Battles I'm In

Jeffree Star Voiced By Jenni No Mercy
Tom Savini Voiced By Raichous
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Mixed By Raichous
Thumbnail By Oofie
Beat Prod. by Frankie Vibes  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5NbTwBZMMI

Jeffree:
I’m sorry, but why do you wanna face this?
Looking like Ted White after a Jason face lift!
Gotta be a prank. Did the Dobres tape this?
Call you a powder foundation, ya basic!
Now I’ve been used to drama, but this has-been as my rival kinda lowers the bar
I’m fuck-proof on the mic, we’re worlds apart, Hitting you so hard, call me Jeffree WorldStar!
I’ll shatter through that haphazard slash man
A fashion disaster, with a flasher ‘stache, damn!
You career’s gone stagnant, The computer’s your replacement
Only fans are the pale nerds locked in their basements!
This Maniac thinks his blood fests are some hot shit
Boils down to gore porn made by a misogynist!
I’ve been told I was prodigy, a god to be, it’s odd to me
To see the Godfather of Gore is trying offing me!
Face it Tommy Boy! You looking Tubby, boy!
Maybe use your make up magic on that tummy, boy!
One watch of your “Wet Dreams” makes me sick!
Of course you like fencing. You’re just a little prick!
Now you get your chance, old man! Don’t have a heart attack grabbing the mic!
Although that would be a fitting end, to “Screaming Mad” George Lite

Tom:
(Heh) Thank god you stopped, think my hearing went dead
That rap made me envy my fake rubber head
Your damn squeaky voice is a spike to the brain
No wonder your music career’s in the drain
Sorry, princess. You’re shilling it, I make my Blood Money from spilling it
So you can try to make me seem villainous. Of course the Sultan of Splatter is killing it!
You’re used to cheap bars, it’s where you got your start in!
I cut my teeth, cutting wrists in Martin!
In that Hollywood circle, your boy was putting in work
You really wanna measure with your Youtube circle jerk?
I know documentaries, got two about Jason
That Shane Daws shlock was just bad product placement!
You only got lies spilling out your painted kisser
But your silver tongue couldn’t protect you from the sisters!
Cashing in on Controversy, it seems like a crapshoot!
So try to run the track. You can’t handle a tracksuit!
Think it’s time for the living Bratz doll to behave
You can watch me Sundance on top of your channel’s grave!
Hope you’re ready to burn out Jeff, ‘cause that’s all that Stars do
I’m spitting, committed to splitting you. You won’t be around for part 2!

Jeffree:
Watch it hun! I’m an internet icon, this bygone is nothing!
You really can’t throw shade at the shine coming off my Diamond button!
Got millions of followers, your demographic is teeny!
With the way you treat female fans, the real “Creepshow”’s Savini!
Enough Smoke and Mirror, your whole life is bomb
This fake vet was only shooting pics in Vietnam 
Everything you do misfires, it seems to be your lot
Maybe you could ask your daughter how to shoot a better shot

Tom:
Again you go for the cheapest hits, the easy shit, you freaking ditz!
This racist kid, and tasteless twit. Your talents being wasted, bitch!
Wanna question my honor? Your love life is a goner
Only fit in at my school as a model for the monster!
Keep calling me old? Well you’re goddamn right!
Was making movies violent when you were back at Prom Night!
Film is a magical medium, but even I couldn’t make your bars stand out
With that crap performance, even your fans are thinking….What Now?

Jeffree Star Vs. Tom Savini(Prod. by Frankie vibes)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of failed video game experiments: Kinect for Xbox 360 vs Nintendo's Virtual Boy. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Kinect
Commander Jacob as Virtual Boy
Written and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Prod. by Voodoo

-LYRICS-

Kinect (0:15)
Yo, is this my competition? Cuz if I were to predict it more
You’ll drop a couple lines, then they’ll bring in the 64
Clear the tables! Oh wait, you need one to be stable
You can't hang with this player; you never made the damn cable
You should read your own warnings and just give it a rest, mate
It’s like the Oculus Quest came with ocular headaches
Two D-pads, but no direction. Boy, Nintendo didn't miss you
I can't let one diss continue before you were discontinued
Strap in for this: don’t make your players tape you down
The only way you’d be portable is now; I’m boutta take you out
This chunky View Master with sticks for a stand had a Wario game and that shit didn’t Land
VR32 with 22 games; your whole library can fit in one hand
Slaying your nerd shit, making you nervous, Boy you're Virtually unplayable, worthless
There’s one difference amid you and me: I'm getting gamers shaking on purpose

Virtual Boy (0:51)
I got your head spinning 360, cuz when I flow
My comeback game is so unbelievable; call me Milo
You’ll be flying Solo in this dance for the best score
14 bars? You're so primitive, you can hardly Connect Four
Without a Wiimote, you're what's tossed to the wall
Man, you should've been aborted when you were Project Natal
Don't talk libraries, your was just a disaster
Tech demos and bland kiddie shit: Kinectimal Crackers
Your rapping and camera tracking ain’t matching with VB
Cuz I’m always in the zone, and you still can’t freaking see me
Sound the Red Alarm. I'm too fly, boy
Punchlines like Teleroboxer; smack a hack back to a black Eye Toy
Can't help seeing red when facing you, so hold it down
Wanna try to keep pushing buttons? Look who needs a controller now

Xbox Kinect vs Virtual Boy | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Beat: http://www.shadowville.com/audio//Shadowville.com%20-%20High%20Stakes.mp3
Written By: Jenni No Mercy
Mixed By Raichous
Raichous as Shaggy
RaccoonBroVA As Brock
Additional Help By Raichous


Shaggy:

Scoob! Go grab the snacks! Like, this’ll be fast!
When Shaggy is starting a rap, Like, you’ll lose to him faster than Ash!
I’ve gone against werewolves, and zombies, and ghosts! Like, I’ll leave a tagalong pounded
I find it ironic, your ace was an Onix, but you’re the one that’s getting Ground-ed!
You claim you have rock hard defenses, but don't have the stones to offend
Gave your last badge to a kid who cheated you in a fight when he was ten
And how did your story end? Replaced by a cilantro copy
With your chances of landing the cop or the nurse, in the nicest of  terms, being “Rocky”
While my series ain’t stopping. Like, I paved the way in animation!
The only thing your show’s leading in, is kid’s hospitalization
Over the years, portrayals were racey. Maybe I should be battling Tracy
You’ll need more than pebbles to faze me. There’s no dodging when you face me!

Brock:

Sorry Shaggy, but your tactics really had no effect
As a gym leader, I’m in charge of putting newbies in check
Think that you’re tough? Stop lying, man. You spend the whole mystery crying, man
So if flooding with flow’s your entire plan? Too bad I’ll be safe with my drying pan!
The OG rolling from Kanto! Your solo shows never finish.
If only you could Get a Clue. Your fanbase has quickly diminished.
You’re running from rubber masks. I throw myself into danger
I met with Dittos and mimes, but Denver’s clone’s still stranger!
And I bide my time, you’re rushing for cover to hide
Try as you might, you’ll end up greener than Hyde!
Can’t burn me, I’ve got Guts. I’m taking every attack
Think that you’ll earn my badge? You’ll have to be Boulder than that

Shaggy:

Your raps are ghost types, man. Completely see through
The way this Creeper acts, man, he’s on the verge of a “me too!”
So take defeat dude! Your traveling partners don’t need you!
Especially when it would take only like one percent of my power to beat you!
The sleuthing student moving though straight from the 60s
This dumb fiend may be 15, but ends up looking 50!
So try and hit, your disses miss me, listen to my voice
Like, I’m so amazing, I could beat you with one Zoinks!

Brock:

Your spitting is weak, no surprise though. I could beat this freak with my eyes closed.
Your WB’s Super High joke. I’m Bulldozing you with these tight flows!
His peers and his parents can’t stand him. Constant emotional damages.
I’m helping conquer gods while Rogers is conquering sandwiches!
You gluttonous Munchlax, you’d chomp through anything to get your fill
I studied Pokemon medicine, I’m an expert at things that are ill
From Lillard to West, your films are a mess, so testing me is a poor play
Hide behind the Blue Falcon, 'cause rapping isn't your Forte

Shaggy Vs. Brock

Beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kBndlkZgME

Holt Voiced By JordoMIB
Swanson Voiced By Matt Raichous
Peralta Voiced By Stark Media
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Mixed By Matt Raichous
Thumbnail By Oofie

Holt:

Peralta! Who’s this hairy woodsman in my office?
That pine smell is noxious! He looks so obnoxious!

Jake:

Umm, sir? It’s a rap battle. You’re fighting with disses?

Holt:

Ridiculous! He should know a Captain’s shot never misses!

Ron:

I don’t like you, but I respect the effort
Maybe you should sit this out, don’t think you really wanna get hurt
I’m an expert as a wrecker, or protector, you’ll be busted.
And I hope you’re ready for some Really Good verse Construction

Holt:

I’m the leader of a team, cleaning the streets with precision
While this pigeon isn’t a smidge interested in decisions!
So just listen, all initiative you get goes to waste
So put down the sax, Duke. Silver’s always second place!
Just face it, I’m the greatest in the B99
You’re complacent,  work and laziness walking a fine line
Built up a sense of greatness, but you winning only relates
When you’re ripping through dozens of eggs, like it’s practice for Ann’s place!
And honestly? You’re trying too hard to be anonymous
You’re not some big shot hero: You’re just a common bitch!
No chance that Raymond’s bombing this, I’m obviously better
If I wanted to deal with an old dog, I’d call Cheddar!

Ron:

They gave your cop comedy a spot, but it was wasted
It’s like Mike took his best show and copied and pasted!
Got the lovable dumb lead, the overachieving partner
Sassy and badass women, and the losers, just for starters!
When it comes to spitting harder, I’m blunt with no jokes
Think of this as betting on the ponies, Raymond, ‘cause you’re going broke.
Holt is starting to choke, Velvet Thunder’s a Wet Blanket
Only time you run a track is with your childhood train set

Holt:

Crushing the competition. Is this Jimmie Jabby too?
Try accusing me of cheating, but I’m not Tammy 2!
Not too shabby of a poet, I’m a master with my tone
If you try to spit another verse, you’ll end up BOOOONED

Ron:

Those raps dragged on like your time in uniform did.
I’m so iconic, my stache is always era appropriate
The key to dealing with your bars, is just not listening
To flow so robotic, Twitter thinks a bot’s dissing me
In competition Ron is a General like his namesake
The only time you tried solving a case is when you played Jake!
I’m calling you the Government, you’re crazy and useless
Get your doctor hubby to take a look at your bruises

Raymond Holt Vs. Ron Swanson - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

So, as my way of saying thankyou for all the views and support, I decided to post a second battle this month! A battle about family. And love. And......kicking ass? I don't know. Either way, thank you for everything that you've done. You guys make this possible.


Hank Voiced By Raichous
Red Voiced By Raichous
Thumbnail By SPM1000

BEAT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzu_95-l6DY


Red:(Spoken) My foot is about to write a rap for your ass

Red: The US vet against redneck Ted Cruz
With the can-do of the Red White and Blue, I can’t lose
Maybe get Boomhauser to help ya spit fast
You sell grill fuel because you’re full of hot gas!
Now I won’t sugar coat how I feel about Bobby
The way you raise your son, he’ll turn out to be a commie!
Your animation’s sloppy, you can’t draw out a diss
Judging by your rifle skills, all your shots are gonna miss
I was pulling in laughs, as the grumpy pop
You dragged behind Macfarlene then Fox let you drop!
But I’ll give you a shot, even though I’ll still beat ya
Chance of you winning is as narrow as your urethra
Your problems with Cotton? They're clearly in view
But this is not the first time a Dad’s had issues with you!
You must be on “fish bait” if you think you’ll last
So let’s see you try and rap back, dumbass!

Hank:

God dammit Bobby! What is that racket?
I’m not really thinking Egghead is gonna crack it.
Attacking the mack daddy from Heimlich? Insane!
I’m an expert at ass-kicking. Call that pro pain
Judging how I’m gonna raise my kid ain’t smart
Your boy’s gonna grow up with Venom in his heart
You’re a tasteless racist caricature with a complex
Looks like the Navy man swabbed off his “Top Deck”
You wanna lay a hand on your son? You’re a coward
Having to bully teens just to feel a little power
Anybody coming to you for tips must be crazy.
Maybe you should take advice on how to treat your lady!
What amazes me, despite how you love competing
The cast from your reboot has a better chance at beating me!
You call yourself a man? Can’t fool me in a fight
Red needs to get checked, that boy ain’t right

Red:

Saying I’m not right? Don’t make me laugh!
I’ll give you an adult sized boot in the ass!
This sheepish weak fisted wimp ain’t raw
When the only reaction he has is “Bwaah”!
Still can’t poop? Because you’re so full of crap
So dull on the track, you need your grill for hot raps!
Try to fix your verse, but it’s all in vain
You dropped the ball even harder than your wife off a plane!

Hank:

I think Dale would’ve made more sense with rhymes
You must've sat in  "The Circle" ‘fore spitting a line!
You never really think before going off with hasty words.
Red’s such a dog, he should face Ladybird!
And try to talk shop about my kin? Just can it.
You’re picking favorites in the family dynamic!
I’ve had it with this asshole, you need to shut up.
Did the King of the Hill keep his crown? Yup.

Red Forman Vs. Hank Hill - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Sheldon Voiced By Matt Raichous
Spencer Voiced By  RaccoonBroVA
Thumbnail By Oofie
Mixed By Matt Raichous
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Additional Help By Cri and Anthony Rigatanthoni


BEAT: Old School Slim Shady Type Beat / Weird Funny Hip Hop Rap Beat "Kiss My Ass" Prod. ILL Fortune





Sheldon:

Leonard! Did you call the FBI?
Looks like Quantico sent the OCD P.I.
I would be impressed by your skills on the street
But they won’t help you find how I kill the beat(Bazinga)
I got lyrical theory, scientifically I’m superior
Check the Emmys I got, your show is just inferior
You were growing up delirious, a schizophrenic time bomb
Show was such a bygone, it’s being preached by my mom
You use science as a gimmick
For the magic that you use to fail to pick up women
And It should be a given, getting the fans adoring
But somehow you can make chasing criminals boring
You think I’m jealous, you captured tons of felons?
While I’m still here pulling crowds as Young Sheldon
But I should probably tell him in this match, I got this
My raps are so addicting, you can call them dilaudid.

Spencer:

Hotch? Rossi? This doesn’t seem right.
The MO of our guy says he doesn’t like to fight
But he’s actually here. Trying to get me riled
You wanna play games? Let’s start the profile
A wordy nerd pushing up into his 30s
Ego makes him think he’s worthy, but in truth he’s undeserving
Of a flurry of appraisal his fans just overused
Like the laugh track you abuse to tell them they’re amused!
For us geeks, friends are hard to find.
Which is why it’s baffling you insult yours all the time
I was tortured and shot, needing a cane to walk
But that wasn’t as painful as listening to you talk
Thinking you’re the Apex human is confusing
I drop bombs like Garner, you got twice his delusions!
I push passed my fears, you run away when you’re frightened
You’re Friends with Flags? Time to throw up the white one

Sheldon:

Sorry Reid, I’m disproving your theory
Think you make an impact, let’s look back at our series
(Heh heh) In less time I was made into an icon
Comedy even tighter than the sweater vests you try on
Tried proving your tough, but not effective
When your whole crew treats you like the junior detective
You strive to find happiness just to watch it all end
Left a hole in your heart and your dead girlfriend

Spencer:

You can claim that my life is a tragedy
But really if you ask me, the only thing that’s sad to see
Is you actually convince some lonely girl to marry you
Surprised you didn’t flee, Smarter guys are always scaring you!
And you’ll need more than catchphrases to faze me
It’s crazy they let your show’s writing be lazy
So as you fame fades, there’s no point in faking it
This win isn’t your spot, ‘cause I’m the one taking it

Sheldon Cooper Vs. Spencer Reid - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of FRB vs Anything, which pits rap battle community members (or concepts in this case) against well...anything. In this pre-show for the rap battle inquisition (for legal reasons I have to say this battle isn’t a part of the inquisition), we head back to basics as the battle structure 8-8-4-4 goes against arial font itself. Which basic choice will prevail? How do you even make these things rap? Do bees actually have knees or is the expression a lie? At least one of these questions will be answered!

8-8-4-4: SimplyRazzy
Arial Font: Commander Jacob
Written by JustGamer
Beat by Epistra
Mixed and Mastered by Serena
Thumbnail by Fightmarker

8-8-4-4 verse 1:
Against this blank slate for blank pages, I’ll be making sure that
You’re losing to the granddaddy of rap battle formats 
The people know this OG is gonna be besting ya 
When you were made to be a straight up copy of Helvetica
I’m used cause I’m timeless, the classics can’t go wrong
You’re used because of people too lazy to change the font
Eight eight four four ain’t no bore, you’re not gonna be stopping me
But let’s see you try to prove that you’re good at typography 

Arial Font verse 1:
Got sleek flow against weak foes, motherfucker your time’s up
Don’t need to change my numbers in order to size up
I bring style to the table, take your pick and I can look that way
But I couldn’t find a good battle that uses you if I looked today 
This row of lines will be knocked over, he can’t take a hit
Just look at your equation, it leads to nothing but negatives 
My lines stays bold, yours is old and outdated
The most popular thing since Times New Roman that’s commonly hated 

8-8-4-4 verse 2:
That’s comical, sans any punches you thought were made
There are Ariels with better flow in The Little Mermaid
Your typeface is grotesque, it’s no wonder people hate you
Bruh, even Microsoft had to go on and replace you 

Arial Font verse 2:
Since 1982, I’ve been keeping it simplistic 
You can’t even be used as a good joke battle gimmick 
I command U to be under me, I’m staying on top 
Now I’ll leave you like modern bonus battles do: dropped

8-8-4-4 Vs Arial Font - FRB vs. Anything

Hi there!
So, today is my birthday and I decided to upload a match up that only I would want. I love schlock horror movies. I love Twisted Metal. So here's a schlock horror and Twisted Metal match up! A wish come true for me~

The Djinn Voiced By Freshy Kanal
Calypso Voiced By KingMewtwo
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Mixed By Serena
Thumbnail By Matt Raichous


BEAT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=horNWCxKcYg



The Djinn:

In a time before time, I tortured souls for fun
So take notes from Needles Kane, and Run, insect. Run
Forget Barbara Eden and Will Smith. I’m not some genie to easily diss
So don't make a sound, don't make a move, and most of all...don't make me pissed!
A master of chaos, I’m pulling the world into darkness and slaughter
Despite what your causing, your most evil sin was the death of your daughter
While you turning whole cities to fodder, I command the powers that you borrowed
If your rotten comic was any to follow, the only thing William’s mastered is sorrow!
Your colorful car game crashed, smashed, your character turned into trash, fast
So despite Singletrak being past fads, they tried painting your series Black! (hack)
So before you try spitting back, maybe react to the fact you’re a bitch
Who lives in the Shadow of knowing his death was his daddy’s only wish


Calypso:

My Twisted Metal contest turned the City of Angel’s to rubble
All the city awashed with flames. So burning you is no trouble
I’m doubling up on the carnage with the High Octane I’m rocking on
I’m popping off, don’t need the nuke mobile for me to drop bombs!
You claim to be supreme, but still trapped in your jeweled prison
Think you’re a step ahead, but only free thanks to alcoholism!
While trying to rap is a given, facing me still seems quite obscene
Since I was twisting words years before you hit the big screen!
Tried getting appraisal from Alex, what a fallacy, she left you sobbing
The last time I saw a genie this blue balled, he was voiced by Robin!
Your quartet of films forgotten, tomatoes Rotten, out of luck
You’re so much of a clown, you should be driving the ice cream truck!

The Djinn:

Come now, you worm, you can think better things to diss
Or would you prefer I drag your soul to Hell to meet your sis!
Leave you dismissed like Sony, you’re just phony faux Loki
Oh if only, you’d have been lucky and they didn’t blow your chance at the movies



Calypso:

You demons are all the same, never realizing the cunning of man
I’ll have you under my control, just ask Black and Minion!
The battle draws to the close, This Djinn was burned by the devil
I am Calypso, and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal!

Calypso Vs Wishmaster - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

This is a battle I made for a contest my friend @user-246183970 hosted. This was from the final round, where we had to make an audio only battle entirely from scratch, with the matchup being something Jenni would think she'd like. 

I went with a Caddicarus battle because she (like me) is a fan of his videos, and chose Chills to be his opponent because uhhh they're Youtubers who's usernames start with C and also their videos are completely different genres ig????

After months of needing deadline extensions, it's finally finished. Not the biggest effort I've ever put into a battle but I think it's kinda decent still. Enjoy!

Caddicarus (0:16):
Greetings and salutations!
Welcome back to the show where I Slaughter worthless garbage with zero Salvation
Today we’re looking at a channel that makes George Wood seem grand
Presenting Cheesy horror vids as if they weren’t pre-planned
The creatures you feature would run if they saw Spons
And as for your music career? I have just one word: STOP
You probably think your shite narrations are the best in the game
But I know a friend of mine who would leave you upstaged…

Daddy Caddy:
Once there was a boy with nasally arse voice
Who thought “I’ll copy Watchmojo in an attempt to make some noise”
But all his lists were shit, and he got mocked across the net
‘Til the fact he was a joke became something he had to accept

Chills:
The last thing you’d want in your YouTube vid
Is a limey Sasquatch yelling at games made for kids
No April Fools skit, this will be your assassination
Deny your attempts at winning like your Normal Boots application
Like you do to your viewers’ ears, I’m dishing out verbal murder
And firing shots — would you like a bullet with your verse, sir?
Without your fast paced edits and random usage of memes
Then there would be nothing Salvageable about you, it seems
On top of that, you’ve gone downhill since your show’s formula got scrapped
No longer fly like a Phoenix with all that hour long trash
Every Thursday and Saturday, my fans are glued to their seats
While your fans are waiting decades between your every release

Caddicarus:
Roast this meat slab on the beat as if I was the Bacon Wizard
And my content requires effort, ya bastard! That’s where we differ
Seriously! You’ve got the most soulless commentary I’ve ever seen (sin)
So I’ll put this wet lettuce where he belongs: in the bin

Chills:
Give you a red circle, maybe you’ll get the clicks that I gain
Really had your name changed ‘cuz you hated some talking train?
(ay, ay) Don’t gamer rage about coming second, guy
‘Cuz you’ll be ranked Number One on my Top 10 Career Suicides

Beat by Epistra
Writing, Voicework and Mixing all by Me
Cover Art by MasonG

Caddicarus vs Chills. The Next Best Battle.

Jigsaw Voiced By Vladimyr P.
Macgyver Voiced By Toni Rigatoni
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Mixed By Serena
Thumbnail By CreeperPasta

Beat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWX7vYOAWUA



Jigsaw:

Hello Macgyver, the survivor, improviser
You’ll find you’ll need more than light wires in the cypher
While the timer ticks down to zero, I’ll let you try and play hero
But your passive tactics to actual threats won’t help to save you in here, though
Tried to be an American Badass, but alas your fame is fleeting
All I need is a Spiral to get people in line for my screenings
Leave you choked like your name was Cale, smothered with regretful defeat
My bars will grind your rotten corpse, leaving Angus as ground beef
My plans are elaborate masterpieces, your strats all rely on tape
Maybe if Mac could actually plan, his pals wouldn’t lie in early graves
Your pocket knife just wouldn’t suffice at stopping you from being destroyed
I’ll give you a chance, Macgyver. Rap or die. Make your choice

Macgyver:

Is that the best you got? God, this old man is a bore
First impressions are very important, but you’re choosing to waste yours
An angel of death or a raging sadist? You’re walking a fine line
Give me a clip and some duct tape, and I still couldn’t fix your timeline!
Keep a cool head when my foes show
Kidnap little girls? That’s a new low
You got a few fans, but on the downlow?
You haven’t been relevant since the third go!
But of course that wouldn't phase you.
You love your game so much, you let it play you!
Researching for the hearing impaired. I’m relentless
Your lesson fell on the deaf ears of your apprentice!
I’m the best, with search and rescue
Sharper than the Human blender, you’ll be crashing like your nephew!
Your death traps don’t scare me, your gore just shocks
But what has bigger holes, your wife’s face or your plots?

Jigsaw:

Very impressive, but I didn’t mention
How my intervention has a second lesson
While you travel the world deciding to play spy
The game of life was cutting deeper through your family ties
Too bad Daddy can’t tell ya to lose the mullet
You should learn from your childhood friend and bite the bullet
Can’t keep a girlfriend, your personality’s mild
But had the little recipe for how to abandon your child
Vile actions are embarrassing  really no comparison
You couldn’t bring fire to your lines if you had kerosene.
Hope you have an antidote, the way I spit so toxic
Causing you more pain than anything Murdoc did

Macgyver:

Glorified Muppet maker, death faker. Just shove it!
Pretty clear why Wan would cut the strings of this puppet!
Had about enough of it, so quit jerking me around
My raps aren’t pig guts but you’re still gonna drown
I take down members of H.I.T!
You can barely stay ahead of the N.Y.P.D!
So just take your defeat! You couldn’t sink any lower
No room for a twist. I win! Game Over!

Macgyver Vs Jigsaw - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Being in their presence could mark your death soon after, but who has the deadlier bars?! Old vs young in this battle of the curses, who will win?!

► Otzi:
Skitzy

► King Tut:
Snakebite126

► Mixed by: WoodenHornets
► Co-Written by: MaviKartal2003, AdamSandler2DRB, Oofie
► Thumbnail  by: Fightmarker
► Beat by Dee

Otzi Verse 1
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
   Who’s this child, coming up against the chief!?
   This time, my lines won’t be for pain relief!
   I’m packing red deer, pairing it with Ibex meat!
   While your body’s soft, like Einkorn wheat!
   Step up if you can, malformation counteracts!
   It’s like a hundred canes, all you need’s a copper axe!
   Ten years listing all those shiny knick knacks!
   And ten years ruling, just to end in anti-climax!
   People now come in fleets, to a tomb most complete!
   People then thought, AGH! What’s up with his feet!?
   I don’t have the taste for third millennium cheese!
   I'd rather face your Falcon, you don't want DV'Deez!
   Call me strong Bull, cause I’m not one of your playthings!
   So call upon, Ay, and ask who’s pulling strings!?
   So you may be referred to as the once great Boy King!
   But you spent time with the bloodline in the next room, boinking!

King Tutankhamen Verse 1  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
   Wanna take an overbite? You’re lacking wisdom..
   The sand in my kingdom would spare a Bracken victim..
   Lord of forms of Ra on the throne that I sat..
   Living image of Amun against Ötzi the iced brat!
   So let me inform you more about the pharaohs!
   We’re Kings of the Valley and the Nile’s narrow!
   Proficient with shots, got the bow and arrow!
   So watch your back, I know you’re harrowed!
   Hunted by some peeps, and you died as you sneezed!
   But you’re built like Wolverine, heh, geez Louise!
   You were left out to freeze, in a tight squeeze!
   I was buried in a suite, adorned by things so sweet!
   This shepherd’s getting smoked, like the embers enter!
   Your history was stained as a smelter, dealt'er!
   So you spent your last days, playing the collector!
   With your dinky lil’ knife, and making another sweater!

Otzi Verse 2
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   You parasite, like your slaves, you’ll be whipped!
   May be missing a rib, but I stay pretty ripped!
   Fell off a chariot, would’ve guessed that boy slipped!
   Looking like something out of Tales From the Crypt!
   Your hips don’t lie, I’ll take it out with swift kicks!
   You flourished in death, but I stay equipped!
   Some horns in your tomb, gonna play a ditty drake!?
   Parodied everyday, finding me was a mistake!
   Led Helmut to his grave, and left him in the same state!
   And the countries debate, based on stories so vague!
   Your display was put away, all for Covid’s sake!
   Mark the second time Egyptians got stopped by a plague!

King Tutankhamen Verse 2  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
   Curses in common, but I’m worth memorials!
   You share the evil force, but this bitch primordial!
   Directions on the wall, take that, butt oat milk!
   I will school you on this track, like a King Tut-orial!
   Similaun Man reached his Feinal peak!
   So make like mosquitos, and suck it little freak!
   Sticking out the glacier, damn he reeks!
   I’m layered like a nesting doll, damn so chic!
   So Ask George Herbert if I’m worth the treasury!
   Ask Howard Carter if you’re worth a documentary! 
   Snap into this Slim Jim, whose stories contradictory! 
   Like my father, I’m putting an end to your history!

King Tut vs Otzi ❰Rap Battle❱

Matt Raichous as Shaggy Rogers and Ron Stoppable

Beat by S!dek!ck
Written, Mixed, and Edited by Matt Raichous

--LYRICS--
SHAGGY
Like, man, you think it’s hard to be a sidekick in the background?
Try being out on the frontlines when a monster comes around
I’ve seen millions of ghouls that make me wanna stop and vomit
Like that freaky hairless thing you like to carry in your pocket

RON
Hey! Don’t talk about Rufus when your dog is a doofus
Like Dr. Drakken, I’m ruthless, while your whole series is stupid
It’s useless to step up to the plate and face off with the Fearless Ferret
I saved the world from invasion, while you’re disappointing your parents
An iron stomach that couldn’t handle my naco
You’re not a hero, dude, I know it’s hard to swallow
But when all you do is follow, and never speak your mind
It’s like you’re in denial of the role you were assigned

SHAGGY
You think you’re, like, funny, but buddy, you’re witless
Your jokes are, like, ham-Fisted Monkey business
Nothing you do could be seen as comedic
Except for, like, anytime you get defeated
You live up to your name, Ron, cuz, like, you’re Stoppable
You’re never a threat, like, the weakest I’ve met, like, at best, like, you’re maybe an obstacle

RON
Can you think of anything other than to tell me I’m unfunny?
At least my jokes had a budget, you were eating all of your money
Your bars are redundant, just like your animation recycling

SHAGGY
I’ve held strong for decades, one movie sent you spiraling
Your Disney Channel live action got some really poor reactions
Used to be crafted with passion, now there's not even a fraction
Just dollar signs in the eyes of the guys behind the scenes
As your franchise loses everything by pandering to teens
You’re incompetent, Ron, you only ever win by accident
Give up and be a villain, that’s the only time you’re adequate
An actuary masochist, who just can’t seem to take a hint
Pathetic as a hero, like, your sister is a better fit
Go back to camp Wannaweep for a better chance at survival
Like, man, I’ve Gottagrin knowing you won’t get a revival 
Tangled in your mangled plotlines, like, it's gotta be painful
To put in all that effort, just to have your pants around your ankles

RON
Woah, dude, chill out, ‘cause you shouldn’t bring up losses
When you have four movies that all failed to make a profit
You’re still a stinkin’ hippie, when it’s rough, you get running
Looks like military schooling just wasn’t worth your parents’ money
Fifty years later, you’ve still got the same show, pacing and plotlines, and even the same jokes
How does the saying go? Don’t fix what ain’t broke, too bad your franchise is stale like it’s bread, though
This Mad Dog’s Barkin orders, cuz you’re baked and couldn’t make it
And you’re puffing out your chest, but the viewers know you’re faking
While the audience still loves me two decades later
The only one who loved you was an alien invader
And later, when you’re rebooted for the fifteenth time
The made up legends of your legacy are getting left behind

SHAGGY
All that strength, and you still need your girlfriend to defend you you
No matter what you do, you’re a buffoon in the end, dude
Mock me for my running, I’ll prove you’re the bigger coward

RON
And how’re you gonna do that?

SHAGGY
With one percent of my power! (Zoinks!)
Going Super Shag when I’m fast on the track
Try to roast me but everything you say falls flat
Can’t match my flow, like, you’re going too slow
Wanna go toe to toe getting dragged through your show
You fell into my trap, man, like, you’re the live bait
Let’s unmask this hungry horror and put an L on his plate

RON
Alright, we get it, bro, you’re fast, but that’s not always a good thing
No wonder Velma stopped shagging with you and kept looking
Now, you crossed the finish line, but you’re still the biggest loser
After all, brochacho, I’m Un-Stoppable! Booyah!

Shaggy Rogers vs. Ron Stoppable - Epic Rap Battles of Nostalgia

NOTE: This was supposed to be uploaded on the 12th, sticking with the pattern of every 12th and 24th of each month being the upload day. Unfortunately, I was suffering from major alcohol poisoning and was bed-ridden for 36 hours. My apologies. So enjoy!


Two-Face Voiced By Matt Raichous
Cruella Voiced By JesseBoxVO
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Mixed By Matt Raichous
Thumbnail By TheDangerStranger

BEAT: Base De Rap - "JAZZ SAX" | Hip Hop Instrumental | BOOM BAP TYPE BEAT FREESTYLE | DAGA BEATMAKER


Two Face:

I’ll take a break from running Gotham’s underground
I’ve dealt with rodents, Kryptonians, even freaks and clowns
So I can go a round against The Disney Fur Fanatic
Crash you like your car chase when I blast you like an automatic!
I leave caskets  and tragedy in my wake
Your plots were more baked than you inside a cake!
Leave a skeleton shaking like she dosed with Crane’s toxins
Get Jasper and Horace to come and take your spot then
Call you the devil? The Radcliffes must be dummies
Your biggest criminal act was failing to steal puppies!
Head or tails, Cruella? Either way, you’re losing!
So many dogs, but you’re still the biggest bitch in the movies!

Cruella:

Oh, were you starting? Oh sorry Harvey.
You’ll need more to Dent Cruella, darling!
Check my coat, you know this woman’s balling
I’ve seen you try rocking purple. That was appalling.
The weakness member of the Bat’s Rouge Gallery
Forced to use a coin flip to choose your faux morality
Just check my salary, this fashion queen is making bank
You carry two guns, bitch, so why’d you only fire blanks?
Your canon’s full of heartache, life played you like poker
Then Schumacher took over and turned you into Joker!
But the real joke is you thinking you’ll win this battle
I’d rather hear Roger’s songs than your prattle!


Two Face:

That was it? You barely put up a fight.
But the difference between you and me is black and white
I’ve faced the Dark Knight, you failed against the dogs twice
You aren’t skating by when I put Disney broads On Ice!
You’ll hit the concrete, tails up like a bad flip
When I go crazy on you and treat you like an Arkham trip!
Can’t hide behind your reboot clout for cover
You’ll be eaten alive. I guess you are like your mother

Cruella:

The only Hyde I know is the one you're based on
I’ve seen you in a court-case, you can’t handle a face off!
An acid tongue attorney got the acid skin bath
Your girl couldn’t stand the fact your personality’s in halves!
And reboot disses? Mr 52’s a hypocrite!
No wonder you’re so negative, with Marvel making better flicks!
Two Face is getting bit. I won’t give you another turn
Your coin can’t help heal you from another burn.

Two-Face Vs. Cruella De Vil - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

VIDEO COMING SOON!

Jenni No Mercy as Ed
Matt Raichous as Patrick

Beat by King EF
Written, Mixed, and Edited by Matt Raichous

PATRICK
Once upon a time, there was an ugly barnacle
A freakish creature that should’ve been in a carnival
The bottom of the barrel when it comes to being human
And, I’m laughing at your actions like “that guy’s so stupid!”
You can’t beat me, even with the strength of a gorilla
When the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma
So, firmly grasp what I’m telling you, you yelling yellow brute
The only time you’re useful is when there’s a pebble in your shoe
Your lumpy head is harder than the candy that you’re after
And your constant screaming is more annoying than SpongeBob’s laughter
An obsession with old movies and boring buttery breakfast
I didn’t know that there was a person dumber than Texas.

ED
Is this the Krusty Krab? I have got a problem
I think that one of your employees has hit rock bottom
While trying to be funny, you left all of your fans bored
Now they are crying on the floor, did you want an award?
Light fires underwater, but are not hot on the beat
Because you got your own spinoff, and all the fans started to leave
I did not know that sea stars could be fat and lazy
You think that you can rap, but all you’re flowing out is gravy
Run like a chicken! I’m buttering your toast!
Chomp you like a jawbreaker, when you’re fried up from my roast
Face against the great Ed-Zilla, you’ll no longer have a quarrel
When I knock you out with a door and leave you Kamping in the Koral

Ed Vs. Patrick - Saturday Morning Rap Bonus

R.J. MacReady Voiced By Skitzy
Ellen Ripley Voiced By K.C.
Written By Jenni No Mercy
Mixed By Matt Raichousz
Thumbnail By BDGR

BEAT: [FREE] (DARK) Sci-Fi Type Beat - "Unknown"

MacReady:

This is MacReady, it’s time to get serious
Is the cold getting to me? I must be delirious.
They chose the most basic badass to be my foe
But if you really wanna throw, I’ll leave a body in the snow
I keep a level head, an expert in a chopper
I spit so sick I should be checked out by Copper
You blew the doors open for the female lead
But the only bomb you’re packing now is Alien 3
I’ll roast foes, turn monsters into ashes
You just boring, more robotic than Ash is
So this is Game Over! I’m winning, no hitch
Before I give another drink to a cheating bitch

Ripley:

This is Ripley. Last from the Nostromo.
Word of warning, RJ. I’m a pro, though.
So I’ll be going through this hairy ape. You can’t best me
I’m not a blood drop, Mac, so don’t test me
The fact you actually survive is confusing.
Like how the viewers felt at the end of your movie
I was the blueprint for sci fi women stopping the slaughter
Your film is now a Guide to Being the Imposter!
Call me any name you want, your disses miss
You should avoid contact. Stay away from this bitch
Your ego’s so massive, but all your skills are passive
Hell even your blow up doll’s seen more action!

MacReady:

Mac’s ready for anything as wind blows
I’ll be leaving you burned, call you Windows!
The Arctic snow hurts  but the Thing that’s really killing me
Is the thought of having to sit through your quadrilogy!
Your Chest-bursting might have caused you pain
But didn’t hurt your heart as much as knowing Newt wasn’t saved
Cloning you was deranged! Just gives me more of you to run though
I blow the lid off of battles, so FUCK YOU!


Ripley:

I think you had too much J&B Scotch
You’ll get smoked like Palmer when Ripley’s on watch
This guy is all talk, murdered Clark and didn’t care
But all your friends would be alive if you listened to Blair!
In this battle, we won’t hear you survive
The Thing will have to use your corpse for a warm place to hide
Ripley’s winning, believe or not, so don’t you dare talk
Throw up the white flag as I toss you out the airlock!

Ellen Ripley Vs. R.J. MacReady - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Божевілля [Ghowste]

Epic Rap Battles of Nostalgic is an Epic Rap Battles of History style rap battle series with the focus of using nostalgic fictional characters.

Series run by Matt Raichous

Two-Face Vs. Cruella De Vil - Jenni's Jammin' Battles

Jenni's Jammin' Battles

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