost. Grab those veggies and let’s channel our inner culinary Picasso—who knew eating healthy could feel like a weird art project?


"Vegetables"

Stale bread is the underdog of the kitchen, waiting for its big break. Dunk it in custard, toss in some veggies, cheese, and meat, and voilà—you’ve turned yesterday’s rock-hard loaf into today’s gourmet masterpiece.

"Bread Pudding"

Scrambled or fried eggs? The timeless battle of "lazy chaos" versus "pretentious stress." Do you prefer your breakfast to look like a pile of fluffy mistakes, or do you enjoy playing yolk roulette while pretending you're on MasterChef? Either way, it's eggs. You're just going to smother them in hot sauce and regret your life choices later.

"Scrambled Or Fried Eggs"

Brunoise is about a love to spend 45 minutes chopping vegetables into microscopic cubes that are just the right size. Perfect for garnish, or for those moments when you want your dish to scream, “I have too much time on my hands."

"Brunoise"

This holiday season, if your dessert crashes and burns harder than your Christmas karaoke, just bury it under an avalanche of chocolate. Chocolate is basically the culinary version of duct tape. It doesn’t just fix mistakes; it hides them so well people will think you meant to make that sad, lumpy excuse for a cake. Dry cookies? Dunk them in chocolate. Burnt pie crust? Drown it in chocolate sauce. Your dessert’s a total disaster? Melt some chocolate, call it a fondue, and act like you’re a creative genius. Trust me, no one questions chocolate—it’s like edible magic.

"Chocolate"

Drowning in leftover rice? No problem—Just throw it into a pot with some milk, sugar, and whatever else is lying around, and voilà—rice pudding. Suddenly, you’re a visionary pushing the boundaries of dessert innovation. Who needs culinary school when you’ve got desperation and a questionable sense of adventure.

"Rice Pudding"

Hot chocolate toppings are the ultimate personality test. Marshmallows? Fun, but they melt into a sad swamp of goo. Whipped cream? Sophisticated, until it collapses faster than my willpower at a dessert buffet. And if you use both, congrats—you’ve turned your cocoa into a Pinterest fail. Let’s just agree that as long as it’s drowning in chocolate, we’ll survive the winter judgment-free.

"Marshmallows Or Whipped Cream"

👨‍🍳 Cooking that's Fun, Fast, and Full of Flavor!

Welcome to the "Bites" podcast where Marc Ford boldly stirs the pot of culinary storytelling. From heated debates over marshmallows vs. whipped cream to hilariously unhinged cooking hacks that may or may not set off your smoke detector, we cover cooking topics like no one else. Tune in for poetic odes to pantry ingredients, deep dives into global food crises, and the occasional absurd food experiment gone right—or hilariously wrong. Equal parts sarcastic, thought-provoking, and utterly delicious, this is the podcast where your love for food meets your love for a great story.

"Wooden Spoons"

Marc Ford

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